In Your Hands
Norm was having trouble coping. There was a part of him who adored Trudy for her selflessness in wanting to keep the baby, no matter the cost; but there was also a part of him who hated her for it, because she was risking her own wellbeing for something that was barely a mass of cells at this point. He'd never had to deal with something so complicated before, never had to make a life-or-death decision.
But he still felt as if his decision had been sound. Even if she lost the child (which would be horrible, no doubt, but still better than if the alternative was her death), they could always make another. They were both young, relatively healthy, and in place where that would be possible. If she died trying to save it, he would lose everything. And he'd already lost so much in this damned war, he wasn't about to let it take Trudy from him too.
And yet, as he watched her dose the afternoon before her surgery, he couldn't help but wonder about the tiny life inside her. Would it look like him, or like her, or a mix of both? Would it be intelligent, or meant for flight, or both, or neither? Would it be a boy or a girl? Norm hoped, of course, that he'd get to learn these things, watch his child grow up and become a person of their own, teach them right from wrong and the right skills and lessons they'd need to have on Pandora; but he couldn't help but feel scared about it, too. Would he make a good dad? So far, he'd been reluctant to even refer to it as 'the baby,' and he'd never even called it 'his kid.' It was just too weird to even think about yet.
"Hey," Trudy mumbled, snapping him out of his thoughts. He smiled at her, patting her arm gently.
"Good morning, sweetheart," he said back, "Welcome back." She frowned.
"It's morning already? How long was I out?"
Norm chuckled, shaking his head. "No, it's three in the afternoon. Geez, Tru, don't take everything so seriously."
"Don't call me Tru," she chided, moving her hand slowly off the bed in order to give him a swift jab to the ribs. It might've hurt, if she had been strong enough to do it as hard as she wanted to. The ridiculous nickname was getting on her nerves. "I'm not the answer to a question."
He laughed, and she glared, poking him lightly again. "I'm serious. You call me Tru again, and I'll start calling you..." She paused, a smirk on her lips. "Norman."
Norm frowned, his eyebrows coming together. "I haven't gone by Norman since I was a little kid," he protested, "Besides, that's like an anti-nickname, and I don't even consider it my name."
"Well, my name isn't Tru," Trudy complained, "Now you know how it feels."
He rolled his eyes, reaching out to run his fingers along her cheekbone. "It's good to have you back, Trudy."
"Good. It better be. So," she said, blinking a few times and staring at the white ceiling, one of the only things to look at in the boring room. "How is the outside world doing?"
Norm rubbed a hand across his eyes, contemplating. "Quite well, actually," he admitted, "Jake came by earlier and told me that we're almost done evacuating the military personnel, and the Na'vi have established a new Hometree about six clicks from here."
Trudy nodded. "That's good."
"Yeah," Norm agreed, the wariness in his voice giving way the fact that not all was well on Pandora. "But we've had to bump the death count up to about three hundred Na'vi. Several of the wounded didn't make it through the night, and the rescue operation has just about turned into a body search."
Trudy exhaled through her nose, sighing internally. So much death over a bunch of stupid, shiny rocks... it was unfathomable. "How is Jake handling things?"
Norm shook his head, "He's doing what he can for the People, but it's going to be a long and hard healing process for everyone. He came around earlier when you were asleep because he had a minute to spare while his Avatar body was resting; he told me to tell you he's sorry he couldn't stick around longer, but he had more work to do."
"Tell him I said thanks for visiting," Trudy said after a moment, shaking her head. "No honeymoon for the poor guy, huh? Tough break. Jumping right from getting married or whatever to being the freaking clan leader."
They laughed, and after a moment Trudy had to force back a bit of a coughing fit while Norm frantically searched for her cup and water bottle to get her more to drink. She took a few sips once he'd found the supply and poured her some, making sure to drink slowly. Norm was still smiling when she was done, returning the supplies back to their proper places. The morbidity of the outside situation— increasing death count, losing survivors, the tedious rebuilding of a Hometree— was forgotten as the couple grinned at each other.
"But there is some good news," Norm decided, leaning back and relaxing a little once he was sure she had finished her coughing. "Since the Na'vi are peaceful with the humans staying on Pandora, Mo'at agreed to let us reopen Grace's school."
Trudy frowned. "But since Grace is..." She paused, not wanting to say the word dead. Because saying it meant that it was real, and she still wasn't sure she really accepted it. After ferrying the determined scientist all over Pandora for six years, it was kind of hard to comprehend the fact that she was gone. She shook her head, not wanting to think about it. "...How's that gonna work?"
Norm grinned again, though there was a hint of sadness behind his eyes that she knew no one else would have noticed. He was hurting, too. Grace had been his friend and mentor, but more than that— she was his hero. Grace Augustine was everything Norm strived to be, and now that she was dead, he looked a little lost.
"That's the cool thing! Jake and Neytiri think it'd be a good idea for Max and me to teach English and mathematics, and then one of the Na'vi— Ninat, if I'm not mistaken — will teach their language and culture to the young ones."
The sheer joy on Norm's face at the idea of helping to take over Grace's job was enough to make Trudy want to kiss him until he turned blue from oxygen deprivation, but since she was pretty much immobile, she settled for giving him a deliriously happy smile. "That's amazing, baby," slipped from her lips as she reached out to touch his face. He was excited, barely noticing her acknowledgement and going on to explain the idea.
"Nothing's finalised, of course, but since I'm one of the only people here that are fluent in English and Na'vi, I'll probably be best suited. And Max has a Masters' in specialised mathematics, did you know that? I sure as hell didn't. And the Na'vi learn their lore mostly from song, so that's why Ninat is the best option— she's the clan's best singer. I've heard her. It's freaking haunting."
"That's all very well and good, Norm, but—"
"...And of course, the kids will get their hunting training from one of the warriors, but that's just common sense—"
"Norm." He stopped his frantic rant to look at her, confused. "I'm glad you're excited," Trudy told him, smiling. "But don't go all crazy on me. It hasn't been finalised yet." Norm's attitude didn't deflate at her reality-check, however. He grinned lazily and starched his arms above his head.
"I know, I know," he grumbled, "But they cool thing is, if we build the school close enough to the Base, the human children would probably be able to attend, too." He had this dreamy expression on his face. "Of course, there are many more Na'vi children than there are human ones, but most of the principal lessons are the same in both cultures; plus, wouldn't it be awesome for our kid to be bilingual? Knowing Na'vi would be an excellent skill to learn, and the brain of a five-year-old can learn like three times as fast as that of a twenty-year-old."
Trudy's eyes lit up. "Our kid?" Hearing Norm say it somehow made it feel more real, like she wasn't just making up play-house fantasies in her head. They were going to have a kid together, and Norm was going to teach it at Grace's old school.
"Well... yeah, our kid. I mean, if everything goes our way," he explained, ears blushing pink. "And of course, the school house itself will need repairs before anything can start, since it's been unmanaged in a Pandora'n forest for over a year..."
Trudy closed her eyes, her mouth stretched in a huge smile. "Good to see you're on board about this, then."
"I never wasn't," Norm said quickly, "I'm sure I'll love this kid, if and when it gets here. But I love you now, and I just don't want you to risk yourself for something I can't even see." He took her hand and brought it to his lips, gently kissing her palm. "I want us to be a family, Trudy, if that's what you want. But we can't be a family if you are six feet under." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm being negative again, aren't I? I shouldn't have brought it up again..."
"It's okay, Norm," Trudy murmured, already feeling tired again. It seemed her body wanted her to spend most of her time sleeping, nowadays. "I understand. But I want us to be a family." She opened her eyes again, looking at him sadly. "I just wish things could be good again, like they were before."
He nodded, understanding. "I wish things could be good again, too, baby. I wish things could be good again too."
