G'day y'all
How was your Christmas?
New chappie. The stupid line breaks aren't working so bear with me.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA
ENJOY!
"Stop the car dammit!" Edward screamed, eyes wide and hair flying.
The night had been perfect. All of Mustangs group had gone out to celebrate Mustangs coronation.
Roy Mustang had just become Fuhrer.
They had all gone out to the pub... and despite the fact that Edward had been named an adult the moment he took his certification, he didn't drink.
But the rest of them had.
Now, Even the ever calm Hawkeye was flushed with alcohol running though her veins.
And it was terrifying.
Edward had just turned seventeen, and had grown much taller and leaner than what he used to be. And, despite his flowing golden waist-length hair...
He was finally turning into the man he wanted to be.
"Aww! Come on boss, it's just a little fun!' Havoc whined, hiccupping halfway though his sentence.
Edward stared at Havoc incredulously from his squished position against the joy stick. He and Mustang somehow managed to end up sharing a seat, and Edward, being the fairer boned boy, had been stuck in the middle of this illegally overloaded car...
He looked down shakily at the meter on the dash.
They were going fast... too fast.
They were going 170 km p/h.
Edward felt his heart beat speed up as he watched the gage continue to rise.
His limbs felt shaky, a cold sweat taking over his body...
He could feel fear setting in.
Scenery flashed past his eyes faster than he could comprehend, but, from what he saw...
They were on the highway... a long way from home. Havoc was so drunk that he didn't even realise they had left Central, the opposite way of their home.
He didn't even realise how fast they were going.
"Oi, shut up brat, you're too loud." Mustang growled from his side... he was a grumpy drunk.
All their personalities had changed. Hawkeye was loose and flippant, Fuery was giggly, Brenda was calm and Falman was constantly complaining...
It was like the people that he had trusted with his life had disappeared, evaporating before his eyes.
He was in a car with strangers, drunken strangers. Going 200km p/h.
He could feel Mustangs hot body against his side, pushing against him, covering him. Suffocating him.
It was distressing, so different from the stiff and cold man he knew and grudgingly respected.
Edward was suddenly overwhelmed with a sudden need to get out.
He didn't like this, he didn't want this.
He was scared... more than he had ever been in his short life.
He started struggling against the hard console, his arms pushing and shoving against Mustang as terror took over.
"Let me out!" He screeched as Mustang put a heavy hand on his shoulder, and he heard Falman complain.
They were all so unaware of the danger they were all in.
But he couldn't think about them... his body had been taken over by the most basic of survival instincts.
Fight or flight.
...and Edward had never been one to run away.
He fought against Mustang, grappling at Havoc and trying to pull himself towards the car's control system. He grabbed at Havocs clothes as he kicked at Mustang, pulling and trying to awaken the shooter to what he was doing to them.
But all his inhibitions where gone...
There was no coming back.
Edward yelled in fear and frustration, before kicking Mustang square in the chest and scrambling over the console. Mustang fell back, winded and confused.
He tried to ignore their car's winding pattern across the deserted road.
He pushed his foot down, past the tangle of Havoc's legs and onto the brake, shoving Havoc's foot away from the accelerator. Havoc seemed to become aware of what Edward was trying to do, his face screwing up in anger and his dazed eyes finally settling on Edward.
"Oi! We were having fun!" He said, and began fighting against Edward.
He pushed Edward, grabbing his skull and shoving him away forcefully.
Edward, fully unprepared for the shooters strength, fell off the console, and straight into Mustang . As soon as he fell, Mustang grabbed Ed into a hot and constricting embrace. Edward winced at the tight hold, feeling his arms bruising at the pressure of Mustang's strength.
But now Havoc wasn't driving at all.
Edward screeched, pulling his body up and tugging against Mustangs hold, seeing a flash of headlights in the distance before he fell back against Mustang again.
Everything was blurring, he couldn't focus on anything as his body continued to shake.
Mustang was snaking his uncoordinated arms around his waist, mumbling words into his ears. Were they comforting words or orders, Edward didn't know.
He just wanted to get out.
The car was slowing to a winding stop... but the headlights didn't stop their approach.
He had to get out before Havoc started driving again.
He threw his body weight forward, out of Mustangs arms; he turned and crouched on the console, pushing back against Havoc with his back.
He felt Havoc grabbing at the back of his shirt, trying to get a hold on his body as he ripped the fabric around his torso, grabbing and pulling his hair as he grappled. Mustang was grabbing his flailing limbs, heavy hands securing his wrists.
They both didn't realise what they were doing to him.
But he knew they would regret it. They would apologise and everything would be fine in the morning.
It would all be okay.
He just had to wait until morning.
And with that thought replaying though his mind, he threw himself down into Mustangs chest and broke the man's connection to his wrists.
He breathed heavily against the man's chest, gritting his teeth at the pain in his scalp... Havoc's hand was still entangled in his now loose hair, the hair-tie had snapped so easily.
He suddenly threw his weight back, shoving away from Mustang and into Havoc – trying to alleviate the pain in his scalp.
The blond grunted at the impact of Edwards Automail, letting go of his hair and instead holding his nose.
Edward quickly looked at the metre, mind working at a million miles an hour, fuelled by adrenaline and fear.
50 km p/h.
He could do this.
He breathed sharply, screwing his eyes shut as he prepared himself.
It was okay, he had done plenty dangerous things like this before.
He would be fine...
And, he had the newly human Alphonse waiting at home for him.
...Nothing could motivate him more than seeing his human brother.
He would be fine, he always was.
He was Edward Elric, The Fullmetal Alchemist.
And with that thought, he found his resolve.
Time slowed, his breathing evened and his heart pounded in his ears. Everything around him was going so slowly, the movements of the people around him a fraction of what they should be.
He bit his lip, breathing in fully though his nose as his eyes snapped open.
Before he jumped.
He smashed though the glass, over Mustangs frozen body and out of the car.
He felt nothing, it was as though he was floating though the air. The shattered glass was suspended around his airborne body. Bright, artificial lights cast his body into a beautiful, dark silhouette.
He was flying though the air, golden hair streaming out behind him like a river of gold.
But then a sick crunch filled the air.
The out of control car flew past the truck and smashed into the barrier, finally coming to a stop.
And a single body rolled to a stop.
.
Everything went quiet, the loud truck fading into the distance
...The driver unaware of the life he had just taken.
The night grew still, only marred by a smoking car and a broken body.
All was quiet, all was still.
And it wouldn't be until morning that the broken and bloody body was registered as Edward Elric.
Everything was groggy.
Mustang felt his eyelids flutter open, allowing the sunrise into his eyes like a spark of fire, burning though his eyeballs.
He winced, shutting his eyes and turning over in his bed.
But, when he rolled - fully intending on sleeping another few hours - he fell.
Adrenaline flooded his hung-over body as he fell onto hard ground.
This wasn't his bed... wasn't his room.
His eyes snapped open, heart rate slowing. The adrenaline that had flooded though his body fleeted, leaving his extremities tingling like pins-and-needles. The bright sunlight filtered through the smoke in his vision, casting his surroundings in a haze.
He turned his head, taking in the scene.
Oh, that was right... they had gone drinking.
But... it seemed they had crashed...
Shit.
He looked back inside the car, pushing himself up by his arms and into the car to see.
Havoc, Hawkeye, Fuery, Brenda, Falman.
They were all fine, all breathing, only minor scrapes and bruising.
That was better than last time.
They had done this before, all drinking and stupidity. It wasn't something that he had wanted to repeat. But, it seemed they had done it again.
He hoped Havoc had a killer headache; the paperwork was going to give Roy one.
He sighed, leaning back against the car as he waited for the others to wake up...
But, as he sat down... he noticed something.
Blood.
As if it noticed he had registered it, all its properties came at him at once.
The smell overwhelmed him, and he felt his breathing speed up again.
Dammit. Whose was it?
...Was it his?
He quickly commanded his groggy limbs to search his barely functioning body for a source...
But there was none.
He scanned his memories from the night, trying to remember more.
He knew he was missing something, like an important puzzle piece.
What was it?
He looked over his companions again, counting them off.
Suddenly, as he was counting the heads... he remembered gold.
Edward's smiling face, grinning at him from across the bar. His eyes bright and his golden hair shining from the light of the Bar's tacky sign.
Edward had been with them...
But he wasn't in the car.
Roy's eyes widened, he was sure Edward had come home with them.
So where was he?
.
He stood up, trying to get his groggy body to obey.
He looked around franticly, the blood suddenly making sense. He searched around the car, thinking that the child may have fallen from the car when they crashed. He had probably cut his hands on the glass surrounding the car.
He hoped that minor scapes was all he got... Alphonse would kill him if he was hurt.
Nothing was there...
Roy frowned again, confusion taking place across his face as he stumbled around the car again.
Nothing.
He grumbled under his breath... the brat had probably ditched them. He put his hands on his hips, looking over the car.
And, just over the top of the frame ... he saw gold in the distance.
A hangover had never left him so quickly.
He ran away from the car, and towards the boy, who was facing away from him. Blood surrounded the boy, staining the gravel and coating the glass shards around him. The hot summer sun baked down on Roy... but he couldn't feel it.
His body had gone cold.
He ran towards the boy, terrified of what their actions could have done. He could be seriously injured, and he had been laying there for what could have been hours, injured and bleeding.
He felt so stupid.
He went to his knees quickly at the boys back, looking over the child's shoulder.
His loose hair covered his face and shoulders... and his blood covered his whole front. His whole torso had been stained with blood, the ripped dress shirt sticking to his tan skin as the blood dried.
Oh, crap.
Roy felt terrible, the boy was so hurt because of their utter stupidity.
He was only a child, for crying out loud.
"Ed!" He yelled, trying to get a response from the boy. They needed help. Ed needed a hospital.
The boy didn't even flinch.
"Edward!" He called again, hesitantly reaching down to his shoulder.
Cooling blood covered his hand, making Edward feel as if he was cold. But Roy knew it was just the blood, Edward couldn't be cold...
It was the middle of summer.
He gingerly pulled the boy over, towards his own body so he could assess the injuries. But once he did, he cried out at what he saw.
Such a simple action had revealed two things. Two horrible, heart-wrenching things Roy had never wanted to see on Edward, not for as long as he lived.
Dead eyes and fatal wounds.
Edward's fair hair had fallen from his face, the pure gold fanning out onto the dirty ground around his broken body as he rolled back.
His golden eyes were dead.
Lifeless, lightless.
Roy's eye's numbly travelled down his little body, before he gasped out at the sight.
His whole side had been decimated.
Thick, gluggy lifeblood flowed from the open wound, the shattered ribcage piercing and ripping the stretched skin all across his left side, opening up his normally protected chest and showing Roy the punctured lungs and destroyed organs and tissue. All of the dead tissue, glistening sickly in the morning sun.
He could see the boy's un-beating heart.
Roy scrambled back on his hands, grazing them in his freight, before falling sideways and vomiting bile and alcohol onto the gravel beside him
He collapsed harshly to the ground, shock over taking his body. He clutched his knees close, folding his body together. His eyes wide and staring into nothing.
Edward was dead.
He felt intense grief consume him, crush him so simply and suddenly like a tidal wave.
He was drowning in his self hate and grief... but he couldn't cry.
He just laid in the gravel and dirt, numb and shaking. He didn't deserve to cry. He didn't deserve that small relief, letting out all the pain inside. He deserved it all, holed up inside him with no way out.
He deserved it in the way Edward didn't deserve to die.
It was such a stupid way to die.
Such a stupid, foolish way to die...
After everything Edward had worked for. After everything Edward had fought tooth and nail for...
It was his entire fault.
Roy had let himself go...
And he had killed Edward.
Edward was gone... he would never see this world again.
He would never feel the wind on his face, see the sunrise spread across the sky...
He would never live in the peaceful world Roy was just about to make.
First Hughes, and now Edward.
Because of his stupid mistakes, bright and beautiful people like Hughes and Edward had died.
They both died because of him. Left the world, left their families.
Edward had died...
And now he would never see his brother again.
Roy felt his body convulse, another wave of guilt and grief slamming into his body.
Alphonse...
He had nobody now... Roy had taken his brother's life.
...and he would have to tell him.
After what felt like a millennia to Roy... Hawkeye woke up.
And then the rest of them did.
The trip home was all a blur to Roy. And before he knew it, he was standing in front of the Elric residence in Central.
With Edward Elric in his arms.
It was dusk. He chose this time on purpose... Alphonse wouldn't be home yet.
A cowardly move.
Roy shifted the covered bundle – which he refused to admit was Edward Elric – and inserted a stained and bloody key into the lock.
It had been Ed's key... Hawkeye had taken it from the body ... along with his watch. Roy had both items, to return to Alphonse, along with his brother's dead body.
His only family.
Roy felt guilt flood his body, piercing his heart with thousands of needles. He gritted his teeth, trying so very hard to go back to being numb and unfeeling.
He couldn't deal with this pain.
He opened the door, the oiled hinges not making a sound.
The only sound was his emotionally laboured breathing in the dark hallway.
He walked inside, placing the bloody key on the hook and walking further in, hefting the weight he tried to ignore. The setting sun cast orange light though the window in the living room, catching the pictures of their parents and childhood that hung on the walls.
They had lost everyone, everything... but they were strong boys'. They had each other.
Had.
No more Elric Brothers, No more Alphonse and Edward Elric.
No more Edward.
Roy scrunched up his eyes, turning from the smiling pictures and towards the sitting area. He looked at the cloth couches, and then down at the splotches of blood on the sheet in his arms, watching the blooming flowers of crimson as they continued to spread.
He looked at the wood floor, polished and sealed.
He gnashed his teeth, face displaying his anguish.
He couldn't do it.
So what; he would pay Al for a new couch.
But this bundle in his arms was not just an object that could be placed on the floor for greater convenience. It used to be a living, breathing human...
A human that Roy had cared so so much about.
He couldn't just lay it – him – on the floor.
He quickly walked towards the couch, and gently placed his precious bundle down on the soft surface. But, as he lent over, the weight from the automail he had so conveniently ignored before, followed the laws of inertia and sent him following.
He fell onto the couch, his large body hovering just over the bundle. Knees on either side of the boys thighs and hands bracing himself just next to the child's head.
He stilled, looking at the cloth a centimetre from his nose. He could see all the threads, woven together, and with tuffs of pulled thread. Such a simple everyday thing. Something he saw every morning.
But, underneath it all...Was Edward Elric.
Just beneath this miniscule barrier of fabric was Edward Elric. He should feel body heat; he should feel warmth, being so close to another human being.
But he could only feel cold.
His face was bare centimetres from Edward's. He had only ever been this close to him before, when they fought.
But now... everything was still.
He couldn't see him... but he was right there.
But, there was no movement, no breathing, no heartbeat. It just looked like a bundle of bloody sheets, with something strangely solid beneath.
But, it wasn't. It was Edward Elric.
Right in front of his nose.
His mind refused to register that this was him. This was Edward Elric. This was the boy under his command. The boy with a heart as big as the sun. The boy that had been used, abused and came out fighting.
The boy Roy had thought of as a son.
Dead.
So easily and suddenly.
His last memory of him was Edward smiling and happy, laughing with Roy's Squad. His eyes bright and hair glowing in the Bar's lights.
And that was it.
He knew he was missing something else. The next time he remembered anything was that horrible morning.
He had lost 8 hours of time with Edward.
He didn't know what happened in those eight hours.
But the after effects were clear.
He didn't know if he wanted to remember exactly how Ed died. He wanted to keep on remembering him, as the way he was on that evening.
He didn't want his last memory of Ed, if it meant he could stay blissfully ignorant.
Just trying to ignore that this was his entire fault.
But...he couldn't. The evidence was right in front of him.
Edward would be sitting on this couch, fidgeting at the thought of his brother arriving home and questioning him as to why he didn't come home last night.
Alive.
But he would never wake up, never talk to his brother again.
Never see him again.
But his brother would see him, his only family left, broken to bloody pieces.
Roy didn't know what was worse.
.
He climbed off the body, limbs numb and mind moving. He sat down on the other couch, numbly watching the square of light flowing though the window embrace the body before him. Roy stared forward... slowly bringing his mind to a faltering halt.
Now...he would wait.
Some time later -Roy didn't know if it had been hours or minutes- he heard keys jangling in the lock.
It seemed to snap him out of his blank gaze, staring out into the now dark sky.
He turned from the window and let his apathetic gaze flow over the room until he laid eyes on the door to the living room.
"Edward Elric!" He heard a call echo down the hall. He bit his lip, feeling guilt probing at his defence line. He couldn't let it eat away at the only thing that kept him numb.
But...he had more pressing matters to attend to.
"Why is your key bloody?! Did you go and hurt yourself again?" He heard the indignant shriek from doorway.
Roy grunted, his muscles tensing and relaxing, his palms sweating...
He wasn't ready for this...he couldn't do it.
But he had to. This was his fault. His responsibility.
He would have to suffer until Edward was six feet under...and long after.
"Ed, where -" Alphonse appeared in the door, stopping short from his search down the hall as he saw Roy sitting in their living room.
"Ah, Furhrer sir?" He questioned. "Where is Ed" he asked, looking down the hall momentarily before back at Roy.
He couldn't see the body. Not over the back of the couch.
"I'm the only one in this house Alphonse." Was all he said, gaze on Alphonse but eyes unfocused.
"..but I thought-Ed's key?" He asked, a frown marring his young face.
"He's not here anymore. He's gone. It's only me here." He said, numbing himself further to what was to come.
"Furhrer sir? What are you talking about? Did he leave the house already? What do you mean he's gone?" Al asked, taking a step forwards as he focused on Roy.
"He's here, but he's gone" was the only thing he said, not even looking at Alphonse anymore.
Al took another step, the couch inching into view.
"Sir...your scaring me. That's not possible, either he's here or he's not...he can't be both"
Another step.
"But he is" he whispered, looking out into the distance.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alphonse come into view of Edward. He saw the confusion, the shock, and the disbelief.
"W-What is this?" He said, words crumbling just like his mind.
"It's Edward" Roy whispered, the barest of wind leaving his lips as he ground his teeth into his bottom lip.
He watched as Al ran up to the body - Ed - and pulled back the sheet.
Then he crumpled to his knees.
"I wouldn't pull it back too far if I was you...the wounds aren't pretty" Rot said, completely closed off from the world.
Until a slap hit a across his face with the power of a hurricane.
He looked up, brows furrowed and his black eyes suddenly bright. Alphonse stood over him, his gold eyes livid and short hair dishevelled. He looked so healthy now, he had finally reached a healthy weight and he looked well.
Well... Apart from the anguish on his face and the tears streaming from his eyes as his body shook in rage and greif.
"What happened to him?" He almost cried, the anger seeming to leave him as he stumbled over his feet back to his deceased brother.
Roy didn't answer his plea, only watching from his chair as the last Elric assessed his dead brother with shaking hands.
And then he pulled back the sheet, exposing Edward to his thighs.
"Oh god, oh god, oh my god. Why...why did this happen? Why us? Why him?...Please Mustang, please...tell me why." Alphonse said, whole body shaking and blood covering his hands as he stared down at his brothers decimated body.
Roy swallowed audibly, standing up to be as respectful as possible.
"I-I... We were out celebrating. Ed, he didn't drink, refused to. But...we all did. We drank...excessively. And...and I was so drunk. I was wasted. But...he was completely aware."
He started pacing, not wanting to go to Alphonse's side...afraid of seeing the body again.
"We were on the Readshaw Highway...the one that connects central to Creta. We were so far out. I don't remember how we got there, or why Havoc was even driving. I don't know...I just.."
"I woke up this morning, dazed and hungover. See, we had done this before, gotten drunk and crashed... But this time...Ed was with us. I don't know how or why...but he...when I woke up..."
"I saw him lying there, you know? Just lying on the gravel, his beautiful hair shining in the sun. He looked just like he'd been injured...just lying there."
"I don't know how long he had been there for... Minutes, hours... I don't know. I can't remember why he was...there. But I promise you Alphonse" he said, stuttering and mumbling his way though.
He was Furhrer, he was naturally good at speeches... But this was bound to be the hardest thing he would ever have to do.
"I promise you...I will find out what happened to him. I promise you..."
"and I'm so sorry."
Roy felt the grief inside him build, forever harboured in his soul.
"I'm sorry. I know that sorry won't make up for what I have done. You trusted him to my care...and now he's gone. Just...I know I deserve to be hated, I know this is all my fault...and I know that this is selfish of me...but, may I grieve? Do you give me the right to mourn your brother, even when I was the one to take him away? Just..can I...please?" He asked, pleaded...begged. The grief and regret was tearing at his heart and ripping it slowly, piece by piece. He moved a meter from Al, using Alphonse to block his vision from his horrifying mistake.
Alphonse watched him, hands still upon his brothers dead body. Tears continued to fall as he turned away from Roy, looking down at his brothers pale face.
"Yes...yes you may. I...we..." Alphonse paused, deep and terrible sorrow burrowing into his body and soul. But, he still tried to give Roy a straight answer, despite his breaking heart.
He was always such a kind hearted boy.
"I wasn't the only one that loved him, you know? I'm not the only one that loved him, so I'm not the only one that deserves to mourn him" he said quietly, smoothing his brothers bloody golden hair in feverish circles.
"...Thank you Alphonse" he said quietly, head bowed.
And then Alphonse dissolved into a tidal wave of tears...his required formalities finished.
Roy cringed at the sound of Alphonse sobbing. It was a deep and terrible sound, voicing the deep pain he felt in his soul.
It was a hatefully tragic sound.
He looked down at his shoes...and could still not shed a single tear.
He guessed, even with permission... he didn't deserve to mourn after all.
He groaned, as though in physical pain...but, with the pain in his heart, he might as well have been.
"I'm so sorry for taking him Al" he said, barely a whisper. And then, after a brief pause of absorbing the sound of those painful sobs...he moved.
He reached into his pocket with a stiff and slightly blood-stained hand, and gingerly pulled out Edward's State Alchemist pocket watch. The dried blood flecking and crumbling into his hand and pocket.
He moved around the sobbing boy and placed the rusted and bloodstained watch on the bodies chest, moving his hand away quickly as he felt the cold and flaky flesh on his fingertips.
He moved away from Al and his brother, walking to the door of the room. He stopped just at the door, and took in a shaky breath, closing his eyes momentarily. Then, with an dying heart, he turned back and took in the scene before him.
Edward laid back, head listless on the couch. His dull eyes were open and blood covered his pale features. Al kneeled at his side, body curled over his brothers as he sobbed.
Roy felt his whole body become heavy, and every breath became hard to take.
It was like he was finally feeling the guilt weigh him down.
He looked the two brothers over for the last time, before he turned away. He walked down the hall, dragging his heavy feet. He opened the front door and stepping one foot outside, before turning and looking down the hall once more. And all he could hear were the heart breaking sobs that echoed down the hall.
He exhaled fully, emptying his lungs and feeling his soul dissipate along with it.
With his chest trembling and heart shutting down...
He walked away.
One month later...
July the sixteenth. A normal day if any...but not for Roy Mustang.
It was the day Edward was to be buried.
He stood in front of his mirror, clothed in full military regalia. Usually, when in front of the mirror, people would admire their appearance. Roy was one of the many, and was not shy of his appearance.
But not today...not since Edward died.
Everything was only done out of necessity. He didn't laugh, didn't make tasty food, didn't watch movies...
He hadn't smiled in a month.
He couldn't feel joy. Only this grief which never seemed to fade. Over the days, it had faded to what was similar to a dull itch...forever there and unable to leave your thoughts, present in everything you did.
Grief. It was a horrible thing...one of the worst things mankind could experience.
And he had suffered, for days on end...and he deserved every single second of it.
But he didn't cry, couldn't. Because, despite the dull but never ending pain...
He didn't deserve it.
Alphonse words held power...but his forgiveness was much easier granted than what he deserved.
Only Edward could forgive him for what he had done.
And Edward was dead.
He was dead, Roy knew this...for that fact would never leave him.
Not in his mind, not in every breath he took, not in every beat his heart made.
It never would, because he could never forgive himself...no matter what everyone else said.
He looked at himself in the mirror, watching grief consume his black eyes. He looked as though he was in physical pain.
But pain was worse felt on the inside.
He blinked, his eyes completely dry. He looked down at himself, using stiff hands to smooth down his uniform. He could hardly feel his fingers running down his front.
...his body didn't feel like his anymore. Everything had numbed and his life didn't feel like his.
It seemed even his body couldn't deal with the large ocean of grief festering in his soul. And because of that...the two had spilt apart at the seams.
He wanted nothing more than to cry. To let it all out, let his life return so a resemblance of normality.
To become whole again.
But he couldn't let himself fall to that. Wouldn't let himself cave. He would suffer, and suffer alone for his sin against a child.
He would try to be the man he wasn't on the night Edward died.
He watched in the mirror as he built up his emotional wall again, a wall coming across his eyes.
He shut in his pain again.
Before he knew it...Edward was before him again.
He looked better, cleaner. Dressed in the military uniform he had hated and his clean golden hair pulled behind him in a neat ponytail.
His eyes were closed. Golden eyes forever concealed from the world as he rotted away.
Roy stood in front of Edward grave, prime position as Fuhrer to honour his fallen solider.
Fallen.
Edward was not fallen. He didn't fall in battle, or die in the name of Amestris.
He died simply. Alone, with no reason at all for his death.
He had been Seventeen. He was half of Roy's age. Half.
Roy had always liked to think himself young. He was in the eyes of the world, but he was getting closers very day... And now Edward wouldn't.
He'd only lived half the life Roy had. Half. Roy imagined cutting his life down the middle, halving everything he had learnt and loved.
Half. 50%. 1/2.
Edwards life hadn't been empty...no, it had been nothing but.
But it had been far too short.
And his life hadn't really been a good one. He had lost his whole family emotionally and physically, but he had built them back- Onto the world and into his heart.
And damnit...things were just getting good for him. Everything he had worked for paid off...and life was just about to turn around for him.
He was easing into a normal mundane life. A safe life.
And it just had to be at that exact moment when he was taken away.
Roy watched with dead eyes and a empty heart as everyone cried around him. Even his escorts had tears running down his cheeks.
Roy was surprised at how many people came. But, everyone knew the little golden haired child. He had touched many hearts and many lives in his short time on earth, as he travelled around the continent.
One old woman near him knew him because he once fixed her prized porcelain jug. She cried openly, sobbing as she looked into the cloudy sky.
"Who would do this? What demon would take this child away?" She asked the sky.
Roy felt his heart clench painfully at he words, his heart was crushing him because he knew he deserved those words.
He was a demon.
Everyone had slowly dispersed.
And, after a heated discussion...his entourage had left too.
Now he was alone...left with the body of a much loved child.
He stood as still as a statue over Edward's body, not touching or embracing...only looking. He stayed completely still, only shifting his chest as he breathed.
A luxury Edward was no longer entitled to.
He looked over the child as the sky turned overcast. The wind picked up around him, and the world turned dull. He looked impassively at the coat lain across his body by his brother.. But internally..he was glad.
A piece of Edward had been returned back to him.
Only Edward stood out in the harsh greyscale, his golden hair and bright red coat glowing in the darkness.
He truly was a angel on this earth, a soul too pure to what he had undergone.
And now he was gone...and his light would be buried with him.
Roy moved from his frozen position, reaching into his coat. He reached in...and pulled out a beautiful white rose. His petals unmarked and as pure as Edwards soul.
He slowly moved forward, head bowed and hat covering the eyes that still wouldn't cry.
He came up to the little coffin, hovering tentatively over the body. He held the rose in both hands, to steady them as they shook.
He carefully lowered the rose into his coffin, not to mark his extraterrestrial beauty.
He gingerly raised Edwards stiff folded hands, sliding the thornless stem beneath his cold fingertips.
He looked down at his work, quietly admiring the beauty of the pure white rose. His vision soon spanned from the rose and took in what was around it. The uniformed torso, the neat hair and the paled skin... Following and absorbing everything he saw. He looked over the pure and neatly dress child, before his eyes found a blemish in the purity of Edward's honey skin.
A bruise, disappearing under Edwards collar.
Roy frowned, gently setting down Ed's hands and moving his own hands upwards. He (with a touch as light as a feather) inched his uniform down his chest, bunching the iconic red coat at his waist.
More of the bruise began appearing before his eyes. It spanned across were his dead heart lain inside, at the beginning of his left rib.
Or what was left of it.
He knew he shouldn't touch the dead child this way. But he felt nothing towards the child beneath his hands.
The body beneath him did not feel like Ed. It was too cold, too stiff.
He knew deep in his heart that it was...but he still couldn't believe it.
He pulled the shirt down more, exposing the point where his pale skin blended into the black plastic that covered his wounds.
It seemed it simply wouldn't do to have his rotting wounds stain the uniform. It was far too inappropriate for a funeral.
Roy gritted his teeth, taking in the bruise.
It was a weird shape, with long thin cylinders expanding from a darker coloured bruise...
It was a hand.
Roy felt his breathing hitch, indecipherable and drunken memories suddenly flooding his mind for a millisecond. He frowned, his carefully formulated barriers that had been based on his definition of reality, forming holes as the truth fought it's way in.
No. He didn't want this. He didn't deserve to be able to mourn. And besides, he didn't want to bring out that carefully buried pain deep with in the folds of his very soul.
He didn't want to know. He was fine...he could live like this. Just..let him be.
He was being self centred for once in his life. He didn't want Alphonee to know if it ment he had to.
He didn't want this.
But the world had other plans.
His body moved closer to Edwards dead one, hand outstretched. He fought and struggled wildly, feet digging into the disturbed soil. It was like he had no control over his own body.
He needed control. He flourished on control. He needed his control. He needed it to keep him numb. He couldn't have this...he needed to be numb.
But his shaking hand settled over Edward chest. His fingers expanded, forming until the bruise simply toke like his hands shadow.
It fit.
His hand fit. He had made this discoloured mark on Edwards chest.
...Roy had hurt him.
Roy's eyes widened and his pupils dilated as he stared down at the injury. He pulled his hand away as tough Edwards marked skin had burnt him. He stumbled brokenly back a few steps, knees knocking together as he grasped at his chest.
He pulled at his heart, feeling the seating pain come to the surface. He felt it in his brain, emotions taking over.
He buckled, knees hitting the damp earth and arms locking around the side of Edward elevated coffin.
He leaned there staring at nothing as the pain burned though his soul.
He didn't even notice when the weather turned foul. He didn't feel the beginnings of a rainstorm on his skin.
He didn't feel anything...apart from the indescribable pain his his body and soul.
Seeming to come back to the world, he gasped, panting and moaning.
Until he let out a single blood curdling shriek of despair. It echoed over the military cemetery, spreading out across the empty space.
He gasped once more...before a single tear rolled down his cheek. He looked down at his cheek, eyes widening in fear.
And then everything exploded. His whole foundation disintegrated and his pure and unadulterated pain came at him in its entirety.
It was simply too painful to bear.
He cried, sobbed. The tears rolled down with no end in sight. He clutched the coffin as he head hung down, sobbing against the dark wood.
He let out terrible sounds, sound that should not be made by a human.
They shouldn't be made...because humans were not supposed to feel this much pain.
Roy new pain well. He had survived wars andfought off inner demons...
But nothing, not even a million wars, could compare to this.
He felt his pain consume him and cover him completely. He was drowning. He remembered every last detail. Every little thing from Edwards final hours. He remembered the drinking, the struggle, the fighting, the sound of the window smashing...and the sickening crunch.
He remembered it all.
And now it would never stop.
It would replay in his head, never ending. Not until the day he died.
And that was his punishment...
That was what he deserved.
Ew, I hate the missing line breaks, it just got progressively worse. I hope you guys liked it, let me know.
God Bless,
SephrinaRose
