Chapter Seven:
He had become quite agitated when he was forced to return for questioning in the shooting, not wanting to leave her side any longer than necessary.
There were still grumblings over the shooting but he was not concerned.
He had reacted when Darren fired the first shot.
Brass had shoved him into a corner whispering to not indicate that he was an expert marksman.
It had almost made him laugh.
He had fired, nothing more, his mind filled with that damn song Natalie sang as well as the soft sound of the way Sara would sigh just after they'd made love.
By the fifth hour of being held for questioning, he thought he was going insane himself.
Brass had later driven him back to the hospital, both silent, not sure what to say to one another.
Just as he started to get out of the vehicle, Brass finally spoke.
"I would have done the same thing," Jim said.
"Same thing?"
"I would have aimed for his damn…"
Grissom got out of the car, slamming the car door.
Brass followed, concern written on his face.
"Hey, Gil. You okay?"
"Don't! Don't give me credit that I don't deserve. I fired back. I didn't aim. I should have. I wanted the bastard dead and even now when he is, I can't even give myself credit…I fired my gun…like some damn amateur."
"Yeah….but he's dead at least."
"And Sara is still in a vegetative state," he cried. "There is no justice. There could never be…I may never get her back."
He raked his hand through his hair, exhaustion along with grief and remorse evident in his eyes.
"I told her that Darren would never hurt her again…that I made sure of it…even that was a lie. I fired my gun and a man is dead. I took credit for it…because I wanted to do something right…for a change…something that didn't bring her pain…only she feels nothing already. She may never…" he didn't finish as he swiped at his eyes.
"Darren Reed was a murderer. The man he replaced on the Costa Rica expedition was found dead...Darren's prints were everywhere."
Grissom did not reply as he went into the hospital.
One evening while she slept, he stepped away from the bed.
It had begun to rain.
There were thunderstorms in the forecast.
A flash of lightning lit up the room as a clap of thunder literally shook the building.
Langston came into the room.
"Any change?" he whispered.
Grissom shook his head. "She's awake but…not awake."
"We've done a full work up and the lab results should be coming in soon. Right now, I have no answer as to why she's in this condition other than…emotional trauma. She went through pure hell with being buried alive."
"Two near death traumas has its toll," whispered Grissom.
"Her toxicology report came back clean, no indication that she'd been given any drugs," reported Langston as he glanced back at Grissom.
"Her birth control shot is coming due. I'll put a note in the case for this to be continued."
Grissom nodded.
At that moment he wondered if a child would have kept them together.
He was never opposed to having a family but he was much older than Sara and having a family at this juncture in his life was not something he'd ever planned.
He voiced his opinion and Sara had merely gotten on birth control.
Langston patted him on the back.
"Don't forget to get some rest," he urged as he disappeared.
He whirled around when he heard a soft moan coming from the bed.
He sat down caressing her cheek as he gently woke her.
"You were having a dream," he whispered as she stared at him. "You were always afraid of thunder and lightning."
"I'm here," he soothed, yearning for life behind those dark brown orbs.
He got out of the chair and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed.
He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I love you, Sara."
Her dull eyes remained fixed on his face.
They were lifeless.
He choked down a sob.
He'd never cried in front of her but it didn't seem to matter as she lay there not acknowledging his presence.
Not even with the death of Warrick had he fully broken down but now the tears rolled down his cheeks as his heart brought forth words that spilled from his mouth.
"Do you even care that I'm here? Do you want to know where I went…no, you know that. You were checking my credit card history. I…took the first available flight then…took the next one." He gulped down a sob. "It was random. I didn't care…where I was going. There was…no reason…no purpose."
His shoulders shook. "I ran…did what you were good at. I ran away to deal with my pain…my ghosts. Yes, Sara. Who the hell doesn't have ghosts? You took away everything that mattered the most to me…you. You ran from our bed, our home, our careers and I waited! I threw myself into my job and…I forgave you. I did. I really did. You offered me a crumb…small contact here and there and I grabbed it, hung on to it…but then Warrick died."
He swiped at his eyes, angry that he was letting himself fall apart.
"I walked in and there you stood in my office. You came home. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't going to have to go through Warrick's death alone." He gritted his teeth. "But then you were going to leave again. Do you know how much that hurt? You said you couldn't stay. Wasn't I enough reason? Didn't you care…damn you, Sara."
He covered his mouth. "I didn't mean it! I'm sorry," he cried. "God, forgive me. I'm sorry."
He grabbed her into his arms as he cried. "Don't run away again, Sara. Please don't leave me again. I'm so tired of being without you. Please!"
He clutched her unresponsive body as his head lay on her abdomen, letting his grief get the better of him.
He sobbed uncontrollably.
The heart monitor sped up a bit but it went undetected by him.
Sara sat in Grissom's chair as she glanced around his office. Huge stacks of files sat in piles around the room.
The door opened and she jumped.
"Go away Warrick," she spat.
"Sara, you can't hide in here," he sighed.
"Yes, I can. I didn't want to live. I wanted peace," she grumbled as she searched through a stack of files on Grissom's desk.
"I can't figure you out," he said as he pulled up a chair. "You…and Grissom are probably the only two people in the world who would choose their jobs as their favorite place on earth."
"Yeah well, I never had too many…safe places in my life."
She looked at him. "Did you…come to a place like this when you…you know…died?"
He grinned. "My safe place was my grandmother's kitchen. The moment I knew I was dying, I found myself sitting at her kitchen table while she stood there making homemade cookies."
Sara's hand caressed Grissom's desk. "This…this is the first place where…we kissed…where he admitted…he loved me. We even…" she stopped.
"It was that day I came to his office and the door was locked…I knocked a few times but no one answered…even though I'd seen him come in here….as well as you…I kind of guessed something was going on…so I left," chuckled Warrick.
Sara smiled at the memory but it was brief.
She returned to sifting through the files.
Each was labeled with Sara's handwriting.
There was a file entitled "Childhood horrors" and another entitled "Pain and Anguish by Gil Grissom." That file was rather thick. She sighed as she dug down deep and began pulling out files containing information on their relationship. Another thick file emerged entitled "Heather Kessler."
"Sara, you have to stop this. You don't want to live the rest of your life…here…without him."
"He doesn't want me," she sniffled.
"That's a lie and you know it. You can feel his pain…his sadness. If you stay here any longer there will be consequences."
"What kind of consequences? Death…oh goody…show me the light and I'm gone," she cried as she grabbed a hand full of files.
"Not death, Sara…something worse…much worse," he warned.
"What could…"
"You want to remain in a vegetative state…like Pamela Adler…stuck in here…alone until your time finally comes?"
Sara swallowed. "No…but Warrick….there's something I forgot. I know it. Something I need to find out before I…"
"You don't have any more time left."
"I'm not ready," she professed.
Warrick grabbed her by the hand. "Sara, I am not going to let you do this to yourself…or Grissom."
She balked, clinging to the files.
"Sara, leave those. We have to go…now," he pleaded as he grabbed her arm and began to drag her down the hall.
There was a loud boom and they halted.
"There's a storm out there. I don't want to go," cried Sara. "Warrick Please! Let me go with you."
"I can't but I'm not going to let you stay hidden inside yourself. You don't want this."
The files slipped from Sara's hands and fell to the floor.
"No, no, no!" she lamented. "I need to look over those. I know the answer is in those files and now all of my thoughts and memories are scattered. I've got to straighten these out before I go."
"You're out of time. Already, there are repercussions," he warned.
Sara snatched her hand away. "Not yet."
They were standing at the back door.
Warrick grabbed for the door knob.
"Don't do it, Warrick. I'm not going," she vowed.
He opened the door and a mournful sound could be heard.
Sara gulped.
"Do you hear him Sara?" yelled Warrick. "Does that sound like a man who doesn't love you?"
Before she could react, Warrick shoved her out the door and then locked it.
"Be tough Cookie…be tough," he whispered.
Slowly Grissom released Sara, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.
His hand reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears.
"Sara," he pleaded one last time.
Her eyes remained fixed on the window but she shivered each time the thunder sounded.
The storm continued as he sat there stroking her hair.
"It will be over soon," he soothed.
His shoulders slumped.
He was so tired of talking. "I don't…I don't think I can bear to send you to…Haven View Center. I know you used to tell me that Pamela Adler was getting the best of care there but I just can't send you there, Sara. I won't," he wept.
Her lashes flickered as the room slowly came into focus.
Her eyes took in the stark white walls, the tile floor and the absence of any color in the room.
She knew she was in a hospital by the sound of the monitors beside the bed.
She struggled to focus her attention on the person beside her, not sure what to make of the mournful sounds.
She wasn't dead that much was clear to her.
Her leg was injured and her head hurt but she was alive.
Slowly she turned her head slightly to look at him before returning to the window.
Her eyes shot back to the figure, not understanding when or how Grissom had appeared.
It had felt like it had been such a long time since she'd seen him.
His pulse sped up as he squeezed her hand and she turned back to look at him.
Their eyes locked on one another.
He smiled at her, the twinkle evident in his eyes
"Hi honey, I've been waiting for you," he whispered.
Brown eyes stared deep into blue ones.
His eyes were red from lack of sleep and moist from the outbreak she'd heard.
It seemed odd to see his eyes moist with fresh tears that threatened.
Her thoughts were jumbled up as she tried to process the scene before her.
"I'm so glad you came back to me," he swallowed. "I've been waiting a long time."
Her eyes shifted back to the window not able to process the clutter of emotions that suddenly emerged deep within her.
It was as if a huge tidal wave was threatening to crash down upon her.
Emotions such as fear and pain were twisted with sorrow and desolation.
It was too much at once and she took a deep breath not sure what to make of the myriad of emotions.
"Everything is fine," he urged sensing her discomfort over her surroundings. "You're fine. You're here in the hospital…with me. You're safe," he said brokenly as he pulled her into his arms, not caring that his shoulders shook and he was unable to speak for several minutes.
His hand stroked her hair and she pushed the unwanted emotions away and chose to cling to the overwhelming feeling of safety in his arms.
"I'm here Sara," he soothed. "I'm here."
He tried to break the contact but stifled another sob when she refused needing to feel his body close to hers.
"I'm not going anywhere," he promised.
Did you go away, Grissom?
When did you go?
How long has it been?
It seems like a very long time…
The feelings of sorrow and desolation returned and tears surfaced.
She gripped his neck tighter until he feared she would dislodge the I.V.
"You're safe, Sara. I won't let anything happen to you," he choked.
He had.
He had left Costa Rica leaving her in the hands of a mad man.
For several minutes he held her, slowly feeling her body relax in his arms.
He pushed her back onto the bed but kept her small injured hands in his, needing to touch her but not wanting to cause her any further pain from her injuries.
His hand stroked her hair like he'd done a thousand times.
He kissed her forehead as he choked backed another sob.
"You have no idea how much I've wanted you to acknowledge me."
His lips kissed every inch of her face as he softly told her over and over that everything was going to be alright.
"You're awake," he said over and over.
"Stay awake," he pleaded when her eyelids drooped.
She could not seem to take her eyes off of him as he sat beside her.
She ignored the pain in her body as she marveled at the way he talked to her.
Grissom rarely said much and now he seemed to be overtalking.
It was a bit enduring as his eyes twinkled each time she responded to his touch.
Her eyes turned when the door opened and Langston stood there.
Her eyes looked at him and then back to Grissom.
Grissom smiled. "She's back."
