CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
You are now a proud owner of a FARFARELLO!!!
If you follow the simple guides listed below, you and your FARFARELLO can have many interesting years together.
INSTALLATION:
When your FARFARELLO arrives, he may not be willing to come out. You may use any religious symbol to lure him out of his shipping crate. To unwrap him, simply remove the straitjacket and let him loose. Check to make sure he has arrived with all of his accessories.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:
Name: Farfarello (a.k.a. Farf, Farfie, Berserker)
Type: Male psychic (can feel no pain)
Site of Manufacture: Koneko no Sumi Ie, Tokyo
Height: 185 cm
Color: White hair, pale skin, and yellow eyes
OPERATING PROCEDURE:
Your FARFARELLO has been manufactured to be insane, sadistic, and masochistic, but can be controlled - somewhat - by clear use of English, Japanese, or Irish.
Your FARFARELLO has many uses around the home, such as:
Entertainment:
The FARFARELLO is perfect for entertaining any unwanted guests. Tell him that they are innocent or pure, and you will never have to worry about them again. (Note: You may need to have your backyard enlarged due to the amount of bodies that you will need to hide)
Pin Cushion:
That's right, your FARFARELLO, due to the fact that he can feel no pain whatsoever, can be a substitute pincushion to hold all needles, knives, forks, spears, etc.
Child Minding:
On second thought, don't let your children anywhere near the FARFARELLO.
Bodyguard:
With the right incentive (promises of a larger knife collection, any of the LOTR swords, or anything else sharp and pointy) your FARFARELLO will guard you to your enemy's dying breath. At that point, he'll be too engrossed with the blood to pay much attention to you.
***CAUTION*** Your FARFARELLO is an almost-fully-functional male. He has a few quirks, but loves anything kinky. This may cause undue problems with a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or close friend.
COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER MODELS:
Your FARFARELLO has three modes of interaction with other models:
Sadism
Obeisant (only for the CRAWFORD model)
Slash
Bear in mind that FARFARELLO's Slash mode can be activated at the same time as his Sadism mode.
ACCESSORIES:
The items your FARFARELLO is delivered with are as follows:
Everyday Wear: Blue pants and vest, white bandages, earrings, eyepatch, black boots, black gloves
Extras: MANY knives
Weapon: See 'Extras'
CLEANING/RECHARGING:
See RAN
REPROGRAMMING:
The FARFARELLO may be reprogrammed with the 'Weiss Kreuz Glühen' program. In his Glühen mode, though, he will only appear as a thought of CRAWFORD.
SECURITY:
You should have no security issues with your FARFARELLO.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
Q: Is there anyone that my Farfarello will not attack?
A: FARFARELLO seems to be reluctant to attack any of the other Schwarz models. He is also restrained by them.
Q: Can I take my Farfarello on vacation with me?
A: Only if you have a good lawyer. Or the CRAWFORD model.
Q: Does Farfarello ever let go of his knives? A: Doubtful. He has yet to be seen (aside from when in the straitjacket) to ever let go of his knives. Even then it is not voluntary.
TROUBLE SHOOTING:
Problem: Your FARFARELLO has been known to come home late covered in blood and rambling inanely. Solution: Not to worry, this is classic behavior of the FARFARELLO.
Problem: Your FARFARELLO flinches everytime you announce that you want to go golfing.
Solution: Unfortunately, your FARFARELLO has severe Takatoriphobia. After a traumatic incident with said politician, the FARFARELLO has been known to get nervous around golfers.
Problem: Your FARFARELLO reacts badly to blood, i.e. screaming insanely when it gets on him, and fainting when he sees large amounts of it.
Solution: There has been a problem in you FARFARELLO's programming. Send him back immediately and you will either get a replacement, or your money back.
FINAL NOTE:
Keep your FARFARELLO away from all churches, even if he claims his 'mother' works there.
~~
A/N: Second to last installment! The next chapter should be up MUCH quicker. Please don't kill me for taking so long with this one!
You are now a proud owner of a FARFARELLO!!!
If you follow the simple guides listed below, you and your FARFARELLO can have many interesting years together.
INSTALLATION:
When your FARFARELLO arrives, he may not be willing to come out. You may use any religious symbol to lure him out of his shipping crate. To unwrap him, simply remove the straitjacket and let him loose. Check to make sure he has arrived with all of his accessories.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:
Name: Farfarello (a.k.a. Farf, Farfie, Berserker)
Type: Male psychic (can feel no pain)
Site of Manufacture: Koneko no Sumi Ie, Tokyo
Height: 185 cm
Color: White hair, pale skin, and yellow eyes
OPERATING PROCEDURE:
Your FARFARELLO has been manufactured to be insane, sadistic, and masochistic, but can be controlled - somewhat - by clear use of English, Japanese, or Irish.
Your FARFARELLO has many uses around the home, such as:
Entertainment:
The FARFARELLO is perfect for entertaining any unwanted guests. Tell him that they are innocent or pure, and you will never have to worry about them again. (Note: You may need to have your backyard enlarged due to the amount of bodies that you will need to hide)
Pin Cushion:
That's right, your FARFARELLO, due to the fact that he can feel no pain whatsoever, can be a substitute pincushion to hold all needles, knives, forks, spears, etc.
Child Minding:
On second thought, don't let your children anywhere near the FARFARELLO.
Bodyguard:
With the right incentive (promises of a larger knife collection, any of the LOTR swords, or anything else sharp and pointy) your FARFARELLO will guard you to your enemy's dying breath. At that point, he'll be too engrossed with the blood to pay much attention to you.
***CAUTION*** Your FARFARELLO is an almost-fully-functional male. He has a few quirks, but loves anything kinky. This may cause undue problems with a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or close friend.
COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER MODELS:
Your FARFARELLO has three modes of interaction with other models:
Sadism
Obeisant (only for the CRAWFORD model)
Slash
Bear in mind that FARFARELLO's Slash mode can be activated at the same time as his Sadism mode.
ACCESSORIES:
The items your FARFARELLO is delivered with are as follows:
Everyday Wear: Blue pants and vest, white bandages, earrings, eyepatch, black boots, black gloves
Extras: MANY knives
Weapon: See 'Extras'
CLEANING/RECHARGING:
See RAN
REPROGRAMMING:
The FARFARELLO may be reprogrammed with the 'Weiss Kreuz Glühen' program. In his Glühen mode, though, he will only appear as a thought of CRAWFORD.
SECURITY:
You should have no security issues with your FARFARELLO.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
Q: Is there anyone that my Farfarello will not attack?
A: FARFARELLO seems to be reluctant to attack any of the other Schwarz models. He is also restrained by them.
Q: Can I take my Farfarello on vacation with me?
A: Only if you have a good lawyer. Or the CRAWFORD model.
Q: Does Farfarello ever let go of his knives? A: Doubtful. He has yet to be seen (aside from when in the straitjacket) to ever let go of his knives. Even then it is not voluntary.
TROUBLE SHOOTING:
Problem: Your FARFARELLO has been known to come home late covered in blood and rambling inanely. Solution: Not to worry, this is classic behavior of the FARFARELLO.
Problem: Your FARFARELLO flinches everytime you announce that you want to go golfing.
Solution: Unfortunately, your FARFARELLO has severe Takatoriphobia. After a traumatic incident with said politician, the FARFARELLO has been known to get nervous around golfers.
Problem: Your FARFARELLO reacts badly to blood, i.e. screaming insanely when it gets on him, and fainting when he sees large amounts of it.
Solution: There has been a problem in you FARFARELLO's programming. Send him back immediately and you will either get a replacement, or your money back.
FINAL NOTE:
Keep your FARFARELLO away from all churches, even if he claims his 'mother' works there.
~~
A/N: Second to last installment! The next chapter should be up MUCH quicker. Please don't kill me for taking so long with this one!
