A/N: PLEASE READ! XD I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. To sum it up, after the last chapter, I took a 2 day break, then mother's day weekend hit at work and I was lucky enough I remembered how to breathe, lol! Then I had to work the whole week, then I went on vacation Thursday (which was earlier than I planned) so now, I am in Florida as I write this! Needless to say I have been super busy, but even on vacation I worked on this and here it is! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Seven: Nightmares

The day Yuki Himeko freely gave a hug was considered a milestone in the eyes of the two women who watched over her. Even Kira was shocked as no family had ever gotten that far. The young girl was changing, her days filled with more happiness that worry or fear. Granted, there were still some things she couldn't do such as snuggling or giving kisses, but they didn't mind that too much. They were just happy Yuki was making progress and that she was slowly starting to understand that she was cared for and safe.

"They have never felt so good before…" she thought one day as Nagisa pulled her into a warm embrace. And they hadn't. No hug had ever felt so warm or so true than the ones she received from her guardians. Theirs were special and she felt so secure every time she melted into one. In fact, she had started liking them so much that she herself began grabbing one at any given chance. She actually became a bit worried that she went for hugs too much, but the happy and welcoming smiles of the other two always told her otherwise.

"Their hugs make me so happy…and seeing their smiles because of it makes me happy, too, but…I wish…"

Yes, her days were happier than before, but fear and doubt still swam throughout her mind and heart. They had a tendency to bother her when life got too good, whispering dark and doubtful thoughts that would leave her insecure again. For the ten year old, if everything seemed to be going too perfect, then that meant bad things were going to happen as she knew she wasn't lucky enough to have a good life. The constant nightmares didn't help her state of mind either, the dreams supporting her unspoken fears. She thought, with it being October now, that her nightmares would fade away, but they were still there, killing her sleep and killing her ability to stay happy. When the nightmares would happen though, Shizuma and Nagisa would be right there to comfort her. They could always tell when they hit, the two sometimes finding her sitting in the living room in the middle of the night or exhausted and almost in tears when they woke her for school in the morning. In these events, extra hugs and kisses were always given, sweet words often whispered into her ear. It did bring great comfort to the young child, but it didn't quite keep the dreams at bay. Wanting to help more, both Nagisa and Shizuma even asked the girl to sleep with them at night, explaining that perhaps if she wasn't alone, they would stay away. Now, that idea actually sounded great to Yuki, the thought of sleeping in bed with the two highly comforting, but she would always decline in the end. One, she knew it would involve snuggling of some sort, and she really couldn't bring herself to do that yet. And two, she felt bad, not wanting to disturb the woman's alone time together. Not to mention it made her look and feel childish. She didn't want to seem like a needy kid who needed to sleep with parental like figures to make her bad dreams go away. No…no, she would do it herself. She would work with it and find some way to make them stop. But, how long would they go on before the young Yuki would realize that getting help for them wasn't a bad thing?

"Get over here you worthless excuse of a child!"

Yuki cried out in pain as her mother lifted her by her silver hair, dragging her across the wooden living room floor.

"Mommy! Let go!"

"Shut it!"

"It hurts!"

"Who cares if it hurts!?"

She felt her mother tug tighter before throwing her down, the tiny body toppling on the ground.

"You know what hurts? All the shit I've had to put up with since you were born! Your father leaving, my sister always digging her nose into my business of how I raise your sorry ass…everyone is always against me…me!"

Her mother picked her up by the hair again, leaning in so close that the strong scent of alcohol from the woman's breath nearly gagged the six year old.

"Don't tell me it hurts! You know nothing about what real pain is, so shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you!"

She then dragged the girl a little further before tossing her into a closet.

"I don't want to see your face any more tonight, or for a while. You sleep and stay in there."

"Wait! Mommy no!"

"I said shut your mouth!"

"Mommy please!"

"Get away from her!"

That was a sound neither Yuki or her mom was expecting, the woman cursing and staggering around to see who was speaking.

"Get away from her now!"

Yuki's eyes widened when she saw that the speaker was none other than her Aunt. She really had comeand seeing her caused a small ray of hope to form in her chest.

"You bitch...get out of here."

"You've gone too far this time..."

"I said go!"

To emphasize this statement, she threw the bottle towards her sisters directions, the glass spraying everywhere when it missed it's intended target and hit the wall.

"Out!"

"Yuki?"

The ten year old snapped awake, gasping loudly as she shot up in bed.

"Darling, are you all right?"

Fearful eyes dotted about the room in a panicked fashion until they came upon a familiar face.

"Shi-Shizuma?"

The woman walked in closer and sat beside the young girl, reaching out to stroke her cheek and calm her.

"Yes love, it's me. I'm right here."

Yuki's breathing seemed to calm a bit, but the look on her face showed Shizuma that she was still a bit shaken up. The look also told her exactly what had happened.

"It was your nightmares again, wasn't it?"

Yuki's gaze fell, her silence answering Shizuma's question immediately. It was the third time that week. How many times all together she did not know, but more than she had wished for the little girl. What triggered it was something no one knew either, not even Yuki herself. They just came, the reaction the child had from their constant arrivals breaking the hearts of both women every time.

"Aww baby, come here…"

Scooting closer, she pulled the girl into a tight hug, rubbing her back softly and kissing the side of her head.

"It's all right, little one." She whispered. "It's all right."

At first, Yuki was a little tense, but after a good ten seconds, she melted right into the embrace, even nuzzling into the woman's chest, her hands grasping gently onto the sleeves of the black dress the other was wearing. Shizuma could feel the stress flow out of the girl, smiling as the child became relaxed. It felt so good to be able to help in some way…to offer comfort to a girl they cared for very much, her heart, along with her wife's, speaking words that had yet to say out loud.

"My Yuki…"

She hugged her tighter and gave her another kiss, rubbing her back still as they sat there.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Deep green eyes looked up at the other, her gaze slightly glazed. Oh how safe she felt right in that moment, wrapped up in a hug so warm that she couldn't even dream of leaving it.

"Do I…want to talk about it?"

The need and desire to grew more and more every day. The affection and care both women gave her had begun melting the ice around her heart, the realization setting in that, perhaps, family wasn't a bad thing after all.

"But…can I really call them that? Miyuki said they already look at me like family, and Shizuma and Nagisa call me their Yuki…but, in the end, they're not officially mine. I leave them after Christmas…and anyways, do I even have a right to a family?"

The dark secret she kept all these years tugged at her heart, her nightmares a constant reminder of the reason why family couldn't exist for her.

"I know I want it…but, I can't. I can't have a family because…because…"

She hid her face back in the woman's chest. Yes, there was so much she wanted to talk about and wanted to share, but…

"No. No…I'm all right."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Shizuma was hoping the girl would talk, but it seemed she was still not yet ready.

"All in good time." Shizuma thought, willing to wait as long as she needed to. "All in good time."

After a few more moments, Yuki finally pulled away, the girl shifting in place slightly as she leaned back against the head board. Shizuma couldn't help but giggle at this simply because it was something Yuki always did when they were in a hug too long, the girl's dislike for snuggles still strong.

"Such a cutie." Shizuma said, reaching out to stroke her cheek again, Yuki in turn blushing as she had a stubborn moment.

"Am not…"

This only prodded the woman to giggle again, but she decided not to tease her…for now. Instead, she just patted Yuki's leg and winked.

"If you say so. Anyways little one, it's about time to get up. We've got that trip today, remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

She had almost forgotten about that. Normally, on Saturday's, they three would stay in and spend time together. Today, however, was different. Instead, her and her guardians would be visiting Astrea Hill for Shizuma and Nagisa had a mandatory staff meeting at St. Miator's. Even though they were on leave, they had to attend this as to keep themselves updated on any coming changes. The whole idea of it actually excited her as she had been wanting to take a visit.

"That's right. And don't forget, Haru and her parents are coming with us, too, so you two can explore and keep each other company."

It had turned out that Tamao and Miyuki worked at St. Miator's as well, Miyuki teaching high school English and Tamao teaching middle school French. And although she would never admit it, she was glad she would have Haru to hand around with. She liked the idea of exploring with a friend.

"We really are sorry we have to go in today."

"No, it's all right." Yuki said back. "Really. I have been wanting to visit anyways. When do we leave?"

"In a couple of hours."

"All right, I'll get ready then."

Shizuma smiled and leaned in to kiss the girl on the head once more.

"Good girl. I'll see you downstairs then."

And with that, Shizuma left and Yuki worked to get ready. In being alone though, her mind travelled back to the subject of families, worries tugging her heart once more. She knew and always told herself that family could never be a thing. She was doing really well keeping that thought process right up until she met her current caregivers, being with them slowly starting to mess with her mind.

"I don't deserve a family…I know I don't…but if that is true…then why…"


"Ne…it looks like it's going to rain…"

Yuki's eyes were glued to the sky as her, Haru, and the four adults passed through some gates, her hand in Nagisa's as they walked. The clouds were grey, and the wind passing through them proved to be a sign that a storm was coming in.

"You all right, Yuki-chan?"

Yuki's eyes fell from the sky and met with happy pink ones.

"Yeah. I'm ok. I was just thinking is all…looks like it is going to rain."

"It does, doesn't it?" Nagisa replied, now looking up as well. "Do you not like the rain?"

"No, I do. The sound is actually comforting."

And it was. She liked falling asleep to the sound of the rain hitting the roof.

"Just as long as rain is the only thing I hear…"

Yes, she did love the rain, but was not always a fan of the other things that came along with it.

"Especially the…"

"We're here!"

All six of them stopped in their tracks, a giant cathedral right in front of them. Yuki's eyes widened when she saw it, in complete awe at how beautiful it looked.

"It's so big…"

She had never seen a building so big in her life. All the buildings around her seemed huge.

"And this is where both you and Shizuma went to school?" she asked, looking back up at the red head.

"We did!" Nagisa answered, squeezing the little girl's hand, Shizuma joining them on Yuki's opposite side. "Tamao-chan and Miyuki-chan, too."

"And I heard all of the fun stories of them going here!" Haru added. "I can't wait to go here myself!"

"That will be an exciting day." Miyuki told her.

"It will!" Tamao said, swiping Haru up for a hug. "Aww, you'd be so cute in that uniform!"

Haru giggled.

"Ne…thank you, mom. You know who else would look adorable, too? You, Yuki-chan!"

Yuki blushed hard and became all flustered when she heard this.

"Wh-what? Me? No way!"

"You would!" Haru said back. "Aww, if we went together, then we could be roommates! And then I could help you dress and watch you sleep all of the time!"

"H-hey! You…b-baka!"

The now red faced female half hid behind Nagisa as the crew broke out into giggles, Shizuma sneaking up from behind and hugging her tight.

"Well, she is right. You would be very cute in a St. Miator's uniform."

"Shizuma…" the girl said lowly.

Giggling again, she gave the girl one last kiss before pulling away.

"All right." Shizuma told them. "We have to be off. Our meeting shouldn't take too long. You girls have fun and be safe, ok?"

"Ok." Yuki said back.

"And don't wander off too far." Miyuki added.

"We won't mom. See you later!"

And with their good byes exchanged, the adults went to their meeting, leaving both Haru and Yuki alone together.

"Why must I always get teased?" she asked herself, rubbing her temple. There was never a dull moment in her life.

"Yuki-chaaaaan!"

"Oh god…"

-glomp-

"Yuuuuki it's just you and me!"

"I can see that…"

"Aren't you excited?"

The girl simply let out a sigh, taking a nuzzle in the cheek from the over excited female.

"Ecstatic. Really. Can you let go now?"

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"Aww….all right, but first…"

She knew the hug was making her feel funny, but she had to tease her a little more, and how did she do that? By placing a simple little kiss on her cheek. This action was something Yuki was not expecting. It shocked her so much that when she opened her mouth to speak, she only squeaked. She gathered her composure right after though, for in a matter of seconds, she pushed the girl off and freaked.

"You…you…BAKA!"

Haru laughed hard at this, loving Yuki's reaction, but she also knew that if she didn't do something right now, the girl would be after her in a heartbeat.

"Come on! I have somewhere I want to show you!"

"What?! No way, you listen here and-"

Yeah no. That so wasn't happening. Before she had a chance to finish her sentence, Haru had her by the hand and was running with her through the school yard.

"I knew she was going to act like this…" she thought, a blush still on her face from the kiss as they ran. Haru always liked to embarrass her like that and it drove her crazy, yet…she wouldn't have it any other way. "Though…she really doesn't have to do it in front of Nagisa and Shizuma like that…ugh…this is going to be a long day."


"So…what is this place? I mean, I know it's a green house, but why do they have one here?"

The two friends spent the last hour searching the school, Haru giving Yuki the tour of where the classrooms were, where the dorms were, the cafeteria, and other places as well. Now, Yuki and Haru were in a green house, both sitting at a small table and viewing the flowers around them. There were definitely many kinds, the room smelling wonderful and the sight quite pleasant to the eye.

"This greenhouse holds the flowers that represent every school." Haru answered. Yuki was amazed at how much she knew. Granted, her parents worked there, but still. "It's the Etoile's job to take care of these flowers."

"Etoile?"

"Mhm. You see, the Etoile is a pairing of two students who represent all three of the schools. Spica, Lulim, and St. Miator. Miyuki-kaa-chan told me it is a lot of work. Did you know that Shizuma was the Etoile here?"

Yuki, who had been gazing at the flowers still, now locked gazes with the other.

"Really? She was? Was she paired with Nagisa?"

"Actually…no." Haru said a little sadly. "She entered the Etoile election with someone named Kaori…I don't know if she mentioned her to you or not."

"She did…" Yuki said back, a little sad herself. She remembered Shizuma telling her that story the night of their camping trip and how much it had hurt her to lose the aforementioned girl.

"Yeah, they won together, but she died not long after, so Miyuki-kaa-chan helped her out. She met Nagisa-chan while she was still Etoile though."

"Nagisa…Shizuma…" There were still things she didn't know about them, and even though she was shy about it, she really wanted to learn more. "I'll have to remember to ask them about it later. Actually, speaking of asking them things…I keep forgetting to ask this. I wonder if Haru knows."

"Hey Haru-chan. I know this is a little random, but I have been wondering something. Do Nagisa and Shizuma have a niece?"

The night of the camping trip, she remembered finding a picture of that little girl in Nagisa's bag. She had been meaning to ask the women about her but always kept forgetting, other things popping in her mind.

"A niece?" Haru asked, furrowing her brows a bit. "I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"Well, remember that camping trip we took? When I was changing into some pajama pants, I accidently knocked over Nagisa's bag and a picture popped out. It was of a little girl who looked just like Nagisa."

As soon as she said those words, Haru's face almost went white, as if she were in shock that Yuki was even asking. Haru's bright look disappeared in an instant, leaving Yuki very confused.

"Hey, are you all right?"

"Uh...y-yeah…I was just…that girl…."

"Oh, so you know her then? Who is she? I assumed she was related to Nagisa in some way or something because she has her looks."

"Y-yeah…niece…um, I don't really know…I mean, I don't remember her name. Sh-she doesn't talk about her often and…"

Something was really wrong with Haru now, her words all stuttered up and her eyes full of not only shock, but sadness as well.

"They don't talk about her? And you don't remember her name?"

"N-no…distant…um…not even from Japan…"

"That's…weird. I wouldn't take them as people who wouldn't talk about someone that was their niece, especially since she looks so much like Nagisa. Are you sure-"

"Speaking of Nagisa and Shizuma, Yuki-chan, why do you hate snuggling?"

The question had taken her completely off guard. One minute they were talking about this mysterious niece of Nagisa's and Shizuma's, and the next, snuggling?

"Wait…what?"

"I asked why you hate snuggling?" Haru replied quickly, wanting to change the subject. "I mean, you like hugs now don't you? Snuggling is like a never ending hug, so wouldn't you like them?"

A small blush appeared on her face, the previous thought of the girl forgotten all together with the new series of questions.

"No, because…I just don't. It's not really a big deal. There are a lot of things I don't like. For example, although they kiss me all the time, I don't kiss back, and although they tell me how special I am and how much they care about me, I never return the same words. Snuggling is the same. I just don't do it."

"But there has to be some reason why." Haru prodded. "Haven't you ever snuggled before?"

"A little, but that was a really long time ago. I think I was around five at the time, but-"

"Didn't you like it then?"

"M-maybe…I don't know, I-"

"So why don't you like it now?"

"Jeeze! What's with all the questions?"

Yuki's words were snappier than she had intended, and she could tell by the apologetic look on her friends face.

"I'm sorry…"

"No…no. I'm sorry." Yuki told her, immediately regretting the tone she had previously used. "I didn't mean to snap. It's just…the reason why I hate snuggles is complicated and stupid so…"

"Nothing you ever say is stupid, Yuki-chan."

Yuki actually blushed a little when she heard this, slightly touched by Haru's softness, in turn making her more apt to speak.

"It's just…well…" She let out a small sigh. "Look, it's not that I hate them. I'm just…too scared to do it. You see, with hugs, I can have a quick moment of affection time…a quick moment of weakness, but then I can return to my usual self right after. But if I stay in a hug too long, that weakness feeling I have stays. I feel…vulnerable, like I am not so tough anymore. My guard goes completely down, and when it does, I get scared. You're right, snuggling is like a never ending hug, and in knowing that, you can see why I can never bring myself to do it. I am afraid to be vulnerable around them."

Haru was silent as she listened, quietly taking in everything the girl was saying.

"I don't really like feeling weak or vulnerable around people. It's a side that I don't like letting others see."

"I see…" Haru said softly. "That's understandable. Though, I must admit…that must be exhausting."

Yuki furrowed her brows as she locked gazes with the other.

"Exhausting?"

"Yeah…" she replied. "I know that feeling you are talking about. When you are in someone's arms, allowing them to hold you in a loving way, you are showing that you trust them fully. You show them a softer and weaker side to yourself. That is a scary thing, yes, but…isn't it nice to have someone you can be like that with?"

Yuki's eyes widened a bit, her heart clenching as she listened.

"I feel like I would get tired of always trying to be tough. It sounds like hard work, and in a way, you're keeping people out, so doesn't it get lonely? You're not letting them see that side of you, and not letting them get that close. You're not trusting them. That's why I feel that having weak moments with someone who loves you is a good thing…that allowing someone to hold you and see your true self without judging is a relief. Like, whenever my mom's hold me, I just…melt. I feel comforted because I know that's the one place in the world I will always be safe in. Every bad feeling I have goes away and I feel happy again. I can also feel how much they love me when I'm held, too, and that makes me feel even happier. So, while I feel that being vulnerable and having weak moments can be scary, it can also feel good if you have those moments with the right person."

Yuki looked away from the other, a new feeling, along with shock, swimming around her heart.

"Being vulnerable with the right person is…a good thing?"

Yuki had never really thought about it that way before. Maybe, just maybe, it was a little exhausting being tough all the time…and a little lonely. Because of her fear, she had pushed away things like snuggling, allowing her to never feel how good it could be if she gave in. Yes, there was a part of her that wanted to sink into the arms of Nagisa and Shizuma, but…she was just scared.

"It's really all right to feel that? It's really ok to show that side?"

"Hey you two."

Looking to the side, the kids found that they had been joined by Tamao, Haru nearly flying from her seat to greet the woman.

"Mommy!" she said, jetting into the woman's arms, Tamao giggling and happily hugging back.

"Hey little lady!"

"Are you guys done now?"

"We are! I told everyone I would go on and find you two because we are about to have lunch in the cafeteria." She told them, now looking up at the still seated Yuki. "Took a little bit, but here you are! Did you guys have fun?"

Yuki nodded, her mind still a little fuzzy from the conversation her and Haru had been having.

"That's great! I'm glad. If you guys are hungry then, let's head over to eat!"

Nodding again, Yuki stood up and followed the two out

"Look at them…they're so close…" she thought as she watched mother and daughter laugh while walking hand in hand. "I wonder…could I…"

She thought about the two women caring for her, suddenly craving their presence.

"Could I ever have something like that with those two?

It was a question she often wondered, especially lately. She had seen more and more family like moments between her friends and their parents lately that it left her constantly asking this question.

"I know I can't...not after everything I have done...but then...why do I keep feeling like this?"

She placed her hand over her heart..

"Why can't I let these feelings go?"


The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, the crew eating a really good meal before exploring a little more. Around 3:00pm, they went their separate ways, Haru returning with her parents while Yuki returned with Nagisa and Shizuma. As they settled into the car for the drive home, Yuki found herself getting lost in the previous conversation between her and her best friend.

"I must admit, that must be exhausting."

Haru's words echoed through her mind as she settled comfortably in the back seat.

"To be honest...it kind of is."

As always, her mind and heart were always at it, but lately, it was becoming a tiresome fight. Her toughness used to be something she wore daily and with pride, but now staying tough was a project. She craved the affection and love the two women offered more and more as time went by, yet there were still things holding her back from truly letting go.

"But I have to hold back. I can't be having these feelings or wanting whatever they give me. I need to keep thinking that good families don't exist. I need to keep thinking that they're not worth my time. But...how can I? How can I when they've been so true? How can I when they have made me feel so warm? How can I..."

...

She had never seen them fight like this before, and it scared her a lot.

"Get off of me!"

"No! You can't touch her!"

Yuki huddled against the closet wall, closing her eyes and covering her ears as hard as she could, but no amount of blocking kept out the constant yelling between the two.

"Leave her alone!"

"Get off of me! That little brat deserves it!"

"She's your daughter!"

"She's no damn child of mine!"

"Yuki-chan?"

Yuki shot awake only to find herself still in the back seat of the car. Dazed, she gazed around until she found herself staring at Nagisa, who was standing by her open door.

"Yuki-chan?" The woman asked worridly. "Are you ok?"

Rubbing her eyes, she took off her seat belt and stepped out of the vehicle.

"Yeah..."

"You sure?" Shizuma asked.

Yuki opened her mouth to answer, but a sudden sound stopped her...a deep grumble causing her eyes to widen, her gaze turning to the sky.

"Yuki?"

Out of no where, the ten year olds anxiety began to rise, her breathing becoming a little bit faster as the grumbling continued.

"Not now...please not now..."

But no such luck. The sound continued, causing her anxiety to rise even more.

"Not now? What do you mean not now? Yuki?" Nagisa asked, concerned now as she stepped closer. "What's wrong?"

"I...I...I have to go..."

"What?" The red head asked again, confused. "But-"

"I need to go!"

"Yuki, wait!" Shizuma called, but the girl didn't listen, slamming the car door shut instead and running to her room. When she got there, she ran to the window and watched as the rain came pouring down. She was hoping that the rain was going the be the only thing hitting them, but the continuous low rumble had proved her wrong, Yuki closing the curtain and crawling into bed when she heard it again.

"Don't listen... Don't listen..."

The rumble, though lessened by being indoors, came again, causing Yuki to curl up tight, her eyes snapping shut as her hands came up to blocks her ears. That seemed to keep out the sounds, but it didn't stop her mind from running.

"Please just go away..." she begged. "Please...the rain is fine, but don't bring the thunder..."

Thunder. The sound Yuki couldn't stand to hear. Yes, the idea of it seemed childish...why be afraid of thunder? Especially at ten? Childish, perhaps, but it was more than just a simple fear of the sound. It was a memory, a reminder that she had spent more of her young life trying to forget.

"Just...please...please..." she kept thinking, the grip she had from covering her ears lightening, her eyes relaxing more as well. "Please just..."

Sleep was taking over. With how bad her sleep had been lately, it was no surprise that she was dozing off. However, her anxiety was strong as she fell asleep, her mind in a state of fear as she lost consciousness, and while her mind was haunted by bad images in the past on random nights, falling asleep now while scared guaranteed the arrival of one thing.

"You shit...you sorry piece of shit...no...no...she's not going anywhere. I'll spit in all their faces and yours. Yuki's mine, and you...you better leave right fucking now..."

But the younger woman didn't move, determined to stand her ground and save her niece once and for all.

"No. I'm done...I'm not letting you get away with this anymore."

"You bitch..."

With her anger on the rise, she stumbled over to a nearby stand and opened the tiny drawer, pulling out a gun. Lifting it with one hand, she aimed it right in her sisters direction.

"Get out or I'll shoot you..."

The sister seemed a little shaken, but didn't move, refusing to give in.

"Put the gun down."

Yuki's mother moved closer.

"I said out!"

"Put it down!"

The older woman started to shake, pushing some of her hair off of her sweaty face with her free hand. Yuki was scared she was going to shoot, but instead, she started screaming again, the hand that was holding the gun coming down slightly.

"Bitch! When I say move that means-oomph!"

Before the six year old's mother could finish her sentence, her Aunt jumped forward and knocked her down, the gun slipping from her hand and sliding scross the floor, stopping not to far from the cowering child.

...

She had never seen them fight like this before, and it scared her a lot.

"Get off of me!"

"No! You can't touch her!"

Yuki huddled against the closet wall, closing her eyes and covering her ears as hard as she could, but no amount of blocking kept out the constant yelling between the two.

"Yuki! Run! Get out and run down to my car! Go!


The previous events confused the two miator women, Shizuma and Nagisa not understanding where the actions of the girl had come from.

"She was doing so well." Nagisa said as they both walked in, the red head shutting the door once they were inside. "She looked like she was having a lot of fun today, too. Did we do something wrong?"

"I don't think so." Shizuma replied worridly. "I think it might have something to do with the storm. Did you see the way she looked at the sky when it thundered a little?"

"Do you think she is afraid of storms?" Nagisa asked, looking out of the window as the rain came crashing down. "This is the first time thunder has hit since she has arrived."

"Maybe...I don't know, but I think we should go and check on her."

"Yeah...I hope she's all right."

After placing their purses down, the two walked up to Yuki's room, Shizuma gently rapping on the door once they had gotten there.

"Yuki? Are you all right?"

Nothing. Not a sound. Reaching out, she knocked again.

"Yuki, it's us. May we come in?"

At first they heard nothing, but after a few more minutes, a sudden small sound caught their ears in the form of a scared and helpless whimper.

"Yuki!"

Bursting in, the two found the child asleep on the bed, both walking over and sitting by her side. Judging by the look on her face, they could tell she was having another nightmare and wanted to save her from it as soon as she could.

"Yuki..." Shizuma called, gently shaking the girl. "Yuki, wake up...Yuki..."


"Yuki!"

She could feel the coldness of the item that had slipped her way, the object heavy to her six year old arms. She didn't like what she saw. The whole thing scared her, but she wanted to help her Aunt. She was going to. She thought that giving her the item would be of help, but as she lifted what would soon prove to be the confirmation of a new life, a shot went off accidently, and moments after, a lifeless body hit the ground.

"No!"

At the loud crack of thunder, Yuki shot awake, half screaming as she sat up in bed.

"Yuki!"

She felt arms enclose around her.

"Yuki, it's-"

"No!" She pushed away. "No, get off!"

"Yuki, don't -"

"Let me go!" She screamed, struggling to get away. "You can't have me!"

"But we're-"

"No! Please! Don't hurt me!"

"We-"

"Mommy please!"

"Yuki, it's us!"

The ten year old snapped back into reality enough to realize where she was, finding a very worried Nagisa and Shizuma sitting beside her instead of her mother and her Aunt. Lifting up her hand, she stroked her cheek, feeling the touch of warm, wet tears in return.

"I'm...crying?"

"Shizuma...Nagisa..."

"It's ok, sweetie..." Nagisa said gently, reaching out to wipe away some of the tears. "It's ok."

"No one is going to hurt you." Shizuma added. "I promise."

Yuki's breathing slowed a little.

"It's ok? No ones gonna...no one's gonna hurt m-"

Out of no where, the thunder cracked again.

"No!"

Jumping, she covered her ears.

"No no! Make it stop!"

"Shh baby, shh." Shizuma whispered, pulling her close. "There is nothing to be afraid of. It's just the-"

"It's my fault!"

"Honey, nothing is your fault. You were just-"

"It was! I'm the reason they're dead!"

The room went silent once she made this remark. Even the thunder seemed to quiet down, the pitter pattering of the rain the only sound that could be heard.

"Yuki..." Nagisa asked in some shock. "What are you talking about?"

"It was me...it was all me...it's my fault..."

Her eyes started glazing up again, her body suddenly melting into Shizuma's, hands still half covering her ears.

"I didn't mean to...I was just trying to help, I swear..."

Her hands now came down to her eyes, her tears streaming down endlessly. Her dream had been so vivid...so real. It was like she was that little girl all over again. She felt so small and helpless and didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

"Honey..." Nagisa said, reaching out to stroke her hair. "Don't be. You have no reason to be sorry."

"I do...you don't understand...I have to be...you just..."

She felt Shizuma hug her a little tighter, the woman kissing her head as well. Shizuma was unsure if this was the right time to bring this up, but she couldn't stand seeing Yuki like this anymore. She couldn't bare to see those tears.

"Yuki..." she started carefully, still hugging her close. "Baby, you're right. We don't understand, but perhaps...maybe you can help us to."

Yuki wiped her tears away and looked up at the other two, her eyes full of worry and fear. She knew what Shizuma had meant by that, but could she do it? Could she really share it?

"Shizuma's right." Nagisa continued. "I know it's scary and really hard for you, but maybe it's time to talk about what happened. I think that if you do, we could really help you out."

She looked back down, her head still flopped out on Shizuma's chest as she shyly played with the sleeves of her long blue shirt. The thought of talking about it was indeed scary and hard, but she had run out of ideas to make the dreams stop. Nothing she did worked and she was tired of always feeling exhausted. She wanted her energy back.

"And maybe...maybe they really can help."

She was always too frightened and too ashamed to talk about it. After all, she felt like she was to blame for the whole thing in the first place. Kira, who was the only one that knew about the event because the cops told her the day she became her social worker, told her otherwise, saying it wasn't her fault, but Yuki had a hard time letting it go.

"But maybe it's time to. Maybe they can help. Maybe it's not my fault like Kira said, but...how could it not be? I mean, I am the reason they're..."

She looked back up at the two adults, her tears paused but her eyes still glazed.

"Do you...do you really think you could help me?"

Shizuma kissed the girl again and nodded.

"I can promise you that we will do whatever we can to help you through whatever hard time you are having, and I mean that."

Yuki then gave a little sigh. There was no more fight in her, not anymore. The last nightmare was a little too vivid for her liking, and the warmth and sincerity in both of the women's eyes seemed to break something in her at that moment, setting free the things she had been holding back.

"All right..." she finally said. "All right...I'd like to talk about it with you...with both of you."

The two females smiled, Nagisa actually leaning in to kiss the girl, too.

"But, if it's ok, can we talk about it in your room? I kind of don't want to be in here right now..."

Her room was where her nightmares happened the most, so it was the last place she wanted to be. If anything, she just wanted to feel safe, and the only safe place she really knew of...

"I just wanna be in your arms."

Shizuma couldn't help but smile a little more at this.

"Of course we can." she answered. "Why don't you get into your pajama's and we will meet you in there?"

"Right now?"

"Yes, love." she said back.

Yuki then nodded. It was time.

"All right. I'll get changed and then...then I'll tell you everything."


After they were all in agreement, Yuki went and quickly changed, heading right into the women's room right after. Shizuma and Nagisa also changed into their pajama's, Nagisa even making some tea before the talk began. Neither of then cared that it was only 4:00pm, for night or not, bed was where they were going to be if it meant comforting the young child, who was sitting right up against the headboard between the two.

"Are...are you sure you don't mind listening? It's kind of a long story."

Shizuma shook her head.

"We don't mind at all. Take all the time you need."

Yuki sighed, looking down at the blue colored covers they were beneath. This would be the first time she would freely share her story, her mind all jumbled up at what she was about to say. Thankfully, at least for the time, the thunder seemed to have calm, allowing her to think a bit more clearly, but she still didn't know where to start.

"I know what happened was my fault...I know because if I had ran like I was supposed to, then none of this would have happened, and I..."

Her eyes started glazing up just from the thoughts, her eyes still low as she spoke.

"I also know that, even though she was my mother, she hated me with a passion."

"Honey, no..." Shizuma told her. "No mother could ever hate their child."

Yuki looked up at her, a sad gaze in her eyes.

"I wish that were true, but it's not. Trust me...my mother...her name was Rika. Rika Himeko, and though she felt many things for me, love was not one of them."

"Mommy? Why are you sad?"

Four year old Yuki stood beside her sniffling mother, who had been sitting at the kitchen table.

"Mommy?"

She still did not answer, the woman clinging tighter to a brown glass bottle that was in her hand. More often than not, Yuki would find her carrying around bottles like that. She didn't know what it was though, just that it smelled bad.

"Mommy..."

She hated seeing her mother so sad for the girl had loved her very much and wanted her happy. She wanted to see her smile again just like in some of the old pictures that the woman now hid away. She just had a find a way to see that smile again. Her mother was important to her and she would do anything to help her.

"It's going to be ok, mommy. Don't cry..."

Yuki reached out and brushed some of her mother's silver locks away from her face.

"I'm here, mommy. I will help to-ahh!"

In the middle of her comforting, she felt a hard force hit her right in the face, the little girl flying back and hitting the floor with a thud. Moments after, a sharp pain went through her lips, a trickle of blood dripping down her chin.

"Ouch..."

Her little green eyes watered up as she nursed the split lip, Yuki confused at what just happened. Yes, she knew her mother had hit her, but as for the reason why...

"Ow...mommy, I'm bleeding..."

"Shut up..."

Rika's voice was cold and emotionless, the glare she gave the little girl hard and unloving. Her eyes were all puffy from crying as well, but pure hatred still flowed in them.

"But...but mommy..."

"I said shut up...did I ask you to touch me?"

"I was just...you were sad..."

"Did I ask you to come near me?"

"I wanted to-"

"Did I even ask you to come into this room?"

Rika wasn't listening to a word her daughter was saying, the little one curled up in tears as she kept trying to wipe away the blood.

"I asked you a question..."

"I...I..."

"Well did I!?"

The sudden yell frightened the child, causing her to shake her head immediately. All she had wanted to do was comfort her mom, but suddenly she was in trouble for trying.

"I didn't think so...now get out..."

"But...I..."

"I said out!"

The yelling scared her again, so without another word, she stood up and scampered out of the room.

"That's the earliest memory I have of her..."

Even though she was young, she could remember that moment as clear as Nagisa and Shizuma were in shock at this, not understanding why that would happen.

"That's terrible!" Nagisa said, clearly angered. "She shouldn't have hit you like that. You were trying to help! How could she treat you like that?"

"Well, technically, I did cause a lot of trouble for her."

"What do you mean?" Shizuma asked.

"I mean that...I just caused a lot of trouble for her, even before I was born."

"How could you have caused trouble if you weren't even born yet?" Nagisa asked.

"Easy, by making my father go away."

"Wait...what?" the red head asked again.

"I'm the reason my father left. At least, that's what my mother always told me."

"It's all your fault, you know that?"

The five year old sat tight in the corner, of the room clinging to a beat up looking white stuffed rabbit with one ear.

"Wh-what?"

"Your father leaving. It was your fault."

Yuki hugged her rabbit a little tighter, unsure of what to say. Her mother never spoke about her father very often, but when she did, it was never good.

"That good for nothing prick." she muttered, taking a swig of her beer. "Just packed his ass up and left."

"But...what did I do?"

Rika looked over at the tiny curled up bundle, sneering at the sight.

"What did you do? You existed, that's what you did."

She took yet another swig and leaned back against the couch, letting out a sigh.

"When he found out I was pregnant with you, he was so mad. He said he didn't want to be a dad...said he wasn't ready for that responsibility. So...he just left. Oh, I loved that man...I loved that man so much, but as soon as you came into the picture, he was...gone. Just gone. So it was your fault...all your fault. You're the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

A single tear fell down Yuki's cheek, the child half hiding her face in her rabbit, her heart sinking. All she ever wanted to do was make her mother happy, but she never could. It seemed like nothing she did was right.

"I wish I never had you. I wish I was not your mother..."

Yuki reached up and wiped away her tear, sniffling as she rested her head against the wall. She wasn't doing good enough at all, but that didn't mean she would give up. She'd make her mother happy one day...

"I'm sorry, mommy...I'm sorry. I promise I will do better."

The two couldn't believe what they were hearing. Their Yuki spent the early years of her life getting abused and getting blamed for things that weren't even her fault.

"That's so wrong..." Nagisa thought. "What mother says those kinds of things?"

"And I really did try to make her happy, but I couldn't do anything right. I guess...she really would have been better off if I hadn't been born."

"Don't you ever say that."

There was a sharp sadness in the tone of the speaker's voice, Yuki looking up to see the watery gaze of Shizuma staring back.

"Shizuma..."

"Her life was made better thanks to you, I can promise you that. She was the one who was too blind and too cruel to really see it or to take the time to see it, always blaming her misgivings on you, which wasn't right at all."

"I...I know, but, in regards to my father, wouldn't it be my fault? I mean, he left because he found out she was pregnant with me."

"That wasn't your fault either." Nagisa told her, slipping her hand into the girl's, Shizuma following suit after. "The only person to blame for that is your father. Finding out you are going to have a child is joyous news and a blessing. Instead of looking at it like that, he just up and left, leaving you and your mother high and dry. That wasn't right of him at all. Your mother had a right to be upset, but she didn't have the right to blame you or to take it out on you. Nothing was ever your fault and you need to believe that. You are a beautiful, smart, and strong girl, Yuki. Don't let your mother or anyone out there make you feel otherwise."

Yuki couldn't help but blush at the words, both women gently squeezing her hands as if emphasizing the sincerity behind them.

"Th-thanks guys...I just...I don't know."

And she really didn't. She had no idea how to think or feel anymore, but in rethinking their words, she found that she couldn't help but snicker lightly, her mind travelling elsewhere.

"That's odd..."

"What is?" Shizuma asked, furrowing her brows a bit.

"You remind me of her."

"Wait, your mother?" Shizuma asked again, a little confused.

"No, you both remind me of my aunt, Aunt Kagura."

Hearing that reminded Shizuma of the camping trip night when Yuki mentioned that it wasn't her mother and father she had lost one night when she was little, but her mother and her aunt.

"Was she...nice?" Nagisa asked.

"Oh yeah..." Yuki answered, a small smile growing on her face. "She was more than nice. You see, her and my mom were the only two people I knew when I was little. It was obvious my mother hated me, but Aunt Kagura? Oh no...no. She loved me. She really loved me."

The tears that were forming in the ten year olds eyes were now streaming down her cheeks as she remembered that angel of a woman. Yes, thinking about her put a small smile on her face, but it also stirred a guilt filled ache in her heart as well.

"She used to hug me and kiss me and...she just used to make me feel so special."

"She sounds like a wonderful woman." Shizuma said back warmly.

"She was..." Yuki replied. "She was...she..."

"Hello, my little Yuki."

"Aunt Kagura!"

Yuki, who had been coloring on the floor, shot up from her spot and ran into the arms of the dark haired female, clinging to her tightly and giggling as she was lifted up and hugged.

"There's my beautiful girl! I missed you so much!"

"I missed you, too!"

"Yuki, get down from there. Nobody likes clinging children."

Yuki's face fell a little when she heard this, but Kagura simply hugged her niece tighter, turning to face her sister with a smile.

"Oh, but I love it when she clings like this. Yuki hugs are the best, don't you think?"

Rika just ignored her, opening her fridge to pull out a beer.

"Ne, you shouldn't be drinking with your daughter around..."

"And you shouldn't tell me what to do in my own house. Also, did you know that it is considered impolite to walk into someones home without permission?"

"You left your door unlocked...again. So I just let myself in."

"Unlocked or not, you still didn't have a right to walk in."

"I wanted to visit you and Yuki."

"Well I don't feel like dealing with you today."

"Then since it seems I would be an inconvienence to you, I shall simply visit Yuki."

Rika, who wasn't quite drunk enough yet to get angry, simply shrugged and cursed.

"You're so damn annoying..." she muttered, but then she said nothing else and staggered away to her room.

Once the two were alone, Kagura carried Yuki to the couch and sat down, the two facing each other once they were comfortable.

"So my darling, how are you?"

Her voice was warm like honey and milk, the six year old loving the sound of it.

"I'm ok."

She felt Kagura's fingers stroke her cheek, the warmth in Yuki's chest growing.

"And how has your mother been treating you?"

Yuki's gaze fell at the question, but came quickly back up, her eyes hard and strong when she answered.

"Fine. She's treating me fine."

"Yuki..."

She could hear that slight sterness in her voice, the girl blushing a bit. Lately, whenever her Aunt came over, she would ask a lot of questions such as this. At first, Yuki wasn't truthful, but as of late, more and more things kept coming out. She wasn't trying to tell on her mother, but at the same time, she couldn't keep the bad things inside either.

"It's not bad...really. Mommy just gets mad a lot..."

"Does she hit you when she gets mad?"

Yuki shifted uncoomfortably in her Aunt's lap, and although part of her didn't want to say anything, she nodded her head.

"But only when she's mad!" she quickly added. That wasn't the whole truth of course as her mom always hit her, but she couldn't quite being herself to say that much yet.

"Are you telling the truth?"

Yuki let out a little sigh and fiddled with the bottom of Kagura's shirt.

"Mommy doesn't mean to, I know it. She loves me, I know she does. Please don't be mad at her...you'll see. I'll make mommy smile again soon."

Kagura didn't like what she was hearing at all and knew there were some things the child wasn't telling her, but decided to let it go. She had all of the information she needed for today. A few more visits and everything would be set. For now, she just put on a smile and leaned in to kiss the child's forehead.

"I'm not mad at anyone, I promise. But hey, I have something for you."

Yuki's eyes widened happily as Kagura pulled out a white cloth. There, folded inside of it, was a small pink item that made the child squeal with glee.

"A cherryblossom! They're my favorite!"

Kagura giggled at the girl's reaction as she tucked the flower into her silver hair.

"That's right, and when I saw this one, I immediately thought of you. There we are, pretty as a present."

Yuki felt more tears fall down her face as she shared this memory, Shizuma reaching out to hold her close. It hurt Yuki so much to think about her...the one person in the whole world who had truly loved her...

"She sounded like a very sweet woman." Nagisa said softly, still holding and caressing the back of Yuki's hand while Shizuma hugged her.

"She was." Yuki sniffled. "She was even trying to save me."

"Save you?" Shizuma asked. "What do you mean?"

Now the story was getting harder to tell as her memories were getting sadder and sadder. She wanted to hole up and forget about it, but she knew she couldn't. If sharing was the key to her nightmares stopping, she would talk, and both Nagisa and Shizuma deserved to know.

"Why do you always have to come over and dig into my business?"

Yuki was huddled against the wall in tears, nursing the cheek her mother had previously slapped. Kagura had walked in seconds after, and seeing Yuki in that state angered her greatly. Now, her and her mother were going at it, Rika drunk as usual while her aunt was standing inches away from the child to keep her safe.

"Because you don't know how to control yourself with anything. You shouldn't be drinking with a child in the house and you should most definitely not lay a hand on her!"

"My house, my rules. I can do what I want."

She hated hearing them fight, but she was too scared to say anything. They used to agrue before, but never like this. Everytime Kagura came over, it would get worst and worst. So, instead of saying anything, she just sat there and cried. It was the sound of those whimpers that pulled Kagura from the argument, her angered face softening when she saw her tear streaked niece.

"Aww, baby...don't cry..." she said, walking over to where Yuki was and kneeling down beside her. Reaching out, she rubbed her back gently, whispering sweet words to help bring comfort. "It's ok."

"I'm scared."

"Oh no honey, don't be. I'm right here now love, you're not alone."

"Don't tell her that! That brat is all alone!"

"Don't say that! She's not! She has you and she has me."

"She has nobody. Definitely not me."

"She's your daughter, Rika."

"Don't feed me that shit. She is no daughter to me. She's nothing. You hear that Yuki? You're nothing! You're all alone in this god forsaken world and will always be!"

Silence fell as Rika's disowning words echoed through the walls, the words piercing Yuki through the heart.

"I'm...I'm no child of hers? I don't have her...she doesn't...love me?"

More tears fell down her face, the girl not understanding why her mother had said that. Was she not good enough? Could she have worked harder to make her happy? Was she just...a bad kid?

"Mommy...mommy doesn't love me..."

She wasn't sure what to do.

"Mommy...I...I..."

Then, her words stopped, for out of no where a warm pair of arms scooped her up and carried her vlose, clinging to her protectively.

"Aunt...Kagura..."

"You should be ashamed of yourself." she said lowly. "She is your flesh and blood...you should be ashamed."

And with that, she walked out of the living room, taking Yuki with her. Upon entering the girl's room, she sat down on the bed with Yuki in her lap.

"Aunt Kagura..."

Kagura looked down, her heart breaking when she saw those tear filled green eyes.

"Oh baby...honey, come here."

Yuki then broke down as her Aunt held her, the girl clinging hard as her tiny heart snapped.

"I tried, Aunt Kagura...I tried. Nothing I did made mommy happy..."

"Shh...shh..." she cooed, kissing her head while rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I tried...I really did..."

"Hey..."

She pulled the girl back gently, wiping some of her tears away.

"Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's not your job to constantly make your mother happy. You're a child. She should be taking care of and loving you, but she's not. All she does is hit you, hurt you, belittle you, and make you cry. Mother's aren't supposed to do that."

Yuki hiccuped mid-sniffle, finding it hard to stop the tears.

"But then why do I feel like I did something wrong?"

"Because your mother is making you feel that way. Honey, you have done everything right. She just isn't seeing it."

"But...but why...and...and why doesn't mommy love me?"

Kagura let out of sigh, not knowing how to answer that question.

"I don't know sweetie...I don't know why she acts or say the things she does, but I know one thing. You don't deserve what she has been giving you. You are a loveable, beautiful and smart little girl and you deserve nothing but happiness and love."

The crying started to calm down a bit, gently eyes looking up at the other.

"R-really? I'm not bad?"

"No...no, not at all."

She clung back to her Aunt and rested her head on her chest, sniffling every so often. Her mothers words still hurt, but everything her Aunt had told her was starting to make her feel better.

"But I have to go back to mommy..." she thought as she snuggled closer, melting into the warmth the older woman was giving her. Usually, after her mother had a fit, she would always fall back into the mind set of trying to find ways to make her happy, but now, her thoughts were confused. She actually heard her mother said that she meant nothing to her, and saw that the person who did care about her was the one holding her at this very moment.

"Mommy doesn't love me..." she thought. "But...Aunt Kagura does..."

After nuzzling once more, she pulled away again, facing the woman once again.

"Aunt Kagura, do you have to go? Can't you stay here tonight?"

Kagura leaned in and kissed the girl on the forehead.

"Honey, I don't think she is gonna let me stay...and I know she isn't going to let me take you right now either."

She tried to take Yuki out for awhile multiple times, but for some reason, Rika didn't want her to...something about her not wanting her child to have anything fun because she didn't deserve it...

"But...you want me to stay, right?"

"Y-yeah..."

"And you want to stay with me, too?"

"Yes...I don't want you to go...I'm scared..."

She pulled the child back into a hug, her own eyes watering up as she held her.

"Yuki...would you want to stay with me...for good?"

Yuki's young heart gave a little jump, her brows furrowing as she stay snuggled up.

"Stay...with you? And not with mommy?"

"Yes...with me...I'd take care of you..."

Yuki now pulled back, eyeing her Aunt againt.

"But...you just said that mommy wouldn't let you take me."

"Maybe not today, but tomorrow night...tomorrow night you could come live with me for good."

"How?"

Looking around to make sure her sister wasn't peeking in, she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a small black object, the item being a tape recorder.

"I need you to listen to me very carefully, honey. For the last few months I have been recording all the bad things your mommy says to you...and I have a few pictures of the marks she has left on you, too. I turned then in today to some very special people that can help you get out of here and then come live with me."

Yuki shuffled in her seat a little, her mind trying to take in what her Aunt was saying.

"You...you told on mommy?"

"In a way...yes, I did. But not to be mean, I did it because I want to protect you. Your mommy isn't loving you or taking care of you the way she should be. You deserved to be loved, Yuki, and baby, I love you so so much."

Yuki wiped away the last of her tears as the woman spoke.

"I love you, too..."

Kagura then reached out and tucked some of the girl's hair behind her ear, her fingers then gently stroking her cheek.

"So then...what do you say? Do you wanna stay with me?"

It took Yuki a good minute to process this and think about it. She may have been young and still didn't know much, but what she did know was that when she was with her mother, she felt bad, but when she was with her Aunt, she felt good...more than good actually. She felt special and wanted and loved. She also never got hurt and never bled...she never got hit or got told that she was worthless.

"But...that would mean leaving mommy for good." she thought. Could she really do that?"

"Aunt Kagura?"

She already knew the answer. Even though her mind was still young to the world around her, she knew.

"Yes, love?"

Reaching out, she wrapped her arms around Kagura's neck, hiding her face in her sweet smelling locks.

"Save me..."

She could still smell that sweet, comforting scent of her Aunt's lavender shampoo...she could still feel the warmth of her arms tightly and securely around her. Every memory and mark of that woman was still with her. The good...and the bad.

"Yuki..."

The girl had pulled herself away from them at this point, Yuki with her knees to her chest and her face half hidden in her folded arms.

"I wanted her to save me...I wanted her to take me away forever...and that's exactly what she was going to do. She was really going to do it. She even made me promise not to say anything to my mom so no one would stop it. She was going to take me away for good..."

The longer the child spoke, the more Shizuma's heart broke, herself all teary eyed along with the other two.

"How could her own mother hurt her like that? My Yuki, my little baby...how could she?"

"She was everything to me...my Aunt...the one who really loved me and I...I..."

She felt Nagisa lean in and kiss her head gently, the red head trying to bring comfort to the distraught girl.

"Shh sweetie...it's all right. You don't have to say anymore if it's too hard for you. Don't force yourself to say anything you're not ready to."

Part of her wanted to take Nagisa up on that offer, but at this point, she had already gotten so far. There was only one more part to tell, and it was the hardest and most painful part of all. The part that never left her mind and always haunted her dreams. The night when her life was changed forever.

"No...no, I want to tell you. I do. I have to so you...so you can see."

"See what?" Nagisa asked.

"See...see the bad person I really am."

Shizuma furrowed her brows when she heard this.

"Baby no...no, nothing you can say would make us think you are bad."

"Don't say that..." she half whispered, lifting her watery gaze to meet the others, her glare serious and strong. "Don't say anything like that until you know the truth."

"But Yuki..."

"Please...you don't understand...you have to know...there's a reason why she couldn't save me in the end...a reason why I ended up an orphan instead of with her..."

Nagisa reached out and placed her hand on Yuki's arm, squeezing it gently.

"If you really want to tell us, and I mean really want to, then why...why couldn't she save you?"

"She couldn't because...because..."

Here it was, the truth of it all.

"I killed her."

The words tasted like poison as they finally left her mouth for the first time in four years. It was the real reason she knew she couldn't be loved or have a family...the real reason she had ended up alone. She had subjected herself to the fact that she was never going to be loved or cared about again...that she wasn't allowed to have those things. It was Shizuma and Nagisa who finally started to make her feel otherwise, but even with that milestone, she still had a lot of trouble letting that pain and those thought disappear for good.

"Yuki..."

There were many things the two were guessing she would say, but the words that came out of the child between them were not on their list.

"Yuki...what...what do you mean you killed her..." Shizuma asked, not quite understanding. She couldn't believe something like that.

"I mean exactly as I say. I killed her...and my mother, too. I'm the reason their both dead."

Nagisa had to catch a tear that was falling from her own face as she listened, and much like Shizuma, she didn't believe or understand what was being said.

"Yuki...you couldn't have..." the red head said. "You didn't...you...were six. How could you?"

"I wish I were lying, but I'm not...I'm not...I..."

"Get over here you worthless excuse of a child!"

Yuki cried out in pain as her mother lifted her by her silver hair, dragging her across the wooden living room floor. Her mother had been drinking yet again. but this time, her anger was beyond what it used to be. It was the worst she had ever seen it.

"Mommy! Let go!"

"Shut it!"

"It hurts!"

"Who cares if it hurts!?"

She felt her mother tug tighter before throwing her down, the tiny body toppling on the ground.

"You know what hurts? All the shit I've had to put up with since you were born! Your father leaving, my sister always digging her nose into my business of how I raise your sorry ass…everyone is always against me…me!"

Her mother picked her up by the hair again, leaning in so close that the strong scent of alcohol from the woman's breath nearly gagged the six year old.

"Don't tell me it hurts! You know nothing about what real pain is, so shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you!"

She then dragged the girl a little further before tossing her into a closet.

"I don't want to see your face any more tonight, or for a while. You sleep and stay in there."

"Wait! Mommy no!"

"I said shut your mouth!"

"Mommy please!"

"Get away from her!"

That was a sound neither Yuki or her mom was expecting, the woman cursing and staggering around to see who was speaking.

"Get away from her now!"

Yuki's eyes widened when she saw that the speaker was none other than her Aunt. She really had come to save her just like she said she was. She was going to be free. Her Aunt would take her away for good and she would never get hurt again. The thought made her feel a little stronger, and seeing her caused a small ray of hope to form in her chest.

"God it's you...when will you get the hint that you're not wanted around here...go away."

"You've gone too far this time, Rika...and now I am not backing down."

Rika sneered at her sister's attitude.

"Who do you think you're talking to? Spare me your speech, I don't care. Now, I said go!"

To emphasize this statement, she threw the bottle towards her sisters directions, the glass spraying everywhere when it missed it's intended target and hit the wall.

"Out!"

"No!"

Without missing a beat, she walked right by her and stood in front of the still open closet door, Yuki still curled up inside.

"Aunt Kagura..."

"Leave her alone, Rika. You'll not hurt her anymore."

"You...don't tell me what to do." the silver haired woman slurred out, staggering a little towards her younger sister. "This is not your house, so just shut up and leave."

"No, I am not going anywhere. I'm sick of the way you treat her. She's just a child!"

"I don't care what she is! What I do to her is none of your business! Now leave!"

"You know what...gladly, but when I do, so does Yuki."

"She's my daughter. You can't take her anywhere without my permission. The brat stays."

"She doesn't, because after tonight, you are no longer her mother."

Silence filled the room when these words were spoken, the tension so strong you could almost breathe it in.

"What did you just say?" Rika asked, her voice dark.

"I said that after tonight, you are no longer her mother." Kagura replied, not fearing the woman in the slightest. "She will be coming to stay with me, permanently in my care."

Rika simply snickered, not believing her words.

"That's bullshit. You can't take her anywhere. She's legally mine."

"She won't be when social services gets here, and trust me, they are on their way as we speak."

"...You're lying."

"I'm not. Social services is on the way and Yuki is now mine."

Rika's face darkened even more, her voice so dangerous and low that Yuki found herself frightened again even with her Aunt right there.

"You shit...you sorry piece of shit...no...no...she's not going anywhere. I'll spit in all their faces and yours. Yuki's mine, and you...you better leave right fucking now..."

But the younger woman didn't move, determined to stand her ground and save her niece once and for all.

"No. I'm done...I'm not letting you get away with this anymore."

"You bitch..."

With her anger on the rise, she stumbled over to a nearby stand and opened the tiny drawer, pulling out a gun. Lifting it with one hand, she aimed it right in her sisters direction.

"Get out or I'll shoot you..."

The sister seemed a little shaken, but didn't move, refusing to give in.

"Put the gun down."

Yuki's mother moved closer.

"I said out!"

"Put it down!"

The older woman started to shake, pushing some of her hair off of her sweaty face with her free hand. Yuki was scared she was going to shoot, but instead, she started screaming again, the hand that was holding the gun coming down slightly.

"Bitch! When I say move that means-oomph!"

Before the six year old's mother could finish her sentence, her Aunt jumped forward and knocked her down, the gun slipping from her hand and sliding scross the floor, stopping not to far from the cowering child.

...

She had never seen them fight like this before, and it scared her a lot.

"Get off of me!"

"No! You can't touch her!"

Yuki huddled against the closet wall, closing her eyes and covering her ears as hard as she could, but no amount of blocking kept out the constant yelling between the two.

"Leave her alone!"

"Get off of me! That little brat deserves whatever I give her and not you or the social services or anyone can stop me from giving it to her!"

"She's your daughter!"

"She's no damn child of mine!"

Opening her eyes again, she saw that they were still going and started to cry. She wanted it to stop...she just wanted it to stop.

"Yuki! Run! Get out and run down to my car! Go!

At first, Yuki was frozen on the spot, frightened unsure of what to do, but the sound of her Aunt's voice telling her to run again woke her up, the young girl getting to her feet to make her run. However, seconds after taking her first step, she froze, her eyes glued to the two women in front of her.

"Aunt Kagura..." she thought. "What about Aunt Kagura...I can't leave her alone."

It was then something else caught her eye, a sight that frightened her but also gave her an idea as well.

"Maybe...if she had this..."

There in front of her sat the gun, the item her mother threatened her Aunt with...the item she could have killed her with.

"But Aunt Kagura wouldn't kill...no...but I bet mommy would get scared, and if mommy got scared she would leave us alone and we both could run..."

But was that a good idea? Would it help? Or should she just run like she was told.

"Yuki!"

The girl continued to watch them struggle, both women on their feet now as Kagura tried to keep her back.

"Yuki, run!"

But the girl didn't listen. She knew her Aunt was trying to help her, but she didn't want the woman stuck here, too. If she was going to run, then her Aunt was going with her. Her mother already hurt her enough...she wasn't going to hurt her Aunt, too. So, with this in mind, she leaned down and reached out in front of her, her hand grasping the item. She could feel the coldness of the object that had slipped her way, the gun heavy to her six year old arms. She didn't like what she saw. The whole thing scared her, but she wanted to help her Aunt. She was going to. She thought that giving her the item would be of help, but as she lifted what would soon prove to be the confirmation of a new life, a shot went off accidently, and moments after, a lifeless body hit the ground.

...

The thunder like sound took the girl off guard, the gun falling to the floor once more. She wasn't expecting that to happen, and now she was frightened. However, that fear was nothing compared to the fear that filled her when she saw the scene in front of her, and scene that forever scared her mind and heart.

"Yuki..."

There before her was a bloodied body, the red substance steaming from a hole in the chest. She realized quickly that it was the body of her Aunt for her mother was standing up, a clear look of shock on her face from the mess below.

"Yuki...what have you done?!"

"Aunt Kagura..."

Silence was her reply.

"Aunt Kagura!"

Panicked, she ran over to the woman who was supposed to be her freedom, rolling her over to see her face.

"Aunt Kagura, wake up!"

The lifeless woman's green eyes were wide open, but nothing was inside of them. No light, no warmth, no love...nothing. They were empty.

"Aunt Kagura, please! Please wake up!" she shouted, shaking her regardless of the amount of blod she was getting on her hand. "Please! Comeback!"

"Yuki..."

A shaky and dark sounding voice could be heard from behind her. Turning, she found her mother standing there, the gun in her hand. With Yuki being caught up in shock over what happened with Kagura, she hadn't seen her mother moved, and thought she felt even more scared seeing that gun in her hand, she didn't move, her tiny little arms wrapped around the still warm body.

"M-mommy...please..."

"You...you...this is all your fault..."

"Mommy..."

"Look at what you've done..."

"But...I..."

"Just look...look...you've killed her. You've killed her...god dammit, Yuki!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't-"

"You bitch! You little..."

The woman didn't know what to do or say. So many thoughts and feelings were running through her and she couldn't handle them. In fact...she couldn't handle handle. She couldn't handle her mind...she couldn't handle her heart..she could handle her life...

"I can't do this...-"

Her mom suddenly had a defeated look on her face instead of anger, the sudden change confusing the young one.

"Mommy?"

She saw the women lift the gun to her own head.

"I can't take this anymore…"

"Wait! No! Don't!"

"I just can't...I can't do this...I..."

-Click-

"Mommy!"

Yuki shuddered as the memory replayed itself in her head. The reminder was so strong that she could almost smell all of the blood that had surrounded her that night.

"I did it..." she whispered, shaking in place. "It was me...I did it..."

"No, Yuki...stop..."

Both women were in complete tears, both taken aback not only at what they heard, but from how long the girl had kept this to herself, and it killed them to think that she actually blamed herself.

"Yuki no." Nagisa told her. "It wasn't your fault."

"It was! How can you say that! I killed her! I shot the gun!"

"You were trying to protect her." Shizuma said. "All you wanted to do was help."

"But I didn't!" Yuki's voice was nearing a scream now. "I didn't! I killed her instead. She was the one person in the world who loved me I took her away! And then I killed my mother, too!"

"She killed herself!" Shizuma said back.

"Because of me! She killed herself because of me!"

"No!"

Shizuma reached out and pulled Yuki into her arms.

"No...it wasn't your fault. Nothing was your fault. What happened was an accident, and what your mother did was by her own choice. It wasn't you..."

"It was!"

"No, it wasn't..."

"Shut up! It was!"

Yuki couldn't stand to her them say that. She wanted it to be her fault. She wanted to blame herself. She was the one who shot the gun, and accident or not, she killed her. And she was the reason her mother killed herself, so it had to be her fault...it had to be...

"I killed them both! The person to blame is me! Let me go!"

She didn't want to be in Shizuma's arms right now, the girl struggling hard to get away. Now normally, Shizuma would let it, but this time, she did not, instead holding onto the girl even tighter.

"Let go!"

"No..."

"Let me go!"

"No!"

Yuki struggled and struggled to get free, but nothing seemed to be working.

"Please...just please..."

"You have to realize it wasn't your fault."

"But it was...it was! I'm a murderer. I did it!"

"It wasn't! You were just trying to keep her safe!" Nagisa added. "What happened was an accident so you're not a murderer!"

"Shut up! I am!" Too much pent pain had taken over that she just couldn't control herself. "Stop saying I didn't! I killed them both!"

"Yuki, stop!" Shizuma half yelled, still holding her tightly in a hug. "Stop this now! Your Aunt wouldn't want to see you like this!"

"Who cares! She's dead!"

"No she's not! Yuki please!"

"Yes she is! She's dead! She's dead and she's never coming back!"

And suddenly, at those words, the struggling stopped, Yuki's body giving up as more pain took over.

"She's not dead, Yuki..." Shizuma said a little more softly as the girl's struggle eased. "She's alive and will always be alive right in your heart."

"She's right." Nagisa added, hugging the girl from behind, Yuki now warmly embraced on either side. "She's in your heart and in heaven, always looking out for you. And your mother...your mother was a terrible and cruel person. No, she didn't deserve to die either, but she made her choice, and you are not to blame for that...you're not to blame for either."

"But I am..." Yuki mumbled out, her voice a little weaker. "I am...I..."

"No..." Shizuma cut in. "No...you're not."

"If not...then...then why...why does it hurt so much?"

Her chest felt like it was going to cave in, her breathing scattered and her eyes filled with endless painful tears.

"It hurts...it hurts..."

"I know baby, I know..."

Yuki couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much, so before she knew it, after four years of keeping it a secret...

"Shizuma...Nagisa..."

"We're right here..." Nagisa whispered.

After four long years, she finally let go, her pain all coming out.

"It's ok, baby..." Shizuma whispered, the woman crying with her. "It's all right. You just cry...let out. Let it all out."

And cry she did. She just melted into the arms of both women and let everything pour out. Every tear, every heart ache, every pain...everything. She had never cried so much in her life.

"Shizuma...Nagisa.."

"Right here love...right here." Nagisa whispered again. "And we'll always be right here. I promise."


No one knew how long she laid there and cried, and quite honestly, they didn't care. They would stay there and comfort the girl forever if that's what it took. The girl did ease up a bit though, Yuki clinging needily to both the women holding her. The two happily met her need to cling, both doing whatever they could to ease her heart. They scratched her back, cooed sweet words, kissed her, loved her...hell, Shizuma even sang her a lullaby, one in which actually calmed the child greatly.

"Clouds will raise up,
storms will race in,
but you will be safe in my arms.
Rains will pour down,
waves will crash all around,
but you will be safe in my arms."

It wasn't long after that did Yuki finally sleep, a few last tears escaping before finally passing out.

"Yuki..."

The girl was curled up tight in boh their arms, Yuki's face nuzzled into the woman's chest while Nagisa cuddled and nuzzled into her hair from behind. It had been a long afternoon/night for all three of them, but Shizuma and Nagisa regretted nothing. They were happy to be there and comfort her the best way they could no matter how long it took. What happened to Yuki was sad and heart breaking...the girl experiencing pain no child should have ever felt, but they would be right there. They would be there to help her through and make her feel safe...make her feel cared for. But...she was more than just safe...more than just cared for...she was...

"Castles they might crumble,

Dreams may not come true,

But you are never all alone

Cause I will always...

Always...

Love you..."

The once unspoken words now danced around the room as Shizuma sang them, a tremble of something new shaking in the air. Yes, Yuki was loved, oh so loved by the two women, and as both Nagisa and Shizuma looked at each other, they shared the same exact thought. The time was coming, and it was coming soon. They only had one more small hurdle to face, but regardless, it was coming. At the official end of Yuki's stay in December, their lives would be different. At the end of the stay nothing would be the same. Come Christmas...they wouldn't let her go. Come christmas...

She would be theirs.