Chapter 7: Chapter 7

I love love love your reviews. I suck at getting back at them, but try to answer any questions if they come up.

Bonkerzrulez is my amazing beta that gives this story its extra special touch.

I was on vacation and then at a work conference, sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I'm back so I am hoping to update a little more often

I know you guys are impatient and want Rose and Dimitri to meet again, but trust me it will happen soon. I have a surprise to go along with the chapter where they meet; I am convinced it will be worth the wait in the end.

I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line; unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.

My Milaya – Chapter 7 Enjoy…

Dimtri POV

After I took Roza's picture and talked to her and fell asleep to thoughts of her I felt much better. I finally had my head clear and felt I was ready to tackle life in our new home, but Zander not so much.

Momma had spent the entire day with Zander, being away from him caused reality to hit me hard. When work started next week it would be like this everyday five days a week for us. I had been off for a few weeks and had got used to being with him full time, this was going to be tough. Even if I was working in Baia he was with his Bobbi or his aunts. I was doubting my decision to move to Court, I think the adjustment time was going to be harder for us than I realized. I was anxious going home to see Z that he was going to be worse today being at school and I being gone, but like always the little guy surprised me.

I walked in, he ran to me and gave me one of his famous hugs, he was so happy and excited. I was elated maybe things wouldn't be so hard after all. After my shower we sat down to dinner and I found out why Z was so elated.

That's when it started. "Daddy I met a girl today and I call her Laya and she's so pretty and she makes cookies and she can be my new Everyday Mom. Please Daddy I really really like her and she saved me when I was lost chasing bubbles and she bought me hot cocoa and she blew on it so it didn't burn me. Please Daddy please." He rambled on not taking a settling breath in-between his thoughts.

I looked across the table at Momma and she was suppressing a laugh. I gave her a look like 'thanks a lot for the help'.

I chewed my food while Z stared at me in anticipation; he was waiting for me to answer. I looked to him with as much compassion I could muster. "Z I am sure this girl is very nice, but to be your Mommy she would have to be very special to both of us. Zander I cared deeply for your Mommy, Tasha, and it will be hard for me to meet someone new. I am sorry Zander, but things just aren't that simple." He looked like he was fighting tears. "But Zander I am your Daddy and I love you more than anything in this world. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you son, you are my life."

I tried to put all the love I had in my eyes and express to him what I felt for him. He looked furlong, but nodded his head and ate his dinner in silence.

I gave Z a bath and at first he was quiet and sullen, but then he turned into a chatter box. Asking me if someone was special to me does that mean she was my girlfriend. I answered him and asked where he learned about girlfriends. I should have realized Paul was coming of age and his hormones would be raging no matter how hard he tried to suppress them down. Paul favored me in physical appearance, but also in personality, I was just like him when I was that age.

Z kept up with his question asking, but shifted the topic of conversation to his Mom. He asked about her looks, which shocked me a little since he had a picture of her by his bed that he kissed every night in our bedtime routine.

I finally got the chatter box tucked into bed, I was able to read him one story around his constant barrage of questions. I recognized the look on his face. He looked calm almost serene. He had his sweet little hand clasped together and I could tell more questions were coming.

"So Daddy if Momma had dark hair and you and I have dark hair, Bobbi has dark hair and our whole family except for Aunt Lissa, Lexi and Annie, then you like dark hair right?"

"Of course I love dark hair Z" I ruffled his hair. "You have dark hair Z, so I love it." He got a huge smile on his face.

"Good Dadda cause Laya has dark hair like us." Shit I was never going to date anyone again with dark hair, too much like my Roza.

"Well Z I actually prefer blonds. It just happened that I found your Mom and she had dark hair, but I like blonds better." I am such a liar; I crossed my fingers behind my back.

He got suddenly depressed. "But I have dark hair."

"And I love your hair Z, but for a girlfriend I want her to have blond hair and light eyes. Yeah blue eyes like your Mom."

"Oh" He looked sad, but there were no tears thankfully.

I gave him a big hug, he put his little arms around my neck in a vice grip and snuggled into me. My heart melted, no matter if he was upset that I liked blonds he still loved me and gave me one of his best hugs. I had to fight tears. "I love you Z so much, from the stars to the moon and back."

He pulled away and smiled, he loved it when I said that to him.

He pointed out the window and then back to himself while he said. "To the moon and back to Z."

We finished with our goodnights then I went and plopped down on the couch. I put my head in my hands. Momma sat down next to me and rubbed my back.

"Dimka why so sad? Z is happy and healthy, I know you love being a Guardian, why the long face." I looked to her and she nodded in understanding.

"I see. Dimka I am your mother, I know you better than probably anyone and I love you so much." She pinched my check lovingly. "Why Dimka, why don't you look up Roza? The real reason not what you tell me and your sisters." She gave me a stern look. "The truth."

I sighed and looked away collecting my thoughts. I looked back to Momma and started. "The truth Momma is because I am scared."

She gave me a confused look and shook her head. "The Dimka I know is not afraid of anything."

I put my head in my hands, how do I tell her this? I looked towards her again. "Momma what if Roza hates Z because he is Tasha's son. I broke her, hurt her deeper than I could ever fathom, why would she want to be with me when I have Tasha's son.

She believes I left her only to have a family, a baby, something she could not give me. If I told her the truth, that I left her to protect her and her career she would never believe it. She would resent Z and I could never handle that. She would never believe me after seeing me with Z that I would have given up any chance of family if I could have her for just one more day. But now I have Z and things are different and I can't go to her, not now I just can't." I rubbed my eyes as if I was tired, but I was really hiding the tears threatening to come.

I felt Momma's hand on my back. "Oh Dimka do you really think that or is that just an excuse because you are afraid to fight for her?"

I abruptly pulled away. "No I am not afraid." I said harshly. "I just want to protect Z and if Roza rejected him it would kill me and I can't have him seeing me so distraught." I said through clenched teeth.

She held up her hands. "Okay Dimka sorry. I understand." She got a thoughtful look on her face. "But if not your Roza maybe it's time for someone new. You know that sweet Dhampir that helped Z today was so beautiful and – "

I cut her off and held up my hands. "Oh no not you too, Z gave me an earful already." I shook my head in disbelief. "You know you could have warned me."

She chuckled. "Yes as soon as she gave him cookies I saw the wheels spinning in his adorable little noggin. But seriously Dimka maybe if not this Laya beauty then someone else." She put her hand lovingly on my arm. "I know it hurts Dimka, but maybe it's time."

Her words shocked me a little. Could I do it, could I really date again? Would it be fair to the girl, all I would ever do was compare her to Roza, my perfect woman. I guess I need to listen to Momma maybe it is time. But no matter what she will have to be the complete opposite of Roza. Anyone that favored her looks wise would hurt too much.

I said my goodnights to Momma and went to bed; I was exhausted physically and mentally and for once fell asleep with ease.

I woke up went on a run, had breakfast with Z then went to the gym to abuse some dummies. When I had seriously thinking hitting dummies always helped the most. I chuckled to myself, thinking of Roza, she used to accuse me of breaking Alberta's gym budget with all the dummies I destroyed while I mentored her. If she only knew fighting my intense feelings for her was the demise of all those poor innocent dummies. Oh how I missed her.

I proceeded with an intense workout training my muscles to prep for the intense physicality of the OMP Guardian program I was to start Monday. Although the first few weeks would be book work, I knew after that the body conditioning would start and I wanted a head start.

I showered and needed a pick me up before I headed home to Z and his questions. Maybe he was off the Laya girl kick and would tell me about his day at school, which I hope went better.

I ran to the G bar, I wanted strong black coffee and Gus who ran the G bar always made the best coffee.

"Dimitri good to see you man, you want a brew?"

"No not today Gus, just some coffee, black please."

"You got it."

He gave me my coffee and I found a quiet corner table where I could sit and sulk with my thoughts of trying to date again.

I was sitting reading the Court paper, but not really reading it, just trying to look busy so I didn't run into anyone I knew. I needed some alone time.

"D is that you?"

I looked up to see my former guarding partner and good friend Jake Hale. He was someone I would always welcome with open arms no matter how sullen I felt. I stood and gave him the half hug half man-shake. "J good to see you man, Egor told me you would be transferring as a Court Guardian." He actually said he transferred to follow a woman, but I would not ask him details, I was not the nosey type.

He nodded. "Yes I did, but not because Europe has better food, I followed my girlfriend here. The famous single Jake Hale has found the perfect woman who will make an honest man out of me." Wow he was offering up information, this was unlike Jake, he really must love this one.

"I never thought I'd see you settle down J, she must be special."

He looked off to far away thoughts for a few seconds looking thoughtful with a sly grin on his face. "She is special, very special. I am whipped; I never thought it would happen to me." He smiled thinking of his girlfriend.

I nodded in understanding. "I also never thought it would happen to me either."

He looked up. "Oh yeah hey D sorry man, I didn't mean to stir up bad thoughts of Tasha." I didn't have the heart to dishonor Tasha's memory and tell him it wasn't Tasha who owned my heart.

I held up my hands like no offense was taken. "No worries. So tell me about this girl? I am sure she must be someone special to catch your eye, anyone I might know?"

He smiled to himself. "Nah she's American. She's a beauty, too beautiful I want to pound all men that look at her, she's dangerously beautiful actually, has a body that doesn't quit, but is sweet as can be."

"Nice, so what does she do here at Court?"

He smiled a devious smile; this was the Jake I knew. "Well she's a bit of Nanny these days, watching kids." He chuckled to himself.

I wasn't sure what was so funny, but before I could ask we got interrupted. The Badica sisters approached us. They were two Moroi that went to school with Jake and me. They were typical tall Moroi, blond, blue eyes. As much as they were complete opposite of Roza I was not really interested in dating a Moroi.

I wanted no more children unless of course they were with Roza, which was impossible and I didn't want to be put in that situation again. I was getting a little ahead of myself since the Badica sisters were what Viktoria would call 'loose' and I doubt having kids was on their agenda. They always chased Jake and me at the academy, but we were both too serious for partying. This is why we were paired with such important Moroi, in the end we both were on vacation and they were not protected.

I was pulled from my images of Vivian and Ivan by Beth the older sister. She sat on my lap while Iris sat on J's lap

She put her arm around me. "So Dimka I never caught you in school what are my chances now?" I got red and embarrassed which caused me to look away like a school boy. I was never a ladies' man; I was always too serious about being a Guardian.

As politely as I could I put her in the chair next to me so she wouldn't get the wrong idea. J seemed to be doing similar avoidance tactics with Iris. I am sure if word got back to his girl he'd be in a heap of trouble.

We chatted with the sisters and got caught up. I noticed a blond enter the bar and head to the bar to get a drink. I excused myself and went towards her.

I put some money down and motioned to Gus her drink was on me. She was the taller, less warm daycare worker at Z's school named Renatta. I was dying to know how Z's day was and if he was doing better.

She looked towards me stunned, but when she saw it was me she gave me a huge flirtatious smile. "Why thank you Guardian Belikov." She took a sip of her drink and motioned for me to join her.

We chatted for a bit about Z. She told me he was doing marginally better, but still I got the hint from her tone he was still not quite where he should be in his transition. She was very flirty and seemed interested, but could I really date her and put thoughts of Roza aside?

"So Guardian Belikov can I call you Dimitri?"

"Sure Renatta that's fine." I finished my second cup of coffee and realized I needed to get home to Z and Momma so I didn't miss dinner.

"Well I should be going, if you're here that means Z is at home and I haven't seen him since breakfast." I ordered and paid for her next drink feeling bad I had to take off.

"So Dimka" She used my Russian nick name. "I see you are a single Dad do you date?"

"Uh no I haven't since Z's mom's died."

"Oh I am so sorry to hear that, my sympathies." She gave a polite smile and thankfully didn't press for more information.

"Thank you." I got up to go.

She turned towards me. "So Dimka do you want to go out to dinner with me sometime?" I must have looked shocked since she started to back pedal. "I mean if you want we could just go as friends."

Shit shit shit! I hadn't made up my mind yet. But she was the complete opposite of Roza. Whatever, one date won't kill me. "Um yes sure that would be great. I start the OMP program next week so let's say Friday night? I will pick up you at the daycare center when my Momma gets Z, this way I can say goodnight to him before we head out."

She clapped her hands together in little feminine pats. "Oh Dimka that will be great we'll have a good time." She gave me a sexy smile and a wink. Despite her confidence I highly doubted I would have a good time, it was more like a necessary evil.

I said my good-byes and waved towards J. He seemed busy dodging the Badica sisters. He gave me a reluctant look and a small sarcastic smile. Like he was saying 'thanks for the help D'. I chuckled to myself as I left the bar. Poor J, he'll get me back for this, I am sure with a little sparing session where he doesn't hold back.

I got home and had a nice dinner with Momma and Z. I gave Z a bath, but asked Momma if she would put him to bed. I had a lot of aggression and I felt like going for a nice long run to help clear my head. I was not ready to tell Momma about my date, I had awhile so I'll tell her later.

Z was a tiny bit more positive about school as Renatta said; at least there was a little improvement. I had to stay positive. Although Z stopped trying to get me to date his new favourite person in the world he would not stop talking about her. I thought being only three, the longer he went without seeing her, the sooner he would forget. Boy was I was wrong.

Z was not your normal three year old. He was a little more advanced than most. I didn't want to sound like I was bragging, but he really was a bright boy.

Like tonight, he was trying to figure out how he could see Laya who had been so sweet to him a few days ago. "Dadda do you think if I go back to the same place at the same time I might see her again?" I chuckled at his logic; if it were me I would think the same way. Yes my boy was smart he was going to be a first class Guardian some day.

As I ran I gave myself this time to be with Roza. I remembered all the things that I loved and admired about her. She will forever be my one true love. But I know deep down in my heart because of Z, I can't be with her. She would never accept Z because he was Tasha's and represented everything bad; me leaving her, her not being able to give me a family, both of us being Guardians and not being able to be married.

I remembered the fire I got in my belly when she turned and faced me that first night in Oregon. As stupid as it was I admired her courage and bravery, to stand against me even though she knew in her weakened state she had no chance. Roza was a fighter, she would do whatever she could to protect the princess and do her duty. I remember the look in her eye, fear, but determination. I fell in love with the way her hair framed her beautiful face, how it swayed in the gentle fall breeze. I was in awe of her from the moment I laid my eyes on her.

But as I got to know her and mentor her that's when I knew she was my soul mate. I had never felt such a connection or bond with anyone before. It was the most natural feeling in the world to be with her. The fact that we could not be together proved to me that life was cruel.

As I ran I focused on the good memories of Roza, I needed to stay focused and positive for Z. I remembered all the great times Roza and I had, the moments that are more precious to me than any, those moments that will carry me through a lifetime.

As I finished my run I whispered 'I love you Roza, but we were not meant to be. I realize this now. You and only you will have my heart, but I must go on and live life, for Zander. Forgive me Roza my love.'

After my run I felt hollow, but determined. I had to stop living in the past and move forward, I had to do it for Z. I could date and have companionship; no one said I had to love again. Not that loving anyone other than Roza was a possibility. Tasha would have been the closest that I came to that and I only loved her as a friend, companion and mother of my child, not as my lover.

As I walked home I felt better, running and thinking of Roza was just what I needed. I realized I still hadn't contacted Christian and Lissa yet. I will call Christian soon so they can come visit us that is bound to cheer Z up. He loves all of them so much and feels so special when they come. A visit from them will get his mind off this Laya girl for sure.

Reviews are appreciated : D

For those Kismet fans out there sorry to leave you with a cliffy, working on the next chapter so it should be up in a few days.