Chapter 7 – Stop and Stare
I
think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets
scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
January 16, 2008:
Blair came out of the bathroom, faintly smiling at Nate, who was perched up against the wall with his arms crossed on his stomach.
"Are you okay?" he perked up when he noticed her. She nodded. "Are you sure?" She nodded again. She was exhausted, she didn't know if that showed or not, but she was. All she wanted to do was sleep.
"Come here." Nate held out his arms for her and she walked into them, transferring all of her weight onto his frame, her head rested under his chin. They stayed there, in each others arms, for what seemed like an hour, just listening to each other breathe, Blair was listening to Nate's heart pounding…it was a fast beat, she could tell he was nervous.
Nate pulled Blair off of him and stared deeply into her tired eyes, "I think it's best you stay here tonight. It's late and you're tired."
She shook her head, "Nate, I couldn't possibly do tha-"
"It's fine, Blair. Trust me, my parents won't mind." He smiled at her. "Besides, it's not like we haven't slept together before." She wanted to interrupt him, but he continued, "This time, however, it is strictly sleeping in the same bed."
She nodded, "Well, then if you don't mind, I really want to go to sleep."
Nate nodded, quickly taking her hand and leading her upstairs, "Here." He didn't even have time to undo his bed, Blair jumped right under the covers, snuggling up on the pillow. Nate smiled and then turned towards the door.
"Aren't you coming to bed?" Blair asked softly, her eyes refused to stay open at that point.
"Yea. In a minute." She made some incoherent noise and he took that as her being satisfied with the answer.
Truth was, Nate didn't know if he could sleep. So many thoughts were running through his head at the time and he felt like if he didn't solve them right then, the world would end. Well, his world would end. He had to tell someone…and the only logical person was Chuck.
Ah, Chuck…
XOXO…GOSSIPGIRL…XOXO
Chuck was lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to find a pattern in it. That didn't really go anywhere. He wasn't necessarily thinking about one thing, nor was he exactly thinking at all…he was just weird like that. And then his phone vibrated in his hand, a moan escaping from his mouth.
"Nathaniel, it is about midnight. What do you want?" he greeted. Chuck should've been at a party right now, Leslie's to be precise, but he just didn't feel like it…and that scared him to death.
"I need to talk to you." Nate told him.
"If it has to do with you and Blair," he started, rolling his eyes, "I don't want to hear it." But that was a total lie of course.
"Oh, you're going to want to hear this." Nate snorted. "It's about Blair."
Chuck was immediately sitting upright, his back perched up against his headboard, "Go on."
"Well, I don't really now how to say this…"
"Just tell me." Chuck whispered angrily.
"Fine," Nate started, "Blair's pregnant."
Chuck didn't know what to say. Actually, he didn't say anything. Silence. That's all that was heard, even though you can't hear silence, for a long time. Chuck wanted to ask so many questions, but he could tell that Nate had it set in his mind that the baby was his.
And it probably was.
"Wow." he finally spoke up, but his mind still hadn't grasped the news. In fact, it was even more puzzled now. "Wow."
"Yeah." Nate responded softly. "Dude, I don't know how I'm going to tell my parents. They'll probably freak and my ride into Dartmouth is probably shot now…" Chuck listened to Nate ramble on and on, well he half listened while his mind wondered off into his own kind of fantasy land.
"Chuck?" Nate's soft yell snapped Chuck back into their conversation. "What do you think I should do?"
Chuck sighed, "I think what you said was correct. Everything." Nate was about to say something, but Chuck stopped him, "It's obvious to me that you're set on raising this kid with Blair. Just focus on that right now…everything else will fall into place." He heard Nate nod on the other end.
"Thanks man."
"Yeah." And then they hung up. Chuck slid back down into his bed. He was so tempted to text Gossip Girl with the juicy news, but something stopped him…
XOXO…GOSSIPGIRL…XOXO
Nate quietly tiptoed into his room, making sure to close the door quietly so it didn't squeak and possibly wake up Blair. He started to undo his shirt, unbuttoning the buttons one by one in front of his dresser. The shirt fell to the ground, leaving Nate in a white undershirt and his pants. He ran his fingers through his hair, still letting everything soak in. Actually the only thing that was running through his mind was the fact that he was so dead.
And he was.
He tiptoed over to the edge of the bed, the side where Blair wasn't sleeping, and sat down to slip off his shoes. But he didn't take his shoes off, he just sat there, his head in his hands, softly talking himself down. He needed to calm down. He needed to be calm for Blair.
"Hey," Blair's soft whispered tickled his neck as her arms wrapped themselves around his neck, "you okay?"
"Did I wake you?" he asked, turning his head to look at her.
She shook her head, "No." And then she smiled at him, "C'mon. Come to bed." Nate didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say anymore…to anyone really. Blair hung onto him, gently messaging his neck while they sat there. And they continued to sit there.
"Nate?" She pulled away from him when he made a move to stand up. He felt like pacing, but he didn't. He stood in front of his dresser, looking at himself in the mirror. Well he was darting his eyes between himself and Blair behind him.
"Nate, are you sure your okay?" He undid his belt and then his pants dropped softly onto the ground. He turned back around, headed towards the bed, and slipped quietly under the covers. Blair's head was instantly on top of his bare chest, her head rising with every breath that he took, most of them consisting of deep reassuring breaths.
"I'm fine." he whispered after about a couple minutes. "I'm fine now."
"No you're not." Her response surprised Nate, but she was right. "You can't possibly be okay with everything, I'm not even happy with everything."
"It's just a lot to take in in one night." he replied, taking a strand of Blair's gorgeous brown hair in his finger, twirling it for amusement.
"I know…I know." They laid there in silence, neither one of them had their eyes closed, both were staring at something in Nate's room. Nate continued to play with Blair's hair though, running his fingers through her hair.
"You know tomorrow we have to tell our parents." Nate broke the silence.
Blair shook her head, "Please not tomorrow. Any day but tomorrow."
Nate sighed understandingly. "Okay."
"Besides, I already know what they're going to say. My ride to college is gone, you still have a chance so that's good." Blair started to make a list of everything that was going to be mentioned tomorrow morning, or really that morning.
"My dreams of college are gone too you know." Nate blurted once Blair finished. She must've pointed out a million things and Nate was smiling the whole time.
"No. You've got a chance," she explained, her head not propped up on his chest, facing him, "you're not the one that's going to be as big as a whale come five months." She laughed. They both laughed actually.
"You're not going to be as big as a whale."
"Right. You just wait and see." she smiled and then laid her head back down, but this time on the pillow next to him, slowly starting to close her eyes. Nate noticed.
"Good night Blair." he whispered, kissing her forehead before he turned over on his left side.
"Good night babe." she answered him. "I love you." He smiled.
"I love you too."
XOXO…GOSSIPGIRL…XOXO
January 17, 2008:
Chuck was devastated come morning. One, he didn't go to Leslie's party the night before. Two, Serena was yelling at him for talking so loudly at midnight the night before…apparently she was trying to sleep. And three, the whole 'Blair was pregnant' thing had him thinking way more than he ever had before. That wasn't a good thing.
"Gosh, Chuck!" Serena yelled. "Thanks to you, I look horrible!" She kept listing things that hadn't gone right for her that morning, expecting Chuck to say some sarcastic remark about her appearance. Chuck didn't make his famous smirk, he didn't laugh, he didn't say anything. And Serena noticed.
"What's your problem? I'm yelling at you and you're not doing anything about it." Chuck looked up from his breakfast, some kind of pancake thing that Bart had cooked…he was in one of those moods, and stared at Serena.
"Huh?"
"Exactly my point." Serena nodded and pulled out a chair, sitting next to Chuck. "What's going on?"
Chuck knew that he wasn't responsible for telling Serena about her best friend. She had to find out on her own. He shook his head, "I'm just tired. That's all." He could tell Serena didn't believe him, but he brushed it off as he got up to go to his room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Chuck plopped down onto his bed, exhausted from everything, and started to think. Could the baby be his? Nate didn't say anything that would've indicated when Blair found out. Why didn't Gossip Girl already know? Wouldn't Blair have been spotted going into the doctors or something? Everyone should've known by now…
What would he do if somehow the baby was his? He couldn't possibly raise a kid, he wasn't exactly the right person for the job…he knew that. His dad wouldn't possibly approve either, not that he really cared or anything what his dad thought. If the baby was his, his friendship with Nate was so over. There would be no way for Nate to get over Chuck sleeping with Blair and not telling him about it, especially they were still together.
Either way, he was dead. That's all that mattered to him.
