Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

R&R

Enjoy…

A/N: Please excuse any mistakes; English is not my first language. In this story, Haha means mother, this is when you are addressing your own mother. Okaasan is when addressing someone else's mother.

Time skip: 2 years, it various throughout the chapter


Castigation

VII

Written by Dragenruler


It was a forlorn night; the clouds were heavy with water and sombre. There was not a star in sight, as the laden billows of clouds concealed the flickers of light. The harsh sounds of thunder rolled through the sky, almost hitting her beautiful tree. It was a desolated night, empty and mourning alongside them.

Everything was completely bleak, lonely… She knew it was only them in this enormous estate, and it scared her to know that if he had a choice, she would not be sitting next to him. Honestly, he did have a choice in this ceremony but this was her family as well, not only his. She would not allow him that pleasure.

Her gaze travelled across the almost empty room, darkness surrounded them and only the fluttering light that danced across her features was created by the lustrous flame from the candles that surround her. The rich fragrance of the burning incenses that stood at each end of the small futon.

At each side of the single futon were four bowls filled with offering rice. It was a simple tsuya, and yet her brother made it one of the most beautiful practices that she has ever been at, but she always thought that the first tsuya she'd be at would be Ichihgo's fathers' one.

Rukia refrained from glancing towards her, focusing her gaze downwards. She never actually liked looking at the dead, not wanting to remember them lifeless and cold. Memories were precious, which is why she wanted to preserve the images of her being alive and happy and just being who she was, not an emotionless corpse.

A soft sigh escaped from her, hoping it did not disturb him. The silence was deafening, making her want to scream at him, but she knew it would not snap him out of his grieve. She was also mourning the death of someone she cared about, her own blood, and she understood his pain but shoving people away, his children, was not helping him.

Rukia did not dare utter a word, mostly because she had no idea what to do. Ichigo had tried to explain everything to her, but truly she had no clue. He had mentioned that after the body went through a ritual called Matsugo-no-mizu, where the dead person's lips are moistened with water. The body was then washed in a sakasa mizu, the body was washed with water that has been mixed by adding hot water to a cold water tub.

It was something like that, and then family and close friends of the deceased would stay the night with the corpse. She was told that sutras were unraveled for the dead and quiet conversations about the recently deceased were heard, but she heard nothing and it was only them. Ichigo or Renji were not allowed to bother them, there was no family besides her and him and no friends.

He would not allow their children to be with her.

Rukia swallowed harshly, slowly fiddling with her fingers against her lap. She truly wanted to be here, lamenting her absence and expressing her anger and sadness for what happened, but it was getting awkward with being concealed within the silence.

She hesitantly raised head; as soon as her gaze met her stagnant figure she immediately turned her glance away. Rukia refused to return her gaze towards her; instead she quickly shifted it towards her brother. He has never looked so distant from everything around him; all he could focus on was her.

Rukia smiled weakly, he was detached. His body was rigid, tightly wound together as he sat beside her. He was also wearing one of his own traditional kimonos, if Rukia remembered correctly; it was the kimono he was married in. It was another custom she did not understand, or maybe it was not a custom and her bother…

She did not want to risk finishing that sentence… Her gaze travelled towards his black tresses. He had changes his hairstyle immediately after her death, from then he refused to wear his kenseikan and his family scarf. It was doleful for her to know that she would never be able to see him again and never be able to see her sister again.

His hair looked shorter. It was not combed backwards like before, but drifted across his face loosely. He still wore some hairpieces (silver and expensive) it was only now placed above his head. His dark tresses drooped elegantly across his shoulders, covering most part of his face, but what enticed Rukia most was the single lock that drooped across his face, between his eyes.

Rukia did not know what to think… It was extremely symbolic towards her, with his hair but it could actually be nothing and as a woman, she would only be overthinking. If only her brother was adamant, then articulating her thoughts about her would be easier to him.

Her heart trashed intensely as she quickly lowered her gaze, trying to keep her distance from him. She thought that is was shameful of him to act this way, like almost nothing happened or nothing affected him. How he looked so tranquil, she could not comprehend how he managed not to care, at least look like he did not care.

"Ani-sama…" She breathed, slowly shifting an ebony-coloured lock behind her ear. Rukia cursed silently, she knew she should not have spoken a word. How stupid was she? She did not dare move her gaze away from his visage. Rukia really wanted to move, to look away and pretend that she never spoke.

His posture was frigid, and he refused to twist his head towards her. It was as if he dismissed her entirely, not considering how this situation was affecting her or his family. Rukia was tired… She was tired of waiting on her brother to foster this situation and relinquish his bitter demeanour.

Rukia could feel how his head sluggishly twisted towards her, his gaze baleful. "Īe hanasu… Kotoba ga nai. Koto o ittehaikenai!" He whispered harshly, swiftly swaying his head back towards the angelic looking futon. "Kore wa, shizukana renshūdesu. Hanasu koto ni yotte, sore o dainashi ni shinaide kudasai!"

Rukia sighed softly; a small frown graced her face as she glanced towards her brother again. Everything about him was bitter. It scared her. When everything happened, he was ecstatic and then... She could not understand how much he changed in a few months. "Brother… Everything seems so… surreal! Is it normal for this, only us?"

She tried to keep her voice in a whisper, "Ichigo informed me of these customs and this is not customary." He refused to look at her, secretly Rukia understood why. What happened to them was brutal, and to him it must've been ruthless. She accepted that was nefarious, and it broke a person.

If Ichigo had been taken from her, she would also be utterly destroyed and devastated but she would try. They had children, and that children needed them to be alright. She would be emotionally shattered, but she would struggle and endeavour and try to concern everyone around her; her children.

"Īe… Stop speaking." He murmured, his lips barely moved and his gaze never faltered. He simply dismissed her, refusing to look at her. Rukia knew she and her sister looked similar and her visage and size would constantly remind her brother of her, but to ignore and deny himself to look at her. It was something she could not understand.

"Brother…" Rukia mumbled, quickly looking away. "I've been wondering about the tsuya, because from what Ichigo told me and how this looks like… It makes no sense to me! I just want to understand what to do! I do not know these customs and I'm confused!" She was probably louder than needed, but she hated being ignored or not knowing something.

Rukia looked at him again, knowing that she was making him furious. It made her angry not knowing something. She revelled in wanting to know almost everything, not knowing these type of customs on an important event made her want to scream. It was something she could and would not accept, no matter how it affected her brother.

His face twisted unemotionally, it made her almost shiver in torment. Rukia learned a lot about her brother these past years and knew he would swallow his emotions. He did not appreciate when people spoke out, it annoyed him. She was annoying him…

"Rukia…" He whispered, sluggishly lowered his gaze as he sighed softly. His head drooped; dark locks cascaded around his head. Was he bowing? Silent murmurs echoed throughout the room. Rukia could barely comprehend any type of sounds. She truly hoped that he was saying a prayer, asking for her forgiveness for acting like this…

"Rukia…" He murmured again, refusing to look at her and kept his posture bend and his head lowered. "Shut the fuck up!" He did not move…


Everything was tranquil… All she wanted to do was frolic around, because everything was wonderful! The day was bright and almost blinded her, milky-coloured clouds danced across the sky and the sun. It seemed to smile at her, almost like the grinning sun her daughters would always draw at the end of a corner.

It was all just so peaceful!

She sighed softly, slowly lowered her gaze towards the object in her hands. It was a terrible wish, especially because she did everything secretly. She refused to tell her husband. What she was doing, she was doing it for him. He needed this, and before she could not give it to him but she could at least try once more.

It was an absurd thought, but she knew that she was not going to last long and it would be soon. Byakuya and her Doctor reassured her when she went into remission a few months ago, that everything would be alright. Their words were impervious. She knew the truth and it was coming, if only they would listen.

She felt amazing. Her weakness and pain, gone, but it would return. All she prayed for that if what she was going to do now, that if the results emerged positive… Hopefully she would make it until it was over. It was another enthusiastic plea on her side. She was asking too much again. Someone like her should not ask for such things, but she simply could not help herself…

She wanted this terribly! Her Byakuya-sama had done everything in his power to make her mirthful and content, and this was the only way she knew how to repay him. This was the one thing that she could do that no one else could do for him.

It was the tiniest thing she could do before her time came. A soft sigh escaped from her; maybe it was not an excellent idea to do this secretly and her subconscious told her not to do this. It might have worked if she did not yearn this so badly. This was her love, it proved everything. Their love could create this, and she prayed it was already created.

Hisana quickly twisted around the corner as she ran through the estate. She curled, ambling towards their bedroom. The hallways seemed to be endless as she whirled around towards the back shoji doors. She never could comprehend why Byakuya-sama wanted their bedrooms on the other side of the estate, across the bewitching garden.

The layout of their residence made it impossible to get to their room without strolling through the flourishing terrace that always seemed to be her secret oasis when life became hectic. It was calming, the famous river and pond stood gracefully before their bedroom. Byakuya-sama venerated the enticing scenery when he felt tormented.

A feeble giggle escaped her, echoing throughout the empty house as she hastily slid the shoji-door open. It was dapper and immaculate, like Byakuya-sama preferred. Everything was in harmony and order. Their bedroom screeched of her husbands' personality. Another fit of giggles escaped her, sauntering towards the bathroom, careful not clutter the room with clues.

Hisana quickly entered and rushed towards the toilet, she could not allow anything to stop her from doing this. This was finally happening again! She pulled at her dress, swiftly lifting it and tugging her panties down. It was good that they did not have squatting toilets, Hisana thought, as she sat down the plastic object still in her hands.

She tore the small box rapidly, clawing to get the object out. There was no need for her to read the instructions, she had used one many times before. Once she got the position properly she settled it underneath her, instantly soothing her bladder.

It did not take her long before she placed the plastic stick on the sink, hastily pulling her panties back up and dropped the rims of her dress. It pooled around her legs, softly caressing her as she flushed the toilet. She only had to wait for a few minutes, not too long and not to short. It was a calming thought.

Hisana twisted around, allaying her thoughts as she washed her hands. The time was almost over, and then she would know the truth. This had to go the way she wanted, all her symptoms equalled towards this and it was not helping her thoughts that she had been secretly trying. Byakuya-sama would be happy if this was the case, she would just not mention the whole truth.

A soft sigh escaped this only added to the sinful things she had done in life. She always made it a priority not to lie to her husband, and all the years that she could not commit and love him thoroughly… This was how she would show him of her love; it was the only way she knew. He has given her everything.

"Sore wa yamero!" She murmured, hesitantly wiping at her forehead. No need for such thoughts at a time like this. Hisana smiled softly, quickly letting her gaze roam towards the plastic stick next to her. Her eyes widened, and her smile grew until it started to burn her cheeks. That was it… It was happening again! A small giggle of mirth ripped through her as she lowered her head.

Hisana Kuchiki, survivor of cancer was pregnant again…


Everything was gloomy and forlorn. The sun did not dare shine any rays of warmth nor did any birds wanted to sing. Clouds were heavy with tears and it was at the point of bubbling over. The wind was harsh and doleful, screeched in anguish against the people who stepped into its territory. There was nothing remotely connected to happiness in the atmosphere.

Thunder and lightning roared, fighting viciously at each other. The quivering flashes ignited the tenebrous sky… It was still morning, and the day was nebulous with nothing but torment and anger. It seemed perfect, so very perfect for this moment that it made him want to cry again, but he could not.

It was surrealistic on how well the atmosphere paralleled against his emotions and this day… Everything around him seemed identical; sombre and dull. Nothing had any life anymore; everything was like him, dead. Nothing made much sense since it happened, and now… everything was in chaos around him.

He really tried, he was emotionally strong and prepared for anything, but this… it was something that completely shattered him. He did not know anything, he was lost and he knew he could never find his way again. It felt as if he was living in an existentialistic cocoon and he could not find himself enough to try and escape.

He did not want to escape…

It was not easy, nothing was anymore. This terrified him, and all he wanted to do was enter their, not it's not theirs anymore, his bedroom and never leave. He wanted to collapse in front of the newly built shrine and weep and whimper everything he held in, he never wanted to leave that room. The aroma and essence of her still lingered and he wanted to savour it before it disappeared.

He could not control any of this, and he wanted to badly! His money and power could give and do anything he wanted it do and it was futile in saving the one thing he treasured above all. What was the point in having power if you could not save someone you love? It was meaningless, useless and he hated it!

He hated himself… How could he allow this to happen? It was out of his control and he would not accept it. He could not save her, he did not try, but he did. He truly did try and it was not enough to keep her healthy and with them. He was the reason why she was dead

She left everything behind when she died. It was hysterical how she tried to warm him about the truth, about her death and that he should have made arrangements, but he refused to listen. This was truly his mistake. It was all on him, he was the one that told her not to speak about it, not to mention the dreadful idea again!

It was him…

He was prideful and determined; he handled everything that was thrown his way, but this… It was stripping him of everything he had known. What type of man and husband was he, if he could not protect his wife? He was not a man; he was nothing if he could not do the one thing that he was supposed to be doing.

He failed... He was worthless, the cause of her death. He was the reason why his children were motherless, and he would gladly take the blame once their older. When they would figure out why and how their mother died, they would disown him immediately and it would slaughter him emotionally…

They were his, and also a piece of her… They were too innocent and fragile to understand that their mother was not coming back, but he would not know. He ordered Rukia to talk to them, unable to see their angelic eyes that shimmered for their mother and he took that from them, because he could not believe…

He could already see the futures path ahead of time, it was grim and barren. Keiko would obviously be the first one to shun him, turning away from everything and Hisa would probably follow, needing to be like her older sister and then tiny little Naoto, his son. The little boy would never meet his mother.

They resembled her in so many ways, that he refused to look at them. It brought many memories, many thoughts and million things he wanted to say but it was too late. He wanted to apologize desperately to her, he fought with her and foul words were spoken that he needed to take back, but it was hopeless.

He was mean and ruthless towards her before she died; he walked out not wanting to gaze upon her at that moment and then came the tormenting call that instantly smothered him emotionally. All he wanted to do was enact suicide, it was the easy and emotional way out of this torture but he had children and Hisana would never forgive him.

He was a coward; he was nothing better than that. That egotistical Ichigo Kurosaki was a better man than him… It was his misery and anguish and the fact that he could not even look at his children since her death.

Byakuya swallowed heavily, his gaze rejecting the idea of it faltering. Everything felt surrealistic, and he prayed that this was all an extremely long dream but somewhere in his mind he knew the truth. This was not a dream, this was real. He wanted to imagine that he was not at her soshiki and she was not in a coffin, dead.

He made certain that everything through every ceremony was traditional; she always loved their traditional culture. Her coffin was placed that her head would be facing north; this direction was usually considered unlucky so almost no living person would dare sleep with their head facing the northern side.

She looked so beautiful and peaceful, but he never found her appalling. There were offerings of rice that stood beside her; this was lunch for her to eat on her journey towards the hereafter. Two chopsticks stood in an upright position, it was more symbolic and it would tell her that she was not among them anymore.

The different sutras had already been read for her and he along with his children had already approached her, she was his everything and now she was gone. Keiko had clung onto Hisa, pulling her tiny body towards their mother, not understanding why their mother was in a casket sleeping. Naoto slumbered in his arms, ignoring everything.

It was acrimonious and unbearable, but it was customary and this was not a dream. He had murmured a few prayers, silently wishing that this was not reality. He swiftly picked at some incense and placed it as an offering, everything was important and when he finished others would do the same.

His children did not dare to fuss; uncertainty clouded their faces as they stared at their mother. He knew it was wrong, not speaking or looking at them but if he did, he did not know how he would react. He swiftly took Keiko's hand, tugging her and Hisa away from their mother when he finished his offerings.

His gaze lingered, refusing to look away. Everything and everyone was bleak, their visage and body language. It made him want to laugh at the irony, most of them were from his family and they despised her, why would they be saddened by this? It was absurd and extremely clever on their part.

He noticed Rukia and her idiotic husband Ichigo make their offering, her face buried in his chest as they walked away silently, she crying and he wanted desperately to cry along with her. Some of his old friends came and business partners, they truly cared having met her before and then the rest were of his family.

They must have been so ecstatic, only being there for the show and publicity and after the fiftieth day they would offer another arranged marriage at him. They wanted to fake their sympathy for the media, it was such a big devastation for tabloids and magazines, or so they said, when her death went public… He knew one of them leaked the information, wanting the light to be on the family again.

If the birth of Naoto Kuchiki wasn't enough…

Everything happened too fast, and yet at the same time it felt to him as if time was frozen and he could not move forward. His heart thrashed wildly against his chest, trying desperately to escape its prison of self-loathing. He tried to bottle everything, and it worked by pushing all his pain down until he could not feel it anymore.

He was so tired of lamenting, and yet, he could stop the bawling that echoed inside of him desperately trying to escape and make itself known again. It was sluggishly resurfacing, but he refused, not wanting to display his sorrow. His emotions did not need to be shown, not at a moment like this.

The ceremony ended as quickly as it begun to him, everyone said their prayers and their goodbyes and hastily trotted away from her. His relatives probably did not want to get the stench of the poor and dead on their fancy expensive designed clothes. It was sickening, and Byakuya hoped that he would never act like that towards someone like her.

The pall-bearers that came with the funeral firms package moved rapidly towards his wife, everyone was finished and the ceremony was done and there was no reason for her body to stay longer, the monk had signalled them inside. Everyone mingled in a group, besides him and Rukia. All his suspicions were confirmed that most of them did not truly care.

She was going away…

He sighed softly; it was the time to accept this if only it was not such a cruel fact. They pulled at the coffin, tugging it upwards that they could carry her through the doors and towards car that would take her to the crematorium.

In past years, they would accompany her towards the crematorium and he would love nothing more than to follow her… He wanted to apologize and say goodbye just one more time, because it was never enough. It was traditional for the family and friends to travel towards a restaurant for a catered meal, but truthfully he would rather be with her.

It did not make much sense to celebrate her passing to the afterlife, but he already made the reservations for the family and everything was already paid for. He did not want to go, he wanted to stay and crawl away from everyone. Why would anyone want to go and act normal after something that was so tragic?

It confused him.

"Ani-sama, are you ready to go?" The voice quickly snapped him out of his endless bitter thoughts, making him accidently look at one of the people he could not look at since her. They look do alike, and he wanted to break. It was their hair, the colours, the eyes, the body and then their faces. Everything was so alike it made him want to laugh again.

Byakuya glared his stare icy and his voice harsh. "No." He answered, pushing his two daughters towards Rukia's legs and his son into her arms. "Take them, go enjoy it." He quickly twisted his body, denying himself to opportunity to see the disappointment in Keiko's and Rukia's eyes. It was unneeded; he already knew what he was doing. He needed this badly, he wanted to be alone.

"Rukia, let's go…" He heard the voice of Kurosaki, ignoring it instantly. If he waited to hear his daughter pleading at him to stay, he would turn into a wreck. It would be catastrophic, he could not wait and he truthfully did not care. The only thing he needed, no, wanted at this moment was to leave and never return.

Byakuya did not halt for anything, and quickly strode away from her family and their children. It was too much pressure and he could not cope, he needed to be alone. He wanted to yell at them the go away, leave him be! It was wrong, and the urge was strong and painful.

His surroundings disappeared completely as he roamed towards his bedroom. He could not comprehend the time or how easily he got to his bedroom. As soon as he slid the shoji-door open, his mind stopped and everything froze. He lost control and could not remember when he closed the door or moved; everything was suddenly unknown to him.

The room was as she had left it, clean and proper. She knew how he loved to have everything in order and he got the abrupt urge to tear everything apart, because nothing was in order and everything was a mess. He did not have her anymore, so why was everything around him completely in harmony?

The urge came again, nothing was perfect and yet, this was perfect. It needed to be gone; it needed to disappear because nothing was perfect without her. The urge got terribly powerful, and he did not control anything. His body was not his and he was happy for once, because when his body was not his, he could not feel the pain but the anger… It was absorbing.

It was too much… Nothing made sense and… Why was everything so fucking perfect? He growled, glaring at everything that was placed in order. His body moved without his permission and before he knew what he was doing he was grabbing onto everything he could see and it made him more furious. He threw it, tore it and shattered it.

Everything she had done in this room that he could touch shattered instantly, his rage consumed him thoroughly. It was ghastly and it made him want to gag in alarm at his racing emotions, but it was too late. He was only grabbing onto more items and throwing it, kicking it and tore it into tiny pieces.

It was too overwhelming, and it hurt… He could not describe everything that ran through him then; all he could do was rushed towards their closet and rapidly slid the door open. She was not here anymore, why was everything so immaculate when he was not? It ignited only more hatred towards everything, because he could not understand why!

He ripped at their clothes, not caring on how he would react when he was more conscious and aware of everything around him. Why was this still there, why were her modern clothes still there? He did not dare touch her kimonos, subconsciously knowing their sentimental value towards her, but these useless mundane dense clothing?

It was fucking mocking him!

He froze, his head snapping towards that newly built wooden type-closet that held her memory. He lowered his gaze sluggishly, realizing the uncontrolled chaos that surrounded him. Nothing was perfect anymore… That was excellent; he laughed suddenly finding the whole situation extremely hysteric. Everything was broken, just like him and her.

It was just so fucking peerless…


The new information was amazing… It made her heart thrash against her whole body; she could feel the beating everywhere and she knew it was from the excitement. The enthusiasm that she felt made her breathless, it was unbelievable emotion and she wondered if she could keep the tiny secret until her Byakuya-sama would return from work.

Hisana had to keep it, she had already finished his favourite meals and decorated the table with ornaments and scented candles that she knew he loved and the added bonus that she placed on the table was exquisite saké, but that was mostly for him to drink. It was in her favour that Keiko and Hisa were spending the night at Rukia's.

The night was going to be perfect just as she planned, but the only problem she came across was that her husband did not seem to agree to her arrangement. He did not know about it, but he was still late. Byakuya-sama should have been home a few minutes ago and it was not uncommon for him to spend late nights at his office, but he would always call.

Hisana roamed her hand through her short hair, thankful to have hair again. It was not as long as it used to be, but it was growing steadily. In her thoughts she kind of resembled a petite man with this short hair, but her Byakuya-sama always seemed to render her mind useless when those thoughts came. When they found out that she was in remission, he really did not refrain when it came to their sexual relationship.

A soft sigh escaped from her as she glanced at the clock again, it was rare for her Byakuya-sama to be this late and not inform her about it. Truthfully, she was starting to worry that something might have happened, but she did not want to start panicking about prosaic matters. It was unnecessary.

A soft smile graced her face, placing her hands against her flat abdomen. She gained a lot of weight since her treatments ended, and she was thrilled because she always hated being too thin and Byakuya-sama would love her not matter how she looked, she hoped. At times she wondered if she could look like Byakuya-sama, he was muscular and robust.

He was perfect… and she would not change a thing about him. Hisana only prayed that when she was gone, that he would not change and stay that way with their children after her passing. He was a troubled man, she knew, and everything that happened around him he overthought it, but she could only pray.

Another sigh escaped her, before she giggled when she heard the sliding of a door and the chilling moment of silence before the sound of his soft footfalls echoed throughout the quiet and almost empty estate. Hisana quickly stood, and turned her body facing the already open shoji-door as the darkness embraced her body.

She was patient, he would come, and she'd gladly hold the flickering candle as her only companion until he would welcome her with his presence. Hisana knew that she would wait an eternity for her Byakuya-sama and he would passionately do the same. She smiled softly, hastily tugging her hands from her stomach not wanting to give anything away too soon.

"Hisana-koibito," He murmured peacefully, his gaze roamed around her whole body, making her shiver with happiness. Her smile grew as he sauntered towards her. Hisana lowered her gaze when her husband stood in front of her, bowing slowly before she looked at him again. The soft smile refused to disappear from her face.

Byakuya quickly drooped towards her, kissing her softly before pulling only to look at the beautiful and romantic display of food and art on the table. "Watashi wa watashi ga okurete iru koto mōshiwake arimasendeshita." He whispered against her ear, sluggishly kissing it before pulling away completely. "Did I forget a special date? Where are Keiko and Hisa?"

Hisana giggled softly, her smile glowing as she shook her head sluggishly not wanting the nausea she felt earlier to return. "No, Byakuya-sama," Her gentle voice whispered, she was normally soft spoken. "You did not forget anything, this was just a surprise and I wanted to thank you. They are at Rukia's for the night. I apologize if I have unsettled Byakuya-sama."

Byakuya smiled, it was barely noticeable. "You have done no such thing." He glanced back towards the enticing display and her effort was humorous, she always wanted to make him happy. She truly did not even need to try and it bothered him to know that her attempt would go to waste tonight. "It is beautiful and smells delicious, but I am afraid that I am simply too tired tonight."

Her smile dwindled instantly, making him scowl at his own stupidity. She bowed again, and her eyes seemed to glass over. He was making her cry? "Byakuya-sama, I am deeply sorry to impose! I should have asked before assuming that you would be energized enough." She smiled again, sadly and desperately.

"No." He voiced angrily, it was mostly aimed at himself but when he saw Hisana's face, he could not help but smile again. "You did nothing wrong. You wanted to surprise me and spoil me, like I usually do with you. I should be the one to apologize. I came home late without warning you and I am the one who is not in the mood to dine. I do have on question though, what brought this on?"

Hisana's face beamed at him in happiness again, quickly taking his hands in hers and tugged it closer towards her. "I wanted to announce something special. I hope that you would be happy as I am." Her smile only grew when she placed his hands against her tummy, silently caressing his fingers. "Our family is going to be growing."


Why was everything annoying? The little girl pondered silently, too frightened to ask anyone what was going on around her. Why were there so many people in their house? A few days ago, seven, if she remembered correctly, their house looked almost exactly like now. The same amounts of people were there, which was annoying and her Mommy was not there anymore.

She did not like it, why was everyone else here but not her Mommy? It made her mad, because nobody wanted to answer her questions anymore! Why not? She was not the small little girl anymore, though she really wanted to play with her Daddy's hair again… It looked so pretty and neat now that is was different!

There was a problem, her Daddy has been ignoring her and Hisa and her new baby brother! Oba-Rukia told her not to play dress-up with him, and it made her madder because she was not allowed to carry him when everyone else did it! Daddy picked him up, but that does not happen a lot and he does not touch her anymore…

Did she and Hisa do something wrong? Mommy was not there, and no one answers me when she asked to see her or where she was and why she was not here with us and Daddy. Daddy, she missed him… She spends so much time at Oba-Rukia's house that she missed her Mommy and Daddy. Since her mommy disappeared, all she does is sleep over.

Why did her mommy disappear? Nobody would tell her, and she tried to understand that Oji-Ichigo tried to explain why her Mommy was gone and that Daddy was sad, but it only confused her more! Why were the grown-ups secretive? All she wanted to do was go kiss her Mommy again, and feel her big tummy move.

Why would no one talk to her? She wanted Daddy and Mommy, and not be forced to sleep away from her home because Daddy was too sad and needs time alone. Why would Oba-Rukia not let her call her mommy? She always answered, and she was always allowed and it calmed Hisa! Hisa was always crying…

She thought Hisa must have missed their mommy as well, and she believe she also knew that mommy was gone. Keiko wanted her mommy, and she wanted to scream and cry it out but last time Oji-Ichigo took her out the room and away from Daddy. She did not want to be away from Daddy, but why did he want to be away from her?

Did she do something wrong?

Keiko sighed softly, tugging at the painful band that held her hair together. It was also annoying! She hated it when there were so many people in her home, and all those hushed whispers! Were the adults hiding something from her? Why was there so many words whispered that she could not understand?

They must know where Mommy was and why Daddy does not want her anymore! Why won't anyone tell her the reason why nobody wanted her, Hisa and Naoto anymore? One of those adults had to know, but they refused and she was left alone without Mommy or Daddy again…


Hisana sighed softly; a trembling hand covered her sweating forehead. She tried desperately to hide her face, but it was futile. This was what she deserved; she could barely lift her hand to cover her ruthless coughs, but this was not what her unborn baby deserved. It had done nothing and should not have to pay for her sins…

This was vicious!

It was her castigation to bear, not this feeble child who has not gotten the chance to do anything sinful yet! She understood that she prayed and wished, it was never granted to people as unholy as her, but this was an innocent baby. It was not born yet and she was already causing it tormenting pain.

What type of mother was she? To do such a heinous thing to her baby, but it was her body and if she could control her bodily cells by mind then this would've never happened. She was not in control… It was terrifying to know her own body was the reason her baby could die and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

She would gladly trade places, and she knew it would not happen. Her baby would survive and she would not. It was a simple choice that she knew her Byakuya-sama had disagreed against, but it was her body and her decision and nothing he had said or done would have changed her mind. She had already chosen when she figured out that she was pregnant.

Hisana knew it was going to happen, and it was not such a surprise when they found out that she was out of remission and that the cancer returned, only more aggressive this time. She was now a patient with stage 4 of non-small cell lung cancer and she was dying. The cancer had spread towards other parts of her body, not only her lungs anymore.

She had been stage 4 for months; they founded it when she was admitted into the hospital for morning sickness in her fifth week. Byakuya-sama immediately requested she went for chemotherapy again since the cancer was still an earlier stage than now, but the medication would kill my new baby… Hisana refused, and Byakuya-sama could not change my mind.

Every doctor, her brother-in-law and his father included, advised against keeping the child. She refrained from listening, nothing that they told her could change her mind and they all made it clear that if she did not handle this then, she would be dead before she reached her delivery date. Hisana was happy with that, and from that moment she cherished every memory that she made with her family and her husband…

Byakuya-sama did not understand and while Hisana was joyous with her decision, he was not. There were moments that were so beautiful and enchanting during those few months that made her wonder how she could think about leaving that man. They fought more than they laughed in those months; he wanted her alive and just this once she refused his wish.

At times they did not speak for days because he would accept the crucial fact that she was giving him another child even if it ended in her death. He was stubborn and prideful, two reasons why she loved him. It was always so elegantly planned when he would apologize for his awful behaviour towards her.

He made her extremely happy and she was weeping inside that she would have to leave him behind, abandon her children but she knew and understood her husband, her Byakuya-sama and their children would be alright. He would not let anything abuse them, she had made him promise.

Hisana closed her eyes tightly, clutching desperately onto the hospital sheets. This pain was nothing compared to the pain in her chest. She had given birth to her two daughters; she can do it again with this one! Ichigo told her that removing the baby through a caesarean would be easier on her body; Hisana only dismissed the idea instantly.

This was her baby, not one of her tumours that needed to be surgically removed. She gave birth twice before, pushing them both out! Why could she not do it again? Her body may have been weak and she was deathly tired, but she was a woman. She was built to do this, and she would show them all, the doctors and her Byakuya-sama, just how strong she truly was.


Dear Byakuya-sama

My Byakuya-sama, I love you… I have not spoken those words as such as I wanted to, and you spoke them so freely. I have always loved you, and I will never stop loving you. I wish I was not tormented with my past and memories, because I could've showed you my feelings thoroughly in the beginning of our alluring and ideal relationship.

I never regretted anything I have done for you or with you, and I do pray it is the same for you. I only wish that I could've shown my love sooner, because my love blossoms more every day. There were times when I was so conflicted that I could not comprehend anything around me, and you always took my struggles and made it yours.

It tormented me… They were my challenges, but I could not survive without you guiding me through the pain and tears. You were there to protect me when I was nothing, dirty and barely living on the streets. You fostered and cherished me in such a way that made me love you more.

You are my Byakuya-sama… You're my kind and gentle knight who hid behind an icy and bitter demeanour. You rescued me from myself and from everything around me, and I wanted to do the same for you. I was weak and frail and could not protect you, so I gave you want I could give; my love.

I would be dishonest with us both if I said that I gave myself to you completely in the beginning, we both know I could not. It shattered me knowing I could not give you everything you deserved, but I could give you our beautiful two daughters and son.

I was plagued by horrid memories of my sinful past. I remember pondering on how you could love me, an evil and sinful person. You confused me, made me forget and made me happy, but you knew something was missing from me and you did everything to find it.

I love you so much that it hurts to breathe at times. You made me so happy that I started to cry from the joy. You made me so sad at times that I wondered why you chose a street orphan for a wife.

You made me feel and it scared me.

You completed me, you made me the woman I am and I am thankful you gave me the chance to be your wife. It is something that I would always cherish even in the afterlife. You gave me everything and in return only wanted to gaze upon my glowing smile.

I'm in agony… The torment was too much, and my love was too great. It hurts when we fight, and I loathe it! I do not want your anger, only your love but if we only loved it would not be interesting enough because we would not be different.

I adore your indifference…

I would not change a thing about you and I pray that when I am not with you anymore that you would never change yourself. You are amazing and wonderful and so much more… I want our children to grow with knowing their father as 'awesome'.

I accept and acknowledge why you are furious with me, you truly have every right to be. Byakuya-sama, I understand and I am heartbroken to know that I would never be able to gaze into those beautiful grey-coloured eyes of yours.

I despise it when we fight and it kills me to know that the last thing we did was fought. I know you wanted me to live and be with you until we both are old, but you know deep inside that it could never have happened. It's torture for me to know that you'll age without me at your side.

Byakuya-sama you might not understand at this moment the reason behind why I chose our child over my own life, but I pray that one day you will and forgive me for creating such pain. I hope my Byakuya-sama, Rukia, Keiko, Hisa and my little Naoto will understand one day.

I love you so much and I apologize deeply…

I'll miss you all…

Love, Yours Always

Hisana Kuchiki


Naoto – Truthful person (Pronounces Nah-oh-toh)

Tsuya – The wake or To pass the night.

Ani-sama – Brother-sama.

Īe hanasu… Kotoba ga nai. Koto o ittehaikenai – No… No words spoken. Do not say a thing.

Kore wa, shizukana renshūdesu. Hanasu koto ni yotte, sore o dainashi ni shinaide kudasai – This is a quiet practice. By talking, please do not mess it up!

Īe – No

Sore wa yamero! – Stop it!

Soshiki – Funeral

Koibito – Sweetheart

Oba – Aunt

Oji - Uncle

Watashi wa watashi ga okurete iru koto mōshiwake arimasendeshita – I am sorry that I am late.

A/N: !FINISHED!

It's a scandal on how long it took for me to update, but I had another batch of exams (that were determining if I graduate) and after that I was send in for an operation… How fun!

I've really tried to write this while I was recovering in the hospital, but it was hard with my I/V drip and medication and when I got home after spending a few days recovering in the hospital… Every time I tried to write, I almost instantly fell asleep or started to vomit! I literally wrote this fic through dizzy spells, sleeping spells, vomiting spells and I can barely eat. I sat with my vomit bucket next to me while writing this.

I honestly hope that I will be able to eat by the 14th December because that is my birthday… Got a big fancy event planned…!

It does not really matter, but I can't believe the story is finished and almost all of you hate me for killing Hisana… She was going to die from the beginning, which was the whole plan. It never changed… I cried while writing this…

IMPORTANT:

:~: I honestly hope that you enjoyed my story as well as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for supporting me through the whole story, my faithful reviews will have one-shots dedicated to you all. The whole story posted through one-shots, each chapter will be dedicated. :~:

You know, their meeting, departing, first kiss, wedding day, meeting the family, ball they attend together, their fight ect… I've got so many ideas. I want my faithful reviewers to tell me in my reviews what type of situation between Byakuya and Hisana to be dedicated towards you, give me more than one.

Please! If it's funny, cute or just plain sexy… Anything you want to see happen between them or something that was I did not mentioned in this story but never really dabbled in.

R&Rs

Dragenruler

PS. I hope you follow the one-shot story that follows this one and Hisana did not die while giving birth! :P I am sorry if I did not reply to your review, I truly forget who I replied and who I did not. I am so sorry!

THANK YOU!

Sky1011, Makiko-Maki Maki, Darklover, Milica-tanja, Girls In White Dresses, Rose Attack, EmpressMinea, Nuricchi, Under a different sky, Kokuboudo, Moemoeloce, Bleachfanfictionall

Remember: You have to review this chapter with what I stated above for the one-shot dabbles to be dedicated to you.