(24)
Never had the little island he called home ever felt so lonely.
Sitting on the shoreline, watching the rise and fall of the ocean waves, Beast Boy felt a dull ache in his chest and a sinking feeling like nausea in his stomach. The sun had gone down long ago and though his flesh was chilled by the cold breeze ripping across the rocky shore, still he felt no desire to go inside or warm himself, thinking perhaps it was better to just stay cold. For hours now he sat trying to come to terms with what had happened, and just when he started thinking he was getting better an image of Raven would enter his mind and he'd feel the tears nipping at his eyes all over again.
Not since his parents died had he felt pain like this.
He was just wiping his eyes clean for what must have been the dozenth time when, from behind him, there came the sound of someone calling his name. Turning slightly he looked over his shoulder to see Nightwing standing in the faint glow of the half moon.
"Hey," he answered after a moment. Briefly he considered asking the masked man what he wanted, but instead opted to remain silent, figuring he was going to tell him anyway. And he did.
A moment of silence passed between them. Finally Nightwing spoke again.
"How're you feeling?"
"Fine."
It was obvious to Beast Boy that Nightwing didn't believe him, but thankfully he made no move to pry. He simply nodded and walked until he was standing beside him on the rocks.
"We weren't able to find Terra," said the masked man bluntly. "We dug around, but she's kept an incredibly low profile."
Beast Boy remained silent. Of all the things he wanted to talk about at that moment, Terra certainly wasn't one of them. Unfortunately there was no way for Nightwing to know this, and he wasn't at all prepared to tell him why.
After a moment, Nightwing let out a deep sigh. Without waiting for Beast Boy to respond he continued.
"I mean she's always been kind of a mystery, hasn't she?" he said. "We never did learn much about her while she was with us. Not even her real name."
This time, Beast Boy found it in himself to give a response.
"She's always making things difficult," he said in a dry and flat tone.
Again Nightwing sighed as he slowly took a seat next to Beast Boy and put his hand on his shoulder.
"I know this must be hard for you. We all know how you feel about Terra..."
Beast Boy felt like rolling his eyes. Oh, the irony in that statement.
After a pause Nightwing continued: "I mean first she disappears for years and now suddenly she shows back up and..." He let the rest of his sentence trail off before starting again. "Listen, I know you're probably really conflicted right now, but this is very important. Years ago, when you saw Terra, you said she was going to school. Do you remember which one? If you do we could search the school records, find out her graduating class. Maybe find out her name or at least what name she's using."
For a moment Beast Boy sat, continuing to stare out into the black of the night sea. Eventually he turned to Nightwing and slowly shook his head.
"No," he said. "Sorry."
Again Nightwing nodded. He gave Beast Boy a firm and comforting pat on the shoulder, and told him it was okay before climbing back to his feet and making his way over the rocky terrain and back to the tower.
After Nightwing left for about a minute or so Beast Boy resumed his previous grieving. He sat in silence, staring at the ocean, wondering what he could possibly do with himself now the woman he loved was repelled by the very sight of him. It was about the time when he was finally giving serious thought to going inside and going to bed when suddenly he heard the sound of feet crunching gravel behind him. Initially he figured it was Nightwing again or perhaps Cyborg, but then he heard her speak.
"That was sweet."
Beast Boy's ears flickered and his head snapped up. Still in a sitting position he quickly spun around to find none other than Terra standing behind him, digging her toe in the dirt with a sad and nervous expression on her face. Finding himself at a complete loss for words, he simply stared in disbelief as she slowly crossed the short distance between them.
"Thanks for not telling," she added before taking a seat beside him.
Suddenly finding his voice Beast Boy's eyes narrowed. Quickly he turned away from Terra and returned his attention to the sea.
"Keep your thank yous. I didn't tell him anything because I honestly didn't remember."
Hurt spread across Terra's face, but still she managed to keep her composure. Now, even more so than before, she needed to speak with him. She needed to make him understand.
"Beast Boy, I need to talk to you," she said.
She had barely finished her sentence, however, when Beast Boy's voice rang sharply in her ears.
"I can't believe you'd come back here," he said, still refusing to look at her.
"What happened today wasn't my fault, I swear. It was all her."
"Raven doesn't start fights."
Unable to help herself Terra scoffed, "Oh, please, how would you even know that?"
Quick as lighting Beast Boy felt anger rise up inside him.
"Because I know her!" he snapped, finally fixing his intense gaze back on Terra.
"Why are you defending her?"
"I'm defending her because she'd do the same for me. Because regardless of how she used to treat me, Raven's always had my back. Good times or bad, she's never let me down. She's always been my friend."
There was a brief moment of silence as Terra struggled to find the right words. Eventually she reached out, attempting to grasp his hand
"But I'm your friend too, Beast Boy," she said.
Gently her fingers slid across his, seeking companionship. Unfortunately for her there was none to be found as Beast Boy swiftly pulled away. Terra's eyes shimmered with tears and she let out a tiny pained gasp as he once again turned away from her. She felt an overwhelming sense of dread as she watched him focus his attention on the patch of ground in front of him while taking in deep breath.
"You know all those times where I told you that I'd always be your friend and that I'd always be there for you? I meant it. I meant it then and I want to mean it now." He paused. "I want to like you Terra, but you keep giving me reasons not to."
Tears were rolling down Terra's cheeks. All she kept thinking to herself was he couldn't possibly be doing this again to her. He couldn't.
"Please," she sobbed. "I love you." Again she attempted to reach out to him, and again he pulled away.
"I love Raven," he answered climbing to his feet, looking like he had every intention to walk away.
Terra let out another painful gasp. She buried her head in her arms and wept as the man she loved once again reached into her chest, sank his claws deep into her heart, and viciously ripped the still beating organ from her body. There were times before, but never had she wanted to die so badly than at that very moment.
"But..."
Terra's head jerked up. The sound of this one word caused her sobbing to immediately cease as she yanked her attention away from the ground and back to the man standing beside her, the one who was now offering her his hand.
"I still care about you too."
Her eyes sparkled as she quickly accepted his hand in hers. She smiled and felt a gentle warmth well up inside her as his strong arms, gently helped her to her feet. He was saving her, just like she knew he would. For the first time since she'd initially seen him on the street, she felt the bright glow of hope overcome her. All at once she wanted to throw her arms around him, press her lips to his, kiss him as hard as she could. She wanted to hold him, to be held by him. To love him.
"I still care about you," said Beast Boy again. "So that's why I'm letting you go."
Terra swallowed nervously. Her breath quickened and she felt the uneasiness return to her stomach.
"What?"
"I won't tell Nightwing about seeing you here, but in return I want you to leave Jump City. I want you to go far away..." He paused and took a deep breath. "...and I don't want you ever coming back."
Terra felt as though she'd just been shot with a cannon. She lost the ability to breath and her legs were shaky.
"No," she finally managed to gasp. "Please don't."
Despite Terra's pleas it was obvious there was no changing Beast Boy's mind. His expression remained solemn as he gently released her hand before turning and beginning a slow walk back to the tower.
"Beast Boy," called Terra. Deep down she prayed for him to turn around, to look into her eyes. To see her one more time as the woman she really was, to be reminded of the times they'd shared, reminded of what they had once meant to each other. But still he walked.
And walked...
And walked...
And the more distance Beast Boy put between them, the more Terra was surprised to feel herself becoming incredibly angry. Her sobs slowed as deep hurt was accompanied by a strong sense of betrayal, the exact same feeling she'd felt all those years ago in the house of mirrors. All at once it felt as though the world around her was fading away, leaving just her and the man who had broken her heart yet again. Time slowed and now all she seemed to hear was the wretched mocking sound of his heartbeat.
Not even entirely sure of what she was doing Terra suddenly found herself calling forth her powers, conjuring a rock about the size of a fist into her hand. Holding the chunk of earth in the flat palm of her hand she glared at the back of unsuspecting changeling, still hearing the beating of his heart. Her eyes glowing yellow, she watched him continue to walk away, the rock shaking and dancing in her hand, begging to bring silence, itching to be set free, to shoot forward like a bullet.
Then it was over.
Suddenly the world was back and time once again resumed it's normal flow. Shaking her head sadly Terra forced the ground beneath her feet to rise up into the air. In a matter of seconds she was once again soaring back to the city. The rock was still clenched tightly in her fist.
(25)
It being so late, there weren't too many others occupying the other seats on the bus. Once she got close enough to the city, Terra quickly abandoned her stone transportation opting for a more subtle way home. She had never once let go of the rock in her hand. As she sat listening to the gentle hum of the engine, she turned the object over in her palm, shuffling it from left hand to right, thinking to herself.
An hour or so later she finally made it back to her apartment. From outside she could see that the lights were out, telling her Darryl had either already gone to bed or was once again staying out late with his "friends." After taking the elevator up to her floor, she walked down the hallway to her door, inserted her key, which she thankfully hadn't lost in the fight, and released the lock. After opening the door, she flicked on the lights and was surprised by what she found.
"It didn't go well did it?" said Ima, sitting casually on her living room sofa, a carton of leftover Chinese takeout from the fridge in her hand.
Although initially surprised to see Ima in her apartment, Terra was quick to get over it. Looking down at herself, she observed her ragged and torn clothes, her scrapes and cuts. She then looked back up at Ima and sarcastically replied, "How'd you guess?"
"I figured it wouldn't," replied Ima, stabbing a hunk of sweet and sour chicken with her fork, lifting it out of the cardboard container and popping it into her mouth. "I told you, T, people let you down. Even your Beast Boy."
Walking into the living space, Terra placed the rock in her hand on the coffee table and took a seat in the reclining chair to the left of the sofa.
"As always, you're a big help," she said, the same sarcasm from before still in her voice.
As Ima chewed her food her eyes gravitated to the rock on the table.
"What's that?" she asked, gesturing with her fork.
"A souvenir," replied Terra flatly.
For a moment the two of them simply sat in silence, Terra stewing, Ima gobbling down the last remnants of the fried rice, until finally Terra found it in her to speak. Anxiously chewing her thumb nail and without turning her head to face Ima, she opened up. Like therapy, she told Ima everything that had happened.
"So what are you going to do now?" asked Ima once Terra had finished. "You going to leave?"
"I don't know. I guess," answered Terra. "I mean there's really no point in staying anyway. He's already made up his mind. Raven...that snooty little bitch. He loves her." Terra could feel the tears starting to come again as shook her head, attempting to deny her own confession. "He loves her and not me."
For another moment or two silence once again filled the room. Terra wasn't entirely sure what she expected Ima to say, but when the brown haired girl finally did speak, what she did say took her completely by surprise.
"Are you sure?"
"What?"
"Are you sure he really loves her?"
Terra's eyes narrowed slightly in irritation and disbelief.
"Of course I'm sure," she shot bitterly. "He told me so himself, right before he said he never wanted to see me again."
Ima shrugged.
"I don't know," she said her tone reflecting her suspicion. "I mean didn't you say that Raven girl's powers have to do with emotions? And doesn't she do mind stuff too?
Not quite seeing what her friend was getting at, Terra slowly nodded her head and then answered with a, "Yeah, so?"
"It just seems to me that maybe she might be, you know, manipulating Beastie Boy into loving her. Maybe he doesn't love her at all. Maybe he only thinks he does."
As if a switch had been pulled, as if the curtains had just been thrown, all of a sudden Terra felt as if she'd just found herself face to face with unmitigated truth. Her eyes snapped open. She jumped to her feet. Her mind drifted to thoughts of Raven: an evil witch preying on a helpless young man, perverting and distorting his true feelings the way only she could. It was the perfect explanation. And it stirred up something new deep inside her, something she'd never known before. Turning she walked the short distance from the living room area to the window.
As Terra's brain buzzed with new thoughts, there suddenly came the sound of the door lock clicking and the front door creaking open. She heard the staggering footsteps of Darryl as he shambled into the apartment and tossed his keys on the kitchen table, and once again the smell of alcohol and perfume found its way to her nostrils.
"What are you still doing up?" he slurred.
Terra didn't bother answering, rather she remained silent as she heard the sound of him belching accompanied by that of the refrigerator door popping open, then the clanging of beer bottles and the snap of a bottle opener.
"There's a message for you on the answering machine from work," grumbled Darryl. "You're fired." He chuckled. "Good job, moron. You couldn't even hold down a waitressing job."
The fact that she'd been fired was no surprise to Terra. In addition to the hour long break she took the day before, she also hadn't even bothered going in that day. At this point, however, she was far beyond the point of caring.
As the drunkard started rooting around in the cabinets for something to eat, Terra's mind strained to comprehend her current situation. It wasn't fair that this is how her life was. She'd struggled her whole life against hatred and fear, against her powers and against herself, and yet she had absolutely nothing to show for it. Certainly she'd made some bad decisions, but she didn't deserve this. She had been a hero once. Wasn't she entitled to a little happiness?
Suddenly Terra felt a pair of soft feminine hands on her shoulders and she heard a voice whispering in her ear.
"You don't find happiness," said Ima softly. "You make it."
Terra breathed deep as she felt her friends hands slide from her shoulders. For a few moments she simply stood, continuing to stare out the window. Her thoughts drifted to Beast Boy, to Raven, to Darryl, to Ima. At that moment she could once again feel the bold new sensation running through her body, deep and powerful. It was something not quite like anger, but rather a kind of icy cold determination. It reinvigorated her muscles and filled her with a sense of purpose. Suddenly everything became so clear.
Turning away from the window she set her eyes upon the man in front of her. This horrible excuse for a human being. This obstacle in her path.
"I'm sick of this," she suddenly found herself saying out loud.
"Huh?" said Darryl from across the room, not looking up from the hot rod magazine in his hands.
As it turns out he would have no time to say anything else as with little more than a thought Terra sent the rock sitting on the coffee table hurdling through the air. Like a projectile it cleared the kitchen table and deftly cracked Darryl in the mouth, knocking him backwards out of his chair and onto the floor.
Casually, Terra strolled across the carpet. From the kitchen she heard the sounds of coughing and sputtering as Darryl rocked back and forth on the floor, holding his wounded mouth, blood running between his fingers.
"The fuck was that?" he managed to cry out as he gagged and spat a few loosened teeth. "The fuck did you do?"
"I'm sorry Darryl," said Terra. Despite her words, her tone was far from apologetic. "But I deserve better than you." In a nanosecond the rock zipped to Terra's side, hovering just above the downed Darryl's head. "I'm afraid it's over between us."
Panic rising in his chest, Darryl was barely able to roll out of harm's way as the deadly chunk of earth shot for his head and instead collided with the kitchen floor. Taking in several large and terrified gasps he crawled on his hands and knees across the floor, his only goal to get as far away as possible. His escape was slowed, however; pain suddenly shot through the back of his knee as the rock once again crashed sharply into his flesh. He yelped in agony as another bullet like sting burned the middle of his black as well as his right shoulder blade. Over and over, all across his body, bloody welts began to appear as he was mercilessly pelted again and again by the swift and deadly object.
In desperation he finally managed to climb to his feet, but no sooner did he make his turn for the door, when suddenly the rock zipped in front of him. As the object hovered in his path his attention turned to Terra, still standing by the kitchen table, watching the whole ordeal with cold indifferent eyes. With pleading eyes, he opened his mouth with every intention of begging for mercy. Before he could utter one word, however, the rock attacked. Shooting forward at an unbelievable speed, the object collided viciously with the young man's throat, crushing his trachea. Immediately, his hand went to the wounded area. His eyes bugged out as blood began filling his mouth, dribbling down his lips. Grasping wildly, his hands searched for something sturdy to keep his balance, but, finding nothing, he instead tumbled to the floor.
In the same casual manner as before, Terra calmly approached the re-fallen Darryl as he lay on the ground struggling for breath. She once again stood over him, the rock once again taking position alongside her, hovering over the man's head.
"Sorry, Darryl," she said again. "It's not you. It's me."
Then the rock fell.
(26)
An hour later.
"You're not taking anything else?" asked Ima.
"No," said Terra.
"You sure?"
"Positive."
There was a pause.
"If I'm going to rescue Beast Boy I'm going to need help."
"You're asking...?"
"I'm asking."
Ima smirked.
"Sure, why not?" she said. "After all what are friends for?"
