Chapter Seven: Visitor
'For me? I'm not expecting anyone. Who is it?'
'A gentleman called 'Ben'. He said it's urgent that you see him.'
'Darling, I have to go,' Lily said, and pecked her daughter's cheek.
Her mother's suddenly restless tone intrigued Serena. 'Is everything okay?' she asked, but received no answer, as Lily disappeared through the doors of the elevator.
'Miss Serena, what do you want me to say to strange man downstairs?'
'Vanya, I don't know anyone called 'Ben'. Tell him he's got the wrong person,' she said, and turned around to grab her bag and finally leave the toxicity of the city. Even if only for a few days.
'I thought you might say that, which is why I thought I should escort myself up here, no thanks to your supposed doorman,' a different voice spoke, causing Serena to jump.
When she laid her eyes on him, it felt like her lungs suddenly turned to concrete and she couldn't breathe. She hadn't seen him since...that night. A long time ago. He didn't seem different, but as Serena stared at him, trying to justify his presence in her apartment, she saw the changes. His eyes, once soft and comforting, seemed hard, as if they had been punished by the intricacy of a lifetime; his angelic features were roughened, his face hidden behind harsh angles and under shadows.
'Ben Donovan, is that you?' Her voice was weakened by shock. She had never expected to ever see him again after the way things ended between them.
'See, I knew she'd remember me,' he told Vanya, who could barely contain his frustrations over the fact that the stranger had failed to do as told.
It subconsciously hurt her; his voice. She still remembered all the times he read to her at Knightley, every word he spoke to her, the way his gentle tone would just pour over her wounds and heal them. Now it was like the nightmare to what was once a beautiful dream. She loved him; she thought she couldn't love anyone more. But all that had changed once she met Dan, and only now she realised how immature she had been then. She believed Ben was it for her, only to be proven wrong when her heart was stolen by Dan and she felt things never encountered before. She experienced true love instead of infatuation.
'It's okay, Vanya. Could you give us a minute?'
'Sure, Miss Serena,' he muttered, and left the same way her mother did.
Once they were alone, she didn't know what to say to him, how to react to him being there. Was he expecting something from her, or was he just in the neighbourhood?
'Please, sit down,' she indicated, as she flopped onto the nearest sofa. 'Ben, I don't mean to be rude, but what are you doing here, in New York? Aren't you teaching in Connecticut?'
'Serena, I haven't been a teacher in three years,' he said, his damaged voice becoming sharper, as if what he said was paining him.
She couldn't believe that. 'Why?'
'Who would hire someone who was in prison for three years?' He looked away. He was ashamed. To Serena, none of this made any sense.
'You were in prison?' she muttered, her voice oddly calm for the question she was asking.
'Yeah. For statutory rape of a minor. You.' His eyes moved back to hers, and she saw something else in them this time. Anger. And that scared her, but it didn't affect her as much as the words that she had just processed.
'What? Ben, that's impossible. We both know you never touched me. How could you go to prison for something that you didn't do? It's not fair.'
It surprised her that he could hear her voice. It was so weak, even she wasn't sure that she actually said what she was thinking.
'Not fair? It's disgustingly unjust, if you ask me,' he shouted and stood up from his armchair, the sudden movement pushing it further behind him. The screech made by the wood against the polished floor seemed louder in the deafening silence that followed. 'I just don't understand why you did this to me, Serena. What I ever did to make you destroy my life. How have I ever stepped out of line, when I was the one to reject you that night at the motel?'
She didn't want to cry, but she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She didn't understand what he was saying, what he was accusing her of. At the same time, she couldn't believe what happened to him. How a talented teacher like him, how such a good man could have ever been punished for such an unforgivable thing.
'Ben, I don't...'
'Please don't lie, not to my face. I saw the affidavit, Serena, and the signature. It was yours.'
She got up from her chair and walked over to him. 'Ben, look at me,' she ordered, and when he did, she saw his eyes drowning in a small pool of water. For a second, she thought they looked like they did all those years ago, but that changed immediately, when he wiped the evidence with the back of his hand.
'Ben, I swear to you, I never signed anything that condemned you of something. I never had any reason to. I swear I didn't do it.' She whispered the last part, and dropped her head, so that she didn't have to see his broken face anymore.
'Then explain to me, how did I end up behind bars for three years? Why was I told that I had no chance against you in court, as there was a witness? Why did I have to agree to a damned plea bargain, as your mother didn't want the story to get out? I remember everything, Serena, except for the part which you accused me of.'
She listened and understood. When she considered it once more, it seemed like a cruel, evil, master plan, it seemed impossible, but as she contemplated again and again, it suddenly didn't sound so farfetched anymore.
'It was my mother. She did it. She faked my signature on the affidavit,' she eventually spoke, defeated by a truth that destroyed her even more than dealing with Juliet. Every word that came out of her mouth seemed to hurt her, as if it was coated in razors, cutting into her throat as she talked. She had always known that her mother had a dark side, and she had never thought about exploring it, but never would she have ever suspected her of being capable of such a heartless act. She couldn't understand what would have made her, what could have made anyone, do this, but she wasn't sure whether she really wanted to know. She also realised why her mother bolted so quickly only a few minutes ago. She couldn't face him, someone whose life she destroyed, and Serena thought it was because she had no way to justify herself to anyone, least of all Ben.
'I'll speak to my mom, and I'll fix it. I'll get your life back, Ben, I promise,' she said, and slid the tips of her fingers across her cheeks, removing the black streaks of water seeping down the smooth surface of her face.
'Serena, I think you and your family have done enough. I didn't come here for a solution. As stupidly as it may sound, I came here for answers, because I spent the last 36 months in a jail cell trying to come up with reasons and explanations of why I was in there. And I couldn't. So, please, just tell me what I need to know, and then you'll never see me again.' His voice was accusing. He blamed her, and although she wasn't the one to put him in prison, she knew she wasn't completely innocent. It was her who started the conversations, it was her who suggested the out-of-hours meetings, it was her who fantasised about ways in which they could have spent their nights together, and it consumed her to think that if she hadn't acted in such a selfish way, then maybe Ben Donovan would still be teaching at Knightley.
'I don't know, Ben! God, I'm sorry that you went to prison, and I'm sorry that I was the reason for that, but please understand that this is excruciating for me too. I don't know what my mom did what she did, but do you know what I'm feeling at this moment, when I've just found out my mother has committed a cruel felony? Do you know how it feels to doubt your mother and what you know about her? Do you have any idea how it is to blame yourself for costing a man his life? Because I know it's my fault, and I'm so sorry, but I...I just...'
'Serena, are you okay?' Dan words seemed to reach her after he did, and he took her in his arms, pressing his lips to the top of her head. He completely ignored Ben, who just watched the blonde collect herself into the boy's embrace. 'What happened?' Dan asked, once Serena pulled away just enough to capture his gaze with hers.
'I will explain everything to you, but first I need to talk to my mom. Do you know where she is?' she asked, her voice stronger.
'No, I saw her leave about twenty minutes ago. She seemed distressed... Is everything okay?'
'I need to fix this,' she stated and skilfully unwrapped her body from Dan's strong hold.
'So I take it we're not going away anymore?' he asked while she rummaged her back for her phone. He did not really care what the answer was. Whether they were here, or in a different state, Dan only wanted to be with her, and he could see that this was important to her. Whatever this was.
She stopped and looked at him. She knew how excited he was about going away together, just the two of them, and she really wanted it to happen too. But she also knew that doing things right by Ben was more important than their trip.
'I'm sorry, Dan,' she whispered, hoping he understood.
He always did. 'Hey, it's okay. We can always go some other time.'
She didn't like the distance between them. It reminded her of bad moments of her life, of loneliness and sadness. And she never wanted to feel that way again.
'Come here,' she said, extending her arms in front of her as wide as possible. She fit her body against his, her hands locked behind his neck, her face buried in the crook of it. She could never describe how safe she felt in his embrace; she acknowledged it every time, but she just couldn't put it into words.
'Thank you for understanding,' she muttered against his skin. 'It's really assuring for me to know I have you by my side on this.'
His hands stroked her back, gently. 'I'll always be here, Serena. Now do what you have to do.'
He watched her walk over to the sofa and sit on it. Her fingers raced over the surface of her phone, as she typed Lily's number. Her legs shook as she waited for an answer, even though she had no idea what to say once the rings would stop. It surprised neither when Lily's voice mail message interrupted the monotonous series of buzzes.
You have reached Lily Humphrey's voice mail. Unfortunately, I am unable to intercept your call. Please leave me a message, and I shall contact you as soon as possible. Thank you. Beep.
Her breath hitched in her throat. What should she begin with? She barely spoke when she realised thirty seconds had already been wasted by silence.
'I know what you did, Mom.' She couldn't let sobs interrupt her, because she knew she wouldn't start again. She just cried empty tears, of frustration, and grief for the innocent man still standing in her living room, as she continued to talk. 'I need to talk to you. I'm waiting for you at the apartment. If you're not here by three o'clock, then I'm talking to the authorities.'
She shut her phone and turned to Dan, who was now sitting beside her, resting a hand on one of her thighs. When he saw her broken face, the red lines and black shadows, he hugged her again, rocking their bodies back and forth soothingly. He placed the side of his head against hers and allowed her to cry, feeling the hot tears soak into his shirt.
He looked over her shoulder and set his eyes on the tall man standing there, watching. He noticed him before, but once he saw Serena was crying, nothing else around him mattered except her. He knew he had to comfort her, and his attention could not have been divided towards anything else. But now it intrigued him; what was he doing here? How did he know Serena? But most importantly, was he the reason she was so upset?
'I'm sorry, we completely ignored you. It's been a few very challenging weeks for us. You are...?'
Serena shifted from his arms, now facing him. 'It's a really long story, Dan, but I need to know that you won't loathe me after I say it to you. It was a long time ago, before I met you, before you changed me into a person I would be proud to be. Please, try to stay open minded about this.'
He brought her hands up to his lips and kissed each one in turn. 'Tell me,' he said, still holding her hands.
xoxoxo
She had known that that time would come at some point. It always does for the type of thing that she did. But she never had wanted to discuss it with Serena. She was the only reason she had done it in the first place, the reason she did a lot of things in her life, and she always wanted to do the right ones. To raise her children the right way. The good intentions were there; she just failed.
She looked at her watch. 2:57. Only a few minutes left until her daughter would turn her own mother in to the authorities. It wasn't Serena's fault; of course not. Well, at least no entirely her fault. No mother wants to blame her children for anything, but Lily couldn't think that if Serena hadn't been so wild and irresponsible back then, naive enough to get involved with a teacher, then none of that mess would have ever happened. If Serena hadn't left for boarding school in the first place, then maybe things would have been completely different. In some ways, she was happy with how her life turned out. She was married to the love of her life, Serena was happy and, most importantly, out of trouble and Eric was healthy. Those aspects of her life seemed fulfilled, but now it was time to face the parts of her that weren't as satisfactory as the rest.
The perfectly aligned hands of the watch forced her to press the button to the elevator that led to the penthouse. She watched the digital numbers on the screen go up, and she wondered which one would equal the number of years she would have to spend behind bars. Even if Serena didn't turn her in, the fact that Ben Donovan was now out of prison raised the chances of her arrest, and she knew it. She wasn't scared; only disappointed. Of herself. Of failing. Of what she had become.
When the doors opened, she just stood there. It seemed Serena hadn't heard her arrive, which gave her a few more seconds to collect her thoughts, brace herself before facing the one thing she hoped would never haunt her. Finally, she stepped out of the elevator, her tall heels making a sound that seemed louder than usual when they touched the floor. She counted the steps, 1, 2, 11, until she could see her daughter sit on the sofa.
'Mom,' she whispered when their eyes met.
A/N: There we are, another chapter of my story. Thank you to all of my regular readers, I am very grateful to you. Please review and let me know whether you still like it. xx
