Sheldon was rather shocked by the fact that he wasn't panicking. Penny was sitting on his lap. He had just kissed her… he, Sheldon Cooper PhD, had just voluntarily kissed a woman. But not just any woman: this was Penny, and she was his wife. Intimacy was not only expected, one might argue it was required. Although he didn't remember it, he knew he had already gone far beyond kissing with her. He wasn't ready to try that again - at least, not while he was sober - but his dread of the physical act had abated.

His musings were cut short as the door eased open a few inches, and then was pushed open the rest of the way. Violet, the elderly lady who reminded him somewhat of his Meemaw, came into the room. Her presence was enough to unnerve him into quickly removing Penny's arms from around his neck and urging her off his lap with a gesture that was more a shove than a nudge. The old woman beamed at them. "I stopped back a few minutes ago, but you were so wrapped up in each other, you didn't even hear me." Sheldon felt his face heat. He had exceptional hearing; for him to ignore something like that was highly unusual. Penny had distracted him. Was that another change to which he needed to acclimate?

"Your pictures are absolutely lovely," she continued. "I'm sure you want to take all of them home with you."

It was a sales pitch, and he recognized it as such. Yet he couldn't help but agree with her. He'd never gotten married before, and if he couldn't remember the event, then he wanted to preserve every scrap of evidence of it that he could. Besides, helping the sweet, frail old lady felt like he was helping his own Meemaw. Sheldon quickly agreed to buy the deluxe photo package, which included all the prints as well as the digital files.

Penny said little until Violet had left the room to fetch the rest of their pictures. "So, uh… what are you going to do with all those photos? You weren't planning on telling people we got married, right?"

He considered the question carefully, as it spoke directly to his discomfort with lying. "The most stressful situation for me is when others ask me to keep a secret. I despise the logical inconsistencies inherent in lies, so I prefer not to attempt to hide anything. However, I didn't say anything to my mother about getting married. Nor did I see fit to mention it to Leonard, Howard or Raj. I suppose there are some things I feel no pressure to share, especially when it comes to personal matters. The principle of Occam's Razor says that the simplest solution is often the best one. So for now, if we need to explain the alteration in our relationship status, we will merely say we are dating."

Penny nodded. "I feel the same way. For right now, it's nobody's business but ours."

"Of course, in order to be telling the truth, we will need to begin a regimen of mutual activities." He pulled out his smartphone and began tapping away at the screen.

Penny watched him curiously for a moment. "Okay, what's a regimen, and why are we doing it?" she asked. Then she laughed. "When you put it that way, it sounds dirty."

Sheldon sighed as he pocketed his phone. "A regimen is a regulated course of action. I am proposing-" He halted as she flinched. "I am suggesting that we should spend time together to validate our story that we are dating. It will also serve the purpose of an exploratory test to see if we can function as a pair-bonded couple. I just made reservations at a nearby restaurant. Will you have dinner with me... as my date?"

Penny's eyes widened, and she blushed at his question. "I guess so, but we're not going someplace nice, are we? I don't have anything to wear," she protested.

Another idiosyncrasy he didn't understand, as she was obviously wearing clothing right now. But he had foreseen this objection. He knew that first dates were often casual, to avoid putting too much pressure on either party. Yet this was more than just a first date, it was their first dinner together as a married couple… at least, when they were aware that they were married. They had shared any number of casual meals already, like pizza or Chinese takeout. He wanted tonight to be special, although he had learned from Leonard's example not to overdo it. All the most highly-rated restaurants were sure to be booked months in advance, but he had managed to secure reservations to a decent four-star establishment.

"I anticipated your reaction," he said, allowing himself a pleased little smile. "We have approximately an hour before our dinner reservations. That should give you enough time to find a suitable dress." He pulled out his wallet and handed her one of his credit cards. "This has a thousand dollar spending limit. I trust that will be more than sufficient?"

She gaped at him. "Sweetie, I can't just go spend your money like that."

"Since this is an expense you could not have anticipated, it seems only fair. Besides, it's very important to me that this evening be… memorable."

A little voice inside Penny's head argued that as long as they were married, what was his also belonged to her. She didn't care to think about that too closely, but she accepted the card from his hand.

Just then, Violet came bustling back out, with a large plastic shopping bag in her arms. "Oh, good, I'm glad you're still here," she cried. "I just remembered you were the ones that left these clothes."

As Penny and Sheldon opened the bag, they found all the cowboy gear they had bought at the Western clothier. Penny put a ten-gallon hat on Sheldon's head.

"There, I think you look sexy," she said with a giggle. Again, he felt his face warm. In the shock of finding out that Penny was the woman he had married, he hadn't yet fully assimilated the fact that he had also lost his virginity to her. They had actually had coitus multiple times on their wedding night, which suggested that he must have enjoyed the act enough to repeat it. When Penny called him sexy, he had a sudden mental image of her beneath him, head thrown back as she moaned his name. He wasn't sure if it was a fragment of memory or just a vivid stray thought cobbled together from some of those videos Howard liked to forward to him. The rational part of his mind was appalled; he was Homo novus, an entirely new species, so thoughts about coitus were irrelevant. But a much more primitive part of his mind was fascinated.


Together, they made their way to the nearest casino, which housed a multi-level shopping center. Penny didn't have much time to browse, but she found a dark green halter dress which brought out her eyes. The cut of the dress was demure, but the shimmering silk hugged her curves like a second skin. Next was a quick dash into a cosmetics store, where the sales lady was happy to do her makeup after she purchased a few "essentials". The last item she needed was the perfect pair of heels to compliment her dress. The designer shoe store she found almost made her squeal. For a few moments, she was in heaven. Although she could have stayed there all night, she quickly chose a pair of black, strappy stilettos. She met Sheldon at their prearranged spot, only a few minutes late. As soon as she saw him, she grinned. He had chosen an exact replica of the charcoal gray suit she had picked out for him years ago when he had that speech. Despite the fact that his suit must have come off a rack, it was exquisitely tailored. One look at the tall, slender figure, and she could see him straightening his cuffs as he emerged from an Aston Martin DB5 after a high-speed chase. (She'd always had a thing for James Bond.)

Solemnly, he offered her his elbow, and she felt suddenly lightheaded as she laid her hand in the crook of his arm.

"You look handsome," she told him. "You should dress up more often."

His gaze swept over her from head to toe. "Your intrinsic aesthetic qualities haven't changed, although I suppose the dress is flattering."

Her face fell. Clearly, if she'd been expecting some form of compliment from him, she could be waiting a long time. She yanked her hand away from his arm. "Gee, thanks, Sheldon," she hissed angrily.

He studied her, puzzled. "Although I am not good at deciphering facial expressions, I believe your flared nostrils indicate you are displeased. Have I said something wrong?"

"Couldn't you just say that I look pretty? Is it really so hard to say something nice to me?" She was blinking rapidly, fighting back tears. Normally, she didn't cry, but the events of the last few hours had been an emotional roller coaster. After he had kissed her in the wedding chapel - voluntarily - she had begun feeling something that she wasn't yet ready to admit. But his response just now crushed any hopes she might have had. What was she thinking, that she and Sheldon might actually make something real out of this accidental wedding?

"You look pretty," Sheldon said quickly.

"What?" Her head jerked up.

His eyes held that wide, deer-in-the-headlights look. "I have no idea what I said to upset you, but that was not my intention to do so."

Penny wiped at her eyes quickly, hoping her mascara was waterproof. "Then why the hell did you just say I looked the same as I always do, except for some stupid backhanded compliment about the dress?"

He frowned. "You misunderstood. I meant that you always look beautiful, regardless of what clothing you choose to wear. I don't pay much attention to current fashion trends, but the dress enhances your… figure." He stumbled to a halt and darted an uncertain glance at her face. "I didn't want to denigrate you by speaking down to you, but I see that I somehow caused offense anyway. This is part of the reason why I never wanted to get involved in a romantic relationship," he muttered darkly.

She took a deep breath and dabbed underneath her eyes. Once she regained her composure, she sighed. "Most guys can't figure out what to say to women. I guess I shouldn't be shocked that you suck at it too. We'll have to work on that. Okay, fine, let me just find a bathroom where I can fix my makeup, and we can go to dinner."

He glanced at his wrist, where he displayed a familiar Batman watch. To her, the sight of it brought a sudden, unwanted flashback of realizing the man she had woken up next to was Sheldon. But the sting of that memory was muted now. He had been with her willingly, thinking they were in love. Now she was beginning to wonder if maybe, in some small way, he'd been right.

"We don't have time for you to reapply your cosmetics," Sheldon said with a frown, pulling her out of her musings. "If we don't leave this minute, we'll be late for our reservation."

Penny smiled gently and put her hand on his arm. "I know being on time is important to you, so I'll hurry. But I also know the restaurant business. They'll hold our table for at least fifteen minutes. Trust me."

She could see the struggle on his face, but he finally nodded and said, "Please hurry."

A delighted grin spread over her face. Sheldon had just said "please" to her!

"I will," she promised. She took two steps, turned, and then danced up to his side to plant a kiss on his cheek. She laughed at the dazed look on his face as she hurried off.