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Chapter Seven: Goodbye
"Hey, mom. It's me – it's Spencer. Your Spencer. I'm right here. I – uh – I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I just –" Reid sighed, trailing off as his quaking words tripped over each other. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. And – and not just after – after you fell. I should've – I should've come to visit more. I should've been brave enough to come and see you. Mom – I – I've been so scared. I don't know what's going on. I don't know – what's happening. I'm afraid – I'm afraid that I might have – that I might be –" Again, Spencer failed to untangle his thoughts and put them into intelligible words.
Spencer Reid could spend hours spewing facts and reciting entire novels. Logic, numbers, probability, geographical details, all flowed a little too effortlessly from his crowded brain and out past his lips. It was second nature. Emotions, well, those Spencer Reid did not handle very well. He avoided them as much as he could, but when they overcame him, they were as over the top as his long-winded stories and explanations. When Reid got angry, it wasn't long before the entire team knew it and he was nearly shouting at an abusive father, incompetent police officer or even JJ, one of his best friends. As much as he attempted to bottle it, it oftentimes still leaked, or exploded, out in unhealthy ways. This in no way made Spencer Reid a bad person or poor agent. Each member of the team had their flare ups and their flaws. Sorrow and grief were other feelings Reid desperately attempted to hide deep within himself if he could not ignore them entirely. Reid simply ran away from them and the problems behind them. Of course, they always managed to catch up to him. His past history of drugs and his recent avoidance of the topic of his headaches flashed in his mind as he sat there, staring at his unmoving mother.
"I should've been there for you. Dad – he left us. He left you. I know why now, but it – it doesn't change the fact that he was gone. He left you. And then I left you. I wrote you a letter every day because – because I was too afraid to come and see you. I lied to you, Mom. I told you I wasn't weak and you said I wasn't – but – we were both wrong. Mom, I am weak. I'm so weak. I'm lost right now and I feel that you're lost too. I need you, Mom. I need you. Logically speaking, you probably can't even hear me right now. Well – right now – right now I don't care about logic or facts or – or any of that. I – I just care about you. I care about you. I love you, Mom. I love you and I just wish you would wake up. Please – I need you."
A sudden noise shrieked from the machines above Reid's head. He felt his blood turn cold and the shrill scream was like a blade to his head and heart. He knew what it meant, but he couldn't bring himself to admit it. In that moment, he simply squeezed his mother's hand tight. His eyes locked on his mother's seemingly peaceful face. As seconds ticked by and the room was still empty, Reid's lips began twitched. He called out for help, but all that came out was a strained whisper. He cleared his throat and thrust back tears and called out again, this time a broken yelp escaping.
"Please! We need a doctor in here!"
He contemplated finding one but couldn't pull himself away from his mother, his trembling hand still wrapped around her still fingers.
A group of people swiftly entered the room, shouting jargon and commands at one another. Half of them possessed hardened and firm tones of aged experience. Others sounded frantic and hurried. Reid failed to even notice when their cries became directed at him. He could feel hands on his shoulders and he attempted to fight them in vain. He longed to stay beside his mother. There had been so many times he hadn't been there for her since he sent her away. He needed to be there for her now. He couldn't let go of her hand. He just couldn't. But he did. His exhausted body gave way unwillingly and he was escorted from the bustling room.
It wasn't until he was in the hallway and seated that he realized whose hands had been on him. He glanced up to see two of his best friends and their hands still supportively on his shoulders. They merely exchanged watery eyed glances. Words had no place in such a moment. And when one thought about it, what was there to say? All they could do now, was wait and be there for their friend. Reid remained motionless in the chair he had been placed in, his eyes penetrating the now closed door of his mother's room. His lips quivered and began running his palms against his pants. One of the men looked down at him and knew what was coming next. Spencer coughed softly and then seemingly out of nowhere leapt up out of his seat. His friends were quickly there to steady him and restrain him if necessary.
"Reid –"
"I – I – I can't just sit out here and do nothing while my – while she – I have to do something."
"Reid, there's nothing you can do right now, man."
"Don't you think I know that?" His outburst was quickly followed by a sudden stumble. His hands found his temples and he winced in pain.
"Reid? Are you alright?" Rossi's voice was distorted as it assaulted Spencer's head.
"Hey, Reid, what's going on, man? Talk to us, kid." The panic if Morgan's voice merely added to the unforgiving pressure.
Spencer collapsed to his knees, the impact softened by the support of his friends holding him. He closed his eyes and bit his tongue, desperately trying to combat the agony that was filling his head and the grief overwhelming his heart. It was as though his head was in a vice and he couldn't stop it. The pain simply increased until Reid imagined his skull would crack from the pressure. In his agonizing daze, Reid managed to open his eyes just briefly enough to watch a man round a corner and then, seeing Reid, break into a run towards him.
"Hotch?"
It was all Reid could say. That one word pounded against his brain, his own voice hurting him. He faintly registered the voice of another teammate calling for help. Everything was dark now and he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. He vaguely felt his body crumbling forward, arms keeping him from the floor. The voices grew distant and soft and with his last ounce of strength, Reid spoke.
"Mom."
It was the last word that passed Spencer Reid's lips and he submitted to the pain and the darkness.
