The day drug on horribly long. Knowing what the evening would bring. I tried to read. I sat in the kitchen with Mags for a while. But Finnick was nowhere to be found. I literally paced the halls trying to both kill time and make it stop. I read, I napped, I tried to imagine the eight hundred different ways the night could go. I tried to block out the idea of Finnick's last encounter being my first. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't survive it. Still not sure how he did.
There was a loud chime and by the time I rounded the corner to the hall I saw Mags opening the door for few peace keepers and I knew I was on my way. I passed down the hall like I was walking the plank, watching Mags all the while. She patted my shoulder as I passed.
"Finnick?" I turned to her and asked, suddenly terrified that I may be doing this alone. She smiled and nodded yes as she pointed out the door. I took a deep breath and walked with them, trying to take comfort in the fact that I would at the very least be seeing Cinna again.
It was always like coming home, seeing him. And this time was especially poignant. In fact, when the door opened and I saw him fluffing out a deep wine colored dress and pulling on parts of it to get it ready for me, it was all I could do to not run to him. And once the peace keepers left...that's exactly what I did.
He met me with open arms and wrapped me in his arms as I hid my head in his shoulder and cried softly.
"Shhhh, hey, it's ok." He spoke gently and surreally and I tried to convince myself he was right. I leaned back and looked at him and forced a smile. He wiped my tears.
"You gonna make me try to work with this puffy, red face?" He tried to cheer me up and for his sake I let it work. I could tell he was uneasy and I knew he was well aware of what he was preparing me for.
It was the usual whirlwind of powders and spray and sparkle and shine and a dress that was so form fitting I could hardly breath. Again, I was given nothing to wear under it. And Cinna couldn't make eye contact with me when he and his crew paid special attention to parts of my body he didn't have to focus on as much before. I even tried to joke with him as he dusted my chest with a sweet smelling glitter that almost glowed so much even I couldn't stop staring at it. But he didn't react with anything more than a smirk.
When I was finished he spun to me look in the mirror. My dark makeup and dark gown and long flowing jet black hair made me feel like someone else. Maybe that was the point. Like Finnick said, I needed to be. Cinna walked behind me and gave me a gentle hug from behind.
"Look" he said "we all do what we gotta do to survive. You're gonna be fine. Finnick will see to that."
I turned to him. Puzzled.
"How can we know that? He can't stop this anymore than I can or he would have done it by now."
"True. But I've also seen him risk more than his neck for the people he cares about. And if he didn't care about you...you wouldn't be here right now. True?"
I nodded. He was right. I found a strange peace in the fact that even if this night was hellish, I wouldn't be going through hell alone.
"He's waiting for you downstairs. You've got a few minutes. Take your time."
Cinna slipped out the door, turning to glance at me as he did. I took another look at the whore in the mirror and tried to again convince myself it wasn't me. I wondered if the clothes were a request, part of a packaged deal. I wondered a lot of things.
"You can do this. You will be fine. You will not cry. You'll play your part."
I watched myself speak in the mirror. I knew I'd repeat those words silently throughout the evening.
When I got downstairs and met Finnick I can't deny I was taken aback by him. He was in an equally form fitting suit in the same deep wine color as my dress. We could have been bookends or twins if his copper blonde hair wasn't such a contrast to mine. His skin was just as immaculate. He adjusted the cuff on his shirt as I approached him and when he finally looked up, I can tell he was as taken by my appearance as I was his.
"Always do clean up nice, Ms. Everdeen." Finnick seemed remarkably calm, what with what we were heading out to do. I had to remind myself that he was years ahead of me in experience.
"You're not so bad either, I mean...you don't give them much to work with, but..."
I couldn't help but tease him a little and it lightened the mood. He took my hand and placed it through his elbow leading me out into the street. We were accompanied by a few peacekeepers and didn't walk long before we arrived at a huge manse of a place...letting me know immediately it was someone that had probably paid handily for our "time."
The peacekeepers moved aside as Finnick walked me to the door. He was cool and calm, oozing charm and swagger. I was like a bull in a china shop practically tripping over my ridiculously high heels. He slowed his pace.
"Relax. This will be a piece of cake. Trust me. As far as first times go, you're getting spoiled I assure you."
He winked and approached the door, but before he could even knock the door flung open to reveal a middle aged woman in fine evening wear, hair tucked neatly back and beaming from ear to ear. She was pretty in a tired and worn way. Probably my mother's age. I smiled back and reminded myself of my place.
"Dear boy it's been too long."
Finnick took her hand and kissed it, smiling warmly at her and it seemed so real I almost bought it. How was he this good?
"I've missed you every second."
He oozed that Finnick charm and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. She looked at him and her eyes sparkled as she took him in, before she turned and looked at me.
"And I just can not believe that I have the pleasure of THE Katniss Everdeen. Katniss and Finnick. I thank you for the honor of your time."
She smiles at me and I follow Finnick's lead, taking her hand and kissing it before smiling at her. He curls his lips into a grin. I've pleased him.
She steps aside and motions us in. A few of her house Avox bring a tray with drinks.
"I know my Finnick won't drink, but please help yourself Miss Everdeen."
I remember Finnick's warning and pass. She chuckles.
"Ahhhh I see your mentor has trained you well. I won't poison you sweet girl, you are far to precious to me."
Finnick gives me a wink. We follow her into a great dining hall with a huge mahogany table that is absolutely teeming with food and drinks. She sits at the head of the table and her people pull chairs out so that Finnick and I flank her, across from one another. I feel like hours pass as we eat and sit and talk. She asks Finnick to tell stories and I follow her lead in laughing along. I try to be at ease but I keep thinking how different this was then I imagined, certainly nothing like what I had seen done to Finnick.
"Would you excuse me for a moment, seems this wine is going to my head a bit and I need to make sure I stay awake enough to enjoy you."
She steps away from the table, stumbling only slightly, as we watch her go. I let my eyes wander around the room and land on an oversized picture of a boy not much younger than Finnick. The house seems empty but for her so I'm confused by what seems to be a picture of a relative. I'm studying it and Finnick notices.
"Her son."
He answers my unspoken question.
"Is he..." I start in before he interrupts.
"Dead. Yes. I killed him."
It comes out of his mouth so commonplace that I have to stop for a minute and replay it to be sure of what I heard.
"You killed her son?" I hiss at him quietly across the table. He puts his napkin on his plate and adjusts his tie before leaning into me.
"In the games. He was a tribute. We were children. The first time I came here I thought she meant to kill me. I had killed her son, her husband had left...she wound up here in the Capitol after remarrying a man who died shortly after. But she wanted...company. I think I remind her of him."
Finnick glanced at the picture and I detected an obviously real sense of remorse. In fact, I was sure I saw his eyes glaze over a bit.
"She knew I didn't have a choice. Just like I don't now. She forgave me."
He turned his eyes back to me and in one sentence let me know that this woman also seemed to understand our current positions. I poured over the idea of it in my mind and was only shaken from my thoughts by her re-entry to the room.
"What do you say we head to my bedroom?"
My stomach sank. This was all fine and good but it didn't change the fact that I was about to be whored out to a stranger. I doubted I could ever be as callous about it as Finnick Odair seemed to be. We stood from the table and Finnick reached for my hand, leading me up the stairs behind her. I shook. He steadied me.
When we reached her bedroom it was dark and dim. A lofty four post bed that you practically needed a ladder to get into sat squarely in the middle of the room. A chaise lounge sat beside it with another table full of food and drink. She sat there and reclined lazily before grabbing a drink from the table. She had removed her shoes and lounged in a way that the slit of her dress nearly exposed her. Finnick stood still at the end of the bed, hands folded, awaiting his instruction. So I followed his lead.
"Just look at the two of you. Young, beautiful, strong. You should get married and leave this horrible place."
She laughed as she said it but there was a genuine wish behind it. Finnick smiled and glanced at me, for some reason it made me blush.
"Kiss her, Finnick."
Without replying or taking a moment to think about it, my face was in Finnick's hands, his thumbs rolling gently over my cheeks as his eyes bounced back and forth. I felt my cheeks flush as he leaned in and pressed his mouth to mine. His warm and soft lips encouraged me to kiss him back and reciprocate...so I did my best. I let my arms hold the sides of his coat as his tongue tripped over my lips and probed in and out of my mouth slowly. Finally he came up for air and I nearly gasped. He kept his forehead pressed to mine.
"Undress her."
Finnick looked at me knowingly, and there was an apology in his eyes. I inhaled sharply and turned, pulling my hair so I could expose my zipper to him. He gingerly lowered it until my strapless gown slid off my shimmering body. I shivered at the cold air.
"Take your clothes off as well"
The tone of her voice was lower and softer, and I turned to watch Finnick slowly undress. He peeled off his coat and shirt before lazily and languidly stepping out of his pants. We stood naked facing each other. I noticed that Finnick was already hard, and I wasn't the only one.
"Would you look at that, I only hope you have to the stamina to make it last." She spoke slowly, staring at his growing erection.
"What would you like to do to her?" She asked. It made my heart seem to stop. Could he say...I don't know, put her clothes back on and let her take a nap? Instead he turned to the woman and questioned her.
"It's not for me to say. What would you have me to do her?" He tried to turn the tables as if he needed permission to make some of the guilt subside.
She sighed and hummed.
"You know I've never made you pleasure me, Finnick, in all of these years, not so much as a kiss. But I would very much like to see you make love to a woman. And what better woman in Panem than Katniss Everdeen. Would that please you?"
Finnick was trying to mask confusion.
"Would it please you?" He repeated her words to her. She was silent and instead waited for his answer. I wondered myself what it would be...in fact my heart was pounding in my chest so hard I wondered if he could see it. His deep eyes studied mine as if he was planning his next move.
"It would please me very much." He almost whispered.
"Then take her," she ordered politely. I shivered again. Finnick took my hand and lifted me into her bed. I heard her shift on the couch but my eyes were studying Finnick's face now. This wouldn't be bad, after all he had done it to me before under the not-so-pleasant eye of President Snow.
He laid me out on the sheets and climbed easily into me. He knelt before me and used his knees to part my legs. Instinctively I raised my hands over my breasts and he quickly removed them, placing them at my sides. I immediately regretted giving up the act, even for a moment.
He raised his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them surely for a second or two before lowering his hand and swiftly but gently inserting a finger inside me. I moaned as he pushed it deeper and I heard him moan, too. He knelt before me pumping his finger in and out before adding another. My body was so wet I could hear the sounds of my body accepting him over and over and it embarrassed me. He must have sensed it.
"Don't be shy, Katniss."
He smiled down at me, obviously impressed by the affect he was having on me. His voice was making me hotter and wetter and I was losing faith in my own body. I bucked my hips to his hand.
He was lowering his body to mine even as his hand was inside me, and just as soon as he had started, he pulled his fingers from me...leaving me gaping and wanting. I almost forgot we were being watched until I looked over at the couch and saw that clearly our audience was enjoying herself. I tried to make conversation the way I thought Finnick might.
"Won't you share him with me. I feel selfish."
The woman simply nodded a simple no.
"Enjoy him. That's why you're here."
I turned my face back to Finnick as he was placing the tip of his cock against me. My body opened to him in a way I had never felt and I welcomed it. He gently eased into me. Much kinder and slower than he had the night before and I let out a small scream as he was suddenly buried so deep in me that our hips were crashing together. I allowed several small screams.
"Yes. That's it..." Our patron on the couch was breathless and when I glanced at her I noticed her hand had moved into her dress. She was truly getting off on watching us. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel powerful. I pulled my eyes from her and met Finnick's eyes. They were half closed and sultry as his body moved in a perfect wave of rhythm into me. I reached up and held his strong shoulders as he took me, and eventually wrapped my legs around his waist. I didn't want to be, but I was lost in him. Controlled completely.
"Where would you like me to come?" He asked, turning his face to the couch and waiting for his orders.
"Her mouth," she answered without thinking twice. I wondered if he would have been afraid to come inside me if that had been her request.
Finnick slid in and out of me a few more times before one final slick withdraw and he popped out of me. I gaped in his absence. He was kneeling and he pulled my to sitting, positioning himself right in front of my mouth.
"I'm going to come in your mouth. And I want you to swallow it." He ordered me but it was more like advice...as if this was more training to become the pro that he was.
"Yes, Finnick." I forced a response in a voice I barely recognized as my own. He was stroking himself hard and I knew he was going to let go. He grabbed the back of my head and pulled it towards him. I opened my mouth only slightly. He didn't try to put himself in my mouth, just rubbed against my lips, bucking gently until I saw the muscle in his abdomen tighten and felt his hand make a fist in my hair.
"Now..." He muttered as if the words wouldn't come.
His cock twitched violently in his hand and began to seep until it spurt onto my mouth and into my throat. I did my best to swallow like he asked me to, but in all honesty I was struggling not to get sick. I tried to manage what I could but some of him ran down my chin and neck, my chest...there was tons.
Finally Finnick stilled and regained his composure. I wasn't sure what happened next. I laid there, stunned and spent, and soon the woman had approached the bed. She leaned over me and licked the side of my neck when're Finnick's come had spilled. She kissed and licked my chin, face and chest...cleaning me. I closed my eyes. Finnick sat back and watched.
"Would you please excuse us Miss Everdeen?"
Suddenly there were two Avox, one carrying the folded dress I had just left on the floor, the other a large towel.
"They will see to cleaning you up. I have a matter I need to discuss with Mr. Odair."
In a strange turn, I didn't want to leave Finnick with her. I don't know if I didn't want to be alone, or didn't want her touching him, I was afraid of what it was...but I dutifully rose and let her servants take me out of the room.
It feels like hours pass, and although I know we have been paid for the night I can't help feeling suspicious that I am being left alone in a room while Finnick is doing God only knows what. My curiousity gets the best of me and I wander out into the hallway, to the room where I left them. The lights are on and the door is cracked. I stand close enough to hear and far enough to be concealed.
I see Finnick, fully clothed, leaning against the bed. Our host is impossibly close to him and whispering. I can only make part of what they say out clearly.
"Be careful, love. I don't trust this. Snow would never let the two of you have this much power without being up to something. I don't trust it."
She is whispering to him, pleading. I see her quietly sneak a folded piece of paper into his pocket and he taps it there before taking her hand.
"Thank you, for everything. I promise you we will have vengeance. This rebellion is spreading from district to district..."
"Which is all the more reason to be careful. If you were to get caught I'd never forgive myself. If anything happened to her..."
"The people will rally behind her. I'll protect her."
She touches his cheek through this whole exhange.
"I know you will."
She clears her throat and walks to the door. I step back.
"You're welcome to stay the night, but you don't have to.."
She offers to Finnick, and as their voices approach the door I retire to my room. I hear him thank her as he departs her room. And soon enough he's in mine.
"How much did you hear?" He asks with a grin. I look at him innocently as if to deny it. "Oh c'mon Katniss, I know you better. How much did you hear?"
I sit in the edge of the bed, facing him in the dim light.
"The secrets you procure. You're helping the rebellion against Snow. You're the spy. How do you get past the peace keepers? Or Snow? How do you get word out to the districts?"
"It's complicated. But there are people in the Capitol who want to help us. We just have to find them."
I watch him...suddenly in awe of his cunning. I look at his pocket and he knows I saw her give him something.
"The location of some of Snow's closest family."
I raise my eyebrows. That's no small potatoes. He sits next to me and speaks without looking at me.
"Some secrets are very worth my time." He whispers.
Finnick turns to look at me, quiet for a moment.
"Are you...alright...tonight...I didn't want to..."
"I'm alright." I answer quickly before he has to say any more. I'm not sure if want to hear it. He reaches up and tucks a hair behind my ear.
"Good. You did well."
I smile at him. I have a new found resignment to do what I have to do now. Just like he must.
"It won't always be like this, will it?" I ask, knowing the answer. He sighs and hangs his head.
"No. It won't. But we have survived worse."
He places his hand on my knee and leaves it there. I cautiously lean to the side and rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. To my surprise he turns and kisses my forehead gently.
I revel in it before becoming confused by it before reveling again. I don't know what we have gotten ourselves into...but I'm pretty sure there is no getting out of it.
