Chapter 7: Stray Thoughts
Kate closed her eyes and massaged her temples with her index and middle fingers. She was getting a headache and it was going to be a bad one, she could tell. The same information flowed through her mind and flashed behind her eyes. Her investigation was at a standstill. They needed a lead, but try as she might, sifting through the same information day and night for two days revealed nothing she didn't already know. Her thoughts were either chaotic or far too ordered, however she tried to approach the situation she couldn't find the same thought pattern she had become so accustomed to.
Kate hated to admit it, even to herself, but she wanted Castle back. She needed him on this case. It was right up his alley. An up and coming novelist was murdered in a run down hotel near a function she had attended earlier that night. There were no witnesses, no security footage, no angry current or ex-lovers or unpaid debts. This was Castle's world and when she needed him most he was no where to be found. She knew it was partially her fault, she had pushed him away, but that only made her even more angry, both at herself and him for letting her.
From time to time Kate found herself looking across at the empty chair beside her desk or searching the break room for him in need of the strange affect he had on her. Her disappointment was only reignited after each habitual search that proved in vain. Occasionally she even thought she smelt his cologne still in her car. It had gotten worse after she got a call late one night from Martha Rodgers informing her that Castle was back in the city. Kate had climbed out of bed the next morning and each morning after that extra early in hope of arriving at the Precinct to find a smiling, flirtatious, man-child of an author sitting in her chair. If he had been there she would kick him out of her chair like always, but that didn't mean she didn't want him to be there all the same. As she had told herself when she found his pros and cons lists, if he was the same man-child she had known his first port of call would be the Precinct, yet each day that passed confirmed her fears. He wasn't coming back and he wasn't the same man she had come to love. What had happened between them was proving to have further reaching consequences than she had wanted to believe.
Telling herself that they just needed to talk could only help Kate so much. She actually needed to see him, to get things off her chest and to hear what he had to say. Over the last few weeks of summer Kate had read articles that declared that the New York playboy author was back on the party scene and that he was making up for his absence. That was definitely something she wanted to address the first chance she got. Him leaving with Gina was one thing, that was for show, at least she was pretty sure it was for show, but the thought of him with all the women who were claiming to have spent a night in his bed was making her sick to her stomach. Even before he started shadowing her he had not been so non-discriminating in his sexual escapades.
Kate heard a small commotion near the elevator and considered yelling at whoever it was that was making the noise to keep it down, it was hard enough to focus her thoughts without the added distraction. Instead she took five deep breaths and went back to work. Whatever it had been that caused the raucous had been silenced, leaving her to put her energy into focusing her thoughts on the case rather than the absence of one Richard Castle. She had just succeeded in doing so when Esposito and Ryan walked in chattering animatedly. Kate pretended to still be immersed in the case at hand but her attention wasn't too hard to get at moments like these. "You think he meant it?"
"Which part? Not wanting to distract Beckett or about the final book?"
"The book, bro. Castle doesn't care about distracting anyone from work, if he did he would have waited until tonight rather than come all the way down here."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just think it's sad that he went from following her like a puppy to not wanting to walk a few extra feet to see her after three months. Ya know?"
"Yeah, I know. But back to the book. Do you think he was serious?"
Kate couldn't take it any more, she was probably getting a lot of information from listening in than she would otherwise, but she needed the background. There was too many half revelations and if she could understand one of the issues being discussed in its entirety it would be worth it. So she spoke up. "What about the book?"
"Beckett!" Judging by the surprise on both of their faces as they reacted in unison she could only assume they had forgotten that she was there and noticed her when they came in a few seconds ago. Esposito continued. "What book?"
"Don't play dumb, Esposito. Ryan gives you away." She indicated the Detective who was obviously looking to his partner to cover for them. "Now, spill."
The men looked at each other before Ryan spoke up. "Castle said he wouldn't do a fourth book, regardless of what his publisher was offering. Apparently they wanted it so badly they were willing to double his royalties."
"When did you speak to Castle?" For a moment Kate hoped they would say that they saw it on an interview because otherwise it would mean that he had kept in touch with almost every one but her and she didn't want to think about how much that thought hurt.
"Just then..." Ryan pointed to the elevator where the commotion had come from earlier. He quickly dropped his hand to his side realizing what he had just revealed.
"Castle is here?" 'Had he finally come back for her?' She automatically made to walk in the indicated direction before Esposito spoke up.
"He was here... He left a few minutes ago to get everything ready for tonight."
"Oh... How long was he here?"
"A few minutes, tops." Ryan supplied.
"Why didn't he say hi? Did he give a reason?"
"He said he didn't want to interrupt your train of thought while you were working." Esposito knew she would see right through the excuse but he didn't want to be the one to point it out.
"Oh... How considerate of him..." She tried to keep a brave face, but this was proving to be more painful than she thought. He had come to the precinct and didn't even say hi, but even worse was that he hadn't even tried to come up with a believable excuse. "I guess his holiday was good for reminding him of the importance of what we do... " That was complete garbage and everyone knew it. He didn't want to see her. 'Well, he's going to have to suck it up because nothing was going to keep Kate Beckett from confronting him either at or just after the launch party.'
