In Chapter 6, Leena was nearly discovered by the authorities but thanks to her wit managed to stay a free woman. Afterwards she attempts to seduce one of her sister's massage therapy clients. Leena and her sister continue bonding but Leena knows the time they have together is limited...

A number of weeks passed. The days grew shorter and colder as Autumn advanced it's icy grip upon the land. The days were monotonous. Every day I went about the same routine. The make-up, the false teeth, the dresses and the ribbons, knowing full well I had to stay in constant disguise to keep myself free from Dr. Varava's grasp. My sister and I remained closer than ever and surely we were deeply enjoying each other's company. Yet every night when I rested next to her the thoughts of having a family of my own crept ever intrusively into my thoughts and dreams. As much as I craved my sister's affections, the dream of having a family of my own was becoming ever stronger. It was now early December and it was a typical day.

It was a Sunday. Syrah had no clients and I sat on the TV reading a book as she went about various chores. For days now, no matter how hard I tried to shake it, I knew the time to find another family was nearing. I wanted to bring this issue up with Syrah. She still would not take me out in public, she was terrified to do so. I had to face the facts. As much as I wanted to stay with Syrah forever I knew my future would be bleak. I couldn't stay stuck in her home for the rest of my life. I knew now was the time to take another gamble, to take another shot, maybe...just maybe this time I could find a man. Maybe I could find somebody to be a wife and a lover too. Maybe I could find a child or children to be a mother to. Maybe I could finally have a household of my own. One in which I was loved and appreciated and respected and cared for. As much as I craved romance from Syrah I knew I would never find it under her roof and I understood that. Her love for me and my love for her was limitless but even if we were in love surely we could never start a family of our own. I placed the book down and became lost in thought for a brief time.

"Syrah...SYRAH!" I hollered. "Yes?" she inquired from the kitchen. "Um, I want to talk to you about something important like right now" I told her. Without a word she came in dressed in a pair of jeans that showed off her cute rear end. I tried to avert my gaze and focus on the matter at hand! She sat down next to me. "What is it darling?" she asked softly. I clasped my hands in my lap and measured my words. I wasn't quite sure how I would go about this conversation. I leaned back on the sofa and looked her in the eyes. "Syrah, I've told you time and again how much I appreciate the fact that you've let me stay here in this wonderful home" I began. She smiled and nodded at me. "And I know how you feel about what I am going to say but you need to hear me out." I continued. "Yes?" she asked. "I know it still may be dangerous for me but Syrah I really want to leave and try to find another family again". I felt embarassed that I had just said this! The smile dropped from my sister's face and a look of true concern replaced it. She rubbed her hands together searching for her own words.

"Leena, I know so much how badly you want a family to call your own. I know how badly you want a lover and children and a home and a family and I do understand where your coming from" she went on. I was glad she was calm and composed. "But sweetheart, you know from last time that even if you do get adopted at some point there is virtually no chance you can obtain these things through pretending to be a child". I looked at her and listened. "We both know too about how volatile you are and I don't need to say again I fear you may hurt somebody should you become rejected again". I nodded in understanding as I could see her point of view as clear as day. "Syrah, lets face the facts" I replied. "I'm not getting any younger, I'll be 33 come Springtime, the years are flying by. I'm not going to go through life a childless, loverless, and lonely human being." My sister interrupted. "Lonely?" she placed her hands over her heart. "But you have me Leena, you know that!" I nodded again. "Yes, and you do take my loneliness away but Syrah I'll do anything to be a lover to somebody, anything to raise a child, anything to just have a family to call my own. I mean your my only living relation Syrah. You may be my rock but I need to reach for my own goals and needs." Syrah seemed understanding.

I continued talking. "We both know I can't go around as anything but Esther." I added. "Who the hell would want to start a family with a mental patient like myself!" Syrah hugged me. I felt like weeping. "No man except a pervert would want a nine year old girl as their partner" she told me bluntly. "Leena, if your ever going to find true love you need to behave like an adult." I nodded but retorted. "I have no choice but to be Esther in this country." I responded. She just shook her head, releasing her embrace. "Keep in mind though Leena, you can't just trick a man who thinks your his adopted daughter into romance. I'm sorry honey but that will never work in real life. You have to see the situation for what it is!" she went on.

"Syrah...it sounds fucking crazy but please I know it can work...just somehow...somehow it can work!" I said excitedly clasping my hands together. "If it didn't work out last time Leena, and look what happened, what makes you think it would work a second time, or a third, or a fourth for that matter?" she replied matter of factly. She knew how to kill my buzz sometimes! "I'm sorry sister but I don't know of any other way. I..." Syrah stopped me mid-sentence. "I think it's just because you want a father figure in your life honey. You were romantically attracted to father and that's all you know. That's why I think you believe this will work. That another man will "love" in the same sick way our father did. That somehow he would give up his wife for you". She certainly got me on that point. I shrugged. "Perhaps your correct" I told her. "Oh, I know I'm correct" she went on. "Syrah, with all opinions and debates aside, would you approve of me if I told you I wanted to get adopted again as soon as possible?" I asked without hesitation. "Leena, I hate the words that come out of your mouth sometimes" she said in almost a whisper. "As much as I want to protect you Leena, your 32, your an adult woman and can make whatever choices you wish to make for yourself in life but do I in any possible way approve of your idea...not on a cold day in Hell!" she whipped.

I took the ribbon off from around my neck and showed the deep scar to my sister. "Sister! Six years I spent alone in a cell. Every night I fantasized about a family. Teaching a child to ride a bike. Holding an infant in my arms. Making love to a man who would love me unconditionally. These scars are a testament to how much I was willing to struggle to get what I dreamed of." I said ever so softly. I put the dark red ribbon back around my neck. "I can never conceive a child Syrah, we both know I'm infertile. I have to find a family where there already are children. I have to find the man of my dreams under the same roof. I know it sounds impossible. Insane. I know it sounds fruitless but please let me have another chance at happiness!" I pleaded.

"Syrah, and what if the daddy rejects you. What? Another knife to the chest. Another child's throat slashed? THATS what worries me, and I'll say that til I'm blue in the face" she stated with a slight sense of anger. "Syrah I already promised you I would never hurt anybody again, don't you trust me?" I asked in a near whisper. "I honestly don't know Leena, and I don't say that to offend you or hurt you but once a murderer...well..." she went silent.

"Wait right here Syrah and I'll be right back!" I snapped. I went into the bedroom and to my wooden chest. A few days prior I had printed out some information about a Russian Orphanage known as Saint Joseph's located in Moscow. Of course we were a huge distance from that city but I had printed the material off the Internet and saved it in the chest. I went back into the living room and handed my sister the material. She immedietely put two and two together. "Let me guess" she sighed. "This is where you want to run off to? You want to leave the comfort of our home for some dingy second world orphanage?" she hissed. "I can't live like a recluse under your roof forever Syrah. Please...PLEASE my beautiful sister, best friend...let me take this chance! I won't be alive forever and I need the chance to finally live! Please understand me!" I begged.

She did seem understanding but obviously deeply disturbed. She seemed still unsettled about my true motivations for wanting to be adopted. She made some erratic facial expressions, she raised her finger, trying to find the right words.

"Leena...Leena...and...when do you exactly plan on going to this orphanage?" she asked inquisitively. I smiled slightly. "Well Syrah, as early as possible. Even...um...tomorrow even" I blurted out. Her eyes grew wide. "So just like that you want to leave your older sister?" she said in a louder and more condenscending tone. "Believe me Syrah I want to always be with you but please understand my needs" I told her. She stood up and paced in front of me, her hands clasped behind her back. "You're taking far too great a risk Leena if you do this. I swear to God there's no guarantee the authorities won't catch you in neither of us want that!" she said.

"I agree with you. But if we go to Russia, where this orphanage is, I mean it's hundreds of kilometers away. They won't know who I really am. Syrah, I KNOW I can do this! I have faith in myself this time" I said excitedly. "Your plans are ridiculous!" she snapped back at me in concern. "Your being a fool Leena but again your an adult, I won't stop you and I know I can't. I won't tell anybody Leena because I never want to see you in a horrible place like the Saarne Institute again but please understand all the concerns I HAVE". I looked up at her. I hugged her around the waist (I loved hugging her). "What love you have for me Syrah! It hurts me to leave you but please let me go!" I sobbed gently. Syrah let out a long sigh. I clutched onto her like a scared child. Inside I certainly felt like a scared child.

"Leena, I'll tell you what. If your so damn desperate to go to this orphanage, please just stay for tonight and sleep on it and if you still want to go in the morning I'll put you on a train to Moscow. I'll give you any money you need for your trip. But...BUT...you better keep your word that you will NOT harm another soul should you go to a family" she threatened. She began sobbing herself and placed her hand over her mouth. She got on her knees and we embraced. "If you leave I'll be so alone here" she said sobbing between tears. I couldn't help but to sob myself. "How long would it possibly be before I could even see you again, if ever?" she asked pleadingly. "Trust me my love, we WILL be keeping in touch! I don't need to sleep on this Syrah, I know it is something I MUST do but I will spend one last night with you. Share one last meal. Share one last hug and one last kiss." As much as I wanted to try kissing her again I was not going to spoil my sister's emotions. I would not ruin this moment. "I wish you wouldn't go through with this" she sobbed. "It has to be done Syrah...I have to do it...please, I'm sorry to leave you on just short notice but my need to do this is just too strong now. I love you so much Syrah, you have been such a kind and understanding and forgiving friend these past few weeks." I cried softly. "Oh Leena! I never knew how empty this house truly felt without you being here. I don't want it to feel that way again!" she said frustrated. "I'll be here in spirit Syrah, in your heart, and your spirit in mine." I told her softly. "It's not like you can't visit me once I become adopted or anything". She nodded and broke a smile. She stood back up and kissed me on the forehead. "Leena, I'm going to be worried sick about you once you leave! I've prayed for you every night for years. God brought you back to me for a reason I still don't fully understand. I hope I've helped you in some way." she whispered. "You have! You've made me feel alive again and made me feel loved again! I'm so grateful for you!" I told her.

"Darling, your fake passport, your fake identity papers, they're all still in that wooden chest" she added pointing to the bedroom. "I seen" I told her. "Can't get into Russia without them but once I get to the orphanage I'll just pretend I'm a street child. I'll dirty up one of my dresses and play the part" I told her with enthusiasm. "You would have made a great actress" Syrah joked laughing slightly. "I have suitcases and everything" she went on. "God, I wish you would just stay put" she added. I truly wish I could as well but fate was calling me back out into the world. I had to face the world yet again and chase my dream...my passion...my destiny. I would kill for a family...if only Syrah knew what I was still capable of she would never let me leave! I wouldn't burden her with such concerns, though. She was worried and distraught enough over my sudden decision to part ways. She sobbed gently and wiped her eyes with a tissue. I kept embracing her, trying to make her understand. It would be truly hard to leave a person who loves me this much, the only person on Planet Earth who DID in fact love me. My heart broke for her as I knew she would miss me. As the day wore on and the time ticked away I knew our time together was drawing to a sad close. Still, we would meet again and hopefully much sooner than later. I smiled at that thought.

Syrah cooked my favorite food for my final dinner in her home. A lobster tail! After sharing a meal and her giving me a gentle and relaxing massage we enjoyed yet another peaceful and chilly late Autumn evening in the serenity of her back yard. This would be our last night together for Lord knows how long. As the Sun made it's usual departure over the horizon I thought about my own departure in the morning and how upset this was making Syrah. That truly did hurt my inner being. For that and that only did I feel true remorse. When the time came for us to go to sleep I held my sister's hand in my own for one final night. The tears gently streamed down my face as we both tried to sleep. We shared a restless evening in her bed, OUR bed, talking about my plans, my future, and my dreams. We talked for hours in the way only two siblings could. I could tell my sister no longer seen me as a murderer or some sort of monster but as a woman willing to go to extraordinary measures to acheive her goals. We did eventually fall asleep underneath the warm comfort of our blanket. We cuddled up next to each other for warmth. I was going to miss this feeling! Being in an orphanage like the one I am in as I write this would not be a walk in the park by any means but it sure would beat a mental institution. Syrah now understood my dreams and resigned herself to my decision. I drifted off to sleep...tomorrow would bring both pain and opportunity for me but for just this blissful moment in time I could enjoy one more night of rest with my sister. That in itself is a pleasant dream!

Chapter 8 - Leena begins her journey to Russia and makes it to the orphanage but can she pull everything off without suspicion? How will she adjust to such a sudden change in her life situation? Thank you to everybody as usual for your PM's, Email's, and reviews. I am very proud of my writing and take pleasure from all of your comments and conversations! Keep reading and writing everybody!