A/N Just updated some of the conversation between Rick and Dr. Burke in the last scene.

No

Chapter Seven

"As soon as she starts crying, I'm putty in her hands and I completely forget that she walked out on me. And the next time, the next case that comes up and it's tied to her mom's case or it reminds her of her mom's case she's off again and..."

"And what Rick?"

"She'll leave again, forgetting about us and the vows we made." He replies after several seconds. He swallows the lump in his throat, fighting his own tears.

"You don't believe her when she said she's leaving it alone."

Rick pauses for a moment before he answers. "No, I don't. I've seen her fall down the rabbit hole too many times. She can't help herself. Bracken was right. She has to be tilting at windmills. It's her obsession."

"And you didn't know that before this happened."

"I knew that she doesn't back down when she runs into a wall. That she's driven to find justice. What I don't understand is why she thinks she has to leave me out of it." He pauses. "In our vows, we promised to be partners in life and in crime." Rick swallows again. "But it's like I said, as soon as a case comes along that either is tied to her mom's case or reminds her of her mom's case she shuts down and she shuts me out. And I'm tired of fighting it. I've fought it for eight years."

"Do you still love her?"

Surprised, Rick looks at him. "Of course I still love her. That is never going to change."

"If that's so, then you have to accept everything about her."

"You said that I have the right to expect her to change. To expect her to stop doing things that hurts or alienates me. How am I supposes to accept everything about her and not expect her to change. How do I accept that I'm not enough for her to depend on?"

"Do you believe that, truly and honestly? Do you believe that she believes that you're not enough for her to depend on?"

Rick takes a moment to answer. "I thought I understood her. I know why she had her walls before, because of her mother's murder. I know how that event shaped her and her life."

"It did shape her and her life."

"But her life isn't about just that, not anymore. When we arrested Bracken that was supposes to end it all."

"Rick, I want to ask you something and I want you to think about it. When you came in this afternoon and I asked you what happened, you said that your imagination ran away from you. And you played it off like it was funny, why do you think that you do that?"

"I..." He pauses. "My imagination is an occupational hazard that I've learned to live with. I do imagine the worst outcomes when stressful situations come up."

"That may be true. You have a harder time of letting go of the things your imagination dreams up. But the point I'm trying to make is the humor you tried to put on it. You're a good looking, smart, successful, charming guy and your self deprecating as well. But you can be arrogant and a bit of a jackass sometimes."

"Kate's talked about me a lot in her sessions over the years." Rick quips.

"See, that right there. That's the point I'm trying to make. You use humor as a deflection when you're uncomfortable or unsure."

"What's your point, Dr. Burke?"

"My point is this, just as you use your charm and self deprecating humor to deflect attention, Kate has coping mechanisms to handle stress."

"I know, she builds walls and compartmentalizes everything."

"It's more than building walls and compartmentalizing everything Rick. You and Kate are similar and you're different. I'm willing to bet that deep down it hurt that you never knew your father growing up but you let your imagination convince you that your father could be anything. You feel the need to have stability around you all the time, because you didn't have it as a child growing. Kate did, she had that. She had both of her parents."

"And I still have mine."

"Yes, you do. But what you need to understand is that the walls Kate built after her mother's murder, didn't come from that one event. She's always been strong. She has always had the foundation there. The walls came when she lost that foundation. When her mom was murder, she was coming out of that stage where she rebelled against her parents rules. She was discovering that pretending not to care didn't really fit with how she felt. She was coming into herself and finding her place outside the dynamic of being Jim and Johanna's daughter. Then her mom was killed."

"And that's enough to make someone distrustful. I get that."

"It is, it's enough to make someone put up walls, but then add in the fact that the only remaining parent she had left at the time, fell deep into a bottle of alcohol. She went from having a very firm foundation to nothing and she had absolutely no clue as to who she was yet. That is one set of issues she has. Add in the fact that the people that were tasked with finding out who was responsible for her mother's death, pushed it aside like it was a piece of used trash thrown into a gutter and forgotten."

"So, you're saying that I have to accept the fact that she's never going to truly trust in me."

"No, I'm saying that there are deep reasons for the way Kate looks at the world. What you must do is accept the fact that you will never be able to change that outlook, only she can do that. You also have to accept the fact that while you're angry with her, there is nothing wrong with empathizing with her when she's hurting."

"I understand that. But why does she cling to this obsession to chase every tiny scrap of explanation that pertains to anything associated with her mother's case." He pauses. "I'm not asking my questions very well, which is ironic since I write…."

"Rick."

He sighs. "When Bracken was arrested, I thought it's over. We don't have her mother's case hanging over us anymore. And then she decided to set for the captain's exam. It seemed like our lives were settling into being just about us."

"And this new case and her reaction to it, have thrown a monkey wrench in to your plans."

"They're not just my plans. She..."

"She what?"

"She wants them too. But this case came along and she grabbed onto it and she pushed me aside. Why can't she see that there's a line and her involvement only goes so far. She's convinced that there's someone or a group of someone's out there still working behind the scene, pulling the strings." Rick pauses. "She ran a search. Just as she's run countless other searches while running an investigation. So why does she believe everything is her fault and it's her responsibility to make it right? Why does she have to be the one to find all the answers?"

"Why can't she simply accept that a spade is a spade, and apple is an apple, let it go and go on."

"Yes exactly. I know she doesn't give up and I admired that but it's clear that the people behind LockSat are trained well above her level of training. She has to know that with the group of mercenaries they sent to kill her and Vikram. And you can't compare the training for the NYPD to the training given to a CIA agent. Even the training she received at the AG's office doesn't match to the training given to convert operators, military intelligent officers and Special Forces officers. Kate's strong, but she's not at that level and yet she went straight at who ever it is behind LockSat and she did it with a low level tech agent and that's it."

"She didn't bring her partner in."

"Exactly." He pauses for a moment before he continues. "There was a time back when we were first partner's, she was contacted by the detective that investigated her mom's case. She told him that I was someone she trusted when he demanded to know why she had brought a cop with her to their meet. What changed between then and now?"

"Why do you think it has changed, between then and now?"

"She went to a met without back up. Without telling even the boys, what was going on."

"Why do you think that is?"

He's quiet for a moment before he replies. "Because we fell in love and she wants to protect me."

"That's right, when she took you to that meet with the Detective Ragland back then you were simply her work partner. She trusted you with her life then, but neither of you had given each other your hearts. And I believe she trusts you even more now then she ever has." There are several seconds of silence.

"But now we both have more to loose." Rick says quietly. He looks out the window before he looks back at Dr. Burke. "I simply want to protect and take care of her and I can't do that if she won't let me."

"Why do you think she's not letting you take care and protect her?" Dr. Burke asks as Rick looks at him. His expression says everything. "I'm not excusing Kate for leaving you. But I don't think she did it to hurt you."

"How could she think it wouldn't hurt me? I gave my life to her, for eight years I've followed her into every situation you can imagine. I've been there. I gave my heart to her, long before she would admit that she even liked me, let alone she wanted me to be her partner in everything."

"Is that really true?" Dr. Burke asks.

"Okay, I was her partner before she would admit that she liked me. But still I keep giving and giving and I feel like…."

"You feel like what?"

"I feel like I'm doing all the work, all the sacrifice has come from my end."

"And what about when you were missing? She worked on your disappearance long after everyone suggested that you simply left because you didn't want to commit to one woman. That you got spooked. She never accepted that Rick."

"How do you know that?"

"I was the one person she told everything to, every thought, every feeling, every fear, all the moments of happiness that she felt those two months you were gone, and the guilt she felt for feeling happy while you were gone. She told me everything."

Rick's quiet for several seconds before he says. "You're saying that I shouldn't be upset that she left last night, that I should be a little more understanding."

"No, I'm saying that I don't think you should doubt her commitment to you."

"How can I not doubt her commitment to me? She walked out."

"Yes she did. But there has to be a balancing act for both of you. You need to let her pursue things when she questions their validity..."

""She's free to…."

"Let me finish, please. She needs to know when to take a step back and simply accept that some times and some things don't fall to her to figure out."

"How do we do that?"

"You simply do it." Dr. Burke says, as Rick looks at him, as he smirks slightly. "I know that's not a very scholarly, but it's the simplest way to solve this issue. And for Pete's sake you both have to learn to talk to each other."

"You think Kate does these things because I don't tell her what I'm feeling."

"Do you tell her?"

"I tell her I love her everyday."

"That's good, keep doing that. But when she does something that makes you feel like she's shutting you out, do you tell her?"

"I..." He pauses for a moment. "No, I don't. I usually let her off the hook because I don't want to push her away. I'm afraid that if I tell her to stop that she'll leave."

"Why is that?"

"Because she's done it before, before Montgomery was killed I begged her to stop investigating her mom's murder and she said we were over. When Cole Maddox came after her, I begged her again and she pushed me away. And there are countless other times that didn't have to do with her Mom's case, opportunities that were there and she pushed her feelings down."

"Was she the only one to do that?"

"Yes."

"She was the only one that always ran away."

"Yes." Rick says, as Dr. Burke looks at him.

"You left her standing in the precinct while you walked away with your arm around your ex wife. Why did you do that?"

"She was dating someone else. I wasn't going to stick around and watch her date another man."

"And she knew exactly how you felt?"

"Well maybe… I didn't come right out and tell her what I was feeling at that time."

"And when you did actually come out and tell her, what happened?"

"She lied to me, told me she didn't remember her shooting or what I said to her that day."

"And you can't understand why she did that?"

"It sounds like you're making excuses for her."

"That's not the point I'm trying to make. I'm trying to show you that running away isn't only on Kate's part. You've both kept your feelings from each other, why is that? You are a confident guy. When it comes to your work, you know what you want and you go after it. You have no problem telling your daughter or your mother what you think or feel but with Kate you're right the opposite. The image you portrayed on page six for all those years is the only image she had of you." Rick opens his mouth but Dr. Burke holds up his hand. "I know she brought out the man you are today."

"She changed me."

"She did, she changed you. You stopped going from woman to woman, party to party. But you never learned how to talk to her or about your feelings. There are times when you have to simply stand up and demand that someone listen to you. You're able to do that when Kate's life is in danger. But in the day to day, it fails you and you let her pull you along because you're afraid of what?"

Rick looks at him. "I'm afraid of loosing her." He pauses and then says. "And maybe I'm not quite sure I deserve her. She's... there are no words strong enough to describe how I feel when I'm with her. Extraordinary doesn't even cover my feelings."

"It overwhelms you."

"Yes."

"Have you ever thought about telling her that?"

"No, but I think she knows that by now without me telling her."

"Maybe, maybe not, but that isn't what I'm trying to get you to understand. What I want you to see is that because you don't believe you're worthy of her you hide behind the walls you've constructed to protect yourself. And there's no communication when situations like this one come up. You have to learn to take the chance and tell her when you feel like she's ignoring your feelings. Now you have to learn to trust that she will listen to you. You can't expect her to always follow what you believe is right. She's a person too and she has her own feelings, agendas, beliefs and problems. You're not always going to agree. She's going to protect herself, just as you are. That's where understanding and love come into play. And please don't think that I believe that the only issues are on your side, she has issues to. But you both have to learn to work together." Dr, Burke says, glancing at his clock. "I'm sorry to do this. But it's time for my next appointment.
"Oh of course." Rick says, looking at the clock as well. "I've taken up your lunch hour, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Rick, I'm here to help you as much as I can." Dr. Burke says, as Rick stands up.

"Thank you." Rick says, holding out his hand. He turns for the door with Dr. Burke following behind him.

"We'll see each other at your next appointment." Dr. Burke says, as Richard turns to face him.

"Yes, of course and thank you." Rick says, holding out his hand again. They shake hands before Rick leaves.