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Twenty-eight months after the break-up
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Merlin, Gwaine and Percy all graduated and started their new jobs. Merlin was hired as a teacher at the School for the Deaf and he absolutely loved it. The children and staff all welcomed him with open arms and, in no time at all, they fell in love with his personality, caring heart and willingness to do whatever it took to help his students. The parents absolutely adored him too.
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Arthur did his job at Pendragon Inc. during the day but by six o'clock every evening, he was sitting with his sign language tutor. After seven months, he had gotten pretty good. He was hoping that when he finally got the courage to face Merlin, he'd see the effort Arthur had put into learning sign and maybe that would make Merlin more likely to forgive him, at least he hoped so. He had Morgana to thank for giving him the number for the tutor she'd used.
He secretly watched Merlin from afar every chance he got and tried to get Morgana to keep him up to date with what was going on in Merlin's life. She was reluctant at first, but once she saw how much time and effort Arthur had put into learning sign language, how truly remorseful he was and how sincere he seemed in his quest to get Merlin back, she agreed.
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Arthur finally decided he was ready to face Merlin so he asked Morgana to take Merlin out to a casual restaurant so he could accidentally, on purpose, bump into them. Morgana was quite hesitant. She didn't think it was the way Arthur should go about speaking with Merlin for the first time, but when Arthur practically begged, she finally relented.
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Morgana and Merlin were sitting in a booth at a pizza parlor enjoying their meal and having a conversation in sign when Arthur walked over to their booth. Merlin froze when he saw him. Arthur smiled at Merlin and gave a small wave hi. Morgana tried to act surprised but Merlin wasn't buying it. He looked at Morgana with narrowed eyes and shook his head before he made a quick escape from the restaurant with Arthur chasing after him. When Arthur caught up to him, he grabbed his arm causing Merlin to jerk around startled, he didn't know Arthur had followed him out. He just looked at Arthur, shook his head, pulled his arm free and walked away. Well, Arthur thought, that could have gone better.
Once Merlin got back to his flat, he sat down on the couch and tried not to cry. When Morgana had told him months ago that Arthur was back in London, he thought that maybe Arthur would try to get in touch with him. When he didn't, it hurt but he got over it. Now Merlin was just confused about seeing Arthur after all this time. It brought up all kinds of feelings that he thought he had already pushed away.
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Merlin didn't talk to Morgana for a week after that and when she finally got him to forgive her, she promised she wouldn't try to set him up like that again.
Morgana told Arthur he was on his own because Merlin's friendship and happiness meant more to her than anything. She also warned him for the umpteenth time, "if you hurt him, I swear I will never forgive you." He promised her he wouldn't hurt Merlin again.
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Arthur secretly spied on Merlin to try to learn his schedule and routine. He knew he was acting like a stalker but he didn't have any other options. He made a plan to run into Merlin again, but this time at the market on Saturday.
Saturday morning Arthur was sitting across the street from the market. He knew Merlin usually came here somewhere between ten and noon. He didn't have to wait long before he saw Merlin enter. He quickly crossed the street and walked inside himself. He pretended to be shopping when he bumped into Merlin. After seeing the initial shocked look on Merlin's face turn to anger, he begged, in sign language, for him to please just give him a few minutes of his time. Merlin didn't respond, instead he turned and walked out without buying anything.
Arthur took the setback hard but wasn't about to give up.
It wasn't until Merlin was almost home and the anger had dissipated that he realized Arthur had spoken to him using sign language. 'Why would Arthur know how to sign? Did he learn it for me?' he wondered before he quickly stopped this train of thought. He refused to let his mind go there. 'Remember, he dumped you, he didn't think you were worth it.'
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The following Wednesday, Arthur made sure his work calendar was clear so he could leave early. He knew where Merlin taught, thanks to Morgana, so he made his way over to the school where he decided to sit on a bench and wait for him to appear at the end of his day. Merlin was walking down the steps leading out of the school when he stopped dead in his tracks after he spotted Arthur.
Arthur stood, looked at Merlin and, for an instant, their eyes meet. Sadly, all to soon, Merlin looked away and started walking down the street. When he realized Arthur was beside him, he stopped, turned to him and said, "what? What is it that you want Arthur?"
Arthur signed asking Merlin to please come and have a coffee with him because he'd really love to talk to him. Merlin didn't want to because he was afraid what it'd do to him. Just seeing Arthur was hard enough, but sitting in Arthur's company talking was something entirely different. He didn't know if he could do it but, then he decided, if it was the only way to get Arthur to leave him alone, he'd do it. They agreed to meet the next evening at 6:00 for coffee.
Arthur went home with a smile on his face whereas Merlin walked home looking dejected and feeling confused. He texted Gwen when he got back to his flat to see what she thought. She texted back "maybe you should talk to him to get some closure." Unfortunately, when he went to bed that night, he still didn't know if he was going to show up tomorrow to see Arthur or not.
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Arthur was a nervous excited wreck the following day. He made sure he knew the signs for all the things he wanted to say to Merlin.
Merlin was sick to his stomach. Half of him dreaded the idea of actually having a conversation with Arthur after all this time but, the other half of him was curious to see what he had to say.
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When their designated meeting time finally arrived, Arthur was sitting in the coffee shop waiting. He actually arrived ten minutes early in case Merlin showed up a few minutes early. He sat there and waited, 6:00...6:10...6:15...6:20...6:30...7:00. Arthur just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and feel sorry for himself but he couldn't bring himself to leave in the off chance that Merlin did show up. He decided he'd wait here until the coffee shop closed before he gave up on Merlin.
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Merlin sat in his flat debating whether he should go meet Arthur. His stomach was tied in knots. Finally, he decided that he'd show up late to see if Arthur was still waiting for him. He knew he was being childish but couldn't bring himself to care. It was ridiculous to think Arthur would still be there waiting when he was almost an hour and a half late so, when he walked into the coffee shop, he was shocked to see Arthur still there looking all defeated but waiting for him anyway.
When Arthur finally spotted him, his eyes lit up, he jumped up with the biggest smile on his face and waved to Merlin. Merlin let out a small puff of air and shook his head in disbelief before he walked over to Arthur with a slight frown. Before he had a chance to sit down, Arthur signed to ask him what he'd like to drink. Merlin told him and Arthur hurried off to order it so he could get back to Merlin as soon as possible.
When he returned, he noticed Merlin was looking down at his hands with a sad expression on his face. Merlin looked up when Arthur set the coffee in front of him. Arthur smiled at him and waved hi. Merlin returned the greeting and signed and said, "thank you for the coffee."
Before Arthur had a chance to say anything, Merlin caught him off-guard by asking, "what do you want Arthur?"
Arthur saw the sadness in Merlin's eyes and heard it in his voice. He took a deep breathe before he signed the words, "Merlin, I made the worst mistake of my life when I left you and a day hasn't gone by that I haven't regretted it. I was stupid, selfish and a coward and I want you to know how sorry I am."
Merlin looked at him but didn't say anything so he continued signing. "I've thought of you every single day. You were, well you still are, the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. Merlin, I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. I'd do anything to be able to turn back the hands of time but since I can't, if you'll give me the chance, I'd like to try to make it up to you." He wanted to add, "every day for the rest of my life," but thought maybe that would be pushing it.
Merlin shook his head. "There's nothing to make up for. It's over and done with. It's fine. You made it quite clear that I wasn't worth fighting for. I'm over it."
This broke Arthur's heart. "Please, please just give me a chance to get to know you again. I want you in my life even if it has to be just as friends. Can we maybe start over?" He held his hands still as he waited for Merlin's response.
It was like a switch was suddenly flipped in Merlin's brain because all of a sudden he was angry. "How do I know you aren't just trying to clear your conscious. I don't need your pity Arthur." He went to get up so he could leave but Arthur grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it. When Merlin looked at him, he could see that Arthur's eyes were rimmed in red and looked like tears were ready to fall at any second. Merlin took a deep breathe and reluctantly sat back down.
Arthur moved his hands once more. "Merlin, it's not pity. I've been miserable without you. I just really want to be part of your life again. I don't care how significant or insignificant of a part that is. Well, I do care, but I'll take what I can get. Please?"
Merlin looked down for a minute. Arthur was sweating and bouncing his leg nervously. Finally, Merlin looked up and said, "maybe we can try being friends."
Arthur's heart soared as a smile broke out across his face. At last, he was going to have Merlin back in his life after all this time. Merlin's lips barely curved up but Arthur saw it and it gave him hope.
They sat there in silence for a few more minutes before Merlin brought up Arthur's ability to sign. Arthur showed off that ability some more when he answered, "when I found out you couldn't hear, I hired a tutor, well, she's the same tutor Morgana used, but anyway, I hired her to teach me and I've been working on it everyday since."
Arthur caught a little grin cross Merlin's face before it disappeared.
He asked Merlin if he'd like to go get something to eat. Merlin shook his head and said he had papers to grade. Arthur signed, "okay, can I meet you for lunch tomorrow or sometime next week, well, I guess that is if you're allowed to have lunch away from your students."
This caused Merlin to laugh as he signed, "it's not a prison you know. I get forty five minutes for lunch while my students are in art class." Arthur's cheeks were tinted red in embarrassment. "I can't do lunch tomorrow or Monday, have staff meetings, but, I guess next Tuesday would be okay. I eat at 11:45 so if that's too early..."
Arthur quickly shook his head. "No, no, 11:45 is great. I'll meet you on the bench outside the school, if that's okay?" he asked with his hands.
Merlin nodded and got up to leave. Arthur got up with him and they walked out together. As soon as they were outside, Merlin thanked him for the coffee again before he turned and walked away. Arthur stood there watching him like a love sick puppy until he was out of sight. He felt lighter than he had in years.
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When Merlin got home, he took off his trainers, grabbed the pile of papers he needed to grade from his desk and sat on the sofa with his feet propped against the coffee table all ready to work. Unfortunately, it was all for nothing. He looked at the first paper in front of him but couldn't concentrate on it. His mind kept drifting back to Arthur and he realized, maybe he never got over him after all. Merlin knew it was going to be a long night.
Meanwhile, when Arthur got home, he bounced around his flat with the biggest smile on his face. He called Morgana and told her about his evening. She warned him to go slow with Merlin and, once again, informed him that if he hurt Merlin, she would never forgive him. He had absolutely no intention of ever hurting him again.
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The next day drug by slower than any other day of Arthur's life. By Friday evening he was hopeless. How could he possibly make it through the weekend and then Monday? He prayed for the next three days to fly by.
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Finally, it was 11:00 on Tuesday. Arthur walked out of his office smiling from ear to ear and told his assistant he won't be back until around 1:00. Before he headed over to the school to meet Merlin, he drove ten minutes out of the way to get curry from Merlin's favorite restaurant. He suddenly frowned when he considered the possibility that maybe Merlin had a new favorite place to get curry. He forced the thought out of his head, he wasn't going to let it bring him down, because he was going to see Merlin shortly which caused his smile to return.
At 11:49, Merlin walked out of the building and saw Arthur waiting for him before he even started down the steps.
After Merlin greeted him rather shyly, he lead him to a picnic table in the courtyard. They barely got seated before several kids came over to talk to Merlin. Arthur watched the interaction and could see by the looks on all their faces how much the students adored Merlin and how much he adored them.
Once they left, Merlin looked over at Arthur and saw the smile on his face, "what?"
"Nothing, it's just...you seem so happy when you were talking with them," Arthur signed.
"What can I say, I love my job." He looked down and finally noticed the name of the restaurant printed on the bag their curry came in. "You remembered?" He gave Arthur a puzzled look.
"Of course, now lets eat before it gets cold," and the smile on Merlin's face made the trip to the restaurant most definitely worth it. They spent the remainder of Merlin's lunch time, which was only about twenty minutes by then, talking about Merlin's job and students. All to soon, it was time for Merlin to get back to his classroom.
When they stood, Arthur hesitated for a second before asking Merlin when he could see him again. He was afraid of coming across as desperate, but, truth be told, he was desperate. It felt like he could only breath properly when he was with Merlin. When he wasn't with him, it was like he was suffocating.
Merlin said everyone was going to be at the pub Friday around 7:00 and he should come. Arthur signed, "it's a date," before he could stop himself. "Oh shit, I'm sorry, I wasn't...I didn't mean..."
Merlin cut him off. "I know Arthur. I have to get back. See you Friday."
Arthur nodded and gave him a smile and watched Merlin climb the steps. When he reached the top step, he looked back only to catch Arthur staring at him with a smile on his face. He shook his head and smiled back before he disappeared inside. Arthur's heart leapt when he saw that smile and felt like he was walking on air for the rest of the day. Friday, he was going to see Merlin again Friday.
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The next few days were uneventful. He and Uther had come to an understanding that they wouldn't talk about Arthur's personal life at all. Arthur supposed it was so Uther could pretend that he didn't have a gay son.
Arthur tried to throw himself into work hoping it would make Friday arrive faster. It didn't and he feared he wouldn't survive until then, but somehow he made it.
By Friday afternoon, Arthur was a nervous wreck once again. This was going to the first time he had seen everyone together. He had run into Gwen and Lance while out shopping, Percy while walking down the street and Gwaine, who ignored him completely, but over the last six months only Leon had really made any attempt to rebuild their friendship. He understood how protective they all were of Merlin and he tried to not allow it to upset him.
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Friday evening finally arrived. As soon as he entered the pub, he saw Leon waving and yelling for him. He walked over and Leon slid closer to Morgana to make room for him. Once he was seated, everyone, besides Leon, Morgana and Merlin, looked at him skeptically. They were all there for Merlin through everything and most of them, especially Gwaine, but also to a lesser extent Gwen, weren't so eager to forgive him and let him slide back into their group.
After some small talk, with them all using sign so Merlin wasn't left out of any of the conversation, Arthur looked at Merlin, who was seated directly across from him, and gave him a shy smile which Merlin returned. Gwen, who was sitting right beside Merlin, noticed the exchange and tried to watch them as inconspicuously as possible.
When it seemed the atmosphere had finally started thawing out around him, he relaxed and asked Merlin how the rest of his week had gone. They continued with their small talk until Gwaine bumped shoulders with Merlin to get his attention and asked him if he wanted to go dance with the rest of them. He nodded and they all got up and headed to the dance floor, everyone except Arthur and Gwen, who stayed behind.
The two of them sat in silence watching the dance floor, neither saying anything until it got almost unbearably uncomfortable and awkward. Finally, when Gwen couldn't stand it anymore, she blurted out, "what do you want from him?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Please, I'm not stupid. You know exactly what I mean. So just tell me, what do you want from Merlin? Why are you here Arthur?"
"Gwen, I know you probably don't trust me."
"You can stop right there. There's no probably about it. I definitely don't trust you. I saw what you did to Merlin. I lived with him, remember, so I got to see firsthand, every single day for months, the pain he went through because of you, so forgive me if I don't trust you."
"I'm sorry Gwen, if I could take everything back and change it I would."
"You know what Arthur, here's the problem. You can't. You dumped him and moved to New York. Just try to imagine how that would make you feel. You broke him and then ran away and we were left watching him struggle trying to pick up the pieces and somehow put himself back together."
Sadly for Arthur, she was just getting started.
"We, meaning all of us here with Merlin tonight, minus you, we all love Merlin and would never intentionally cause him to suffer. We saw how destroyed he was when you left him, we witnessed the devastation he went through when Hunith died, we watched him as he barely clung to life, we watched him have to come to terms with never hearing another sound again, we sat in the courtroom with him while he testified against Mordred, we have watched him struggle with his classes, we have watched him struggle every single day with things the rest of us take for granted, we have watched him accept the hand he's been dealt and we have watched him embrace life again. He never asked why, never felt sorry for himself, never got bitter. He is the best person I could ever hope to know. He's finally happy and I'll be damned if I let you take his happiness away again."
Once she was finished with her rant, she saw the look of absolute horror written all over his now very pale face. He looked like he was about to be sick.
She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Arthur." This time her words were spoken softly, not in the harsh tone of before. "Listen, I had no right to go off on you like that. I'm sorry, but you have to understand, I can't bare to see Merlin hurt again so if you are just leading him on..."
"I'm not Gwen, I promise," he said in a shaky voice. "I know you don't trust me and won't believe me, but I love him. I never stopped loving him and I'd rather die than hurt him again. You want to know what I want from him? I want the chance to be a part of his life again. I want him to forgive me Gwen, I want him to see how much I love him and care about him. I want him to trust me, I want him to take me back, I want him to love me again and I want to spend the rest of my life showing him how much I love him." He put his head down to hide the tears that were threatening to fall.
Gwen reached out and rubbed his arm. "Arthur, look at me please."
When he did, she told him, "okay, I believe you. I saw how he looked at you earlier and it scared me. Please, please, I beg you, please take care of him and if you truly love him and he truly loves you then don't let him go this time." She finished with tears in her own eyes.
He reached out and pulled her into a hug, "I promise. If he'll let me, I'm going to hold on to him forever."
They got themselves pulled together before everyone returned to the table and the rest of the night was drama-free and uneventful. Arthur, unfortunately, didn't get much of a chance to talk one-on-one with Merlin, which was what he so desperately wanted.
When they were all ready to call it a night, he finally got Merlin by himself and handed him his phone. He asked Merlin, in sign, if he could have his number. Merlin smiled as he took his phone and programmed his number it in. Arthur wasn't sure Merlin would have given it to him so willingly if he wouldn't have had a few beers in him but wasn't going to question it.
Since Percy and Gwaine lived in the same direction as Merlin, they grabbed ahold of him and headed off without another word. Arthur stood watching after them for a few minutes while Leon and Morgana along with Gwen and Lance just watched him. Leon walked over to him, patted him on the shoulder and told him to hang in there and be patient. He turned to look directly at Leon and the others and told them he'd wait as long as it took because Merlin was worth waiting for, and then headed off down the street towards his own flat. The rest of them just looked at each other and smiled.
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Arthur waited until Saturday afternoon before texting Merlin. They made plans to meet up for coffee on Sunday. It wasn't soon enough for Arthur, because he'd be with Merlin right now if it was up to him, but he realized this wasn't about him. It was about Merlin.
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Sunday he met Merlin in the coffee shop. This time Merlin was only five minutes late. They had a nice time just catching up but eventually they had to leave. Once outside, Arthur wasn't ready to let Merlin go yet so he asked if he could walk him home so they could keep talking.
"Even in the best of times I've been known to be a little clumsy so if you throw in me trying to watch your hands while I'm walking, well, lets just say we'd probably be spending the evening at the hospital."
Arthur laughed at this which caused Merlin to laugh, and boy, had Arthur missed that sound. "So how about lunch tomorrow, are you free?"
"Sorry, Monday staff meeting."
"Does Tuesday work for you?"
"Sure," and Merlin grinned before adding, "if I'm good the warden will let me out for forty-five minutes."
Arthur shook his head before laughing and gave Merlin a playful shove. Merlin smiled and signed, "it was nice today. Thanks. See you Tuesday," and once Arthur nodded confirmation, Merlin turned and walked away without seeing the dopey smile that had spread across Arthur's face once again.
On his way home, Merlin thought he was done for. On his way home, Arthur knew he done for, for life.
XXX
Tuesday was pretty much a repeat of their lunch the previous week except Arthur brought what he hoped was still Merlin's favorite Chinese, which it was. They were starting to get more comfortable with each other and Arthur was thrilled. The more he got reacquainted with Merlin, the more he fell in love with him, if that was even possible. Saying goodbye was getting harder and harder for him.
Arthur kept making plans to spend as much time with Merlin as he was willing to give him. Finally, one day while they were sharing lunch, Merlin looked over at Arthur, "why are you doing this?" he signed.
"Doing what?"
"This. Coming over to have lunch with me all the time or going out to coffee together. We're friends again Arthur, so you don't need to keep doing this."
Arthur just looked at him shocked. Did Merlin really not know? He had always been somewhat oblivious but wow, he couldn't believe Merlin didn't see it. He looked him in the eyes for a few seconds before he began signing, "Merlin, I'm doing this to show you I've changed and because I don't want to be just your friend. I want to be so much more, but, if you don't want more, then I'll savor every minute we have together as friends. But if there is the slightest chance that maybe we can be more, then I'll take it."
Merlin just looked at him for a few seconds, then smiled and nodded his head.
Arthur was hopeful, "does that mean we can be more."
Merlin just grinned and signed, "we'll see how it goes."
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A few weeks later, all the friends were together for dinner at a nice restaurant. Eventually everyone left and it was just Arthur and Merlin. Arthur moved so he was sitting directly in front of Merlin and signed, "I am so in love with you. I never stopped loving you and I'm going to make you love me once again."
Merlin just looked at him with a big grin on his face and said, "good luck with that."
Arthur let out a small laugh and signed, "do you think I'll need it?"
Merlin just smiled a little bigger and shrugged his shoulders as he added, "you never know."
Arthur took this as a very positive sign and looked Merlin directly in the eyes with all the sincerity he could convey. "I do love you, you know."
Merlin smiled, nodded and said, "I think I may be starting to."
Arthur fought every impulse he had to keep himself from moving over to Merlin and pulling him into his arms and giving him a passionate kiss but he knew he still had more work to do to get Merlin's trust back. He would take it slow for Merlin.
