A/N: I apologize for the extremely long wait. I've been super busy with work which isn't going to ease up any time soon. I can't make any promises about my next update but I promise I have every intention of finishing this story. Please continue with your reviews/favorites/follows. They honestly make me want to continue this story when I have time. I would also like to hear what parts from A Blessing in Disguise you would like to read in Peeta's Blessing.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the storyline.
Avoidance may not be entirely what my dad had in mind when he said to take care of Katniss however, it's the only thing I seem to be doing lately. I think it's important to wrap my head around everything he said before I do something I might regret later. Not to mention I may be afraid. What if I discover my dad misread the signs and Katniss has only platonic feelings towards me? I would be even more heartbroken than I am now. I almost wish he hadn't given me the hope for something more.
Our routine makes things simple. I am up before the sun in order to open the bakery on most days which means I am out of the house before Katniss evens wakes. She tends to stay at work later in the evenings although I am only aware of this knowledge because the window in my art room faces the front of the house. I've been hiding away, trying to work out my problems through painting. Every once in awhile we might have dinner together but our conversations are filled with one word responses. The most interaction we have had since Scranton was during our 20 month check up with Dr. Aurelius.
I have read the baby books every night before bed. I know it's not completely abnormal that we haven't felt the baby kick yet but I was still a little nervous. The good doctor eased all of my fears during the appointment. We are at the point in the pregnancy where the sex can be determined however, Katniss and I have decided to be surprised. Well, she's going to be surprised, I on the other hand am still adamant Peanut is a girl and no amount of technology can tell me otherwise.
Tonight, I pull into the driveway to see that Katniss has beaten me home from work. We had someone call off from the bakery this afternoon so I had to stay later to cover the shift. I'm slightly surprised she's home earlier than normal but we did promise the future Mr. and Mrs. O'Dair we would meet them for dinner tonight. The only way I can manage to be in a room with Katniss for an extended period of time without wanting to drag her back to Scranton and have my way with her is with someone running interference.
The first thing I notice when I walk through the door is Katniss passed out on the couch with a baby book propped open on that adorable baby bump. She looks so peaceful but glancing at my watch, I gently shake her awake knowing she'll want some time to freshen up before dinner. "Hey, sleepy head."
"Hey, what time is it?" Lifting her feet, I sit at the end of the sofa before placing them back in my lap for an impromptu foot massage. I know how tired she has been lately and how much her feet have been hurting her. The swelling will only get worse as the pregnancy progresses.
"It's a little after six. I told Finn we'd meet him and Annie at that little Mexican restaurant you like at seven. Is that ok?"
"That's fine." We sit in silence avoiding eye contact but I do catch her picking up the book on her lap. Now that she is holding it the right side up, I notice it's a baby name book.
"Have you found any names you like yet?" I ask, never ceasing my ministrations on her feet.
"Not really. I want the name to mean something, you know?" I understand because I completely agree. "Have you thought of any names?"
I have but I'm a little nervous to broach the subject. The names have been weighing on my mind since that night at my parents' house a month ago. "Well, I don't know how you'll feel about this but what about naming him or her after your parents – Lilly for a girl and Jack for a boy?" The look of devastation that briefly crosses her beautiful features tells me it was a bad idea. "We don't have to. It was just an idea." I try to brush it off.
"I don't know if I want another Lilly or Jack Everdeen in the world."
"I understand." It would be hard to hear the full name again not in reference to one of her parents. "Wait. Everdeen? The baby's last name won't be Mellark?" Suddenly, my hands stop moving of their own accord. Why wouldn't the baby have my last name? I'm the father.
"I…I hadn't really thought about it. I guess I always thought it would make more sense if the baby shared my last name since I'll be the primary caregiver." What the hell is she talking about primary caregiver? I thought we agreed to do this together?
"I guess I just assumed because I'm the father, the baby would have my last name."
"Providing sperm doesn't make you a father." It's like she's knocked the wind right out of me or stabbed a knife right through my heart. My father's words could not have been further from the truth. She may not love me like I love her and we may not be in a committed relationship with each other but surely our friendship means more to her than that. Surely I mean more to her than that.
My walls our caving in, I can't breathe right now. I need to get as far away from her as possible before I do something completely stupid. Pushing her feet off my lap, I walk straight for the stairs without looking in her direction. "I'm getting ready for dinner, you might want to too." She doesn't even follow me or try to apologize. It's probably for the best right now or one of us would break the other.
The ride to the restaurant is full of tension but neither one of us says a word. She breaks our unspoken agreement to remain quiet once we park. Katniss finally tries to apologize but I'm not ready to hear it. Slamming the car door shut successfully silences her for now. Storming inside I find Annie and Finn at a table waiting to order. Katniss follows close behind. We mutter a quick hello before I stop the waiter in his tracks to ask for a beer. I need something to calm me down. Annie, Finn and Kat make conversation while I drown the three of them out. I don't want to be here right now so I concentrate on my beer, chips and salsa.
"Well aren't we just a happy bunch – the soon to be parents and the soon to be old married couple." I know my friend and I know he's only trying to ease the tension however I'm not in the mood for his jokes. I really should leave well enough alone. Perhaps, call it an early night but my anger is barely contained at this point.
"Parent." I mutter taking a swig of my beer.
"Huh?" My best friend asks.
"Parent. Apparently Katniss here can raise this baby all on her own. I'm just the sperm donor, right, Kat?" I glance in her direction although she keeps her focus on the clasped hands in her lap.
"Peeta, please, stop. Can we talk about this at home?" She whispers.
Home? A home is a place you build out of love. I wanted my house to be a home for her and Peanut, for us but clearly she has other plans in mind. Why does she need to stay shacked up with a sperm donor when there are plenty of other fish in the sea? "Oh, you mean my home? The one I pay for?" I don't know why I make a comment about money. It's not like she doesn't pay her share of the bills besides I had to beg her to move in with me. I guess I know how much it'll hurt her and really, I want her to feel the way I'm feeling.
"Peeta man, why don't you slow down on that beer before you say something you'll regret?" Finnick tries to come to the rescues again but you can't rescue a sinking ship. I chug the beer before slamming the bottle back down on the table.
"What like Katniss is a selfish bitch?" My voice is getting louder. I know I'm drawing the attention of the nearby customers. I can't stop myself.
"Peeta, you don't mean that." Kind Annie mutters.
Standing from my seat, I admit, "No, Annie, I do." I leave the restaurant without looking back. Once back in the safety of my vehicle I pound my fists into the steering wheel screaming into the empty space. Running my hands through my hair, I fight back my tears. I definitely fucked up any chances I had at making her love me back there. She just hurt me so fucking bad. Sperm donor? Is that really what she thinks of me? Would she be just as happy having this baby with one of her many less than honorable ex-boyfriends? I've got to get out of here but I can't go home. I can't run the risk of seeing her again tonight so I head towards my favorite hole in the wall bar.
"I figured I'd find you here." Finnick comments as he approaches the bar. The waitress asks him for his drink order but he shakes his head. It's probably for the best. I lost track of how many I've had three beers ago. I'm going to need someone to drive me home tonight and there is no way in hell I'm calling Katniss. "How many have you had, Peet?"
"Does it matter?" I slur. "I'm celebrating being a sperm donor." It's not funny but I chuckle at my own joke. "A fucking sperm donor."
"You know she didn't mean it. Pregnant women say crazy shit all the time. Their hormones are all fucked up, they can't think straight." It's admirable that Finnick is defending Katniss.
"Right…it figures you'd take her side."
"I'm not taking sides. You know I've always got your back but right now you're being a fucking asshole. I know you, Peeta, and I know you didn't mean anything you said back there. For crying out loud, you're going to be a father soon. You need to grow the fuck up and get over whatever insecurities you have when it comes to that girl. We both know Katniss is stubborn as hell and strong willed. Trust me, if she didn't want to be in this situation with you, she sure the hell wouldn't be and to be completely honest, I wouldn't blame her for moving her shit out at this very moment. Now, pay your damn bill, we're leaving."
The nosy bartender who was apparently eavesdropping brings me my check in record time. I hand her my card without looking at the bill. There is no need to know how much money I just blew in a matter of a couple of hours.
"You can't take me home Finn. I don't want her to see me like this." I admit as he helps me into his car. I may have royally screwed up with the love of my life tonight but if there is even a remote possibility I can make this right, I don't want to ruin it when she has to clean my vomit off the bathroom floor in the morning. She's already having one baby, she doesn't need another.
"You can come back to our place tonight but you're sleeping on the couch and cleaning up your own puke."
The next morning Finnick drops me off at the bar where I left my car last night. Luckily, I wasn't scheduled to open the bakery but I called anyway to let them know I'd be late. Slowly, I make my way home, hoping Katniss has already left for work. I'm still too ashamed to confront her. Now that I'm thinking rationally, I know she didn't mean anything by it. I overreacted and I wouldn't blame her if she never forgave me.
When I get home, I head straight upstairs to take a quick shower before heading into the bakery. As I approach my bedroom, I notice a hand written note taped to my door. I'd recognize Katniss' hand writing anywhere. I brace myself to read it thinking only the worse – she's moved out and she's not going to let me be involved in her or Peanut's life.
Peeta,
Words cannot express how truly sorry I am for what I said yesterday. I could give you a million excuses for why I said the things I did but none of them justify my behavior. You were right. I was acting like a selfish bitch. I understand I'm a lot to handle most of the time and if it'll be easier on you, I can move out. However I promise you I will try harder to be a better person for you and Peanut. And please know I think of you as so much more. You will be a wonderful father. In fact you already are. I love you, always.
Katniss
Her letter brings tears to my eyes and this time I don't fight them. I love her so much. I can't believe she's apologizing after all of the hurtful things I said to her. Finnick was right. I am so insecure in her feelings towards me, I don't trust her enough to not leave when the going gets tough or she finds someone else. Perhaps, my dad was right too. She could've aborted the baby, gave her up for adoption, left me in the dark, chose to do it alone but no, she moved in with me, she's raising this baby with me. The fact that she doesn't want to leave is a small victory in my opinion. It's time to take my dad's advice and be patient with her. I'm going to do everything in my power to show her how much I love her and pray to God she feels it too.
I stop by the florist on my way to work. Katniss is a rare flower and the typical red rose will not suffice for my girl. I pick out the biggest bouquet I can find with purple daisies, yellow daffodils, orange chrysanthemums and hot pink carnations. Contemplating what to write on the card, I settle for I'm sorry too. Please don't move out. I love you, always.
The bakery is running smoothly and we're well over staffed. There are perks to owning your own business. I leave Darius in charge and cut out early. Swinging by the grocery store on my way home, I pick up all the ingredients I'll need for Katniss' favorite meal of homemade lamb stew. The best way to apologize is to go all out.
While I'm preparing dinner, it suddenly dawns on me how stupid we were both being last night. Why didn't either one of us think of a compromise? Well, I guess that was mostly my fault for the way I acted. Anyway, the baby can have two last names. We could always hyphenate it. Sure, it's not what I imagined when I had children but I would do anything for Katniss. Suddenly, I am even more excited for her to get home. I can't wait to share this new idea with her.
A little after five o'clock, I hear the door open followed by Katniss calling out my name. "In the kitchen!" I holler as I set the table for dinner. She walks in positively glowing, carrying my apology gift. I can't help but smile too. "You got the flowers?" Of course, she did. I sound like an idiot.
"Yes, thank you. They're beautiful." I nod in agreement. They are beautiful although not nearly as beautiful as she is. "Peeta, you didn't have to do that. I'm the one that fucked up." No, I shake my head. I should have been more understanding. I avoid her by checking on the stew.
"You're pregnant so you're allowed to be emotional and crazy. I have no excuse for the way I treated you so please accept my apology."
"Ok."
"Ok." We eat dinner in relative silence, still trying to figure out where we go from here. Occasionally we catch each other stealing glances at one another. It's like we're in high school and we're both too nervous to speak. I rack my brain for something to say when I remember the compromise I thought of this afternoon. "So I have a proposition for you." I run my hands through my hair. I'm anxious to bring up the topic again but it's the elephant in the room. We still need to discuss it.
"A proposition?"
"Yes, about Peanut's last name. How would you feel about a hyphenated last name? It could be Everdeen-Mellark or even Mellark-Everdeen. I don't care either way." Her apprehensive face turns into one of genuine happiness as she considers my offer.
"I think it's a great idea, Peeta. I love it. And I like Everdeen-Mellark." Her eyes widen and her hands fly straight to her stomach. "Oh."
Immediately, I jump to her side concerned for her and the baby. "Are you ok? What's wrong? Is Peanut ok?" She has the most beautiful smile on her face when her eyes meet mine. Katniss guides my hands to her belly.
"Do you feel it?"
"Feel what?" It's as if the baby recognizes my voice. Our little girl must be doing somersaults in her mommy's belly. I've no doubt my face mirrors Katniss'. "That's our baby." I whisper.
"That's our baby." She repeats.
