Hey guys thanks again the reviews are amazing they totally make my week!!

He could hear the front door close and Brooke's car starting he walked over to the window and saw her drive away. They really had some stuff to figure out; he just had to think of a way to meet her without Haley knowing.

I drove home as fast as I could I could not believe that I had just done that in Nathan and Haley's closet what the hell was wrong with me? I was so tired from the night before I really needed some sleep. I got home and immediately went to bed I was exhausted. As I laid there I was more than a little confused. He wanted to meet me at midnight at the river court. If I went then he might think that I wanted something out of this that I was reading into it more than I should. It was me and Nathan after all we could never not be in each others lives at all.

This was the most random thing to ever happen to me. If I didn't go then he would think I wanted nothing to do with him which was the complete opposite. That was the problem and I knew it wasn't good I was falling faster than I had ever fallen for anyone before and it really needed to end. I should go there tonight and tell him that it can't go anywhere else. We were lucky that it hadn't gone farther than it had.

I closed my eyes and all of our memories were coming back to me it was so over whelming. After I basically relived Nathan's and mine whole history I finally fell asleep and had the worst kind of nightmare possible. It was the worst because it was a real I was reliving the worst moments of my life and I started tossing and turning all over the bed and I couldn't stop. I was whimpering and I wanted this dream to go away I wanted to wake up so I could go on pretending that it had never happened.

Flashback

I was nine years old and my parents who were surprisingly here for a change were having a huge business slash Christmas party. I had made my rounds at the party and I couldn't help but notice this one business associate who kept staring at me it was really creepy. He was like 40 and he kept checking me out, but I tried to ignore him.

After awhile I was tired of the party and went upstairs I hung out there for awhile and watched a movie before I realized I was still wearing my dress so I decided to change out of it. I had begun to unzip it when all of a sudden the guy walked into my room and slammed the door. I jumped and turned around with a look of fear and confusion. He kept walking toward me and I tried to get by him but he just walked right in front of me. He grabbed my arm tightly and I started to open my mouth to scream but he threw me on the bed and immediately covered my mouth to smoother the scream.

I could smell the alcohol on his breath and I was absolutely terrified. I tried to push him off and I was screaming into his hand, but no one could hear me. I started to cry and he just kept touching my whole body and he took off my dress. I tried kicking him, but that just upset him and he slapped me hard across the face. I started crying harder I wish Nathan was here. He would know what to do. Because it was Christmas his parents wanted him to spend it with them. I closed my eyes as I continued to try to kick and punch him away.

I tried to block out what was actually happening by remembering the moment that completed my life. The day I met my best friend in the whole world and the boy who later would steal my heart and never give it back. The day I met Nathan Daniel Scott at the age of 5.

Present

I woke up in a cold sweat. I hated having those nightmares I hated the fact that I let some stupid drunk guy take my virginity at the age of nine. I started sobbing remembering that night he was so strong and I couldn't get away I wanted to but he just kept threatening me. After he was done before he walked out of the room he grabbed my hair and pulled my face right next to his and said, "If you ever tell anyone about this I will kill you and everyone you love. You got it!" He pushed me away and walked out of the door winking before he left.

I never told anyone that before not even Peyton or Nathan. I thought about it but I always decided against it. That was really the only thing Nathan didn't know about me. I wiped the tears away and took another shower. I turned on the water and it was scorching hot. I let the beads of water just hit me and drench my body. It was times like these, right after I think about that night or any of the nights he returned to my room while my parents were out of town which was often. It only took him 4 years to finally get bored of me and stop because he got transferred to Florida for business.

The temperature of the water was too much for me now, and I turned it off. I got out of the shower and re dressed. I stood there and looked in front of the mirror and just looked at myself. As far as the world knows I'm Brooke Davis the most popular girl to graduate from Tree Hill high the girl that every guy wanted and all the girls wanted to be. If anyone would take a second to look closer maybe they would see that my eyes almost show no emotion half of the time, that when ever I am alone I have horrible flashbacks of a time in my life where I was forced to grow up before I was ready. Everyone thought I was a huge slut who just gave it up to every guy I saw.

That was the farthest thing from the truth. I will be the first to admit that I have done some things that I am not proud of, but I used the sex and the alcohol to finally feel something other than the pain from all of the rapes and numb away all of the memories that I just wanted to forget. I sighed and almost started crying again thinking about the fact that Nathan hadn't caught on and figured it out. Part of me is glad that he never did, but the other part wishes that he would figure it out and hold me as I told him the horrible truth. There were a few times when we were around 13 and he asked questions about why I wasn't acting like my self or why I was so quiet. I would just put on a fake smile and lie saying I was just tired or something.

I shook my head at the thought and lay on the couch flipping through the channels to see if anything was on. Of course nothing was so I decided to do something that usually helped me clear my head. I grabbed my I pod and walked out to my car. I turned on Linkin Park's Somewhere I Belong and took a drive.

Driving always helped me because it was just me and the music. This music was definitely not a characteristic of me usually but then again no one really knows the real me. I drove all over town just thinking I was a mess and I had to get it together. I went home after about an hour and a half. When I walked in I was alone again. 'All alone' I thought that's just what I am that's what I'll always be no matter what.

I sighed and went to bed again hoping this time I would dream about happier times when it was just me and Nathan and nothing else mattered. The truth is no matter how hard I try I just can't forget him and I wish he knew how badly I needed him. Little did I know at the time that he might be the only thing in the world that could really save me from myself. I lifted up my sleeve and stared at all of the scars that were there as a result of the pain and loneliness I have endured over the years.

Okay I know that was really different and dark and I'm sorry if you all hated it. I was just trying to put a little more angst in it. When I sat down this was all I could come up with. Please review and tell me what you think!! And please keep reading future chapters!!