Title:
Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author:
Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer:
I do not own "The Mentalist" or its characters, CBS does. This
is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating:
PG-13
Summary:
Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own
twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning:
Severe spoilers for season one.
Chapter 7 – "I'm Fine"
Author's Note: okay, tried to make this a bit fun...hopefully not too over the top.
............................
"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."
- Andre Gide
ER
"I'm fine," Jane complained.
He was amazed at the fact that he'd said it at least a hundred times and every set of people that had been with him had just ignored him. Jane had decided since he hadn't felt so cold and hadn't seen a bright light to walk towards that he wasn't dying. So, he was fine. The medical professionals apparently didn't agree with his diagnosis.
"I'm fine."
Still no one cared.
All he could think about was Lisbon. She'd still held her head and had been silent in the ambulance. He was worried. Worried mainly because he couldn't be with her. They were in separate rooms, for all he knew they were on separate floors and in separate wings of the hospital. It was unacceptable. He hadn't wanted to be separated from her. They were separated now. Unacceptable.
Jane groaned in pain. He hadn't realized how much it had really hurt until they were prodding around. "Can you just slap a band-aid on it and let me go please?" Jane asked. He had figured at least his change in dialogue would help get a rise out of those treating him.
"Mr. Jane, if you don't lie still and be quiet so that we can do our jobs, we're going to have to strap you down and sedate you," the nurse told him.
At least they talked to him. It was something. "Do you think you can have someone find out information about my friend? She came in with me," Jane said. It was a request he hoped could be fulfilled. He had thought that it was a simple one. Someone could just make a phone call and let him know some minor thing, so that he could relax and allow them to do their jobs in peace.
"What's your friend's name? If I have a moment, I'll try to get some information for you," the nurse said. "But in the meantime, I'm going to need you to hold still and stop telling us you're fine. Believe me, no one who comes into the ER on a gurney with a bullet in them is fine."
"Her name is Teresa Lisbon. They were probably checking her for a concussion," Jane responded.
"Teresa Lisbon," the nurse repeated back to him. She nodded and then went back to what she was doing.
Jane let out a sigh and stared up at the ceiling. He felt the pain blockers being pushed into him. Soon, he'd be more cooperative, though against his will. The pain medication would help to lull him into a sense of senselessness.
.....................................
Hospital Room
Jane awoke to sunlight piercing in through the window to the left of him. He cringed and groaned and then started to roll his head. He stopped when he noticed a familiar face. Cho. He let his head settle on Cho. Blinking a couple of times, Jane tried to concentrate. How much time had passed?
"Lisbon?" Jane finally got out. He didn't remember the nurse ever giving him any information on her.
"Van Pelt and Rigsby are with her," Cho answered.
"Is she okay?" Jane asked wanting more information. He had figured that that was where Van Pelt was with...and of course since Van Pelt was there, so was Rigsby. It was something that was easily deduced.
"The doctors aren't sure. She hasn't said anything. Her pupils are responding to stimulus, but she's just lying in bed."
"She's in the hospital?" Jane asked as he forced himself up into a sitting position. Then he remembered why he was there. He'd been shot. Obviously not too badly since Cho was there. No nurse was rushing in knowing he was awake. Most likely it had been more like a flesh wound than anything else; it had just been in a dangerous spot.
"Lay back down, the doctors said you need to stay for another night," Cho ordered.
Jane ignored him. "What room is she in?"
"Jane—"
"Does she have a concussion?" he asked as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and examined the machines that they had him hooked up to. He looked towards the bottom, they had wheels. They could be wheeled.
"No."
"That's good at least," Jane said as he thought about standing. He stared at the tiles and wondered where his shoes were...or at least if the nurses had left him some nice slippers and possibly some pants.
"Can you please not do that?" Cho requested.
"Do what?" Jane asked as he pulled back the blanket.
"Woah!" Cho complained. His hand flew up to protect his eyes. "Cover up!"
Jane laughed. "Think you could get me a pair of those pants the nurses are wearing? Maybe some slippers?" he requested.
"I don't think they're going to hand anything over to you," Cho told him. He peeked out from behind his hands to see if it was safe.
Jane shrugged and then pressed the nurse call button on his bed. If all else failed, he could easily charm the items from the nurse. If that failed, he was sure that he could get a wheelchair and bring his sheet with him. Jane was sure that a hospital style toga would work as well.
....................................
En Route to Lisbon's Hospital Room
"I can't believe you talked the nurse into it," Cho said.
Jane beamed. Cho was currently pushing him in a wheelchair in the direction of where Lisbon was. He'd been able to negotiate a pair of scrubs bottoms and the closest thing they had to shoes or slippers. They were pathetic, but they were something. "I can be very persuasive when I want to."
"I thought it was all the time."
"No," Jane told him. "I only use my powers for good."
"Where's this switch? Lisbon might want to know about it."
Jane found Cho funnier than normal. He laughed out loud and wiggled around in the wheelchair. "Cho! I swear, Man! You are one funny guy!"
"How much medication did they give you?"
"They didn't give me anything!"
"The nurse said to tell her if you were doing okay being on it."
Jane frowned for a moment, but then laughed. "I don't remember that."
"This is why we tell you to stay out of the way, you know. So, you don't get shot. So, you're not on pain medication that makes you crazy."
.......................................
Lisbon's Hospital Room
"Her room looks just like mine," Jane told them.
He noticed that Van Pelt and Rigsby looked at him oddly, but he didn't care. He knew he was covered, so it wasn't like he was flashing anyone.
"What's up with Jane?" Van Pelt asked as she pointed at him.
"Nothing," Jane replied.
"Pain killers," Cho replied.
"Morphine?" Rigsby asked.
"Something that's gotten him loopy."
"I am not loopy," Jane argued, but wasn't upset.
Lisbon's still form, back to the door, curled up...it made him cold...it made him feel suddenly sober. He wanted to get up out of the chair and crawl into the hospital bed and wrap his arms around her. He wanted to request that everyone leave, but he knew that they wouldn't allow that. Van Pelt would be there to make sure that Lisbon was alright and Cho and Rigsby would keep him from doing anything stupid. Jane didn't plan on doing anything stupid, though the pain medication was obviously a bit too much for him to handle awake.
The doctors had said she was fine.
She was seeing again. Or at least that's what he thought.
He wanted out of the damn wheelchair, but he was sure that Rigsby and Cho could keep him there if he tried to get up. So, instead he decided to go for a more Van Pelt/Rigsby/Cho-friendly plan. It was one that he wasn't sure would be nearly as comforting for him or possibly Lisbon as his original idea.
"Cho, wheel me over," Jane instructed as he pointed to the other side of Lisbon's bed.
"She's sleeping," Van Pelt told Jane.
"So, I just want to sit over there. The light is nice," Jane said pointing to the window.
"He's lying," Rigsby spoke up.
"Maybe," Jane conceded. "Or maybe I'm not."
Cho wheeled him over without a word and Jane was grateful. Now, he just needed to get rid of the trio. It wasn't going to be easy. He thought about it and tried to think of something that could lure all three of the agents out of the room and into a different part of the hospital for any length of time. Of course, there was just the lobby, waiting rooms, the gift shop, and the cafeteria that visitors could really access. He doubted any other area could intrigue them or keep them distracted long enough unless he devised a scavenger hunt, though he doubted that they'd go for it.
Gift shop. No. Too small.
The cafeteria did have the draw of food. He was sure that he could get Rigsby down there by the lure of snacks and the others because there was coffee. They'd all go for coffee. Jane just wasn't sure if he could get them all to go together for it.
"You know what sounds good? Coffee," Jane said.
"You don't drink coffee," Rigsby told him.
"Must be the pain medication," Cho said.
"I could go for some though."
"Me too," Van Pelt chimed in.
Jane pretended not to be listening. He stared out the window instead of at Lisbon. He wanted to look at her, desperately. He knew she wasn't sleeping. Lisbon was pretending. If she pretended to sleep then she didn't have to talk to Van Pelt or Rigsby about what had happened. She didn't have to be drilled about her being able to see. Pretending was safe.
Safe.
How he wished that he could promise her safety. He couldn't. Not with Red John free. Though in the world they lived in the word "safe" was not one that could really be felt. Doors, windows, and cars all had to be kept locked. Nothing was sacred. Nothing was cherished. Nothing was precious. Everything was expendable; at least that was how people treated it. Of course not all, but a good number of people ruined the world for all the others.
It was sad.
It was reality.
It was cruel.
"Jane," Rigsby said.
Jane pretended not to hear him. He just continued to stare out the window. It would make him look less likely like he was planning something if he wasn't listening. Jane then turned after a moment. "Were you saying something?" he asked as if he'd just realized they'd been talking to him for five minutes.
"Yeah," Rigsby said. "We're going to go for coffee. You going to be okay here?"
"Yeah," Jane said after a pause. "I'm just going to sit here. Maybe Lisbon will wake up." He gave them a slight smile. "If all else fails, I get a change of scenery before you return me to my room."
"Okay," Rigsby said.
He noticed that they were still a bit reluctant, so he turned and stared out the window once again. He could play drugged up and dumb. That phase had passed, seeing Lisbon had really hit him. He'd sit there all day if that meant he could have five minutes alone to talk to her.
"We won't be long," Van Pelt said before finally leaving.
Jane waited about thirty seconds before attempting to get up from his wheelchair. He just wanted to talk to her. He didn't care if she remembered anything, if he remembered him. Right now he just cared about her being okay. Jane knew that the doctors said she was okay, but if she was still there and in a bed, then they suspected something...even if it was just some kind of shock.
"Lisbon?" Jane said as he finally got up and reached out to take hold of her bed for support.
No response.
"I know you're not asleep," Jane tried.
No response.
Sometimes just telling people the truth worked. If they thought their secret was out, then they usually gave up. Lisbon still didn't move. He frowned and moved closer. Her eyes were closed, but he knew that she wasn't really asleep. Jane figured that she just still didn't remember him and obviously didn't know that he knew better.
"The real Lisbon would tell me to leave her alone," Jane told her hoping to get some kind of rise out of her.
"Leave me alone."
The muffled and yet somewhat irritated response made him smile. "Not exactly the right tone."
"I can try it again," she offered. "But I don't think it would make a difference."
She opened her green eyes and Jane could see the confusion in them. "There you are," he whispered and he pulled the chair Van Pelt had been sitting in and sat down at Lisbon's side. "They said you weren't talking..."
"I'm still not remembering," Lisbon told him. "I am, but I feel like I should know more...like I've hit a block wall."
Jane reached out and laid his hand on her cheek. "You'll remember."
"I can see you...and I still don't remember," Lisbon admitted. "I sort of feel guilty about it."
Lisbon looked so small to him. It wasn't like her to look small or fragile. She did. No wonder she was in the hospital, she didn't feel like herself. But he didn't want her to feel guilty. He just wanted her to be okay. Lisbon's sight returning was definitely a plus. Though her memory wasn't working one hundred percent at the moment, Jane could wait. He was sure that she'd eventually remember everything.
"Why?" he asked.
"I at least feel familiar if not remember the others a bit. But you," Lisbon told him. "You're like behind the block."
"That's okay," Jane assured.
"How did you know I wasn't sleeping? Everyone else thought I was sleeping."
"I know you a bit better," Jane told her. He did. He knew them all better. He'd been part of the team long enough to study them and learn things about them that they probably didn't know they were telling him. Lisbon was no different.
"How are you? They were saying that you had to have surgery."
"They used that localized stuff to numb me and pulled it out. I'm fine. It didn't puncture anything. They're just fussing," Jane told her. Sure, he hurt, but he was blaming that on the bullet, he was blaming it on the doctor who was probing around in order to get the bullet out.
"You're on pain meds," Lisbon pointed out.
Busted.
"They're making me take them."
Lisbon smiled. "I'm pretty sure they only make you take them if you really need them. Something about not wanting people to become addicted."
"I don't remember anyone giving me that warning," Jane told her.
She laughed, her eyes twinkled and Jane knew that she was okay. She was scared, but she was okay. "Go home with Van Pelt. You could probably convince her to let you sleep there alone tonight. After all, she can't pull the "well you can't see" card anymore." She smiled brighter and Jane felt the pain ebb away.
"There was a lot of blood," Lisbon told him.
"I'm okay."
"I don't know how I normally can do this," Lisbon admitted.
Jane just stared at her. "You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. You do what you do because it's right. You do things that help people. You make a difference. You're a good person."
"You protected me."
Her voice was quiet and small. It didn't even sound like Lisbon. He had protected her; he'd done it because it had been the right thing to do. He'd done it because what else could he do? He couldn't allow her injury or death. He loved Teresa Lisbon. Jane wouldn't allow her any further harm.
"I was just in the way," he joked with a smile. He didn't want to dwell on it.
"I appreciate it just the same."
"It was nothing you wouldn't have done for me."
.......................
TBC...
