Chapter 7

South Italy

For a while, it doesn't feel like it's a nightmare. It's too raw and real to be a nightmare, yet I'm reacting the same as I would a nightmare, tossing and turning and sweating and gripping onto the sheets with what little unconscious energy I can muster up. Yet I can't wake up. My body refuses to send signals to wake me up, everything feels like it's halfway between reality and a nightmare. It feels real. Far too real to not be.

There isn't any specific thing I'm seeing. I can hear things. Gunshots, screaming, Ainsley's voice, I can see the outline of a smile that belongs to the Romanian vampire and I can hear the strong Russian accents of the guards cutting into my mind like a razor blade. I can taste the French food from the canteen on the tip of my tongue and I can see the smiles, all the smiles, not just the Romanian's smiles anymore and then the laugh of the Italian girl ringing first through my right ear, then into the middle of my head as if it's nestled right in the core of my brain and then to my left ear before it fades into the background, and I hear the harsh whoosh of the axe and the sound of its force upon the neck of an innocent Canadian runaway.

Nobody's innocent anymore.

It goes silent for a moment, and I shake, shuddering and sweating in the bed too warm for my cold heart. Is it over? Will I be woken to laughter and chattering? Or the same horrors I just witnessed? I hope nobody's awake and staring upon my face as I shudder and a tear rolls down my pale cheek. I've already proven myself as strong thus far, I don't want to lose the little sense of strength I have cocooned within me just because someone saw me in a moment of weakness and vulnerability.

There's one last flash of a smile, and I'm not sure whose it is because it's far too proud, cocky and arrogant and, for some reason, slightly sinister. Then there's the laugh, and it sounds annoying, yet slightly safe. I don't know who it belongs to. I'm not sure if I want to know. They can't be real, whoever it is – none of this is real, this nightmare, or dream, because I don't want to be weak.

I lie there for a while – maybe a few hours, maybe a few minutes, I don't know. I lost track of time ages ago. I don't know whether anyone is awake around me or if the sun is rising and the harsh glare shining upon the camp in the dreary hours of sunrise, or whether the moon still stands proud in the night sky. I don't see the sky often, or go outside often. We're usually just confined within the camps and that's where we stay.

The memory of the nightmare lingers in my mind for a lot longer than I'm comfortable with. It doesn't seem to be going away any time soon.

"Ciao!" I hear a chirpy, familiar voice, and I know who it belongs to immediately. She's up and running around, grabbing the duvets and pulling them off everyone as she runs past. She reaches me and pulls it off, and I flinch and shudder again at the sudden cold. I hear groans from around the room as girls who have been rudely awoken sit up, death glares fixed on their faces all aimed towards Felicity, who turns and looks like she's on the verge of tears. "No, no, I didn't mean to wake you up violently! It's just that it's time soon and I thought we could all go down to the canteen together, si?" She holds her hand out as a girl walks towards her with her fists clenched. "No need for fighting! No need for viol- AAH!"

The fight isn't serious, just play fighting, and soon the whole room is in hysterics. A guard comes and tells us to quiet down and get dressed. We do so, and Felicity seems to have made a new best friend in the Welsh girl who she fought with. They walk down to the meal hall with arms around each other, at least.

Tino and Berwald aren't there by the time we reach there, so I just sit on the table and watch as Felicity is just as bubbly as usual – yet she seems to be even more cheerful today. Why is that?

"Lovi!" she cries out in happiness, and runs over to where the boys are just piling into the room. There's a boy there who looks quite like a male and angrier version of Felicity, and he scowls when she hugs him. I'm guessing they're twins and Felicity hasn't seen her brother in a while. It always happens with siblings in the camps. Then again, I don't have any siblings left.

None that I know of, anyway.

"Get off me, bastardo!" the other Italian twin says angrily, pushing his sister away from him. "And don't call me Lovi!"

"Hmm? Where are your friends, brother? Do you have any here?" Felicity stands on her tiptoes so she's the same height as her brother and pouts slightly.

"You don't need to know about my friends. Now get away from me," he says. The whole hall is watching them now. I spot Tino and Berwald, and they sit down opposite me as usual and continue watching the twins bicker.

"Lovi…you're so grumpy…" Felicity whines, and holds onto her brother's arm. They're the strangest pair of twins I've ever met – not that I've met many.

Eventually Felicity returns to her seat and her brother walks over right to the other side of the hall and sits alone. I wonder if he gets lonely sitting by himself. I used to be before I met Tino and Berwald.

"Lukas," Tino says, seeming to have gotten used to my male name easily. "When are you putting the plan into action?"

He's never been straight to the point like this before. I'm taken aback for a moment before I gather myself and relax in my chair. "I'm really not sure. Most likely closer to the date where we graduate. Then I can get away without being questioned too much by the others. They have search parties looking for Ainsley. I doubt I can hide for that long then reappear as a boy and expect no questions. They'll go to any lengths to find someone who has run away. If they suspect that a girl is in the military, they won't have any respectful way of checking if it's true. I don't want to be suspected." I forget I'm speaking and allow the thoughts in my mind to come through in my words. "I'm sure I can pass as a boy, though. As long as I don't draw any attention to myself…"

"I'm sure you can!" Tino says with a bright smile. "You're smart, and really sly as well. You're strong enough to be able to pass as a boy convincingly, and Berwald and I believe in you! That's enough, right? I'm sure you'll be able to do it. If you don't, then consider me wrong, but I doubt you'll be caught if we pull this plan off as well as we can."

I stare in shock for a few seconds. Berwald looks like he firmly believes in me as well, and Tino laughs nervously, waiting for me to respond. "T-Thank you," I say, and bow my head in respect towards them both. "I am very pleased that you both believe in me. I'll do my best!" I finish eating and stand up. "Call me Elsie a while longer, okay? But as soon as we leave it's back to Lukas." I make sure my voice is quiet so it doesn't draw attention and people don't listen in. I then hurry and put my tray away and head out the door.

I have an extra spring in my step as I walk down the corridor. I see that boys and girls are communicating with one another before they split into their different sections. It's the one time the genders truly mix. The guards look like they don't enjoy it but they can't really do anything about it, as this is the designated area where both genders can hang out before they get to their chores. A few people who know me personally look a little shocked at how happy I look – I'm usually dull and emotionless, and I'm not exactly smiling, but my face is a lot brighter than it usually is.

Until I run into someone who gasps and yells, "Bastardo!" before taking a few steps back. I stare at the person – it's the same guy from before, the twin brother of Felicity. I think she was calling him Lovi, but he didn't seem to like that.

"I apologise," I say. Usually when I bump into people I don't apologise, but this time I feel compelled to. He narrows his eyes.

"Watch where you're going, Nordic bastardo."

Does he find a word to describe every person and slap a 'bastardo' onto the end and call them that? "My name is Elsie," I say. "Not 'Nordic bastardo'. I'm sorry for disturbing your walk, Lovi."

He appears to be maddened by the name and shoves me backwards. A guard looks wary of us and looks prepared to grab one of us if things get out of hand. A lot of people have turned to look at us. "Don't call me that!" he rages, and clenches his fists. "It's Lovino. Lovino Vargas."

"Twin of Felicity Vargas? You're quite the opposites."

"Don't compare me to that lazy pasta-eating bastardo. Si, we are twins, but very unlike one another in reality. So don't go pairing us together in everything because we're not alike. Now get the fuck out of my sight, Elsie."

"Gladly," I snap in return, and shove past him into the corridor that leads to the girls' section, ignoring the weird looks I receive from others. I hope Tino and Berwald weren't there for that.

"Hey, you shouldn't make too many enemies here." I hear a familiar voice from behind me and turn around with an exasperated sigh.

"What do you want, vampire?"

"Wow. Never heard that one before."

"Seriously? Cause you look like one."

"I was being sarcastic."

"I knew that."

"Sure you did."

"For someone who has a best friend, you're not really around them much."

"What can I say? He's a slow eater and I'm impatient."

"And you're still hanging out where the girls are meant to be. Pervert."

"You're the only girl here."

"I'm the only other person here."

"I'm not even a pervert."

"Why else would you be here?"

"Most the boys don't like me, so I go here."

"I doubt the girls like you either."

"I don't care about the girls. You're the only one I've spoken to in my life."

"What about your mother?"

"No clue who she is."

"Hasn't at least one girl spoken to you?"

"Nope."

"Can't blame them."

He chuckles. I notice both his hands are gloved this time, black gloves covering the pale hand. The perfect contrast, and he still has the colour-coded outfit. It all goes. It's irritating. "You're not very nice, Elsie. And I still don't know where you're from. I told you I'm from Romania. Why won't you tell me? Or should I ask Tino or Berwald for the information?"

"You know Tino and Berwald?"

"Mm. Can't really call them my friends, but they're nice enough to me. Which is an achievement."

"Brilliant. I don't give a fuck."

"Watch your language or you'll end up getting along with Lovino." He grins. "You two seem to have made friends."

"Why do you keep talking to me?"

"You're interesting. I want to be friends."

"I'm not going to be friends with a perverted vampire."

"Yet here you are."

I glare at him, and cross my arms, shifting my weight onto my left leg. "Well? How do you expect this friendship to work?"

"We talk occasionally and greet each other with 'Hey, friend'."

"No way in hell am I doing that."

"That's a shame, cause I will."

"People like you are the reason I hate the world and want to die."

"Whoa, didn't realise we were at the stage in friendship where you unload all your mental and emotional problems onto me and I listen and give you a comforting hug."

"Don't touch me with your creepy vampire hands."

"I don't plan on. I don't molest children."

"…I'm fifteen."

"You look like a child."

"Fuck off."

"Will do," he says, and turns around. "See you around, friend!" Then he leaves and heads back to the boys' area where he's supposed to be. I see a glimpse of a brown-haired boy who greets him and they walk off together. So he really does have a 'best friend'.

I sigh. That boy irritates me so badly I want the ground to swallow me up, but I can't do that. It'll ruin the plan. I just hope he doesn't choose to join the military, or else I'll have a lot of explaining to do.

I already have a lot of explaining to do, but I'm putting off doing it.

I just don't want to accept the fact that I've made a huge mistake. But I have to sometime…don't I?