inescapable
emotions like barbed tongues
licking at his mind
High school is, he's decided, one of the worst places in the world for an empath to spend their time. If it weren't for the practical benefits of redoing senior high school every decade, he would be as far away from that woeful place as he could get. He's aware that most people would think he were merely being melodramatic; a number of his peers view school as torture, after all, so most adults would immediately relegate him to the status of disheartened teenager. Despite that, it's an apt word to describe his experiences there, and it's a much more appropriate descriptor for his experiences than it ever has been for theirs.
In his long existence, he's often had to grapple with his special abilities. It was what made him an effective leader and soldier, but it was also what eventually broke him and led to him following Peter and Charlotte in his search for peace. He has gotten better at keeping it in check, but it's still a constant struggle. His family's presence grants him some degree of peace, but feeling their desires and conflicts alongside his own makes it that much harder for him to overthrow the craving for human blood. Although he has no plans of leaving the people he has quickly come to love, he can't help but occasionally wonder if it would be easier to control the bloodlust if he were just living alone with Alice.
He hasn't yet reached a decision on that. But, given that his mind-reading brother has never said anything to assuage the stray thoughts that he is sure to have picked up, Jasper rather suspects that Edward thinks it might be.
And teenagers, he's found, are even harder to be around than adults. Everything is so magnified and uninhibited for them. Molehills and mountains alike are twisted until they become towering behemoths of ground that seem impossible to traverse. When added to his already overstretched self-control, it's a dangerous mix.
In a school environment, that's further worsened by the sheer number of people milling about at any one time, airing their dirty laundry in his face without even realising it. It's not just a rollercoaster of emotion; it's a whole theme park full of it. Each person he passes is going on their own tumultuous ride, and he's privy to all of them. Sometimes he'll have enough exposure to one person that their feelings pull him into their depths like mermaids luring unsuspecting fishermen to their deaths. Usually, however, he just catches snippets of different feelings and stories, almost as if he's flicking through the official mid-ride photographs and catches a brief glimpse of their excitement or terror. He honestly isn't sure which option is harder to bear; the first kind threatens to drown him, but the second one gives him a sense of constant whiplash.
And, to his never-ending frustration, his pathokinesis isn't even all that helpful there. Usually, its tactical utility enables him to accept it as an emotionally grating but, ultimately, practical gift to have. It has been useful a number of times over the years, and he's well aware that it will most likely continue to help ensure his family's safety in the future as well. But, while he knows that he will be grateful for it again should another conflict arise, and it definitely has its benefits when it comes to spending time with his wife, it's difficult to fully appreciate it in times of peace. And, in such a fast-paced and packed environment, it's impossible to track and modulate so many different feelings simultaneously. He can emit a general sense of peace to those around him, but doing that for so many people at once strains him and just makes him that much more susceptible to their emotions when they inevitably come seeping back in.
At first, the task of enduring all of those conflicting feelings at once was almost overwhelming. It was all he could do to focus on not snapping under the weight of all of that anxiety and confusion. Having never been a particularly fretful person, he had no idea how to deal with that on a small scale, let alone on one as large as the one he was being confronted with on a daily basis.
Over time, however, the burden has eased. He has gotten better at enduring the barrage of human emotions and the accumulation of his family's thirst for blood. And, as frustrating as waiting is, he knows that that will only improve with time.
Still, every business trip or personal sojourn he takes with Alice feels like a temporary pardon from a life sentence. When he's just with her, the emotions are so much simpler and purer, and he's able to properly savour them for once. Their time alone together, whether they're on their way to complete a task or just exploring the countryside, feels like blissful periods of remission amidst the disease of his ability.
And, although he knows that even this is impacted by the feelings of those around him, he absolutely detests high school.
A/N: Says the girl who generally loved high school and found that her friendship group didn't have much drama overall. Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has followed, favourited, or reviewed this, and special thanks to Jessica314 for your support and thoughtful discussions.
Challenge: If You Dare Challenge – prompt: Going to school
