I Am The Liar And You Are The Saint
Chapter 7
Her fingers weaved together with her best friend's, who was following close behind. Heather successfully stumbled over to the small crowd of people on the dance floor. Once she had found a quaint space in between two other couples, Heather slipped her hand out of Naya's. The immediate vibrations of music reaching her ears caused an instinctive reaction to rock her body to the beat. She turned to her friend, playfully eyeing her and summoning her closer with her index finger.
Naya gulped. She hoped the intoxicated Heather wouldn't notice the evident panic in her eyes. Watching the blonde dancer sensually sway her perfectly rounded bottom to the beat of the music made Naya wonder how in God's name Nate was able to control himself around his girlfriend. Naya still wasn't sure how the night had come to this. She now stood in the middle of the rather thin dance floor, Heather teasingly swirling around her. Her dazzling blue eyes would gleam at Naya, the presence of alcohol swimming in those mesmerizing orbs. Even though the blonde was significantly drunk, Naya couldn't help but admire the way Heather would effortlessly flow about. Heather closed her eyes, letting the music take control of her body. She danced like how Naya imagined a swan would if it researched Beyoncé's naturally sensual dancing on YouTube. She was desperately trying to get Naya to start dancing with her like they used to some many times before.
The party being more of a social cocktail event caused the dance floor to be sparse of people. Naya observed a few couples and a group of guests here and there dancing casually. She was far from enjoying herself. She was pretty sure that Heather was slowly torturing her. She felt timid and awkward, simply standing next to her gracefully poised friend. The Latina desperately wished there were more dancers surrounding them as she felt like everyone was staring.
Heather continued to gyrate daringly close to Naya's hips and she had to refrain from giving in. She reluctantly placed her shaky palms on Heather's sleeved shoulders and tried to stop her distracting gestures. Heather took this as an invitation as she sloppily threw her arms around the shorter girl's neck. Naya tried to withdraw. The dancer noticed and let up slightly, but couldn't control her body's need to continue on with the music.
"Hey Nay… come on. We need this. We have worked so, so, so… so…" Heather's voice was raspy. Her words were getting lost as she blatantly stared at the plump flesh of Naya's lips. You can't trust Heather's actions when she's drunk… Naya convinced herself as she noticed Heather's faltering, the blonde's head lightly bobbing loosely.
"…hard," Heather had finally finished swallowing.
"Yes, that's true Heather but—"
"But nothing! Nay, no more excuses. Let's just have fun, okay?" Heather whined, her eyes growing wide in disbelief at her friend.
"We can have fun Heather, but let's just slow down a little, yeah?" Naya said trying to reason with the incompetent drunk. She pushed gently at Heather's shoulders, trying to relieve her body with space. Heather clenched her jaw and her eyes inevitably glimmered with rejection. Then a new song erupted from the speakers, instantly changing the start of Heather's brooding demeanor. The beat was slightly slower, but loud enough to shake the floor.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! I love this song, Nay! We gotta dance to this one," Heather practically shouted at Naya. Her grin was way too big for her cheeks to contain and Naya thought it must have been painful to smile that hard. Heather was already it fits of movement when Naya began to protest.
"Hea—"
"Puhleeeaase, Nay? Just this one and after I promise we can go be boring and sit…" she slurred like a preschooler. Naya sighed as Heather pulled her closer.
Heather rolled her body up against the small brunette who was obviously shocked by the close proximity and suggestive movements. But Heather didn't give a fuck. She didn't know what the hell it was, if it was the Smirnoff, the music, Naya… all she knew is that being pressed up against her friend felt unlike any other time she's danced before. It felt natural, definitely not awkward like when she used to freak dance with Nate like every other teenage couple on prom night. She took Naya's arms and placed them so they were wrapped around her waist. Heather noticed Naya biting that teasingly supple lower lip of hers, and it made her smirk.
"H-Heather… Do we… do we really need to dance this c-close?" Naya managed to make out. "I mean… I love dancing with you and…no that's not what I... wait, uh… I… but, um… We could totally be grossing out our lovely conservative Fox producers," she blurted not being able to think of any other excuses.
Naya had been used to not being able to find words around the blonde, but that last sentence was just ridiculous. She almost laughed at her own sloppy grammar. Heather placed a finger on her lips, silencing her to prevent further embarrassing stammers. Heather was suddenly mesmerized by her slender appendage lightly pressed to those lips she had been staring at all night. Fuck, why are they so tempting? Heather thought, relishing the feel of the soft, moist skin on the pad of her finger. She blinked a couple times, removing her finger. She then continued her dancing, but this time settling for some silly chest thrusts and goofy over exaggerated faces at Naya. The Latina couldn't help herself as she gave in to innocent memories where she would freely dance like this with her best friend all the time. Light, honest laughter sang from Naya's throat and Heather smiled widely, happy to entertain her friend.
The blonde, being drunk off alcohol and Naya's infectious laughter continued her foolish dancing by thrashing her head about. Slipping out of Naya's arms, Heather then went for the traditional 'grocery shopping' and 'water sprinkler' moves. She finally went into a crazier modified version of the 'running man' as she pumped her fists aggressively out in front of her. Naya was in uncontrollable fits of laughter, shaking her head at her ridiculous friend. She didn't think it was possible to loathe someone and love someone at the same time. The girl was simply adorable in her drunken state.
"Exactly how much did you drink tonight?" Naya asked wheezing. She chuckled at her friend's abnormally, over-the-top enthusiasm.
Heather leaned and whispered in Naya's ear, giggling, "Enough to say that I think you have the best ass out of the entire cast. Especially when you're dancing to anything Tina Turner…"
Naya raised her eyebrows. "Wow, you are really drunk…"
Heather swatted playfully at Naya's arm. "Naw… Just a little tipsy," she said pinching her index finger and thumb close together to signify how drunk she was. Then she proceeded to flap her arms into a chicken dance. Naya simply smiled and shook her head.
"Nate's right, no more Smirnoff for you."
"Shhhh…." Heather hushed like it was supposed to be some sort of secret. "If you don't start dancing right now, I will make you," said the blonde with hazy, playful eyes.
Naya chuckled and started mimicking Heather's silly dancing style. She did her signature dance, her arm going into spasms at her side while she shuffled around in circles. The two laughed at their bizarre forms of humorous dancing causing Heather to snort loudly every now and again. She watched Naya begin to let herself go into the music, stress radiating out of her tired limbs. Heather smiled softly to herself admiring her friend. Heather's mind wandered for a second. God she's so beautiful… and sexy.
Alcohol swimming in her mind, Heather smiled mischievously as she took Naya's sides from behind and slowly ran them down to her hips. Naya stiffened at the simple gesture. It felt like it had so much more meaning behind it, but she tried not to read into anything. Heather prevented Naya from escaping this time, as she firmly pressed herself against the small brunette. Heather heard Naya's breath hitch and she squeezed her curves comfortingly. Naya let the dancer slowly begin to move their bodies in sync, their forms meshing together. Their knees bent in time causing Naya's ass to grind into Heather's hips; the blonde smiled pleased.
Heather raised one of her arms up above her head swaying it to the beat as their bodies continued to increase friction. Naya was beginning to forget where she was and who she was with. Nate's sad voice in the back of Naya's mind seemed to be drowned out by the blaring music emanating throughout the dance floor. That tequila shot was starting to rise back into her cheeks, the alcohol clouding her better judgment. She felt light headed as that wonderful scent of honey and syrup wafted over her like her early morning breakfast. She let her eyelids close halfway and copied Heather, but instead opted in raising both arms up in the air snapping her fingers in time with the beat. Heather's hand that still lingered on the Latina's body wandered aimlessly about. Naya's breathing was becoming unsteady and she desperately hoped Heather wouldn't notice. It was that damn hand. Heather's warm palm drifted over her abdomen then strayed dangerously past her waist. Playful fingers reached Naya's thigh, teasing the hem of her dress. Naya's eyes flew open as she watched Heather's fingertips graze over her caramel skin. Her mind was having a hard time linking the image to the sensation of the touch.
Heather pulled her closer, if that was even possible. She brought her arm back down letting her hand graze over the little patch of skin exposed by the top of her dress, just above the brunette's left breast. She again let her fingers trace lower, positioning her hand back on Naya's hip and continuing to give soft squeezes. Naya was trying her hardest to stifle a moan that was ebbing in the back of her throat, but it came out as a quiet, strangled cough. She could feel that familiar sensation of warmth pooling down to her nether regions. To further worsen Naya's situation, Heather leaned forward, warm breath tickling the baby hairs at her neck. Naya swallowed as she felt Heather's nose gently nuzzle her ear. She wasn't sure if the blonde was that drunk to be this promiscuous or if she was intentionally putting Naya through her own personal hell. She squeezed her eyes shut. This was way too much to handle. Fuck, she's let this go too far. What in the world was she thinking? Nate could be watching too… With that thought, Naya's movements drastically stiffened. She brought her hands back down and gently covered Heather's.
"Heather…" she mumbled quietly, her mind still incoherent and confused. Heather simply smiled and sent a small giggle into Naya's ear, enjoying the soft feel of Naya's creamy palms over hers.
"W-Why? Why are you doing this…?" Naya sighed out in a whisper, mainly to herself.
Heather could faintly hear a sting of pleading sadness in Naya's voice. She bit her lip. She was confused herself on exactly what she was doing. She was blaming it on the alcohol… or was she? Naya's desperation made Heather question if she should stop or continue; which she wanted to do the latter. It's not that she liked her or anything like that… No, it was just because she missed her best friend and this was… fun; well to say the least. Naya's head sunk ever so slightly and the two ceased their ocean-wave like movement. They still remained pressed against each other and both of Heather's hands found their way back to their initial position on Naya's hips. Heather eyed the corner of Naya's naturally pouty lips as she could see them quiver faintly. Unconsciously, she leaned forward towards those tempting pink jewels of flesh. She wasn't quite sure what the intentions of her actions were, again her mind was not functioning at all properly. She just felt compelled towards the luscious skin, but at the same time she felt stuck. A million questions bounced in her mind with every closing inch of space between her and the unsuspecting Latina.
Heather didn't get a chance to make her final decision, as she suddenly felt a wagging ass brush against her leg and the sound of familiar chuckling laughter. Naya sensing another presence jumped a good amount of distance away from Heather's warm body and wandering hands. Heather was surprised by the sudden lack of one body and the replacement of a foreign other.
"Whoot! Kevin in da the house!" Kevin jeered as he bobbed his butt up and down comically. Soon the three were joined by Amber, Chris, Cory, and Jenna. Naya watched as Heather seemed to just shrug off the situation, proceeding to turn towards Kevin's rear and fake slapping it. Naya folded her arms dejectedly as the rest of her friends began to dance animatedly.
"Oh yah! You smack that ass, Heather!" Cory chanted jokingly, filming them all with his camera. Everyone was laughing and enjoying the celebration, while Naya just wanted to run away. The blonde began to drunkenly dance innocently with Chris and Naya's eyes looked downcast. With one last look at Heather, she did just that. The brunette fled from the dance floor, practically sprinting towards the exit for some much needed fresh air. Regretful blue eyes followed the figure sadly as this was the second time Naya had run away from her that night.
Naya clumsily fell through the double doors of the party, shoving them open. She was greeted by the night air and she took a long drag in through her nostrils. Her eyes were suddenly blinded by bright flashing lights, and her face winced in reaction. She held a hand over her eyes as she saw probably eight or so paparazzi snapping away at her. She forced out a smile and gave a small wave. She sloppily tried to retreat her way back up the steps of the entrance, her legs wobbly from all the commotion.
"Hey! Naya! One more picture? Before you go in!"
"Look over here! Over here!"
"What have you been drinking tonight, Naya?"
"Did you bring anyone with you tonight?"
"Are you stoked about season two like the rest of us?"
Naya felt overwhelmed by the pressuring photographers, but smiled nonetheless. No matter where she ran to she always seemed to find trouble…
Then she heard a soft voice, a savior thank goodness, "Hey, Naya… You okay?"
"Mark?" Naya questioned as she turned and looked up to her cast mate. "Hey… hi. Yeah, I'm fine."
"Were you leaving or going back in?" Mark asked politely, but hesitantly.
"In… definitely in…" she said quickly taking his awaiting arm as he led her away from the pestering cameras.
Once back inside the party, Naya and Mark found a quiet corner away from most of the guests. Naya didn't particularly want to be alone with the man after what had happened during their last encounter, but she wanted to distance herself from both Heather and Nate. She needed a breather from the pressing drama that was weighing heavily down on her chest. Naya felt foolish for giving in to Heather's seductive, drunk ways. She had never let it go that far… Naya turned back to her current company. She was surprised Mark was even talking to her. He had given them much needed space, so Naya wondered maybe, possibly everything was normal again. She was certainly hoping, if not that would just make the situation so much more awkward.
"Thanks… for saving me back there," Naya started.
"Yeah, don't mention it…" he said carelessly, avoiding eye contact with the girl.
"Did you just get here?" Naya fiddled with the hem of her dress. She couldn't help but feel uncomfortable and Mark was certainly not helping.
"Mhm… figured there was no reason to rush… no one really here anyways," Mark spoke as he looked about the room. Naya couldn't help but feel slightly taken aback. Mark was doing a pretty good job at acting like he didn't give a fuck. Mark was tapping his foot annoyingly, shaking the whole table. His eyes look sullen, like he hadn't been sleeping well. What is it with guys being so down lately? Naya thought thinking about Nate's distraught state as well. However, Nate did actually have something to worry about. Naya suspected that something was up with Heather's behavior.
Mark took in a heavy breath and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, still avoiding Naya's eyes. Feeling that Mark wanted to be alone or just didn't want to be around her, she got up.
"Right… Well, thanks again. I'll just leave you be," Naya mumbled, as she had spotted Lea and Dianna talking over at the bar. Naya felt a familiar strong grasp encircle her arm gently, stopping her in her tracks.
"I never wanted you to go…" Mark whispered. Naya turned back to him and in the dim light his forest green eyes swam with unmistakable sadness and regret. She wasn't sure if he meant this literally or if he was figuratively referring back on their relationship again. Naya was weary with her response. She didn't want to go down this road again; they had done so too many times now. That night they argued after filming "Only the Good Die Young" had made enough of a dent in the restoration of their friendship. She was tired, and already broken from the events that transpired earlier that evening. The shattered brunette wasn't sure how much more she could take.
"You never asked me to stay…" Naya spoke back weakly.
"I know… but I'm asking now," Mark said, green eyes filled with hope.
She couldn't do this… not now. "Mark… I—"
"I get that I fucked up. I'm sorry for the way I treated you, and I'm sorry for blaming you for what I did wrong… It's just… sometimes I just don't know what the hell to say to you and I have so much to say. And it's hard for me to admit that…" Mark was forcing his words out through a clenching jaw. Naya could tell he had been thinking deeply about this, and she felt empathetic towards his struggle. It was something she knew all too well. She had to stop him before he said something that would make things so much more complicated.
"Mark, wait," he looked at her, his lips pouting into that frown of his. Naya took a deep breath in and sighed. "Now… Now is not really a good time for this… I don't think either of us is in a strong enough place to know what we want right now. We just broke up this last summer," she pointed out to him. She didn't want to sound harsh, but she had to be realistic.
"It would be so Rachel and Ross of us to go on a break and then get back together and then go back on another break if things aren't one-hundred percent okay. And it isn't, Mark… I wish everything was okay, but we haven't had enough time to heal… well, at least I haven't…" Naya admitted to herself.
"Naya, please… if you just give me a second chance I swear things would be different. That's all I'm asking for. Haven't you made mistakes before?"
Naya simply nodded, thinking back to the dance floor.
"See? I'm admitting what I did was wrong, but mistakes can be a good thing. You learn from them so you won't do it again," Mark said, and Naya snapped her eyes back up at him.
"You don't get it…" she scoffed out unevenly, her words dripping with ache. "I can't do it anymore," Naya enunciated every syllable of every word. Again, she didn't want to hurt him, but she had to get the message across. Even though she had felt much worse heart aches, finding out Mark had been hooking up with other well-known women hurt more than she thought. Naya was on the verge of complete meltdown. She could feel it simmering.
Of course, to make matters worse, Mark did not want to give up. He took both of her hands in his, his thumbs running circles over the soft skin there. He stared into her tear brimming eyes intently.
"Naya, listen to me. It doesn't have to be so god damn complicated anymore. You have no idea the shit I have been going through…" he told her desperately.
"W-What? The shit that you've been going through? No… no… Mark, you do not have an inkling of what heartbreak truly feels like," Naya spoke knowingly.
Mark looked at Naya in disbelief. "I'm pretty sure I know what the hell it feels like, Naya. You're making me feel it right now," he said in half sadness and half anger.
"Please, Mark… just let me go. You need to let go," she said trying to free her hands from his rough ones. His grasp remained firm, his fingers clasping around her hands tighter.
"Why are you so willing to give up, Naya? Why can't you just try?" Mark's voice was starting to rise, bringing some attention to their small corner. Naya felt trapped, the pressure was building and building. She was struggling to hold it all together.
"Because Mark! I don't care for you like that!" Naya blurted out. It just burst, just like that. Naya knew she never had any feelings for Mark in that way, even while they were dating. She had tried so hard to let herself fall for him, but she simply couldn't forget the blonde that made her head spin and her heartstrings throb. Saying it out loud and to the man himself made her realize there was no turning back now. It was the truth though, and Naya actually felt a ripple of relief tingle through her chest. Mark's grasp slackened, letting Naya's fingers slip from his palms. His face looked broken with evident pain wrinkling his features. Mark was surprised to say the least that Naya would say something like that in such a public place. He was asking for it… His jaw was clenched, lips unmoving, and eyes piercing at the girl that was tearing him to pieces. Naya on the other hand was still trying to hold herself together after waves of emotion were washing over her body. Her arms lankily crossed over her stomach as if trying to hold herself upright and her lip quivered dangerously. She tried to keep her eyes stoic, because she knew if she let that go, all would be lost and the night would be completely ruined.
Then when Naya thought things could not get absolutely worse, it happened.
"Naya… I love you."
Shit.
Mark had spoken so quietly that the words barely reached Naya's ears. It was out there and now he couldn't take it back.
Naya never thought those three beautiful words would end up causing so much damage. She began to panic. This can't be happening… Fuck! This really can't be happening. Not here, not today. What in the fucking world do I say to this? How could he do this? Why did he want to destroy everything they had? She hated having to do this, but she knew she couldn't lead him on. It was wrong and she didn't want to hurt him more than she already did. Naya knew that Mark didn't love her. He was just saying this out of whim in order to win over her heart. He was in love with the idea of her and him together. She had to admit that she was fond of the idea too, but things weren't so perfect. She had to fix this, for both their sakes.
"Don't…"
"Naya…" Mark took a step towards her.
"No Mark, don't…" Naya pleaded, putting a hand up to stop his advancement. Mark shoved his hands into the pockets of his worn out jeans.
"Y-You… don't… love me," Naya spoke out through breaths.
"Stop it, Naya. Please," Mark tried.
"No. Really… you don't love me, Mark. You really don't," she was desperately trying to convince him. He can't love her, it would ruin everything.
"Naya, I love you," he said this time with more confidence.
"Stop! Don't say it again, please… You don't know what you're saying," Naya was now just a blubbering mess. Her arms flailed helplessly in the air. She was wishing her thoughts out loud, hoping that somehow Mark would suddenly believe it too.
"You can't just tell me what I can and cannot feel, Naya."
"You don't love me," she repeated.
"Yes, I do…" he said matter-of-factly.
"No you don't. You really don't," she argued. Mark clenched his jaw and his eyes glowered with frustration. Naya had one hand on her hip and the other massaging circles at her temple. She wasn't quite sure how she was going to resolve all this… Mark opened his mouth to probably retort another 'I love you', but he was stopped as two of their co-stars entered the dispute. Naya was greatly relieved to be rescued. Her words were apparently failing tonight and she was running out of ways to convince Mark against his declaration.
"Hey, Naya… is everything okay over here?" Lea spoke to the two of them, but mainly to a visibly distressed Naya. She placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"You guys are kinda drawing a little attention from our guests. Figured we could warn you before the producers do," Dianna said in her sweet, soft voice. Dianna's ability to always understand and adapt to troubling situations made Naya relax a little. She knew the woman would be able to help diffuse at least some of the tension building in the small space of their quarrel.
"We're fine. I was just talking to Naya," Mark stated simply. He still wasn't finished with what he needed to say. "We were actually in the middle of something important."
Naya's eyebrows furrowed and she scrunched her eyes closed. Her familiar pulsating headache was returning. She needed an escape. Waving down a waiter for another large dose of alcohol was becoming more tempting by the second…
"I actually needed to pull aside Naya for a minute," Lea butted in. Thank God for this girl… Naya looked to her, her eyes showing much appreciation.
Mark rolled his eyes, deeply frustrated. "Can I just have a couple more minutes alone with her? I—"
Dianna interrupted him, threading her arm through his. "I think Ryan told Lea that they needed Naya for something important. Why don't we sit down, get a drink… just take a few minutes to relax, okay?"
Dianna's voice was calm and patient as she was tenderly pulling Mark in the opposite direction towards a table. Dianna seemed like some sort of angel at that moment in her glowing, yellow dress and golden hair. Naya was so thankful of her friend. Mark was slightly resistant, but slowly began to give in. Naya could still see the evident annoyance on his face. Maybe Dianna can help him realize the horrible mistake he would be making. Dianna nodded at the two of them, giving them the okay as she swept Mark away. Mark's eyes never left Naya as Lea led her to the women's bathroom.
When Lea had swung open the door of the lady's powder room, Naya was surprised to find only two girls retouching their makeup and adjusting their hair. Naya was used to standing in Disneyland ride type lines in order to use the facilities. Lea tried politely as she could to shoo away the two younger guests out of the room for some girl talk. They simply scowled at the two celebrities and made their way out. Lea promptly locked the door behind them.
"Uh, what if someone needs to use the bathroom?" Naya said, hand still rubbing at her forehead.
"Fuck it. If they really need to go that bad they can use the men's bathroom," Lea stated simply, waving her hand dismissively. Naya's lips smirked up slightly only to be pulled back down by the force of her frustration. She let her head roll back and stared up at the ceiling. She let out a long breath of air.
"I don't know what the hell to do anymore…" Naya spoke up to the ceiling.
"Long night I take it?" Lea replied, her arms folded casually across her chest as she observed her co-star.
"That's the fucking understatement of the year!" Naya looked to Lea and began pacing the length of the room, the clicking of her heels projecting off the walls.
"Do you mind enlightening me on the situation?" Lea's expression seemed to remain strangely calm. Naya knew she shouldn't tell anyone, but she couldn't contain her mind as it raced a million miles a second. She would have to beat around the bush.
"Tonight has just been… Well, it's been a bitch frankly! I thought you know, hey maybe things will go well tonight. I mean, it's the fucking premiere. When did tonight suddenly become 'fuck with Naya's brain' night? Shouldn't everyone be celebrating? No, no! Of course not… Everyone just has to come and unload every little problem in their life on me… to me, for fuckssake! Like I'm supposed to have all the answers? God damn it, I'm the last person people should come to for help…" Naya blustered about exasperatedly.
When Lea didn't say anything, Naya continued her rant, "I've got plenty of problems of my own to worry about… I want to help them, I do… but it's… it's just way too much. First Nate, then… then Heather happened…" Naya said sadly, but snapped out of her reverie when Lea raised a questioning eyebrow. "And now Mark. God Mark! He just… he's going to ruin everything. It's too much; it's just too much…"
Sometime during her spiel, Naya had stopped to support herself on the bathroom counter. Her palms were pressed against the cool marble top as she on clutched desperately to hold herself from collapsing. The Latina's head hung low and her shoulders slumped. She stared deeply into the sink wishing she could just drain herself away with the bubbles of soap and water. Lea took this as her cue and patted the torn girl on the back with a small hand.
Naya sniffled, trying to hold back inevitable tears. "Why, Lea? Why does he want to make me feel so miserable? Why did Mark have to go and fuck up everything?"
"What did he say to you?" Lea spoke quietly and with deep concern.
Naya's tired eyes looked into Lea's, "He told me he loved me…"
"Oh?"
"And I don't love him…"
"Oh…" Lea mumbled with realization.
"I could never love him because I… I…" Naya couldn't manage the words.
"What, Naya?"
Naya sucked in a shaky breath and closed her eyes. Her head hung back down and in a whisper, "Nothing…"
"You know, keeping this all inside isn't healthy, Naya," Lea spoke, trying to give the Latina the will to tell her what was going on. She squeezed her shoulder with reassurance.
"It's just… I've never liked Mark. He's always been more like a brother to me… I just dated him because it was what was safe and what I knew. I was so desperately looking for security. It was all just smoke and mirrors though… none of it was ever real. Now he's making me feel like shit. This plus everything else is making me feel so god damn weak. I'm so stupid for leading him on… God, I'm a bitch," Naya proclaimed, burying her face in her hands.
Lea's fingers smoothed down the kinks in Naya's hair. "You're not a bitch, Naya. You're only a bitch when you're in character," Naya let out an unconvinced snort. "Yes, what you did to Mark may not have been the most conventionally considerate thing to do… but you were simply trying to find yourself. That's the whole purpose of dating, to find what you want."
Naya peaked through her fingers and looked past her reflection at the caring woman behind her. She was thankful she had such understanding friends. They always seemed to have an answer for Naya.
"Well… I know what I want. I've always known… I just can never have it," Naya mumbled hopelessly.
"Hm. I don't want to seem like a downer or anything… but sometimes good people, deserving people, don't always get what they want," Lea said, sadness was brimming in her words. "But we'll get through it. Life isn't over, Naya. You have friends everywhere you look… sometimes I feel like you don't always use them to your benefit."
Naya removed her hands from her face and leaned against the counter on her elbows and forearms. She looked to Lea who had simply rested her hands on Naya's tanned shoulders.
"I know… You guys are great. But sometimes… what I feel scares me too much to tell anyone."
"I know the feeling… But one day you're going to want to tell someone, and when that day comes we'll still be here for you. No matter what it is, it won't change anything," Lea said with a comforting smile.
Naya rose from her slouching position and turned to face the shorter girl, "Thank you, Lea. Not only from rescuing me from Mark, but also from preventing me from stabbing myself in the head with a fork. Things have just been ridiculous lately and there has just been so much to handle… tonight was just the last straw."
"What a horrible way to die. It's my pleasure though, Naya," she replied sweetly. Lea extended her arms outward and Naya fell into the open invitation. Lea squeezed Naya tight and gave her back a couple comforting rubs. When they pulled apart, Lea looked up at her knowingly.
"You know you're not as good of an actress as you think, Naya," Lea started.
"Are you trying to lower my self-esteem even more, Lea?" Naya retorted sarcastically.
"No. I'm talking about Heather."
Naya's face fell, all the small, playful humor wiped from her eyes. "I-I don't know what you're talking about," she mumbled.
"Oh yes you do… I've gotta say, you were pretty good at hiding away your gawking stares. But your work is starting to get sloppy. The look is all too familiar."
Naya's eyes went wide. Her mouth opened and closed, completely lost of words and excuses.
"Listen, I'm not going to tell anyone, Naya… I just know…"
Naya was starting to find the back of her hand very interesting. She was finding it hard to look the other woman straight in the eye as she revealed her secret.
"Is it that obvious?" she asked timidly. She was deathly afraid of Lea's answer.
"Only to the trained eye," Lea said simply.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Naya pressed worriedly.
"Don't worry, Naya. No one else knows. Your secret is safe," Lea told her, ignoring the question.
Naya let out a sigh of relief. She had known too that she was getting worse at hiding the way she felt around Heather, but she had thought she had been convincing enough to get by. She truly hoped that Lea was the only one that had spotted the cracks in her disguise. The fact that Lea now knew about the secret Naya had been burying for the past two years made her feel another layer of lies peel off lightly. She still had a lot more covering her, but shedding off little by little was giving her some more room to breathe.
"Thank you, I guess is all I can really say… Thank you for keeping this to yourself. You're right though… I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to handle this. But I'm doing my best to let it go. I am letting her go…" Naya was reasoning.
"Easier said than done. I know… Believe me," Lea said, her eyes pondering back on something. Naya eyed her curiously.
"Wait... what?"
"Uh…" Lea was dumbstruck, realizing her slip-up.
"Do you also need to take something off your chest during this lovely therapy session?" Naya pried as she folded her arms across her chest.
"I… I just get it okay? I've been there… well, I still am there."
Then it hit Naya like a ton of bricks. Duh, how did you not see it before?
"It's Dianna isn't it?"
Lea mirrored the expression Naya had just conveyed only two minutes ago, the color draining from her cheeks. The smaller girl looked genuinely worried, her big brown eyes staring widely in sadness up at Naya. Her lips that were pressed in a thin line were quivering ever so slightly. The two had never been the closest on set, but they had always been friendly and comfortable around each other. Never have they had a deep conversation on such a personal level like this before.
Naya was suddenly seeing Lea in a completely different light. The realization was like wiping off a foggy window to let the sun shine through. The two ladies standing in the middle of the bathroom both found themselves swimming in the same pool of emotions. It was crazy how such independent, hard women could be so vulnerable and so weak inside. It mystified Naya how she never realized the girl's feelings for the sweet, blonde angel. Naya was piecing together little unexplained moments between Lea and Dianna and everything was beginning to make more sense. Dianna had just recently been involved in a rather serious relationship with some British dude that Naya had remembered visited on set when they were filming the "Toxic" number. She remembered Lea had kept herself off set as much as possible that day. She felt like they had been living the same story forever and finally were turning the pages at the same time. Naya gave Lea a sad knowing smile. She suddenly didn't feel so alone.
Before either of them could make out a word to break the eerie silence, the two jumped as they heard a thud against the door of someone trying to get into the locked restroom. After the thump obnoxious knocking soon followed.
"What the fuck? Why in the world is a public restroom closed? Open up!" Naya could instantly recognize the slurred, muffled words of the drunken version of Heather. Naya let out a sigh and closed her eyes while pinching the bridge of her nose. It's like reality swept back into her temporarily peaceful mind. Lea looked to her with a small encouraging smile.
"I guess we should probably answer that… We had to face it all eventually," Lea squeaked out, understanding they had to come out of their little safe haven.
Naya nodded as she walked to the door slowly. Her heels clicked in ominous echoes. Why did this all seem so familiar? She felt like she was always unlocking doors for Heather, but never letting her completely in. She took a deep breath in, readying herself to plunge back into her torturing world of lies. When Naya unlocked the door the beautiful, dead-weight dancer filled her arms, her knees and ankles in a mess beneath her. Naya was surprised she was able to catch the normally poised woman as she held her upright from underneath her arms. Heather's face had fallen on Naya's chest, her nose tickling the top left of her cleavage where the material met her skin. Naya's shivers from the dance floor started to resurface as Heather giggled immaturely. The brunette could smell the thick scent of alcohol on her breath. Fucking Smirnoff…
"So much for letting go…" Lea mumbled and Naya glared at her as she was snapped out of her thoughts. Naya turned back to the drunk blonde with concern.
"Are you okay, Heather?"
"Who me?" she said standing up straighter in the Latina's arms and pointed to her chest. "Oh yah! I'm Naya, great…"
Naya raised her eyebrows at Heather's word confusion. Naya heard Lea suppress a snort. "Are you sure? How much more did you drink Heather?"
Heather pushed herself away from Naya's supportive hold considerably annoyed by all the pestering. The blonde wavered dangerously into the bathroom.
"God! It's a damn party isn't it? Aren't people supposed to drink? I'm fine… all you guys are being such overdramatic penguin babies…" she scolded. Naya furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and disbelief at Lea who just shrugged her shoulders.
"What? You guys don't believe me? Here I'll show you," Heather said. She started to touch her forefinger to her nose on target repeatedly, making her foggy blue eyes go all cross-eyed as the digit would come closer to her face. "See! I told you I'm fine…"
"Is that even a legitimate test?" Lea asked aloud, while Naya simply rolled her eyes at the blonde.
Heather started to tip over and Naya ran to her side again to catch her.
"Heather, you're yelling… we can hear you just fine. You need to slow down," the brunette told her knowingly as she held on to her arm, but Heather tried to brush her off again.
"I don't need your help! I told you I'm perfectly f-fine…" the color from Heather's face turned a ghostly white and she made a horrible gurgling noise which caused Naya to lean away slightly. "Oh… oh god…"
Heather put a hand over her mouth and flew from Naya and into an opened stall. Naya could see the crouching figure huddling over the toilet bowl as the distinct sound of vomiting ripped through the empty bathroom. Lea looked to Naya and the two simultaneously released a sigh. After a couple heaves, Naya followed Heather into the stall and placed a comforting hand on the small of her back. The brunette bent down on her knees to be level with her blonde friend. She started to rub gentle circles into her back and brushed at the sweat soaked baby hairs that clung on Heather's forehead. Heather coughed out all the contents in her stomach and the queasy sensation began to pass with every relaxing stroke of Naya's fingers and palms. When she had finished she leaned her head heavily into the crook of Naya's neck, making the smaller girl stumble onto her bottom. Heather didn't care as she further cuddled into Naya's body.
"I'm sorry, Naya…" Heather whispered as Naya threaded fingers through her set bun.
"It's okay, Hemo. You just went a little overboard… sometimes we all do…" Naya mumbled and Lea had poked her head in to peer down at the two intertwined figures.
"I'm so so sorry for everything… I hate it when you're hurt…" Heather sniffled. Naya bit her lip, her eyes tingling again. But she managed to hold her ground as she held Heather.
"I told you already, Heather. It's not your fault… none of it is ever your fault…" Naya spoke softly and distantly.
"You may want to flush that soon…" Lea suddenly spoke up. Then she whispered, "I think it's time to move on, Naya."
Naya reached over to the toilet handle and let it do its job. Naya knew Lea was right, it was time to move on. But as she sat on the cold tiled floor of a probably unsanitary women's restroom with the woman she loved fitting so comfortably in her arms, she knew it would be quite impossible to do so.
