I'm standing behind the curtain before I realize where I'm at. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror as my team shuffled me hurriedly down the hall. My hair is elegantly braided to the side, threaded most expertly with deep red, similar to the color they'd painted my lips, my dress is sophisticated yet sexy, the straps gently embrace the tops of my shoulders. Effie's hair is a bright aqua color and her lips sparkle a complimenting purple. She's jabbering on about how glorious I look and I'm a professional at these interviews by now, I have no cause for nerves. The nerves never come, amazingly neither does confusion. I have no idea why I'm here but I can't even bring myself to feel shocked by any of it. I always knew somewhere in my mind, I'd always be back here. Reliving these days over and over. The Games would be my permanent cage.

"My guest tonight is a fiery young woman who stole the heart of a remarkable young man and all of ours as we watched her fight her way to victory in the 74th annual Hunger Games,"

Caesar Flickerman has always had a way with words. He holds his hand against his heart to gesture how his was sincerely stolen,

"She was the symbol for hope to a trouble nation and she's made it out of the war resilient as ever. Some of us have been literally dying to see her."

He grins and throws his head back with a laugh and the rest of the audiences laughs right along with him. I look out to them in their powdered faces, their bright wigs and notice immediately something isn't quite right. Then I see. Some of them have welts on their faces, bruises, blood on their high end clothing, gunshots wounds some of them. I try not to react when he finally calls my name,

"Our Mockingjay, our victor, the girl on Fire, Katniss Everdeen!"

The audience explodes with applause, many of them stand clapping my entire walk across the stage. Caesar greets me as he always does, with a polite hug and a peck on the cheek. He takes my hand gently, examining my outfit before letting me sit.

"Isn't she still just ravishing!"

He boasts, spinning me around once to get the full effect then finally allows me to take my seat. The whole audience falls silent as we say our hellos, how long it's been, chick polite chit chat, a few more compliments about my outfit. How my stylist must really know what he's doing. I can't help thinking though I didn't see him, Cinna put this together for me as always. I ache for a minute just wishing I could see him out in the audience again. Caesar Flickerman looks perfectly fine, no injuries visible, no blood on his immaculate outfit. His hair is a deep red much similar to my threading, his suit has special hand stitched flames coming up the front of his jacket. Very festive as always.

"I think I can speak for all of us here by saying that we're just so proud of you. You're a hero my dear."

More applaud proceeds his statement and he nods happily that they agree, then he fixes in on me,

"So how are things back home now that life is finally back to normal?"

I didn't know if I had anyone to perform for. If I needed to be safe about my answer but I had a feeling it didn't matter. I decide to be honest.

"It's hard, honestly. I'm relieved it's all over but it's never really going to be over."

He nods thoughtfully, letting me go on,

"The war is over but there's so much to clean up. So much to recover from."

He places his finger to his chin as he begins turning a thought over in his head and says,

"Like your friend Gale?"

I can't speak for a minute and I have to turn away from him. How I felt about Gale right now was difficult to put into words. Not because I was uncertain in my feelings, I hated him to an intensity that frightened me but he was such a big piece of me for so long. We saved each other, we saved our families. It may have started as a partnership out of necessity but it ended as a deep rooted friendship. And those are very difficult to simply cut.

"Katniss, do you think he's responsible for the death of your younger sister, Primrose?"

No one has spoken her name to me since it happened, not even my mother. It sends a particularly painful twist to my heart. I fight back tears, I don't know if this is real or not but I still don't want to feel weak in front of these people. It wasn't a simple question, it was the million dollar question in fact. I had been running away from the real answer because facing it was too much to bear. But I knew. Somewhere in me, I knew.

"Yes."

I said softly. It was all I could get out. That alone was huge. Caesar put a comforting hand on top of mine and squeezed.

"I know how difficult that must be. But this war has been just, terrible,"

He looks out at the audience with a very stern expression, shaking his head disapprovingly,

"for everyone in this nation. We lost many lives and many did things they're not proud of."

I know I did. I remembered Gale telling me in the Justice Building before I left for the Capitol that first day, that it wasn't much different than hunting. But we both learned that wasn't true. Hunting was always an exhilarating experience but killing another person, it drained you of something, humanity maybe. It was awful but I knew I never wanted to get to a point where I didn't feel that pang of guilt.

"Now, on a happier note, we've all noticed that you and Peeta seem to be rekindling things despite the tremendous obstacles you've faced as a couple."

A screen behind us starts playing clips of home, intimate moments between Peeta and I. My gentle kiss on his forehead before I left to start my day, a quick shot of our baking lesson, our playful wrestling as he attempts to get flour on my cheek. Our passionate kiss the night of the fight with Gale. The audience melts and sighs heavily at the sight of us.

"It's just so heart warming to see you two going strong again after all this time."

Watching the clips from an outsider's perspective feels like an entirely new experience. I don't recognize the girl in these clips. She looks so free, so happy. She doesn't look like someone that barely survived a war, withstood torture and pain of various sorts. She doesn't look like she's lost so much. She looks like a girl...in love. The concept is terrifying but it doesn't seem like something I can argue, at least not now. Caesar forces me back out of my head and questions,

"The one thing I think we're all dying to know. Do you really believe Peeta was involved with hurting your friend, Atlas?"

Gale had pointed the blame at Peeta in a bitter, childish spat kind of way. He wasn't a liar but it was the craziest thing he'd ever said to me. How could I believe him? After his mood swings and random assaults? The way he'd handled me in the woods wasn't helping his case either. He seemed crazed, irrational.

"No, I don't,"

I say, this time my words are solid and confident. I finally lift my gaze to Caesar and explain,

"There's no one else in the world I have more trust in now than Peeta."

Caesar lets out a dreamy sigh with the rest of the audience. He gazes over my shoulder, leans over to me and gestures for me to lean in as well. I do so and lean closer to hear whatever little tidbit he wants to play off. He says softly with another gentle squeeze on my hand,

"You might want to rethink that."

I'm finally confused but the feeling doesn't last. A tight grip on my shoulder alerts me we're no longer alone, I turn to see a familiar knife glistening in the stage lights. I look up at his face and can't believe I see him there. He's wearing a suit, compliment my outfit and his hair is slicked back. He's looking very handsome and very dangerous. Peeta smiles his clever smile down at me,

"Surprise baby."

He says, his words dripping with contempt. Before I can scream, the blade is in my neck and the audience applauds merrily at the surprise.

I jolt awake and immediately sit up, unable to stifle my screams or my panic. I desperately grasp my neck and shoulder, checking to make sure I'm not bleeding out. I'm still choking on a combination of breathing too much and not enough all at once. Without warning I feel his arms around me and I break away defensively, trying to get away from him, slipping off the bed in the process. Peeta is looking down at me with such genuine concern in his eyes. I imagine that's how I must have looked at him when he'd first come back to us after his torturing. His precious girl with the dandelion losing her mind. He slowly climbs off the bed and down to the ground with me. He doesn't try to get too close, he's smarter than that, he reaches his hand out and tells me it's alright. He knows I've had a nightmare, I've had them often and he's usually always been the one to comfort me but never has he been the terror I was trying to escape. Clearly Gale has messed with my head good. I hate him even more for it. I look to Peeta again, he's still holding out his hand to me. He knows I'm still calming and he'll wait as long as it takes.

"You know I'm not gonna hurt you."

He says in his most calming voice. He was talking me off the edge. This really was role reversal. I crawled across the floor and slipped into his arms gratefully. He lets out a sigh of relief and squeezes me a little tighter once I'm fully enveloped in his strong arms. He lightly kisses my hair and whispers me comforting words. All of it just sounds like soothing mumbles until I hear it and I have to open my eyes and look at him.

"What did you just say?"

He doesn't look away from me, he doesn't budge an inch. He repeats,

"Real,"

He notions to himself cradling me in his arms, presses me into his chest and holds on for dear life.

"Real."

I allow myself to shed a few tears. I'm so horrified from my dream and so happy in this moment, neither emotion is really winning out, there's just too much feeling at the moment. This was his way of saying, 'I love you'. This was how we spoke to each other and as terrified as I am by the dream, this exact situation used to frighten me a hundred times more. But I'm not afraid at all. I'm ready. I would worry about my dream later, I was finally ready.

"Real."

I agree gently, looking up into his eyes with a smile I can't fight off. His lips hit mine in such a way like it never has. He kissed me like it was our last moment. I don't think I could've made him happier if I actually said the words. We lay there on the floor kissing for a while, living off of each other's lips, even just for a little bit when we both remember how tired we still are. We crawl back into bed together, I nestle on Peeta's bare shoulder, he coils his arm protectively around me in a way that reminds me of the cave. He kisses my forehead and promises there will be no more nightmares tonight. Not with him around. I lay there a while after he's fallen back asleep feeling safer and calmer than I have in some time. I'd never had a boyfriend before in my life. I guess that streak has finally ended.