The truth cuts us, pulls us back up and separates the things that look the same. You can fight it off, you can.
It's been about a month and half since Peeta and I cleaned up Haymitch and watched him cry himself to sleep. I've been hunting and Peeta is starting to remember more of the recipes his father taught him.
There are still some nights where I look at him and feel the ember in my stomach flare up and demand to be noticed. And there are still some nights where he looks at me and the black in his eyes demand to be noticed. But we're slowly coming back together, one day at a time.
I slowly blink open my eyes and I see Peeta lying down beside me. His eyes widen at the sight of me waking up. His eyelashes flutter down as he shuts his eyes, cutting off the cerulean-colored view. He tries to steady his breathing as if he's asleep.
I try not to smirk as I stretch my arms upwards. Usually it's me who stares at him until he stirs, and then has to fake slumber when he wakes.
The bed creaks as I shift my weight. I'm sitting cross-legged, facing him. I clear my throat and prod his shoulder.
He opens his eyes quickly and sees me. He pretends to yawn and stretch. "Good morning," he tries to say, but I'm already chuckling.
Seeing him blush makes the ember in my stomach flare. My heart thumps uncomfortably. I hop off the bed and walk into the bathroom, closing it after me. I wash my face, re-braid my hair, and change out of my shirt and pajama bottoms.
Peeta's already downstairs. When I came down, he was scarfing down a muffin. I poured him a cup of coffee and settled at the table with my own slice of bread. He avoids my eyes and I can tell he's embarrassed about this morning. I smirk into my bite of bread before glancing out the window.
The trees in the backyard are already starting to shed their leaves and I see a crisp breeze ruffle the grass. Even if it is mid-fall, the sun is still peeking out behind shifting clouds. It's the old Katniss's favorite kind of day.
"Going to hunt?" Peeta asks. He takes a sip of his coffee.
I realize that I've finished my breakfast and that I've just been staring out the window. I nod. "Oh. Yeah." I push back my chair and put my plate into the sink. I turn the water on and start to wash it. "What are you going to do today?" I soap the platter and rinse it before laying it into the dishwasher to dry.
"I don't know yet. I'm probably going to try out some new recipes, maybe paint," Peeta shrugs.
I nod and wipe my hands on my pants. "I'll be back later."
"Okay."
My hunting trip is successful. I enjoy my day outside and catch a rabbit and two squirrels. I decide to drop off the squirrels at Greasy Sae's. Peeta and I still haven't found a way to repay her for looking after us for those months. She still is. We all have dinner together at least once a month.
I say hi to her granddaughter and hand Greasy Sae the squirrels. "Thank you," she smiles. She looks tired, but well fed and healthy. More wrinkles are starting to etch themselves into her face though. "How are you and the boy?"
I flush. "We're fine."
Greasy Sae gives me a curious look, then just accepts it and nods. "Alright. You get home now; it's starting to get dark."
I stride into the house and leave my leather boots at the door. I put my bow and sheath in the hallway closet. Then I walk into the kitchen and sling my game bag on a chair. The vase of primroses Peeta refreshes every week is lying shattered on the ground. The water had formed a puddle on my kitchen floor and the flowers looked like they had been trodden on.
"Peeta?" I call anxiously. This doesn't look good. I hurry into the living room. He's not there, but the bottles of paint he had left on the coffee table last night are on the floor and his paintbrushes have been snapped in half. He had moved the painting of Lady from his house into my living room after I had complimented him on it. It was lying facedown on the floor by the fireplace. I take the stairs two at a time.
I swallow hard and enter my study. I remember a couple of months ago; when I found him in his house having a flashback. I had been so angry that he hadn't confided in me. He hadn't had a flashback that bad since then.
I push open the door and I'm instantly thrown down by a sturdy blonde boy with pitch black eyes. He's pinning me to the floor and I've never seen such a venomous look in his eyes. "You're going to get what's coming to you," he snarls.
I feel his hands curl around my throat and I struggle to kick his body off of me. "Peeta, please stop," I choke. I wrap my leg around his and manage to push some of his weight.
He doesn't stop. He sits up and pushes me down again. This time he has a secure grip on me. "You're the reason why so many people are dead. You burned down my home!" He clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes. His firm grasp around my neck lessens and he's breathing quickly. He open his eyes and they're flashing from blue to black. "Go Katniss, go!" he yells.
I try to sprint away when he curls up on the floor, his hands in tight fists. I'm trying to take on the stairs but I hear the floorboards groan as he jumps up and rolls down the steps with me. My body crashes down until I'm on the floor. I hurt all over and there's a nasty bruise forming on my arm.
Peeta tackles me into the living room. I'm lying under him again as he's shouting spiteful accusations into my face. "I didn't-", I try to say. "Not real." He gets even angrier and then tries to hit me. I dodge out of the way and manage to roll over and push him away. I dash towards the door but all of a sudden Peeta's in front of me. He shoves me onto the ground again and my body screams in pain.
"You killed everyone I love," he says coldly. "There's no one left for me." He takes steps towards me as I crawl backwards. My eyes water when I see the black in his eyes has taken over. The monster's won.
The dam breaks. Everything we managed to do doesn't mean anything. It didn't matter if we looked fine, and acted fine. We're broken and we'll never be the same. We're scarred.
It's horrible when everything is doing fine and then it all crashes down again. And the worst part is, I really don't want to try and put it all back together again, but I have to.
"Peeta, there's still someone you love." I utter. I feel moisture on my cheeks and wipe away stray tears.
He doesn't respond, but the blue in his eyes make an appearance. Then the darkness commands his being once again.
I push myself off the floor and walk in front of him. "Me." And then I do something that I haven't done since that mission in the Capitol. I do something that the monster in my belly has been demanding since he moved in.
I grab him and kiss him.
My monster roars as I surrender. He stiffens at first, but I don't let him push me away. I hug his neck and my heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest. Finally, he gives in and kisses me back wholeheartedly. We mold together and the flame ignites. It feels like there's an inferno inside of me. Warmth spreads throughout my entire being and the monster demands more. I deepen the kiss but my hunger for him still isn't satisfied. I feel him squeeze me tighter against him.
And then he's the one that pulls apart. My lips are still partly open as I breath heavily. The blue in his eyes triumphed. There's color in his cheeks again and his lips are slightly chapped. His eyes are full of love; that familiar look that I saw everyday and took for granted. "Katniss, I-"
I'm not ready. I'm not ready to hear those words. And I'm not ready to give him a reassurance, which is what he wants. I can't even give him most of what he wants. I wasn't even ready to kiss him like that. Where did that come from?
And before he can say those three words that make me feel like a guilty, heartless person every time, I dash up the stairs and shut my bedroom door behind me.
Here's the chapter I promised guys. :) Things are getting better between them! I'm going to work super hard so tomorrow I'll hopefully have the second to last chapter up. Please hit the blue button down there!
