Disclaimer: Everything recognisable is Bioware's. Everything else is mine.
A/N: Greetings all and welcome to chapter 7. You must forgive the delay with which this chapter was posted. A lot of life happened to me in a very short space of time. I live by the sea now, and have a job! JOY! That having been said, here be the chapter! It's a heap shorter than the last one, as promised. I hope you like it :-P
As always, comments, thoughts, ideas and conjecture are cherished.
Yours faithfully,
L.G
The Talk
In which Scalia meets her heroine, and Kolyat shares a memory that, unbeknownst to him, breaks Shepard's heart
When finally she stepped out of the lift and entered Docking Bay D24, Shepard was in full-on getting the mission done so I can get home mode. She had her objective - getting to the Normandy for a quick refresher before making for Huerta and the home..the man..who awaited her there - and nothing was going to keep her from him.
There would be no slowing up.
No distractions.
Not now.
With the same focus and determination that got her through the most heated of scrapes in the field, she fixed her eyes forward and beelined for the glistening swathe of silver she could see calling to her through the Bay's distant windows. Because of her rank and level of clearance, she was shuttled through the security point with hardly a pause, and made her way onto the pedestrian concourse that would lead her past the Passengers' Lounge and on to the docking area proper.
The space bustled with activity; the milling crowds a muddled spread of pinks, silvers and blues. The air felt charged, her objective was in sight, and Shepard made her way towards it entirely heedless of the fact that she had both been spotted by watchful eyes, and was fast being approached by their owner. Indeed, so focused was she on her goal that the splash of teal coming at her from stage left didn't properly register until it spoke to her..
"Commander Shepard.."
..and she turned mid-stride, her attention caught, to find the dappled complexion and meet the nervous eyes of the only person bar Thane that could give her pause from a mission. Taller and broader than her mate, his father, Kolyat Krios stood before her in his C-Sec blues; the most concerned expression she'd yet seen on a Drellish face on his.
For a moment, she was stunned at the sight of him.
Then, she found her voice.
"..Kolyat.."
He seemed to wince when she spoke his name, holding a palm up to her in a skittish plea for quiet as he glanced around furtively.
"Please ma'm" he said, lowering his hands to his sides to try and keep his posture as humanly non-threatening as possible. He knew he couldn't actually intimidate the woman, combat-hardened as she was, and he had no intention to. However, coming across too strongly now..leaping down her throat and being overly forceful..could scupper his plan to have her see sense about taking his father to war before it began. Fighting himself into something like stillness, he gave his worries voice.
"I have to talk to you about my father."
At the mention of Thane, Shepard went rigid, a lead weight dropping down into her stomach. Words slipped out before she could stop them, "Is he all right?" though her training kept the concern in them entirely professional, and her tone more or less free of the spark of panic that finding herself in this particular situation - stood not four feet from her beau's boy while said boy brought up his father in conversation - had sent racing through her system.
When first she'd met him, standing behind Joram Talid with a pistol levelled at the deep-back of the Turian's crest, that panic hadn't come on. It hadn't even existed. She'd gone there to do her job, and she'd done it well. The only blood spilled that day was Kolyat's, and even then it was just a drop from when she cracked him in the mouth to keep him from making the biggest mistake of his life.
But now..well over a year on from that awful and yet wonderful day..she had cause to feel more than a hint unnerved at their unexpected reunion.
Times had changed.
Relationships had..developed.
Circumstances had very much changed for the better.
This being the case, Kolyat's seeking her out could mean, to her mind, one of three things. The first, and most likely in her uniquely paranoid opinion, was awful. It could be that Thane's health had suddenly declined, and that he had sent Kolyat to seek her out to tell her that he couldn't leave with her. She braced herself for this worst case scenario before even considering other possibilities that might draw the young Drell to approach her.
She had to.
If she didn't, and it came as a shock to her, she wouldn't be able to get to Thane without falling apart at the seams, and it wouldn't do for Kolyat to see her like that.
The second possibility, while less terrible than the first by a magnitude of billions, was testing in a manner that Shepard had never been tested in before. As far as she knew, her mate had yet to enlighten his son as to their..closeness. When they were still on their suicide mission, he hadn't felt the time was right to heap a new stress onto the already troubled young man, and afterwards, when his health had failed, the same was once again true.
Kolyat had more than enough on his plate already without having to deal with the thought that his father had invited someone new into his life.
Now though, the stressors of the past were nothing but memories. With his health returning, Thane may well have felt comfortable sharing the depth of his affection for her with him, and it could have been that..that sharing..that knowledge..that brought him to her now.
He'd said quite openly that he 'had to talk to her about his father' after all.
If that was the case..and his intent in seeking her out was to take her to task about her relationship with Thane..she wasn't sure how to rightly handle the situation..or how she could defuse it..if it needed defusing at all. She had never been particularly..forgiving..when it came to people expressing disdain over their bond.
Questions were fine.
Confusion worked too.
She could understand those, especially from Kolyat.
But open, unabridged disdain and purposeful offensiveness?
That she couldn't tolerate.
It had only happened once thus far..and the offending party had been someone she'd considered a friend too, which had made things all the worse..but she'd reached her quota then and there.
She could take no more.
Hell, she hadn't even taken it on that one particular occasion. The insult had come on a day when Thane was at his most ill during his time aboard the Normandy and she'd just..reacted. Superlatives that could rightly describe the anger that had come over her in that moment didn't exist. It was instant, searing, and white-hot and her fist had just..
..well..
..connected..with a dull CRACK and a spray of purple blood.
It was the first and last incidence of violence between her and a then former crewperson, and it wasn't something she was proud of..but it was equally not something she would apologise for. Honour was honour, and she'd defended hers, her mate's..and in a small way Irikah's too in that moment.
No matter what Kolyat said however, or how angry it made her inside, the fist-to-face course of action was obviously more than unworkable here. She couldn't 'just react' with him. She'd need to think on her feet, mind her tongue, and watch herself closely if his intent truly was to drag her through conversational barbed wire about Thane.
It just might be her luck though that option number two wasn't his mission, and that brought her to the third possibility..the one she most wanted to be the case. He could have sought her out because Thane had told him about his plans to rejoin the Normandy, and he needed the situation explained by the person who, but for his father, was most involved in it.
That, she could do.
That, she could justify and explain.
That, unlike the other options, she could discuss with him without taking the risk that her ever present mask of 'Shepard' would slip in a heated and emotional moment to reveal more of 'Ami' than she would willingly share with him.
That being none.
Luckily for her troubled mind, Kolyat, rushed and on edge as he seemed, didn't keep her on tenterhooks for long.
"Yes..he's well, I just.." he said, glancing back over his shoulder quickly..and thereby missing by milliseconds the relief crashing through the Commander's expression..before returning his full attention to her. When their eyes met again, her elation was fully masked. To him, she seemed calm and curious; relieved in a purely professional manner to hear of her soon-to-be crewman's good health.
He fought the urge to fidget under the weight of her gaze.
"Can we speak privately?" he asked, his words hurried, "A colleague of mine is hovering around here, and I really don't-" before he was cut off by the expected but thoroughly unwanted arrival of a certain gleefully trilling female Drell of his immediate acquaintance. She planted herself about three feet from his right shoulder, a small hand lightly touched to his back announcing her presence. He tensed at the contact, and managed to mutter an exasperated and somewhat panicked, 'Arashu..' before she piped up.
"You jerk Kolyat!" she scolded playfully, excitement having wiped away any hint of real indignation she felt at his running over to the Commander without her, "I didn't think you'd seen..I mean I thought you'd found.."
Kolyat, fearing that she'd drop the 'N' word - 'Nick' - and thereby royally screw him over in front of Shepard, cut in. "Scalia."
She frowned, looking up at him. "What?"
"You're babbling like an idiot. Say hello for Gods' sake."
For a moment, she looked almost offended, "Hey, I-" but then caught herself, puffed out an embarrassed and nervy laugh, and gave the now slightly bemused Shepard her best smile. "I'm sorry. Hello Commander" she beamed, practically vibrating with excitement as arguably the most famous human in the galaxy took her in.
She, like the other Drellish lady of Shepard's acquaintance, was a slight looking creature, but was not slender per se. Just like Kehksi, she had a wiry strength about her and an obviously feminine waist and hips that, unlike Kehksi's, were dressed neatly in her C-Sec blues. That femininity was made all the clearer, again, much as Kehksi's had been, by a telling delicacy in certain of her features..especially her frill, chin, wrists, and fingers..and by how comparatively little she looked standing beside tall and burly Kolyat.
She couldn't have been a hair over 5'2.
Beside these things, her colours - rich dark blue scales set against markings and pleats that were almost black - also caught the Commander's eye, as did a pebbledash pattern of what she assumed was scarring that webbed out from the crest of her frill to cover her right eyelid. The eye itself was milky, as though it had been damaged somehow. Its state made Shepard wonder, but now was hardly the time to ask her about such things.
She had a conversation to participate in after all.
"Hello Scalia. It's a pleasure to meet you" she greeted, her tone as measured and professional as it ever was when dealing with members of the public. Kolyat didn't count in her mind as 'public' exactly, hence her slightly more relaxed, open manner with him, but with his friend here things needed to be business as usual.
The woman's mottled face lit up at being addressed, and she edged around Kolyat before reaching to accept the hand the Commander offered her to shake. When she spoke, her words came quite quickly, the fluttering nerves in her belly coming out in her tone. "Not as much of a pleasure as it is for me to meet you, Ma'm. Trust me. I didn't mean to interrupt if you were.."
Kolyat gave a disbelieving chuff, which she pointedly ignored, her focus on Shepard as she finished her thought.
"..speaking with my friend here." Shuffling a step closer to the lady she'd been waiting to meet since..forever..Scalia tightened her grip on her hand gently to help impress the gravity of her message. "I just wanted to come and say 'Hi' and to thank you for saving our asses from the Geth."
Abashed, the Commander dipped her chin slightly and smiled. "I was just doing my job. But thank you. I had a lot of help" she said, releasing her hand and glancing between Scalia and Kolyat as she spoke. The former looked ebullient, her hands now clasped by her chest as she engaged her in slightly jittery friendly banter, while the latter seemed ready to crawl out of his skin. Somehow, she felt she was missing something about the situation..that thing, whatever it was, that was making her beau's son righteously uncomfortable..but for the life of her she couldn't pinpoint it.
Whatever it was though, looking at Scalia it certainly wasn't contagious. She seemed nothing less than right at home, her jaw beginning to tremble faintly on her every inhalation. The sight of that tremor confused the Commander somewhat, unsure as she was of what she was trying to convey, but taking her expression on aggregate she surmised that it must be the Drellish tell for either happiness or excitement.
She'd ask Thane about it later.
For now, she needed to find a way to politely excuse herself and Kolyat from his gleeful friend's company so he could talk to her about whatever it was that was troubling him. Doing this would be tricky however. Even now, the blue-black Drellish lady was having a fine time nattering for the three of them, and she didn't much seem like she had plans to stop any time soon.
Pondering her options for making a getaway possible, Shepard dropped back into the conversation proper - instead of, as she had when Scalia began her chattering bent, simply smiling, nodding and sending Kolyat reassuring glances - just in time to catch an interesting happening.
It was a small thing..no more than the purposeful movement of an arm and the gentle repositioning of the happily gossiping woman so she stood between her glowering friend and the Commander, away from the flow of people-traffic that bustled around them..but it struck Shepard somewhere deep to see it done. To see Kolyat, gruff and obviously uneasy with the situation as a whole, move his little counterpart with what looked like practiced familiarity.
Like he'd done it before.
Quite why he did it then escaped her completely, tied up as she was with trying to field the now slightly closer woman's pleasant, well-meaning questions..
'Where are you travelling next, Ma'm?..Oh! I shouldn't have asked that should I. I'll bet it's classified.'
'Do you like coming to the Citadel?'
'Have you been anywhere nice today?'
'Will you be on the station long?'
..but that lack of understanding did nothing to diminish its impact on her. The look Kolyat gave her when he realised her interest - a guarded almost-but-not-quite glare and a slight raise of the chin which let him flash, for a second, the ruddy pleats on his throat - only served to further intrigue her.
She knew that gesture. Thane had explained it once. 'A pointed flash of colour' he'd said, gesturing to his throat, 'and you'll know it when you see it, is a polite warning. An extended flash of colour is a challenge.'
So he was..warning her off perhaps?
Saying, 'Stop looking at me?'
Or, 'Listen to Scalia?'
Was that it?
She couldn't know, and before she could set her mind to trying to puzzle out his meaning, a pause in conversation came.
She saw her chance and pounced.
"Scalia" she said in her best affable though authoritative manner, "I'm sorry to butt in on you like this, but Kolyat and I have a couple of things to discuss." Before the obviously curious woman could ask the question that the Commander could see on the tip of her tongue, she sweetened the situation for her as best she could and added, "So how about you and I have a holo taken of us right here.." she gestured to Kolyat hopefully, giving him a smile when he managed a slightly fuddled but greatly relieved, 'Yeah..sure..' and readied his Omni-tool's camera, "..and then we'll part ways and get on with things. How's that sound?"
Intrigued as she was at the Commander's interest in Kolyat, Scalia couldn't have been more gleeful at her offer if she tried. A joyous octave's-worth of trilled delight escaped through her smile as she spoke, the sound almost like a backing track for her words, "Oh yes! Thank you Ma'm!" and she slid herself up beside Shepard with respectful care; an arm haltingly curling about the woman's back when she laid a companionable one around her shoulders. Once they were properly positioned, she raised her left hand, palm out, curled all but her fused fingers into a fist and beamed like she'd just won the lottery.
She couldn't have a holo taken with Commander Shepard without flashing the sign for Arashu's grace after all.
Kolyat, happy to oblige if it meant getting rid of Scalia sharpish, dutifully played the role of photographer, and took three holos in quick succession - just to make sure his picky compatriot couldn't prolong her time with the Commander all the more by badgering him for re-shoots. She was over to him like lightning when the brief session was over, scrutinising his efforts and finding two of the three to her liking.
The third had to go.
It caught her mid-blink.
Watching them from her spot a count of feet away, Shepard did her best not to show how amused she was by how Scalia fussed at Kolyat until he grudgingly sent her the holos she liked. She'd never comment on it, but she had a feeling, going on how the young man let her hassle him when he really didn't have to, that he enjoyed her company more than the sour face he kept giving her let on.
"Make sure they both save right" he griped, leaning a little so he could watch the activated and glowing Omni-tool interface now shimmering above Scalia's right forearm. "I'm not sending them twice."
"Fine, fine" she huffed, irritated at having him hovering over her as she opened both pictures to check their quality. After looking them over, her tone changed on a credit and she beamed at the Commander.
"These are perfect Ma'm, thank you so much!"
"Don't even think on it" Shepard replied, offering her newest acquaintance her hand once more for a parting shake. "You take care now."
"I will. You too.." Scalia grinned, shaking the Commander's hand warmly before turning to Kolyat. She rapped her knuckles lightly on his chest as she said, "Kol, you should ask about Ni-" only to find herself cut off when her taciturn friend, his patience finally exhausted, grasped her wrist and, using her Omni-tool, killed their translators.
What he proceeded to say was, of course, lost on Shepard, but that mattered for nought. Her focus was riveted solely on the fact that she was hearing Drellish voices in their full resonant glory. Bassy, mildly flanging, and pervaded by glottal stops and riffs that began within and ended quite outside of her range of hearing, the sound was..odd to her..alien in a very real sense..but fascinating and palate-wetting at the same time.
As the pair went back-and-forth, Scalia never once trying to yank her wrist from Kolyat's fingers, the Commander came to a conclusion. It was now imperative that she hear her mate speak without a his translator being active. If a slightly jittery young woman and a harried young man, whose voice, incidentally, had nothing like the richness of his father's, could sound so..intriguing..hearing Thane speak without the buffer necessity had forced between them would likely knock her sideways.
Listening now she was glad to find that, although they spoke too quickly for her to follow the echoing cacophony with ease, she caught two clusters of syllables that she assumed were words..
'..Op't'ru..' and '..Ts'cali..'
..and she could tell by the general tone of Kolyat's voice, and the look on Scalia's face, that whatever was being said was both important and had shocked her. When he released her wrist, she was all hands suddenly, touching her reluctant friend's arms..then his hands..and then his shoulder before turning to her, setting the very tips of her fingers to her right sleeve, and speaking words that sounded lovely but made not a lick of sense.
At the puzzled look on the Commander's face, Scalia stopped, reactivated both her and her counterpart's translators, and repeated what she'd said. "I'm so sorry ma'm, I didn't realise." She turned back to Kolyat then, tapping a closed fist gently on his bicep. "I'll just go and.."
His response was quick and clean, "I'll see you at work" and it paused her briefly. After giving him a concerned frown though she murmured, "..Yeah.." and departed their company; making her halting way towards the security checkpoint and the lifts just beyond it.
And suddenly..they were alone.
In the vacuum left by her departure, Kolyat and Shepard eyed each other for a long moment, each shocked in their own way at finally being without their unknowing third wheel and unsure of what to do with themselves. It was the Commander who spoke first, attempting to break the ice she sensed slowly forming between herself and the young man standing across from her.
"So..she's nice."
He huffed at her effort. "She's a menace.."
Shepard scoffed, grinning. "Oh come on-"
"..and she's half blind, Commander."
"I.." she blinked, wrong footed by his abrupt change of topic. "Sorry, beg pardon?"
Kolyat gave a quiet sigh. "I saw your eyes when I moved her out of the way of the people walking along here" he glanced down along the concourse, "and don't want you to take away a wrong impression. She's been that way since the Battle of the Citadel. A wall-panel exploded and caught her across the face."
Shocked, Shepard simply nodded faintly, unsure of what she could rightly say that wouldn't sound trite.
"The sight problem is the reason she's so handsy" he went on, rubbing at his shoulder absently to try and sate his need to fidget. "So..touchy. Her depth-perception isn't what it could be, so she needs a contact point to gauge how close she is to people. That's why she touched me when she arrived and did the same with you when she turned to you before she left; why she can be clumsy when she moves at speed; and why I moved her away from the crowds. When she's focused on something..like she was on you..she hasn't got a spare eye to keep on the people coming towards her. So I.."
"..So you're her spare eye.." she murmured, a bubble of pride that she was sure he wouldn't appreciate her feeling for him welling up in her chest.
Shifting his weight a little, Kolyat gave a short nod. "It's that or watching her run into things daily" he grumbled, unsettled by the little smile that had curled the very edges of the Commander's lips. He couldn't rightly read the expression, so picked the safest of the reactions to it available to him - mild churlishness with a side of irritation. "She's loud enough without having that to complain about too."
"I'll bet.." she chuckled, unfazed by his seemingly dismissive, grumpy attitude. It wasn't all it seemed to be. She was sure of that. Curious then, she probed, "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to her? She looked awful concerned."
Kolyat caught a hiss behind his teeth. "That's a..long story." He huffed then, shaking his head at quite how deeply he'd managed to land himself in the ever-living shit. "Let's just call it a stay of execution and leave it at that. Please."
Feeling her smile becoming a smirk, Shepard asked, "A stay for who? Her?"
"No" he griped, nictitating his inner lids quickly before rubbing the pads of his fingers over his brow. "Me. She'll poison my coffee when she finds out that I..oh, it doesn't matter. Ma'm.." he paused, holding her gaze, his expression newly serious, "may we speak about my father now? He's well..I just..we need to speak."
The levity that had begun to creep into the Commander's demeanour sank along with the lead weight that went clattering right back down into the pit of her belly at his anxious request. It seemed that the reprieve Scalia's appearance had given them was well and truly over.
Tempering her smile consciously, lest her expression fall down with the weight in her gut, she gave a slight nod. "We can" she said, looking around quickly to find them a quiet place to talk. Sighting one nearby, she glanced at Kolyat and gestured towards it.
"Come on. I'm sure security won't mind if we use one of their waiting rooms."
The room they found to speak in was a sterile, cool place, that was blessedly empty when they entered it. Three of its four walls were metal, the fourth glass but soundproof. It housed four rows of chairs; two in the centre of the room back to back, and one against the fore and back walls. There was a Tupari machine nestled in the far corner, its muted hum filling the area when silence fell and stretched uncomfortably.
Entering ahead of Kolyat, Shepard made for the machine, intent on distracting herself, however briefly, from the prospect of being questioned by her mate's son. She was down to two possible reasons for his needing to speak with her now. He either wanted to take her to task about her relationship with his father..or talk to her about taking him to war with her..and she, pessimistic she, was almost sure now that it would be the former of those options.
There was no evidence, except the crawling unease in her gut, to support her theory, but she didn't need any. She wasn't lucky enough, in her mind, for the only real secret she carried to remain one after so much time had passed; particularly not from the one person it actually might have some kind of an impact on.
That's not to imply that she had some deep-seated aversion to Kolyat knowing about her affection for his father. Not at all. She simply didn't want him to feel somehow put out or wronged by it, and worried that having her in the picture might negatively affect his relationship with Thane.
Unlike her fretful conclusions about his topic of choice however, these worries weren't baseless by any means. When she was a good deal younger, she'd had no love for the gentleman-friend her mother found after her father died. Granted she'd been about ten at the time, but the feeling of her lovingly missed parent being somehow replaced in her mother's life by some..unknown person..had remained until she'd hit eighteen.
The man had weathered the war of attrition she'd waged against him admirably, but she knew herself too well to think that she could do as good a job of getting through Kolyat's version of her, 'You need to prove to me that you're worthy of my mother' campaign as Gareth, her mother's partner of some twenty-two years now, had done when she was young and distrustful. She was nothing like as patient, empathetic or forward-thinking as the man had long proved himself to be, and had been so tightly wound by thoughts of losing Thane that anything that might even half register as a threat to his calm was automatically red-lighted in her mind.
Shaking off thoughts of having the cut of her jib tested by her dear love's son, she made her selections from the machine, pointedly ordered two cans, collected them after they clattered down into the dispensary draw, and then turned her attention back to Kolyat. He sat with his back to the windowed wall, his elbows on his knees, head lowered in thought.
..
It was a position she knew well.
She'd been right there herself..sitting someplace she both wanted and didn't want to be..facing something she didn't like at all.
Frowning faintly to herself, the Commander pocketed her Tupari for a moment, and quickly activated the palm-held component of her Omni-tool. Upon it was the clock, timer and other small sundry features.
The time now, as she glanced at it, was [13:15] which meant she was expected at Huerta in fifteen or so minutes.
Setting the timer to warn her when the clock struck [13:35], those extra five minutes regrettably all she could spare on top of the time she'd spend here now, she keyed off the display, retrieved her beverage from her pocket and approached her seated counterpart; her booted steps too loud in her ears. "All right Kolyat" she began, settling across from him and passing over one of the cans. "You wanted to talk. What's on your mind?"
After accepting the can, he was quiet for a long moment, considering his answer. He needed to make sure that he made the most compelling case possible in favour of keeping his father out of the war, but knew that doing that would require revisiting memories and topics that would test both his patience and, much as he hated admitting it, his emotional strength. For all he'd tried to stop it, there was a certain bond between him and his no-account forebear. It confused him..annoyed him..and made thoughts of losing the man to the war effort so soon after he had re-entered his life..difficult.
Deliberately setting the Tupari aside, Kolyat turned his mind to laying out how he would attempt to convince Shepard not to carry through with her plan. While he didn't have a script lined up per se, he had a particular memory he wanted to share with her, and had set himself a couple of ground rules within which he planned to work.
He knew that, as had been the case when he first approached her on the concourse, simply leaping for her throat and demanding she didn't whisk his father off to Goddess knows where wouldn't be wise. Indeed, she'd likely interpret his vigour as confrontational, and that wasn't something he could afford to risk if he wanted to have a shot at talking her down.
He also knew, much to his chagrin, that he wouldn't have half as much of a chance of doing that..of bringing her round to his point of view..if he didn't allow her to understand how the situation with his father had, and still did, affect him. Without doing that..without broaching topics that hurt him..
His father's illness..
His relationship with him..
The prospect of him leaving the Citadel..
..and allowing her at least a glimpse of how they wrung him out emotionally, his motives would be left to implication alone and his arguments would lose a good deal of their impact. It looks a lot better, after all, for a concerned son who is emotionally invested in keeping his father safe to ask for him to be reprieved from battle, than for a son who seems to be acting out of duty alone to demand it.
..
And truth be..he was the first of those..the concerned son.
Irksome to him as that fact was.
With those things in mind, Kolyat started by giving a respectful, reserved preface. Something that would allow him to test the waters, and get a feel for Shepard's mood and demeanour. "Commander.." he said, purposefully using her title, "besides today we've never really met.."
As he spoke, a memory came unbidden..
-..blue eyes glare at me down the barrel of a loaded gun..-
..but he blinked it back, focussing on the woman across from him. If she noticed his slip, she made no mention of it. Intent, he concluded his thought. "..so I don't know how well you're going to take hearing what I've got to say to you."
Shepard, her stomach in knots, channelled her mother's Gareth as best she could and spoke to reassure him. By some God's grace, her voice came out steady. "Believe me" she said, bracing herself mentally for whatever was to come, "I've had both barrels from people of every race, colour, creed and social strata. From people I've known for years, and ones I've never met before." She chanced a tiny, self-deprecating smile before prompting, "Speak freely. I'm listening."
With a short nod, Kolyat went on, his voice becoming a hint more firm and sure for her implicit encouragement. "I don't like my father, Ma'm" he said, noting how her eyes widened fractionally at his bluntness, "I don't know that I ever will..but I'm.." ..Gods this was hard to say.. "..worried about him. Before you visited him at the hospital, he'd never once spoken of joining the war effort, and yet now.." his stoically frosty exterior cracked just faintly, a confused frown marring his brow, "..after one visit..he's going, and his mind's made up on the issue."
He was quiet for a moment, weighing the Commander's reactions to his words, his tone. She looked curious, and was focused on him, attentively waiting for him to make his point. Gathering his best empathic though dissenting air, he added, "I know why you want him to go with you. I know what he is..and what he's done..and what he's good at..and why you need him to do those things for you again. The war with the Reapers is headline news. But knowing all that doesn't make..this.." he gestured between them vaguely, his frown deepening enough to make the soft skin at the inner corners of his eyes wrinkle, "any easier."
Listening as he expressed his discomfort, Shepard felt as though she was walking along a razor's edge with bare feet. Despite his apparent focus on her taking his father to war with her, which she could understand given their recent history, she was still unsure whether he knew of her bond with him. That wave and his use of the demonstrative pronoun 'this' certainly didn't help clear things up in that regard.
'This' could mean anything.
This situation..
This conversation..
..or..as she feared it might..This relationship you're having with my father..
Getting to the bottom things would be tricky, especially since she couldn't ask him anything particular without giving the game away, but she wasn't entirely without hope. She could dig a little deeper into the meaning behind that wave of his, and hoped that the extent of his knowledge would become clear as they spoke and tried to resolve whatever worries he had..whether they were about her and Thane, or something else entirely.
"What do you mean by 'this'?" she asked, mimicking his gesture.
Kolyat drew in and huffed out a deep breath before he answered her. "Everything to do with my father" he said, looking at his hands when holding the woman's gaze became too tasking.
Privately, said woman almost buried her head in her hands at his words, they being precisely the kind of vague that wouldn't help her figure out where she stood, but she schooled herself quickly and turned her attention back to listening.
"It's a.." he tried, picking distractedly at a callus between his thumb and forefinger as he struggled to express his thoughts; oblivious to his counterpart's discomfort. "It's a mess. I shouldn't want to know him..but.." Cutting himself off before he ended up exposing quite how raw the situation had made him, he shook his head and sighed, hoping Shepard might pitch in with..something.
Anything to ease his mind.
Empathy routing the panic in her gut at his seeming confusion, the Commander channelled her mother's Gareth again and trod very, VERY gently as she made a tentative guess as to the source of his consternation. "You don't want to care about him.." she brooked, earning a glance but little more, "but you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here."
"You're saying that as if it's a positive thing" he grumbled.
Aching to cast his situation in a becoming light, and knowing that Thane wouldn't want his son so conflicted, she asked, "You don't think that having the strength, after everything you've been through, to accept the man enough to form an attachment to him is a positive thing?"
Kolyat fenced. "Not when it's painful" he snapped, catching himself and doing his best to cool his heels before the spike of irritation her question sent through him could make him openly confrontational. Speaking himself out of the snit he could feel coming on, he said, "With him, all its been is one..trial after another. First his..occupation..then finding out that my mother was killed as a reprisal for some gangbanger he'd assa-" he stumbled over the word 'assassinated', its taste like poison on his tongue, "gotten rid of..then his illness.." His words petering to a stop, Kolyat glanced around uneasily before chancing a look at the Commander.
"It hasn't even been a year" he said, the imploring edge to his tone just being held at bay. His lips thinned slightly with stress as he spoke, a lick of tension coiling through his body. "When he first got here, I almost wrote him off as soon as I saw him. He was that ill."
Shepard, painful memories of just how ill 'that ill' was encroaching on her, gave a tight nod. "I know. When he left the Normandy.." she paused, forcing away the phrase she was going to say.. 'I thought it was our last goodbye'..and replacing it with a much more approachable, much less painful, "Professor Solus, the Salarian doctor who made him well, told me things were looking grim."
Hearing the name, Kolyat perked up slightly. "I met him at the hospital" he said, answering the Commander's surprised, "Oh?" with a nod of his own. "Yeah. I'd come to visit father, and the Professor told me that he'd need blood transfusions before his surgery. Since Drellish blood isn't easy to find outside of Kahje, I..well" his voice turned almost petulant then, walls that had lowered slightly as he spoke coming right back up, "..I couldn't not volunteer, could I?"
Even though he was obviously fighting to turn a glowingly positive thing into something that sounded almost coerced, Shepard's heart turned over in her chest at what she was hearing. Strained as things obviously were, she'd been right. There was a caring between Kolyat and his father, whether the young man liked it or not.
Tamping down on the new swell of pride she felt in the wake of his telling her about how he helped Mordin help Thane, she, again gently, brooked, "That was a wonderful thing you did."
The glare that snapped into place at her words couldn't have been more doubtful. It didn't stay for long however. After he muttered a plainly indignant, "What else could I do?" the distance he had forced between them with his scowling began to lessen again. "He was dying right in front of me. I couldn't just.." As he had moments ago, he stopped himself before he wandered into overly taxing, raw territory, forced a breath between open lips and refocused on his primary objective.
Persuading Shepard not to take his father to war.
Using the momentary break in conversation to his advantage he changed tack, confessing quite honestly, "I'm getting off track" before doing his best to direct their discussion in a manner that would allow him to present his case for keeping his father out of the conflict in the most compelling light possible.
His plan coming in had been to explain and share a particular memory that, for him, typified everything that made him uneasy about the situation as a whole. All told, he was unsure whether the experience would be as moving for Shepard as it would be for a fellow Drell - the sharing of experiences in the manner he planned to being one of the main ways in which his people expressed both their gravest concerns and their most joyous moments - but it was the best he could do.
There was no backup plan to speak of.
This was it. His only option.
It had to work.
"I know that things are different now to how they were then" he began, an edginess born of his desire and need to talk her round coming over him. "I know he's getting better..but it isn't memories of milestones that stand out to me about the last seven..almost eight months."
Much as he hoped she would be, the Commander was intrigued by his mention of memories and asked, "Which stand out to you, if not the good ones?"
Steeling himself, Kolyat made his play.
"There's..one, really.." he murmured, allowing the emotions that came to him as he recalled the memory to reach his tone as he prefaced its telling. "It isn't..'bad' exactly. More like..odd..but it's stuck with me..and it represents the reason I'm here asking you to reconsider taking my father to war with you." Holding her gaze, he puffed out a breath. "To tell this right, I'll need to explain a bit about how the Drellish mind works. Is that..ok?"
Equal parts gladdened by the fact that he seemed focused purely on challenging her about allowing Thane to rejoin the Normandy, and intrigued about the memory's content - it obviously being of something that both involved her mate and troubled Kolyat deeply - Shepard nodded. "Of course. Tell away, please."
He opened with a question. "Did my father ever tell you about our peoples' memory?"
"He did. It's eidetic, isn't it. You can relive moments as if they're happening now."
"That's right" he said, "and because of that, and the ease with which memories are triggered, it isn't uncommon in a Drellish household to come across a family member going through one in a quiet moment during the day. It usually happens around evening time, when the mind is tired."
Shepard's brows rose, her curiosity plain. "Really?" she asked, managing a little smile at the thought. "You'll see the person talking through it and everything? To themselves?"
Kolyat frowned, chuffing derisively. "No. Drell only explain memories verbally when they're sharing them with someone. If they're alone, they're usually silent..unless the memory is of a conversation, or of words they either said or that were said to them. Then they might repeat them, but nothing more."
"Oh I see" the Commander conceded, hoping the heat in her face wasn't too obnoxious in the harsh white light of the room. The oddly suspicious cast Kolyat's expression had taken as he spoke didn't help matters.
"You know that from my father, don't you?" he asked. "He shared memories with you that way."
Her stomach re-knotting at the thought of having inadvertently given her closeness to Thane away somehow, Shepard bit the bullet and did what her mother had when she, as an angst-ridden teenager, had once asked her about how close she was with Gareth.
She told the truth.
Economically, and with a mind to the fact that she might not have given the game away at all.
"He has done in the past, yes."
After a contemplative pause, Kolyat tilted his head a fraction to the right, seemingly satisfied with her honesty. As relief caused Shepard to sag in her chair slightly, he went on, unaware of how fraught a moment he'd given her. "Well then, you know what it was I saw. Father was sitting up in his bed at the hospital, pillows keeping his arms from resting down on his torso. This was shortly after his operation, so his muscles were still healing. Anything but the most careful pressure on his ribs was painful to him."
Tension owned her at hearing of her beau's pain, but the Commander simply bit the inside of her cheek and nodded, prompting Kolyat to continue.
"His lips were moving" he explained, "the occasional word escaping. He was speaking quietly to someone who wasn't there, and I knew as soon as I saw him that he was reliving a memory. The drugs he was on had made him relax enough for one to take hold. I didn't know what it was he was seeing, but that didn't matter. It wasn't odd, or worrying. Just..Drellish, I suppose.
I left him to it at first. It's not..good..to jolt a Drell from a memory sharply, especially when they're ill. The shock can be stressful..so I made tea instead..tried to be as quiet as possible and left him alone." He frowned faintly as he recalled the moment, his father's vulnerability in it striking, even to his jaded eyes. "It took him about five minutes to come around..to realise I was there. He looked at me..and he said, 'Where's my Siha?'.."
At that word..at 'Siha'..Shepard's heart almost stopped, her eyes going wide and jaw faltering slack before she caught herself and schooled her expression. It seemed she'd been wrong before to hope that she'd escaped 'the topic'; her relationship with Thane. She was his Siha, after all, and he seemed to have brought her up to Kolyat in the moment he was recounting for her.
Now then, the real questions would begin, just as they had when she'd argued with her mother about Gareth when she was young and foolish. The accusations would come, just like they had with her..the anger too..the mistrust and machinations of forcing impossible choices between 'him' and 'me'.
She was about to speak to..explain..to placate perhaps..to gentle him, or at least try to..but he spoke first.
"I knew right then who he'd been remembering" he said, and Shepard braced herself, her breath tight in her throat. Kolyat almost..almost smiled as he explained. "It was my mother. I don't know if he ever told you about her, but 'Siha' was the love-name..er..sorry, nickname he gave her."
It took every single ounce of self-control in her being for the Commander to keep her composure as he explained his thoughts to her. As he spoke, she couldn't meet his eyes; first out of worry about seeing anger or disgust there, and then out of pure shame at having assumed that it would have been her, her mate's 'other Siha', not Irikah, that he recalled when he was weak and needed comfort. She almost felt unworthy of sharing the woman's love-name, such was the affection she knew Kolyat was speaking with, but she pushed the feeling down.
She could deal with it later. Now was not the time to dwell.
Giving herself a moment to regroup, she cracked open her can of Tupari and took a quick sip before she thought to answer him, ignoring how the hand that held the can shook faintly with stress. Her throat needed easing before she could venture onto such obviously tender ground as Irikah. "He did tell me about her, yes" she said, minding to keep her voice as gentle as she could without coming across as overly empathetic. She couldn't empathise with him rightly..not about his mother..and she knew that trying would only irk him. "It means 'angel', doesn't it..'Siha'.."
Kolyat watched her lips as she spoke, his eyes focused and intent. After a contemplative moment he replied, the brief glimmer of a smile he had given at the mention of his mother leaving as quickly as it came. "It sounds odd from human lips..but yes. Something like, 'protective warrior angel' is the rough translation." He paused then, reigning his thoughts into order before carrying on with his explanation.
"Anyway..he asked me that, and I winced. The drugs had skewed his mind just enough that he thought the memory was real..that my mother had just been there talking with him." He clenched and unclenched his fists slowly, working out a little of the unease recalling all this brought on. "And I had to tell him the truth of things. That she's gone..'She's with Kalahira, father..' I said..Kalahira is our Goddess of Oceans..She cares for the departed..'She's with Kalahira' I told him, and he..sort of snapped out of it. He came around fully and apologised. Said he was confused..and we got on with the day from there. He was fine.."
Mindful to keep quite how well she was acquainted with his people's Gods and Goddesses to herself, Shepard simply nodded where appropriate, tamping down on the ball of emotion that'd lodged itself in her chest as he explained how disorientated Thane had been. The only thing keeping the guilt she felt at not having been at his side through it all to manageable levels was the fact that she knew she couldn't have been.
Protective custody isn't argued with; not when an entire race - the Batarians - is after your blood.
"That wasn't the odd part though, Commander" he went on, dropping his gaze to his hands quickly before meeting her eyes again. "A few days later, I came by to see him again and he was having another memory. At first I wasn't bothered by it. Like I said, it's natural for Drell to dwell like that, especially when they've been ill. It's a restful thing when the memories are gentle. Calming. He was smiling this time as he spoke..murmuring little words. He didn't make any sense, but you rarely do when you're recalling like that. Things just kind of..come.
So I let him go again..made us both a mug of tea, sat beside him and waited for him to come round..which he did. He looked at me again..and asked what he had the first time. 'Where's my Siha?' He'd been remembering mother again..and I told him..'She's been with Kalahira for a long time, father. You know that..'..and Shepard.." he shook his head, huffing out a breath and sitting back in his chair, regarding her with all severity, "I swear to you, I don't know what it was I said, but he changed so fast.."
"What happened?" she asked, struck by how wrought her counterpart suddenly seemed. "What'd he do?"
"It.." His words dying away as an idea struck him, Kolyat sat forward again, gestured towards her, and took a chance. "I could show you, but.."
"Please" Shepard cut in, a second thought never entering her mind. This was, after all, the crux of the story Kolyat had been telling her. If she didn't experience it fully, she'd be missing out on something that was obviously of great importance to him.
Watching her closely, he rested his elbows on his knees and held his hands out towards her. "Hold your arms like this.." he prompted..which she did, the palms up, fingers splayed.
Five there instead of the normal Drellish four.
Needing to make sure he didn't destroy the tentative rapport that seemed to have kindled between them during their talk, he spoke to make sure she understood his intentions. "I mean you no violence, Commander. What my father did wasn't violent. He didn't hurt me, and I won't you."
It sounded..odd..saying it out loud - telling this woman, of all women, that she was safe from him when he knew damn well how proficient she was in all things violent - but still, it needed saying. If he took her entirely by surprise, he ran the risk of her reacting without thinking and defending herself, and he knew from experience that he could expect at least a bloody lip if that were to occur.
Touched by his thoughtfulness, Shepard allowed herself a full and proper smile. "It's all right, Kolyat" she said, flexing her fingers slightly in a muted display of readiness. "I'm with you on this. We'll do things your way." When he caught her eyes again, she gave a little nod, which he returned before slowly..tentatively..touching his hands to her forearms.
It was a light, timid touch; not the one his father had given him in the moment he planned to share with her, but one he needed nonetheless. A little moment spent on bridging the gap between himself on his chair and her, she with a reputation longer than he was tall, on that opposite him. He needed to make sure it was safe to touch her at all, after all. Much as he wouldn't use sand to bathe with without checking its temperature, he couldn't recount the physical elements of this particular memory with Shepard without testing her reaction to contact first.
Reassurances be damned.
True to her seeming ease however, she didn't jolt..move..or pull away. She simply relaxed, and let him work himself up for whatever it was that was coming.
More sure of himself after this little success, his touch became just a hint more firm. Now, his fingers actually found purchase on the leather sleeves of her jacket, and still, she made not a move. Not a jolt or waver. She didn't return the touch, as she could upon his forearms if she wished. She simply waited as he breathed for a moment; his eyes, raising from where they had been watching his fingers find black leather, becoming unfocussed as the memory came to him.
Looking upon him then, she knew that face.
It was Thane's from this angle, she'd swear it blind.
Then, suddenly..the restfulness of the moment ceased to exist. He grew frenetically tense, recounting, "He jolts upright" as he sat up sharply himself. Not a half-breath later, he went on, "grasps my arms" as he grasped hers just below the elbows, "and pulls me close to him before I have time to pull away." Dragged towards him, as he had been by Thane, Shepard fought every ounce of training she had and didn't put up a whiff of resistance. She simply watched and listened, knowing that the anger in his expression was not his own. He went on swiftly.."I feel his breath on my face as he bellows"..raising his voice as Thane had with him.. "..'YOU LIE! YOU LIE TO ME! I saw her not four months ago!'.."
And then..as quickly as it had come..the memory was banished, and it was Kolyat sitting before her again. As she gaped at him, he sat back from her quickly, releasing her arms and putting distance that they both needed between them as they absorbed what had passed.
After a near minute of silence but for their breathing, he spoke. "..Shepard" he tried, his voice tending on the hoarse side from all the shouting he'd done, "my mother died over a decade ago..and he knowsthat..and yet for the rest of the visit, he didn't speak to me. He barely even looked at me! He just kept looking over something on his Omni-tool and muttering to himself about dates. I think he must have scared himself or something but.." he sighed deeply, shaking his head and rubbing a hand over his face to try and enliven himself a little. "His head was..gone."
For her part the Commander, despite how she was listening to him intently and taking in what he was telling her on some subliminal level, barely heard what he was saying. She was too fixed on those last seven words he'd recalled.
'I saw her not four months ago.'
Sitting forward again, her elbows on her knees, hands loose between them, she allowed herself one little moment of visible weakness. She lowered her head, closed her eyes, and let out a slow sigh. When she opened them, and looked at him, Kolyat was speaking again.
"That's what I remember of my father's stay at Huerta" he said. "That's what jumps out at me. Not the progress..or the time we spent looking at holos together..or the walks we took. I remember that moment most clearly. When his memory failed him and made him honestly think that something that couldn't have been real, was."
She was sure from listening to him that the young man was being earnest, and could empathise with his horror at the idea that his father was, in that fleeting moment, unable to recall something as important as the fact that Irikah was indeed with Kalahira. For a race who are born with perfect memory, the loss of that ability would be unthinkable; something worthy of confusion and fear.
His worry though was unfounded, and Shepard knew it. She knew better. She knew something that he obviously didn't. Something that made both the depth of his knowledge regarding her relationship with his father clear, and Thane's losing his temper at being told that his Siha was with Kalahira make perfect sense.
He hadn't been thinking of Irikah in that moment.
He hadn't forgotten anything.
He'd been thinking of her.
Her..she..Amial, who was very much alive and who, in the months prior to Kolyat visiting his father when he was in the hospital, had been at his bedside; just like he remembered her being when Kolyat - thinking that he was remembering his mother - had told him that his Siha had crossed the sea.
It was this realisation that made her lower her head. The thought that, when he was at his most needing of her presence, her love had remembered her tenderly and had then been told, quite innocently and as the result of a mistake in judgement, that she was dead.
Thinking of the upset that must have caused him, especially since he'd been so obviously vulnerable when it had happened, tore at her heart in a way the battered thing had never been torn at before.
No wonder he'd bellowed and become greatly upset.
No wonder he hadn't spoken to him, and barely looked at him again that day.
Had their positions been reversed, and she was the one getting news of his death..
Her heart clenched, and she had to cough into her hand to cover how unforgivably her lips quivered at the thought. Feigning a minor hacking fit and hurrying down three gulps of Tupari to hide the break in her composure, Shepard consoled herself with the fact that Kolyat, as far as she could tell, didn't know how close she and Thane were. If he had done..if he knew there was something there..he wouldn't have been confused by his father's talk of 'seeing her four months ago'. Even if he didn't know that he called her 'Siha', he would have put the pieces together and puzzled it out.
But he hadn't.
A whisper more content than she had been prior to her hurried sipping, Shepard took a breath and spoke, "All right Kolyat" but he was faster; urgency, this once, prompting him to interrupt her.
"It isn't all right" he hissed, tensing sharply as he tried to mask an abortive attempt at flashing his throat at her in warning again. "I don't ever want him to be like that again, Commander. And going to war with you is just lining him up for it. He'll get hurt, or sick, or..something..and all the progress will have been for nothing."
"I understand" she said, her voice made purposefully firm to both assert her authority and keep it from failing her, "and can see how that experience would make you worry. I'd have felt the exact same thing if I was in your position. But your father's health has improved by magnitudes since then. According to his doctors, he's well enough to travel with us."
Kolyat gave a disgruntled chuff. "He told me the exact same thing" he said, noting the surprise in the Commander's expression. "I've tried to talk him out of going, but he won't hear of it." Swallowing back the accusatory edge he wanted to lace through his message, he added, "I don't know what you said to him..what you promised him in return for signing on with you..but none of it is worth putting his life at risk over" and waited then with baited breath for her to respond.
Much as his tone implied quite openly that he felt she had bribed his father into rejoining her crew, the relief she felt at not having to focus on thoughts of her mate in distress balanced out the roaring indignation his words lit in her. Kolyat wasn't to know the truth of things after all. He was going on instinct, not actual facts, and she couldn't fault him for that. She could correct him however, and spoke to do just that; her tone as level and calm as she could make it.
"To be clear" she said, "I didn't, wouldn't and couldn't promise your father anything in return for rejoining the Normandy."
"But you asked him to go with you" Kolyat clipped, frowning deeply.
Shepard shook her head, almost pained to disabuse him. "No, I didn't."
For a moment, the young Drell looked thunderstruck, his voice turning soft with shock. "..What?"
"He asked if he could travel with us again. I told him yes, so long as his doctors and the Normandy's head physician cleared him. Which they have. I can't refuse him, Kolyat."
His cheeks and throat flushing with aggravation and disbelief that his father had chosen to leave without the Commander having asked him to, Kolyat barely stopped himself from standing up out of his chair. "Why not!?" he snarled, directing his anger at the only target he had at present. Shepard herself. "It's your ship!"
Taking his ire on the chin, the Commander sat forward and looked him dead in the eye. "I don't want to make you uneasy" she said, minding to keep her tone as level and irritation-free as possible, "but your father told me something when he was..poorly..that's the whole reason for me being unable to refuse him. He said to me, 'Death's veil is all I see now, Shepard. It blocks out the stars. All of the light fades into emptiness. There is nothing more to my future than the lid of a box..'.." The tightness in her throat returning, she went on quickly, eager to make her point and move on from such horrifyingly painful talk.
"The lid of the box is gone now. Thanks to his doctors, he's got a life to live again, and I can't stop him from doing that. Not if he's well enough to do it, which he is."
Kolyat, his composure so rocked and temper so frayed that the anecdote's content barely moved him, snapped, "So autonomy justifies taking a man who's just out of his hospital bed out in a warship?"
"After a careful risk assessment and medical checks made by nine physicians" she said, her manner in the face of his ire something it had taken years to perfect, "yes. It does."
"And what of his family?" he pressed, grasping now for a straw he might use since Shepard seemed to have sided with his father long before he got the chance to speak with her. "Do I not get a say? He'll die out there, Commander, advisory role or not, and you're allowing that!"
"Nothing's that cut and dry in war" she replied, masking the discomfort his words brought as best she could. Opening her arms, she gestured to the room they occupied and the Citadel beyond it. "Gods forbid, the Reapers could attack this place in ten minutes time, and then where would we be?"
Kolyat chuffed. " Don't try and make out that going with you and your crew is the safe option for him."
"Oh but it could be" she said, raising her brows. "If they come here, there's little anyone could do but run for their ships, and if the Normandy isn't here, your father doesn't have one to run to. But, if he comes with us, the threat he'll face from a Reaper invasion is almost zero."
Unmoved, he sneered a derisive, "Bullshit."
Ignoring his profanity, Shepard countered without missing a beat. "Not so. The Normandy's the quickest ship in the galaxy. She's outrun Reapers before, and will again. She's built for stealth, Kolyat. She keeps out of sight and out of mind in her little tech-made bubble of invisibility while we scout the deep black for supplies and allies. That's her job. If your father rode with us, he'd be right in the middle of that invisible little bubble floating somewhere safe out in space. He wouldn't be stuck in one place like a sitting duck-"
"A whating what?"
Shepard, her monologue derailed, blinked out of her train of thought and tried to enlighten him. "Er..like a fish in a barrel? Know that one?"
The blank look she got was telling.
Snuffling, she dropped the idioms, "He wouldn't be a stationary target" and got back on track. "And if the Reapers did find us, we'd just do what we always do. Break for the edge of the system and wait them out. The places we go, there're so few of the damn things that even a reading of one passing within a light-year of us is rare. Sightings don't happen unless we're actually in Reaper-controlled space looking for them."
"And when you are? Where will he be then?"
"On the ship, like I told him. You said it yourself, he's only advising us on this tour. I won't have him out in the field."
Kolyat gave her a calculating look. "He told me that when we spoke, and I didn't understand it then. Why do you need him at all? What good is he if he isn't in the field working?"
Shepard managed a tight smile. "You underestimate his abilities as a teacher. The man taught me to hit a target using an M-97 Viper at 100 yards. For all my talents" she snuffled, the dry note in her tone marking her words as sarcastic, "I couldn't snipe for shit, Kolyat. I'm still only barely proficient, but that's due to my lack of talent, not his. If he can teach me to shoot straight at range, he can teach my crew all manner of things. Add to that over thirty years of field experience and you've got an indispensable resource for the war effort."
At her words, Kolyat visibly bristled.
"He's not some 'war asset', Commander. He's my damn father."
"I know" she replied, the levity that had found her tone a moment back leaving it now. "And he's my damn-"
A bleep then, strident and clear, cut her off and made both she and Kolyat jump. Quickly, she turned to her Omni-tool, deactivated its timer and glanced at the clock. She knew what it would read.
[13:35]
Her time was up.
Gathering her professionalism around her, she rose to her feet; Kolyat rising to his along with her, a confused expression on his face.
"Listen here now" she said, straightening her jacket briskly. "I've got to go and see a man about a thing right this second, but we're not done here and I know that. I want to talk with you more, and I want you to talk to your father again."
Kolyat almost despaired. "He won't listen to me!" he said imploringly. "If you'd just recon-" he cut himself off as the Commander made for the exit, her eyes still on him as she began moving away. Foolishly, his body reacted before his mind could catch up.
"Shepard!" he snapped, stepping around her and grasping the crook of her right arm.
Although her instincts screamed, there was no violence in her response. There was no punch. No restraint. Just a hand around his wrist, and her eyes holding his. Slowly, with calculated precision, she stepped back from him, putting distance between them again. Only then did she release him and speak. "The Normandy is laid over for four days. She needs repairs and the crew needs some downtime. After that, we'll be hauling out, but until we do, you've got all the time you need to speak to Thane-"
"He won-"
"Listen to me!" she barked, the note of command in her voice unmistakeable. "I will speak with your father about this for you. I'll tell him that you're concerned for him, and that he needs to engage with you about all this." Speaking her next words clearly and firmly, she added, "It's not my place to tell Thane what to do with his life. That choice is his, and only his, and I'll stand by him no matter what he finally decides because I respect him. For your peace of mind, I almost hope he decides to stay here, but that choice is his. Not mine, and not yours."
She was quiet for a moment, watching Kolyat's face. It was difficult to rightly read him, but she knew by the way his jaw was working that he wasn't best pleased. Knowing that nothing but an accession to his wishes regarding expelling Thane from the Normandy's roster would soothe him, she gathered herself and cut her losses.
"I'll be in touch within a day or so. Thane has your details I assume.."
She paused, raising her brows in question. Although he didn't catch the facial queue, Kolyat nodded dejectedly.
"..so I'll get them from him and we'll take things from there. We'll get all this sorted, don't you worry."
She glanced down at her Omni-tool again, checking the time.
[13:38]
Shit I'm so damn late..
Slipping through the door, she called a companionable, "Take care, Kolyat" over her shoulder, and she was out, back into the world. Back amongst people and noise and not pinioned by intensity and ire.
She'd made it through..and had to leave.
Thane would be waiting for her.
Turning to the elevators beyond the security point, she walked at an easy pace until the waiting room's windows were behind her, then took to her heels and triple-timed it towards the first opening lift.
Minutes after the Commander left, Kolyat remained where he stood. Still with impotent rage, he focused on bringing himself out of the memory-loop of her departure.
"Take care, Kolyat"
The door swishes closed.
I've failed.
"Take care, Kolyat"
The door swishes closed.
I've failed.
"Take care, Kolyat"
The door swishes closed.
I've failed.
"Take care, Kolyat"
The door swishes closed.
I've failed.
Failed.
"Stop."
He actually spoke the word aloud. Taking a deep breath, as though waking from sleep, he blinked, and took in the room. The chairs, whiteish-silver. The walls, three metal, one glass. White, sterile, ugly light. An empty chair across from him and..beside the seat he had once occupied..the can of Tupari he'd set aside when she passed it to him. The memory of her departure came again as he picked it up, holding it in his left hand.
"Take care, Kolyat"
The door swishes closed.
I've failed.
Looking at it, his fingers tightened.
"Take care, Kolyat"
The door swishes closed.
I've failed.
Further, and further.
"Take care, Kolyat"
The door swishes closed.
I've failed.
Until it ruptured..and fizzing green painted his hand, forearm and the shined tip of his left boot.
In that instant, his temper snapped. Heedless of the people passing by outside the windows, he reared around on his axis and, with a roar of frustration so loud it made the glass vibrate, hurled the decimated can across the room.
It had all been for nothing.
He'd failed.
Again.
Author's note the second: Hi there 'coldwetn0se'. Thanks bunches for your kind review. I wanted to message you to answer your apt and well-placed question, but found that I couldn't because you came in as a guest. So! To answer your point re: Shepard knowing about Irikah being Thane's Siha; yes, she does know, as you rightly pointed out, because he'd told her in the past. In the moment its brought up by Kolyat in this chapter however, her long-term memory shorts on her a bit because of how on edge she is. She knee-jerks (selfishly) and makes an assumption that turns out to be wrong. I've added a little clarification in there based on your (and one of mine actually) favourite Thane quotes to make her knowledge a hint clearer. Ever so glad you're enjoying the story. I'm continuing it as I type.
Cookies and thanks to all reviewers! Hearing from you all makes my day and inspires me a great deal.
And now!
Coming in the next instalment.
Sweet.
Gor'ram.
Reunion.
That is all.
