Delivery 5, Stage 2: From the Judgment of Heaven to the Gates Of Hell.

And so I found myself facing a girl with red pigtails, and a long blue-and-white dress that looked a bit too large for her. Over her shoulder was a long and deadly scythe. Behind her were the great pink blossoms of the Muenzuka, which would have covered the horizon if the misty Sanzu River wasn't there. Covered in mist and with water black as night, it gave off a sense of foreboding.

"I can't let you cross. I could kill you so you could cross if you'd like." She said.

"Wonderful, just wonderful." I said. "Unfortunately, I have another delivery to make after this, and if I don't make it out of here alive I'll never be able to make my time! So let me through!"

~Higan Death Retour – Riverside View~

"Wow, you're unreasonable just like the rest." She said. "Okay, let's fight!"

She said "fight", but my goal was not to defeat her. I pulled out my cards. She readied her scythe. The red spell card barrier was up.

I know that what I'm about to do is very, very stupid.

But I chose to deliver for a reason! After doing this job a few times, I chose to continue! To deliver things to others, and to see that they get through the day with the things I bring! That is my goal, to help others!

And no divine judge in their right mind would ever reject such a statement!

"Dissolve!" I yelled, shattering the spell card barrier from the top down. I threw ten of the cards in her face, blocking her field of vision. Taking this opportunity, I got onto her boat.

"I don't mind letting you through without killing you, but if you put a single scratch on that thing I'll murder you!" She yelled at me as I pulled out another one of my cards.

Magician Sign: Orobas' Winds.

"Don't worry, you slacker, I'll drive carefully!" I yelled as the boat's front tipped up like a speedboat and flew across the water of souls. "I'll be ferrying this batch of ghosts along, then!" At that, her expression seemed to change.

"It's a shame you have to leave so soon!" She yelled. "Have a safe trip!"

Most definitely an idiot. I thought to myself.

I merrily boated along the river's current, staring forward into the mist. When am I ever going to get there? I thought. All this trouble, just for a delivery…

The side of the river was there. I pushed the boat onto the dock and tied the knot. In front of me was a wonderfully grand building.

Take that hospitable girl from the village's house. That was a large, three-storey building, complete with courtyard, furniture, and a garden.

Multiply that by ten and you get the Yama's place. It was even more grand, actually, being decked out in gold leaf, high-quality and shining wood, and tiles that looked like they could weather a storm that would flood the building before ripping off the roof tiles. As I watched, judges and clerks, dressed in blue wear, flew around quickly chatting with each other and attending to the ghosts that were on the ship.

"Damn, she must take in a lot from the dead spirit's donations." I said, leaving my head up and staring in wonder at the things around me. "It's like a castle in here."

There was also one disadvantage to this. I did not know anything about where the Yama was. So I had to ask. I flew up and tapped one of the judges flying about on the shoulder, who turned to me with an impatient attitude.

"What do you want?"

"Which way is the Yama?" I asked. "Her groceries are here." I raised up the bag, which was actually extremely heavy. Thank God for adrenaline rushes. I thought. I would never have been able to carry this thing otherwise.

"You're still alive, aren't you?" He asked. Even the men here are idiots. I thought. By reflex, I answered truthfully, something I would regret to this day.

"Yes, I am. Now which way is the Yama?" I had assumed that they would be comfortable with living people, the scythe-woman at the boat having let me through so easily.

What happened next was that everyone within earshot had surrounded me. I was bound with magic to where I was, my body would not move a bit. And only now did I remember that the living were not supposed to set foot here. Even the ghosts who were being judged were among the audience. They formed a multi-tiered circle around me, quite like a college lecture room.

How could I let such a simple detail slip my mind! I asked myself. Oh no, has living in this place turned me into an idiot too? And am I some sort of college professor now? Do I have to defend my dissertation?

A short, green-haired, yet extremely dignified looking girl came up to the head of the circle, directly in front of where I was bound and floating, but above me, so that I would have to look up at her figure. Her blue vest, standing starkly contrasted to her white shirt, stood out among the rest along with her regally complicated hat, with its blue cloth and red ribbon, plus her being younger and smaller than the rest of the judges only adding to her majesty.

~Eastern Judgment in the Sixtieth Year - Fate of Sixty Years~

"You who are accused, state your name, occupation, and business here with the judges of the dead!" Her voice rang out majestically, and I got the feeling that if not for court decorum, they would have started cheering for her.

"Victor Hunter, deliveryman. I'm here to make a delivery." I said.

"You, the defendant, have been charged with trespassing and theft." The Yama pronounced this to me, and to the court at large. "Since this court is busy with the souls being ferried over, you will have one statement to defend yourself with before you are sentenced."

Oh no. Everyone here's an idiot. I thought. So how do I prove myself to idiots? I thought it over for a few seconds before the answer came to me.

Of course.

"Friends, Romans, citizens!" I began what would be a long and somewhat-rousing speech. "Today, I stand before you, accused of trespassing and theft! I plead guilty to both charges!" I proclaimed. Following this, shouts and cheers of "Guilty! Guilty!" began to ring across the courtroom.

"Order! Order!" The Yama began to holler while pounding at her invisible table. "Order in the court!" With that, the calls of "Guilty!" began to cease. "Continue your statement, defendant!"

"I would like to say, however, that my trespassing and theft are justified, and let me recount the facts!" I yelled and swallowed my saliva. I knew that from here on out, nothing that I said was going to be true.

"Yesterday, a delivery request was made at the one and only branch of Kirisame General Goods, to have groceries for a week delivered here, to the Yama. I have a copy of the notice here, and would like to submit it into evidence. The goods are also over there, and to be presented into evidence as well." I put out my hand, on which was written the notice. One of the judges came down to take it, along with the bag of goods.

It had been folded into fourths when I had handed it over. That was for the simple reason of keeping the Yama's pride intact. After the standard soy sauce, fish, meat, and vegetables, along with the supplies used to keep the place clean and spiffy, there was one item that would apply to only one person here. One person who was younger and more dignified than all the rest.

"Breast enhancement medicine".

I had, of course, no interest in hiding it and would have shown it in public if the Yama was not in control of my fate from this moment on. She unfolded the paper, nodded, and folded it again.

"The court accepts this into evidence." The Yama proclaimed, forcing a nonchalant expression, with a slight blush. "Continue with your statement, defendant."

"After that, the rest is simple. I could not allow myself to die, because that would mean inability to continue, and that I had to come here, in order to do my duty, which you in fact requested. So in order to perform this duty, I was forced to commit these crimes."

"Objection!"

The judge who had originally apprehended me stood up. He was now also in the middle of the court.

"Could you not have left the goods with the ferrywoman in order to stop this whole situation? It seems like quite a logical step to me!" He declared to the crowd, who began to nod in approval. You legalistic types are the worst sometimes.

"Regulations of the delivery service state that I must have the signature of the person who ordered the goods, and that person is the Yama!" I yelled. "If you would look closer on the order form, Ms. Eiki Shiki filled out the form herself, which would mean that it requires her signature!" Again, the court was back in an uproar, the audience making more noise than either of us.

"Objection! Then you could have asked the ferrywoman for an audience with the Yama in order to avoid this whole situation!" Again, the court rose into an uproar, some on my side and some on his. Eiki herself was silently pondering at the head of the judges, carefully analyzing what would come next.

"I beg to differ!" I yelled. "First of all, the duty of a deliveryman is to deliver goods to the person in question, not to have them come to him! And second! With your workload, still dealing with the backlog from the flower incident, it would have been horribly inconvenient for the Yama to have presented herself!" The court was again in an uproar, screams of "Guilty!" and "Not Guilty!" being thrown back and forth. "Commuted sentence!" and "Death penalty!" were also being thrown around madly.

Even in politics here, everyone's an idiot.

"Objection!" He yelled, but he was cut off by the Yama's "Silence in my courtroom!" At that, every one of them returned to the state they were in at the beginning, calm, quiet, and totally respectfully. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke.

"I have made my verdict. I declare him guilty of all charges!" Cheers erupted in the court, some of "Death penalty!". I said nothing, only amazed by the utter stupidity of these people. They were cut off by the Yama's "Order! I shall now hand down the sentence!"

This was it. I was already prepared to grab my cards and start a fight. The odds were bad, and there was no way that I was getting out of this aerial magical prison alive, but I would not go down without a fight. The delivery must go on!

"The defendant is sentenced to be lectured by me!"

The whole courtroom was silent. There was nothing that moved, nothing that spoke, and nothing that happened. Even the air itself seemed to stand still. Oh crap.

"Defendant, you broke two laws for the sake of completing your duty. I must commend you for that, and wish that I could hire you because of your dedication, however, I feel that you have points for improvement."

I gulped. This scene was quite familiar.

"I think however, that you are a little too impulsive. To do such things without feeling a shred of guilt is both a blessing and a curse. However, I have faith that you will be able to exercise proper discretion in using your impulses." She proclaimed, and then she flew past me. Before I realized it, she was already behind me, looping away back to her office, and the judges were on their separate ways.

But I could have sworn I heard her say "Thanks for folding the shopping list" before she left. I looked down at my left wrist.

"Merde." I said. It was a mild French curse I had learned from an item shop's tale. But in this case, it suited the occasion just fine.

The watch read 11 AM. Damn the bureaucracy.

11:25 AM. Although this doesn't strictly belong in my flight diary, boating is quite nice too. I am going to return this boat to the girl at the river, after which I will fly off faster than Aya can go back to the village for the next delivery. Hopefully I won't be late. It's much hotter now, but the skies are still clear and I hope I'll make it in time.

The Yama is actually a nice fellow for a judge of the dead. I'll have to take a note of that. Her underlings, though, kept pestering me and trying to detain me. Eventually I just flew right through them back to the scythe-girl's boat. They weren't too happy about that, but it's not like I'm ever going back there.

I closed the flight diary as I returned to the living side of the Sanzu River. I found the pigtail girl asleep on the dirt, her scythe's point digging into the ground a few inches from her ear. I thought that anyone could just murder her with the scythe so close and nobody would ever know.

But she was so calm and careless that I couldn't do it. It was as if all of Gensokyo would only wake her up roughly if she did something like that. I smiled.

People trust each other here, and they act as if the world's on their side. I thought. I'd love to live like that.

With that, I kicked her gently and flew off. I left a note, a torn page from my flight diary.

"The boat runs great. I put it back in one piece. Thanks for sharing."

I set off into the sky, going at my top speed. A black shape that was the crow tengu pulled up to me, matching our speed.

"That was really nice of you, you know?" She asked, as if confirming something. I shrugged it off.

"Not really." I said. "Anyway, how many more scandalous stories do you have?"

"Three. You're about to become a lady-killer." She said. "If you aren't already."

Before she could react, I pushed her back and used the force to move faster. She merely smiled and followed along behind me.

"I don't have that right." I said coldly and quietly. I'm not sure if anyone besides me could hear it.. After a while, she left, probably off to hunt more stories. I sighed and continued on my flight.

Before I knew it, the Human Village was already below me. I dived to the house.

"How'd it go, Victor?" He asked.

"Judged by the Yama and pissed off most of Higan." I said. "Not a bad day."

"You're really reckless for just a delivery boy." He said. "You'd best not take that attitude with your next clients." He said, preparing the huge bag of pet food. "The second delivery is to the Hell of Blazing Fires. I assume you're smart enough to know what that means."

"Of course I am!" I said, and sat down to lunch. I was five minutes behind schedule, so I now only had a 25-minute allowance. The food was already waiting for me.

"Thanks a bunch, boss." I said, before eating the fastest meal of my life.

Five minutes later I was flying again through the sky, the light of which I would soon exchange for a pit in the ground. I was getting good at speed-eating, even having the time to clean the dishes afterwards. I began to speed towards the pit that would take me to my destination, the fantastic wind hole. The adventures were just about to begin.

It was time. I stood on the brink of the great hole. I could feel wind blowing at me from the bottom.

Wind in a cave. This place is idiotic, it's not just the people.

I stuck my arms out sideways. Behind me, I heard someone snicker "It looks like the saint was crucified." But I didn't turn around. I only leaned forward.

"Hey, hey, that's dangerous!" The voice yelled, but it was too late.

I had already jumped into the hole from which wind blows. Below me lay nothing but darkness.

Magician Sign: Pyro Jack

A squad of eight pumpkins with lanterns inside them danced in front of me, providing light and detailing the uneven rocks of the hole as I fell, controlling myself only marginally with my flight powers. I wanted to feel the pleasures of falling, of the wind beating against me effortlessly, without even having to try. The wind rushed into my ears and tore at my body, and it all felt just wonderful.

But the spider's web waits for the careless insect. I immediately saw, in front of me, a white latticework of thread.

"Pyro Jack, fire!" The lanterns obliged, shooting out balls of fire to burn holes through the spider's web. I continued to fall, increasing my speed and the amount of fire I shot. I would most certainly make it before the spider caught me…

But the red barrier of the Spell Card system dashed those hopes into pieces. I turned around to see a little girl with blond hair and fake spider legs sewn into her clothes show up.

"You burned through my webs!" She yelled. "I'm going to make you pay for that!"

"I really don't have time for this!" I yelled, but there would be no getting out without a fight. Nine more cards took their places as my opponent used Trap Sign: Capture Web. The box exploded into a pinwheel of light and color, turning in upon itself and spreading out like silk to hit me.

Delivery 5, Stage 2 complete:

Total Points:

Delivered 1/3 packages for today!: 2000 pts!

Took no penalty from the Yama!: 1000 pts!

More horrible stories written about you!:-1500 pts!

Destroyed an innocent spider's home!: -1000 pts!

Total: 500 pts! Rank: D! This is a milestone! You actually got a rank higher than F! This is amazing! This will go in the Gensokyo Chronicles and be remembered for all time!

…not really.