"Wonderful Tonight"

All titles are songs from the seventies. This song is by Eric Clapton.

I own nothing. I'm just trying to fix the disaster that was Season 8. This episode would be the season finale of Season 7. It would be episode 7-28. This episode would be an hour long. Season 8 will be up next.

Thanks to everybody who has taken the time to review! And someone had asked about the phrase, "cut to bumper" the bumpers are the various shots of the cast members jumping, posing, etc. Sorry for any confusion. You guys are awesome! Just a little note; there are several songs referenced in this episode. If you haven't heard them, I recommend listening to them, they're good ones.

ACT 1

SCENE 1

INT. JACKIE AND HYDE'S BEDROOM EARLY MORNING THE DAY OF THEIR WEDDING. THEY ARE BOTH SLEEPING. JACKIE IS LAYING ON HIS CHEST AND HYDE HAS HIS ARM DRAPED OVER HER. SUDDENLY JACKIE BOLTS UP IN BED WIDE AWAKE. SLOWLY, SHE GETS A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE.

JACKIE:

(quietly to herself, like it's just sinking in) I'm getting married today.

EXCITEDLY JACKIE TURNS BACK TO HYDE. SHE PATS HIM ON THE CHEST.

JACKIE:(cont'd)

I'm getting married today!

HYDE OPENS HIS EYES AND LOOKS AT JACKIE. HE'S ONLY HALF AWAKE AND HE'S A LITTLE IRRITATED.

HYDE:

Yeah, I know that. 'Cause you're marrying me. (he closes his eyes) Now go back to sleep.

HYDE ROLLS OVER AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP. JACKIE POUTS A LITTLE.

JACKIE:

(to herself again) I can't sleep. I'm getting married today.

SUDDENLY HER FACE LIGHTS UP LIKE SHE'S GOT AN IDEA. SHE BREAKS INTO ANOTHER HUGE SMILE. SHE CHECKS TO SEE IF HYDE IS SLEEPING. THEN SHE CAREFULLY SNEAKS OUT OF THE BED. SHE PUTS A ROBE ON OVER HER NIGHTGOWN AND HEADS OUT OF THE BEDROOM.

CUT TO INT. FORMAN KITCHEN. RED AND KITTY ARE AT THE TABLE IN THEIR PAJAMAS HAVING BREAKFAST. JACKIE BURSTS IN THROUGH THE SCREEN DOOR WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE.

JACKIE:

(shouts at Red and Kitty) I'm getting married today!

JACKIE RUNS THROUGH THE KITCHEN AND OUT THE DOOR INTO THE LIVING ROOM. RED AND KITTY JUST STARE AT EACH OTHER WONDERING WHAT IN THE WORLD JUST HAPPENED.

CUT TO INT. ERIC'S BEDROOM. ERIC IS SLEEPING HIS DOOR SLAMS OPEN AND JACKIE STANDS IN THE DOORWAY.

JACKIE:

(with an enormous smile) I'm getting married today!

BEFORE ERIC CAN EVEN WAKE UP SHE TAKES OFF. ERIC SITS UP, LOOKS AROUND, SEES NO ONE SO HE SHRUGS AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP.

CUT TO INT. PINCIOTTI KITCHEN. DONNA, BOB AND JOANNE ARE ALL IN THEIR PAJAMAS HAVING BREAKFAST. THE DOOR OPENS AND JACKIE STANDS THERE SMILING.

JACKIE:

I'm getting married today!

JACKIE TURNS AND RUNS. DONNA SHAKES HER HEAD AND LAUGHS. BOB SMILES AND JOANNE LOOKS A LITTLE CONFUSED.

CUT TO INT. THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF FEZ, KELSO AND LAURIE'S APARTMENT. JACKIE STANDS OUTSIDE THE DOOR WITH A HUGE SMILE WAITING PATIENTLY. KELSO OPENS THE DOOR LOOKING REALLY IRRITATED. FEZ AND LAURIE ARE STANDING BEHIND HIM. BOTH ARE LOOKING REALLY DISHEVELED AND SLEEPY. THEY ARE ALL IN THEIR PAJAMAS.

JACKIE:

(strikes a pose) I'm getting married today!

KELSO NOW LOOKS REALLY CRANKY. HE SLAMS THE DOOR ON JACKIE. JACKIE JUST SMILES.

CUT TO INT. JACKIE AND HYDE'S BEDROOM. HYDE IS SLEEPING ON HIS SIDE TURNED AWAY FROM THE DOOR. JACKIE QUIETLY SNEAKS BACK IN THE ROOM, TAKES OFF HER ROBE AND SLOWLY CLIMBS BACK INTO BED WITH HYDE. WITH A HUGE SMILE SHE SNUGGLES UP BEHIND HIM, WRAPPING HER ARMS AROUND HIS WAIST. HYDE TURNS OVER TO FACE HER AND WITHOUT EVEN OPENING HIS EYES PUTS HIS ARMS AROUND HER.

HYDE:

(half-sleeping) Where'd you go?

JACKIE:

(quickly) Bathroom.

END SCENE

CUT TO THEME SONG

ACT 1

SCENE 2

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY. A COUPLE HOURS LATER. JACKIE AND HYDE WALK UP THE DRIVEWAY. BOTH ARE CARRYING GARMENT BAGS AND JACKIE HAS HER MAKEUP CASE. IN THE DISTANCE WE CAN SEE THE PREPARATIONS TAKING PLACE IN THE FORMAN'S YARD. KELSO AND BOB ARE SETTING UP WHITE CHAIRS, ERIC IS HANGING TWINKLE LIGHTS ON THE FENCE AND FEZ IS STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY GIVING ORDERS. DONNA IS STANDING NEXT TO HIM.

FEZ:

(yelling to Eric) More twinkle lights, dammit! I want this yard to shine like a disco ball!

JACKIE:

(with a big smile) Oh my gosh, Fez this place is going to look amazing!

FEZ:

(irritated) Well it will if Eric does his job right. (yells to Eric again) Does that look like a disco ball to you, you son of a bitch? (Fez turns back to Jackie) Jackie, I am so honored to be your wedding coordinator. (very dramatically) I won't let you down. (quietly, leaning in to Jackie) And don't worry, I will not let Donna do any decorating.

JACKIE NODS IN AGREEMENT. KITTY COMES OUT FROM THE HOUSE A LITTLE FRAZZLED.

KITTY:

Jackie, Steven I need you in the house. Pastor Dave is here and he has some things he wants to go over with the two of you.

HYDE:

Fine, but if he asks me to draw God again he's out of here.

HYDE AND JACKIE FOLLOW KITTY INTO THE HOUSE THEY WALK THROUGH THE KITCHEN WHERE JOANNE AND LAURIE ARE POURING CHAMPAGNE INTO GLASSES ON TRAYS.

KITTY:

(to Laurie) Make sure you save one of those bottles for me.

KITTY, JACKIE AND HYDE CONTINUE INTO THE LIVING ROOM.

CUT TO PASTOR DAVE SITTING ON THE COUCH. HE STANDS WHEN HE SEES THE OTHERS ENTER.

PASTOR DAVE:

Well hello, happy couple! (pauses and gives them a goofy smile) Now, you're sure you don't want me to sing during the ceremony? I brought my guitar just in case you've changed your mind.

HYDE:

(flatly) No thanks, Pastor Dave. We just need you to marry us, and then you can go.

KITTY:

(warning him) Steven...

HYDE:

Ok, fine, he can stay for cake.

PASTOR DAVE:

Ok well then, there's just a few things we need to go over, (giving Jackie and Hyde a look of disapproval) since you didn't want to go to pre-marital counseling.

JACKIE, HYDE AND PASTOR DAVE SIT DOWN ON THE COUCH. KITTY SITS IN RED'S CHAIR. PASTOR DAVE PICKS SOME PAPERS UP OFF OF THE COFFEE TABLE AND SHUFFLES THROUGH THEM.

PASTOR DAVE:(cont'd)

Now then, are you two kids going to recite your own vows or do you just want to use the standard vows already prepared?

JACKIE:(at the same time) We'll use our own.

HYDE:(at the same time) We'll use yours.

THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER, CONFUSED

HYDE:

(to Jackie) Wait, what?

JACKIE:

(a little irritated) Steven, we talked about this weeks ago. Remember?

HYDE:

Well, there's the problem. You see, for the past month anytime I heard the word wedding, I automatically stopped listening.

JACKIE:

(gives Hyde her best puppy dog eyes) But I wanted us to write our own vows. It's more meaningful and romantic.

HYDE:

Jackie, I think we should go with Dave's vows. I mean his were written by God. And I gotta tell you whatever God came up with is gonna be a whole lot better than anything I think of.

PASTOR DAVE:

(with an uncomfortable smile) Now I don't want to stick my nose were it doesn't belong, but, this is exactly the kind of issue we could've addressed in pre-marital counseling.

HYDE GIVES AN IRRITATED LOOK TO PASTOR DAVE AND JACKIE SILENTLY POUTS.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER. ALL BUMPERS FOR THIS EPISODE WILL HAVE WEDDING THEMED BACKGROUNDS; BELLS, CAKES, RINGS, ETC.

ACT 1

SCENE 3

INT. LAURIE'S BEDROOM. A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER. JACKIE IS SEATED AT LAURIE'S VANITY PUTTING MAKE UP ON. HER HAIR IS IN HOT ROLLERS AND SHE'S WEARING A SLIP. DONNA, STILL WEARING JEANS AND A SHIRT, IS SEATED ON LAURIE'S BED, TRYING TO PAINT HER NAILS. LAURIE IS STANDING BEHIND JACKIE LOOKING OVER JACKIE'S SHOULDER INTO THE MIRROR. LAURIE IS WEARING A PURPLE BRIDESMAID'S DRESS. SHE IS PULLING DOWN THE SHOULDERS OF THE DRESS TRYING TO REVEAL MORE CLEAVAGE. JACKIE IS WATCHING LAURIE IN THE MIRROR.

JACKIE:

(irritated) Laurie, when I asked you to be a bridesmaid it was under the condition that you wouldn't do anything slutty. So, pull up the dress.

LAURIE:

(rolling her eyes) Fine.(she pulls the dress back up)

DONNA:

Jackie, explain to me again why you asked Laurie to be a bridesmaid?

JACKIE:

I told you, Donna, as it turns out, I don't actually have any friends besides you (she shrugs) and Laurie was gonna be here anyway so I figured, why not.

JACKIE TURNS AND SMILES SWEETLY AT LAURIE, WHO SMILES BACK. THEN JACKIE TURNS HER ATTENTION BACK TO DONNA.

JACKIE:(cont')

Donna, focus! (indicating the nail polish) You're not painting a house, you're painting your nails.

DONNA:

(frustrated) I'm right-handed. How am I supposed to paint my right hand?

JACKIE:

Oh, you're hopeless. Here, (Jackie gets up and joins Donna on the bed) I'll do it you lumberjack. You know, you are so lucky to have me.

DONNA:

(with a small smile) And you remind me of that everyday.

THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR, IT OPENS SLIGHTLY AND KITTY PEAKS IN. SHE IS ALL DRESSED UP IN A PURPLE "MOTHER OF THE GROOM" DRESS.

KITTY:

Jackie, you have a visitor.

KITTY PUSHES THE DOOR OPEN A BIT TO REVEAL PAM IS STANDING NEXT TO HER.

PAM:

(striking a pose) Surprise!

JACKIE:

(looking a little shocked) Mom? I thought you were in Europe?

PAM:

(with a wave of her hand) I was, but I got fed up with Europe. Did you know they don't speak English there? (she comes in the room and starts fussing with Jackie's rollers) Besides, I couldn't miss my only daughter's first wedding. Although you do realize this means I probably won't come to your next wedding.

JACKIE:

(annoyed) Mom, I told you, this is my only wedding.

PAM:

(with a snotty laugh) Oh Jackie, you're so young.

JACKIE:

(rolls her eyes and turns back to Donna) Whatever, Mom.

KITTY:

(trying to help) Jackie, don't you have something Pam could help you with?

JACKIE:

(reluctantly) Well, I guess you could paint Donna's nails. (with a smile) You should see her try and do it, Mom. She's such a spazoid.

PAM:

(patting Jackie on the head) Well don't worry, sweetheart, because I will take care of Donna. You just worry about making yourself as beautiful as me. (she gives a fake laugh) .

PAM SITS ON THE BED WITH DONNA AND JACKIE SMILES AND GOES BACK TO HER MAKEUP MIRROR. KITTY LOOKS REALLY EXCITED.

KITTY:

Oh good, (she laughs) everyone's happy. We should celebrate. Who wants wine? (she produces a bottle of wine from behind her back)

THE LADIES ALL RAISE THEIR HANDS.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 1

SCENE 4

EXT FORMAN DRIVEWAY A SHORT WHILE LATER. LEO IS STANDING IN THE DRIVEWAY LOOKING AROUND LIKE HE'S LOST. HYDE COMES OUT FROM THE KITCHEN.

HYDE:

(with a smile) Hey Leo, man, you made it.

LEO:

(grins at Hyde and looks around) Hey man, this place looks real nice. Look (pointing) twinkle lights. Hey, are you throwing me a party, man?

HYDE:

No, remember, I'm getting married today.

LEO:

Wow! You're getting married, that's great, man. Hey, (he pauses like he's got a great idea) you should marry loud girl. She really loves you, man.

HYDE:

(pats Leo on the back) That's a good idea, Leo. I think I'll do that.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 1

SCENE 5

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT, ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE THE WEDDING. ERIC AND KELSO ARE ON THE COUCH AND FEZ IS IN THE LAWN CHAIR. THEY ARE ALL HAVING A BEER AND WATCHING TV. THEY'RE STILL WEARING THEIR EVERYDAY CLOTHES. HYDE COMES OUT FROM HIS OLD ROOM. HE'S GOT HIS TUXEDO PANTS AND A DRESS SHIRT ON. HIS SHIRT IS UNTUCKED AND UNBUTTONED AND HE'S WEARING A TANK TOP UNDERNEATH. HE SEES THE GUYS SITTING AROUND AND HE LOOKS REALLY ANNOYED.

HYDE:

What the hell, man? You guys aren't even dressed yet?

KELSO:

Hyde, I don't like those tuxedo pants. They don't flatter my natural bulge.

FEZ:

(pouting) Yes, and they are very uncomfortable. How am I supposed to do my robot dancing?

HYDE:

(to Eric) What's your excuse?

ERIC:

(shrugs) I don't really have one. I'm just lazy.

KELSO:

(with a perverted smile) Man, I can't wait to see Angie.

HYDE:

(giving Kelso a dirty look) Well too bad 'cause she's not coming.

KELSO:

What? (he looks a little disappointed) But I look extra foxy today.

HYDE:

(goes and sits in his chair) Yeah well, when my dad found out about you and Angie he transferred her. (a beat) To Los Angeles. Ok guys, listen, we've only got about an hour til the wedding and none of us are even close to ready. So, you know what that means.

CUT TO CIRCLE

HYDE:

(very mellow) Ok, now I'm ready to get married. So, any of you morons got any last-minute advice for me?

CUT TO KELSO

KELSO:

(with a big, dumb grin) Ooh, ooh, ooh (raises his hand excitedly) I do! DON'T MARRY JACKIE!

HYDE FROGS HIM. KELSO RUBS HIS ARM IN PAIN.

CUT TO FEZ

FEZ:

I recommend lots of liquor and the threat of deportation. (with a perverted Fez smile) Hey, it worked for me.

CUT TO ERIC

ERIC:

My advice would be to just show up. (nodding his head) Girls get really mad if you don't show up.

CUT TO KELSO

KELSO:

(shaking his head disgustedly) Women.

CUT TO ERIC

ERIC:

(in disbelief) I know!

CUT TO HYDE

HYDE:

(looking around at his friends) Yeah, I think I'm gonna seek my advice elsewhere.

CUT TO INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM. CLOSEUP OF BOB. ALL THE LINES ARE DELIVERED INTO THE CAMERA.

BOB:

If you and Jackie decide to date other couples,(a little sad) make sure you're better looking than the other guy.

CUT TO LEO

LEO:

(with a big, spaced-out grin) Make sure you write down your wife's address, man.

CUT TO PASTOR DAVE

PASTOR DAVE:

Go to church every Sunday. (he looks sad) I'm sorry. I've got nothing. I've never actually been with a woman.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 1

SCENE 6

INT. RED'S GARAGE. A FEW MINUTES LATER. RED, DRESSED IN HIS TUXEDO MINUS THE BOW TIE, IS HAVING A BEER. HYDE ENTERS.

RED:

(a little nervously) Does Kitty know I'm here?

HYDE:

No.

RED:

Good. Let's keep it that way. I know she's going to make me talk to people. And you know how I feel about people. (noticing Hyde looks a little uneasy) What's the matter with you?

HYDE:

(trying to be Zen) Me? Nothing. I'm cool.

RED:

(with an amused smile) Really? Because you look nervous as hell.

HYDE:

(getting defensive) Hey, I might be a mess on the inside, but on the outside I still look cool.

RED:

Don't worry, just repeat everything Dave says and for God's sake don't lock your knees. I don't want you passing out in my yard.

HYDE:

(nodding) Good to know.

HYDE WAITS A MINUTE, LIKE HE'S HOPING RED MIGHT SAY SOMETHING ELSE. WHEN HE DOESN'T, HYDE TURNS TO LEAVE.

RED:

(calling after Hyde) Oh, and Steven -

HYDE:

(stops and turns back to Red) Yeah?

RED:

(with a sly grin) When Kitty and I got married I was so nervous I threw up on my best man's shoes.

HYDE:

(cracking a smile) I wish I could've seen that. (he starts to go and then turns back )Oh yeah, by the way,(with a wicked grin) Pam's here.

HYDE EXITS. RED TAKES ONE MORE DRINK OF HIS BEER AND THEN QUICKLY EXITS.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 1

SCENE 7

INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM, A SHORT WHILE LATER. EVERYONE IS NOW DRESSED FOR THE WEDDING. NEAR THE STAIRCASE HYDE IS TALKING WITH W.B. FEZ AND LAURIE ARE HAVING A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE BY THE BOOKCASE. KELSO AND ERIC ARE ON THE COUCH HAVING A BEER. RED IS BEHIND THE BAR MIXING DRINKS FOR BOB AND JOANNE. KITTY COMES IN FROM THE KITCHEN, SHE LOOKS AROUND, A LITTLE FRANTICALLY, FOR RED. SHE SPOTS HIM AND HEADS TO THE BAR.

KITTY:

Red, I need you outside. People are starting to arrive and I just realized I don't like most of them. (she notices Red is dressed in his tuxedo) Oh Red, you look so handsome.

RED:

(very irritated) Kitty, I look so ridiculous I want to put my foot up my own ass.

KITTY:

(smiling at Red) Well I think you look just dreamy. You're like James Bond. (she laughs and then does a "James Bond" voice) Shaken not stirred. (laughs again)

RED RELUCTANTLY GIVES HER A SMILE AND FOLLOWS HER INTO THE KITCHEN. PAM COMES DOWN FROM UPSTAIRS AND CROSSES TO HYDE AND W.B.

PAM:

(smiling at W.B.) Steven, why don't you introduce me to your friend.

HYDE:

(irritated) W.B, this is Jackie's mom, Pam. (to Pam) This is my dad, William Barnett.

W.B.

(with a charming smile) A pleasure to meet you, Pam.

PAM:

(flirting) Steven, you didn't tell me you father was so sexy.

HYDE LOOKS BACK AND FORTH AT THE TWO OF THEM AND QUICKLY STEPS IN BETWEEN THEM SHAKING HIS HEAD.

HYDE:

Oh no. You two stay away from each other. (points at his dad) I don't wanna be Jackie's step-brother.

PAM POUTS AND W.B. HEADS OUT TO THE KITCHEN. PAM SPOTS BOB AND SAUNTERS OVER TO THE BAR. HYDE JOINS KELSO AND ERIC ON THE COUCH. CUT TO BOB, JOANNE AND PAM AT THE BAR.

PAM:

(flirting) Hi Bobby.

JOANNE:

(gives Pam a fake smile) Back off, bimbo.

PAM GIVES A NERVOUS LAUGH AND THEN HEADS INTO THE KITCHEN. BOB GIVES JOANNE A BIG, DOPEY SMILE AND THEN THEY HEAD INTO THE KITCHEN.

CUT TO LAURIE AND FEZ.

FEZ:

Laurie, you look beautiful. You are like a beautiful, purple princess. (he pauses and then adds, with a dirty smile) With a fabulous rack.

LAURIE:

(looking Fez up and down) Yeah well, you don't look so bad yourself. (with a tiny smile)You know, Fez, I'm kinda gonna miss you when we get divorced. Where else am I gonna find someone to give me pervy compliments that I barely understand.

FEZ:

I must confess, I will miss you too. This is the most time I've ever spent with a woman. (looks a little guilty) Well except for all those nights I spent in Donna's closet.

DONNA COMES DOWN THE STAIRS. SHE'S NOW DRESSED IN HER BRIDESMAID DRESS.

DONNA:

Ok, well I think Jackie's finally ready. And thank God because I cannot hear, (doing a "Jackie" voice) "look how beautiful I am Donna" one more time.

KELSO:

(getting up off the couch) Finally! Let's hurry up and finish this marriage crap so we can party!

HYDE:

(starts to look ver un-Zen) What, you mean she's all dressed and ready to get married?

DONNA:

(sarcastically) Well, she's a little overdressed for a trip to the Hub if that's what you had in mind.

HYDE:

Ok. (he stands up and tries to look zen) Let's do this. (pulling on his bow tie) Is it a little hot in here? (goes back to his pretend zen) Let's get married. (patting his pants pockets and the his coat pocket.) Where are my sunglasses? (pointing at the group) Give me my sunglasses or somebody dies!

DONNA:

(very amused she crosses to Hyde) No way, Hyde. Jackie made me swear on Eric's life that those sunglasses would not touch your face for the rest of the day. (points at Hyde) And she's not bluffing. She'll kill Eric without ever even messing up her hair. So look all you want. (now she's taunting him) 'Cause you're never gonna find them!

HYDE:

(very serious and a little nuts) Donna, I don't care where my sunglasses are. I don't care if you've put them down Kelso's pants. I want them!

KELSO:

(quietly to Hyde) Oh don't worry, if they're down my pants some chick will find them tonight.

ERIC:

(looking at his watch) Ok the time is 2:58. Who had 2:58?

FEZ PULLS A PIECE OF PAPER OUT OF HIS POCKET AND UNFOLDS IT. EVERYONE GATHERS AROUND HIM TO LOOK AT IT.

ERIC:

And the winner is ... (looking at the paper very amused) Well, what do you know. The winner is Jackie Burkhart.

HYDE:

(looking at everyone) What the hell is going on?

FEZ:

This is our, "when will Hyde freak out" pool. (with a smile) You should be honored, so many people bet Jackie just won fifty dollars.

HYDE:

(irritated) I can't believe you losers bet on me.

ERIC:

(with a mocking laugh) Oh please, you know we can't pass up a sure thing and I'm sorry but you freaking out at your wedding was a sure thing.

A VERY IRRITATED JACKIE YELLS FROM UPSTAIRS.

JACKIE:(voice only)

Ok listen up! I can't come down until Steven is gone so somebody get his butt outside before my hair starts frizzing!

EVERYONE LOOKS AT HYDE WONDERING WHAT TO DO. HYDE JUST PAUSES AND LOOKS AT EVERYBODY.

HYDE:

You guys wanna have a beer?

EVERYONE JUST SHRUGS AND GRABS A SEAT. ERIC AND LAURIE GO TO THE BAR TO GET SOME DRINKS.

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

ACT 2

SCENE 1

EXT. FORMAN BACK/ SIDE YARD. THE YARD IS COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED. IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. THERE ARE LIGHTS ALL ALONG THE FENCE AND THE WALL THAT COVERS THE STAIRS TO THE BASEMENT. THERE ARE ABOUT 30 WEDDING GUESTS SITTING IN WHITE CHAIRS THAT ARE SEPARATED INTO TWO SECTIONS BY A WHITE AISLE RUNNER LAID ON THE GRASS. THERE ARE LILACS TIED WITH WHITE TULLE EVERYWHERE. AT THE END OF THE AISLE IS AN ALTAR THAT IS A RAISED WHITE PLATFORM WITH AN ARBOR OVER IT. THE ARBOR ALSO HAS LIGHTS AND LILACS ON IT. PASTOR DAVE, DRESSED IN HIS PASTOR'S ROBE, IS STANDING ON THE ALTAR HOLDING A BOOK. THE ONLY FAMILIAR FACES AMONG THE GUESTS ARE BOB AND JOANNE WHO ARE SEATED ON THE BRIDE'S SIDE. AND LEO WHO IS SEATED ON THE GROOM'S SIDE. PAM AND W.B. ARE STANDING ON THE PORCH WAITING TO TAKE THEIR SEATS.

CUT TO INT. FORMAN KITCHEN. EVERYONE IS PAIRED OFF AND LINED UP WAITING TO GO OUTSIDE. AT THE BACK OF THE LINE ARE ERIC AND DONNA. DONNA IS STRAIGHTENING ERIC'S TIE AND LAPEL. IN FRONT OF THEM ARE KELSO, FEZ AND LAURIE. KELSO AND FEZ ARE PLAY-FIGHTING LIKE TWO KIDS WHILE LAURIE WATCHES IN AMUSEMENT. FIRST IN THE LINE ARE HYDE AND KITTY. SHE HAS HER ARM THROUGH THE CROOK IN HIS ELBOW. HYDE IS NERVOUSLY FIDDLING WITH HIS BOW TIE.

KITTY:

(fussing with Hyde's jacket) Now, Steven, don't walk too slowly because I'm a little uncomfortable with all these people staring at me. (laughs nervously) But for goodness sake don't run down the aisle either because I will never be able to keep up with you.

HYDE:

(looks nervous) Ok, Mrs. Forman.

KITTY:

Smile, Steven. (Hyde puts on a scary looking fake smile) Ooh that's too much, you look a little creepy. (he frowns and Kitty looks sad) Well now you just look mean.

HYDE:

(with a very strange looking smile) Ok, Mrs. Forman.

KITTY:

Oh, and don't step on my dress. (she laughs) I don't want to trip. (with a worried look) Ooh that's another thing; don't trip because that would just be so embarrassing (laughs again)

HYDE:

(looking very uncomfortable) Mrs. Forman?

KITTY:

Yes, Steven?

HYDE:

Please don't talk anymore.

CUT TO EXT. FORMAN YARD

A SINGLE VIOLINIST STANDING BY THE BASEMENT STAIRS WALL STARTS PLAYING "CANNON IN D". W.B. AND PAM APPEAR AT THE START OF THE AISLE W.B. ESCORTS PAM DOWN THE AISLE, SHE WAVES AND GIVES PHONY SMILES AS THEY WALK. WHEN THEY REACH THE ALTAR SHE HEADS TO THE LEFT SIDE OF THE CHAIRS AND SITS, W.B. GOES TO THE RIGHT.

NEXT ARE KITTY AND HYDE. KITTY WALKS DOWN THE AISLE DOING A VERY EXAGGERATED STEP-TOGETHER WEDDING WALK. HYDE LOOKS AT KITTY AND GIVES A SMALL SMILE. THEY REACH THE END OF THE AISLE AND HYDE GIVES HER A KISS ON THE CHEEK.

KITTY:

(getting teary-eyed she looks at Hyde) Make Jackie happy, Steven. (with a nervous smile) And try not to kill each other.

HYDE SMILES AND KITTY TAKES HER SEAT NEXT TO W.B. SHE LEAVES AN EMPTY SEAT NEXT TO HER FOR RED. HYDE TURNS TO FACE THE GUESTS AND STANDS IN FRONT OF THE CENTER OF THE ALTAR JUST TO THE RIGHT OF PASTOR DAVE.

LAURIE IS ESCORTED BY BOTH KELSO AND FEZ. SHE IS CARRYING A BOUQUET OF LILACS.

KELSO:

(quietly as they walk) You're a lucky chick, Laurie. Right now you're the sweet, creamy filling in a Keslo and Fez twinkie.

FEZ:

(smiling at Laurie) No, she is like the delicious chewy gum in the center of a blowpop.

LAURIE LOOKS AT BOTH OF THEM LIKE THEY'RE CRAZY. THEY REACH THE ALTAR AND THEY SPLIT UP. LAURIE STANDS, FACING THE GUESTS, ON THE LEFT SIDE. KELSO AND FEZ STAND NEXT TO HYDE.

NEXT, ERIC AND DONNA HEAD DOWN THE AISLE. THEY ARE BOTH SMILING, THEN ERIC STARTS LOOKING AROUND AT THE WEDDING GUESTS. HE STARTS TO LOOK A LITTLE NERVOUS, THEN HE LOOKS FREAKED-OUT.

ERIC:

(whispering to Donna as they walk) Donna, all these people are staring at me. Do I have something on my face?

DONNA:

(looks at Eric and laughs) No. But you do now. (she kisses him)

DONNA AND ERIC REACH THE ALTAR AND THEY SPLIT OFF. DONNA JOINS LAURIE AND ERIC JOINS THE GUYS. HE STANDS BETWEEN HYDE AND KELSO.

THE VIOLINIST STARTS PLAYING "HERE COMES THE BRIDE". ALL THE GUESTS STAND AND TURN TO LOOK BACK.

JACKIE AND RED APPEAR. JACKIE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL IN HER DRESS AND VEIL AND SHE IS BEAMING. SHE IS CARRYING A LARGE, WHITE BOUQUET. RED HAS A SMALL, BUT PROUD, SMILE.

CUT TO HYDE AS HE NERVOUSLY TAKES A DEEP BREATH. THEN, SLOWLY, HE SMILES. HE DOESN'T TAKE HIS EYES OFF JACKIE AS SHE WALKS TOWARDS HIM.

CUT BACK TO JACKIE AND RED AS THEY WALK DOWN THE AISLE. WHEN THEY REACH THE ALTAR HYDE STEPS FORWARD TO MEET THEM. JACKIE TURNS TO RED AND GIVES HIM A KISS ON THE CHEEK.

JACKIE:

(very sweetly) Thank you, Mr. Forman.

RED NODS AND THEN HE TAKES HER HAND OUT OF THE CROOK OF HIS ELBOW AND PUTS IT IN HYDE'S HAND. HYDE TAKES ANOTHER NERVOUS BREATH, THEN HE NODS AT RED. RED PATS HYDE ON THE BACK AND THEN HE TURNS AND JOINS KITTY IN THEIR SEATS.

JACKIE:

(whispers to Hyde) Hey.

HYDE:

(with a small grin) Hey yourself.

JACKIE:

(very excited) Everyone is staring at me. Isn't that great!

HYDE JUST GRINS AND SHAKES HIS HEAD. THE VIOLINIST STOPS PLAYING. EVERYONE IN THE WEDDING PARTY TURNS TO FACE PASTOR DAVE.

PASTOR DAVE:

(to the guests) Please be seated (the wedding guests sit) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the joining together of two people; Jacqueline Beu-

JACKIE:

(interrupts him angrily) Don't even think about it.

PASTOR DAVE;

(looking a little scared) OK. Jacqueline Burkhart and Steven Hyde. (he pauses and looks out at the wedding guests) Marriage is a groovy thing. (trying to act cool and hip) It's two people making a life-long commitment to each other. And God likes that. Because God is groovy, just like marriage.

JACKIE AND HYDE STARE AT PASTOR DAVE LIKE HE'S CRAZY.

PASTOR DAVE:

(smiles uncomfortably) Ok. Well let's just get to it, then.(he opens the book he is holding and then turns to Jackie) Jackie, take Steven's hands and repeat after me.

JACKIE TURNS AND HANDS HER BOUQUET TO DONNA THEN SHE TAKES BOTH OF HYDE'S HANDS.

PASTOR DAVE:(cont')

I, Jackie, take you Steven, to be my wedded husband.

JACKIE:

(smiling sweetly) I, Jackie, take you Steven, to be my wedded husband.

PASTOR DAVE:

To have and to hold, from this day forward

JACKIE:

To have and to hold, from this day forward

PASTOR DAVE:

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health

JACKIE:

For better, for worse, for richer, (she pauses and rolls her eyes a little) for poorer, in sickness and in health

PASTOR DAVE:

To love and to cherish, 'till death do us part.

JACKIE:

(starting to cry) To love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. (Hyde reaches up and brushes a tear off of Jackie's cheek)

PASTOR DAVE:

(to Hyde) Ok, Steven, your turn.

KELSO:

(fake coughing into his hand) Don't do it.

JACKIE, HER TEARS TEMPORARILY FORGOTTEN, SHOOTS KELSO A NASTY LOOK. AND HYDE LOOKS AT KELSO LIKE HE MIGHT REACH OVER AND PUNCH HIM. KELSO LOOKS AT THEM AND SMILES NERVOUSLY AND THEN HE FROGS HIMSELF IN THE ARM.. JACKIE AND HYDE TURN BACK TO PASTOR DAVE.

PASTOR DAVE:

I, Steven, take you Jackie, to be my wedded wife.

HYDE:

(looks at Jackie and says quietly) I, Steven, take you Jackie, to be my wedded wife.

PASTOR DAVE:

To have and to hold, from this day forward

HYDE:

(a little louder) To have and to hold, from this day forward

PASTOR DAVE:

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health

HYDE:

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health

PASTOR DAVE:

To love and to cherish, 'till death do us part.

JACKIE TILTS HER HEAD AND STARES AT HYDE WITH A TEASING SMILE. HYDE PURSES HIS LIPS, RAISES HIS EYEBROW AND STARES BACK.

HYDE:

To love and to cherish, 'till death do us part.

JACKIE SMILES TRIUMPHANTLY.

PASTOR DAVE:

(to Eric) Now, if I could have the rings.

HYDE TURNS TO ERIC AND ERIC REACHES INTO HIS POCKET. SUDDENLY HIS FACE LOOKS PANICKED. HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY. HE REACHES INTO HIS COAT POCKET AND THEN HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY AGAIN. BY NOW JACKIE IS LOOKING LIKE SHE'S GOING TO SCREAM AND HYDE IS LOOKING PISSED.

JACKIE:

(in a threatening tone to Eric) You lost our rings?

HYDE:

(turns to Jackie, trying to help) Calm down, Jackie. I'm sure Forman didn't lose our rings. (he pauses, unsure what to say) He probably just wanted to give me one last chance to back out.

NOW JACKIE REALLY LOOKS LIKE SHE'S GOING TO LOSE IT. HYDE TURNS BACK TO ERIC.

ERIC:

(quietly) Excuse me for just one minute.

ERIC RUNS DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE BASEMENT LEAVING EVERYONE STANDING AT THE ALTAR STARING AT HIM AS HE GOES. CUT TO RED.

RED:

(shakes his head watching Eric go) What a dumbass.

CUT TO INT. FORMAN BASEMENT. FAST SPEED ACTION. ERIC IS TEARING THROUGH THE BASEMENT. HE IS THROWING EVERYTHING AROUND; RECORDS, MAGAZINES, THE STUPID HELMET. HE RUNS INTO HYDE'S ROOM AND RUNS BACK OUT. HE LOOKS IN THE WASHER, THE DRYER, THE DEEP FREEZE. HE GETS ON THE FLOOR AND LOOKS UNDER HYDE'S CHAIR, THEN THE LAWN CHAIR AND FINALLY THE COUCH. HE STANDS UP HOLDING ONTO A BROWN PAPER BAG. HE LOOKS INSIDE THE BAG AND PULLS OUT TWO RINGS. HE KISSES THE RINGS. TOSSES THE BAG OVER HIS SHOULDER AND HEADS BACK UP THE STAIRS.

CUT TO EXT. WEDDING. PASTOR DAVE HAS HIS GUITAR OUT AND IS PLAYING IT. JACKIE IS STANDING, FURIOUS, WITH HER HANDS ON HER HIPS. DONNA LOOKS LIKE SHE'S TRYING NOT TO LAUGH. HYDE, KELSO AND FEZ ARE SITTING ON THE ALTAR. KELSO IS STARING BLANKLY INTO SPACE, FEZ IS SWAYING TO THE MUSIC AND HYDE HAS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS.

PASTOR DAVE:

(singing) Michael row your boat ashore, alleluia ...

ERIC RUNS UP FROM THE BASEMENT AND APPEARS BEHIND THE WALL.

ERIC:

(yells and his voice cracks) Found 'em!

PASTOR DAVE LOOKS A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED AND STOPS SINGING. THE GUYS ALL STAND BACK UP AND ERIC CROSSES OVER TO THEM.

ERIC:

(with a fake laugh) Here you go, buddy.

ERIC GIVES THE RINGS TO HYDE AND THEN LOOKS AT HIM, TERRIFIED.

ERIC:(cont'd)

(whispering) Please don't kill me.

HYDE JUST GRABS THE RINGS AND GIVES ERIC AN IRRITATED LOOK. THEN HE TURNS BACK TO JACKIE. JACKIE TAKES A DEEP BREATH TO COMPOSE HERSELF AND THEN GOES BACK TO SMILING.

PASTOR DAVE:

(putting down his guitar he takes the rings from Hyde) Ok then, let's get back to business shall we? Jackie,(gives her a ring) place the ring on Steven's finger and repeat after me, with this ring, I thee wed.

JACKIE:

(putting the ring on Hyde's hand with a huge smile) With this ring, I thee wed.

HYDE LOOKS DOWN AT THE RING ON HIS HAND LIKE HE CAN'T QUITE BELIEVE IT.

PASTOR DAVE:

(to Hyde, giving him a ring) Steven, place the ring on Jackie's finger and repeat after me, (he pauses and says to Hyde) with this ring I thee wed.

HYDE:

With this ring, I thee wed.

HYDE SLOWLY SLIDES THE RING ON JACKIE'S FINGER. THEN HE LOOKS AT HER LIKE HE'S IN SHOCK.

HYDE:

(quietly) Jackie, (he pauses) we're married.

JACKIE:

(she looks just as stunned) I know. (then she breaks into a huge smile) And look (she holds up her hand excitedly) two rings!

PASTOR DAVE:

(with a goofy grin) Then with the power invested in me by God and the beautiful state of Wisconsin. I now pronounce you man and wife. (Hyde and Jackie look at him, waiting) You may kiss the bride.

WITH A WICKED SMILE, HYDE MOVES IN TO KISS JACKIE AND STOPS INTERRUPTED BY KELSO.

KELSO:

(with a big, dumb smile) Make it a good one, Hyde!

HYDE:

(giving Kelso an irritated look over his shoulder) Thanks, man, I think I got it.

FEZ:

Yeah, (with a little hip action) put some boom-boom into it!

JACKIE:

(irritated she yells over Hyde's shoulder to Fez and Kelso)You are ruining the moment!

INSTANTLY, SHE PUTS A SMILE BACK ON AND LOOKS AT HYDE AGAIN.

JACKIE:

(quickly and quietly to Hyde) Ok, Steven, now remember our parents are watching so don't go overboard. But, I mean, make it romantic, cause I want...

HYDE:

(interrupting her) Jackie-

JACKIE:

Yes?

HYDE:

Shut your pie hole.

JACKIE QUICKLY CLOSES HER MOUTH. HYDE GRINS AND REACHES FOR HER. THEY KISS, WRAPPING THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER.

ERIC:

(quietly to Fez and Kelso) Holy crap. Jackie and Hyde are married.

FEZ:

(trying to comfort Eric) Oh Eric, do not be sad. (with a perverted grin) Watch them kiss.

JACKIE AND HYDE BREAK THEIR KISS, BUT KEEP THEIR FACES ONLY INCHES APART AND THEIR ARMS WRAPPED AROUND EACH OTHER.

PASTOR DAVE:

(to the guests) Ladies and gentleman, let me be the first to introduce, Mr. And Mrs. Steven Hyde.

DONNA:

(leans in and whispers to Laurie) Ten bucks she makes us call her Mrs. Hyde now.

LAURIE NODS IN AGREEMENT. HYDE GIVES JACKIE ANOTHER KISS AND THEN HE TAKES HER HAND. JACKIE REACHES BACK AND GRABS HER BOUQUET FROM DONNA AND THEN JACKIE AND HYDE WALK DOWN THE AISLE. THEY ARE FOLLOWED BY DONNA AND ERIC AND KELSO, LAURIE AND FEZ.

JACKIE:

(quietly to Hyde while they walk) So, how much money did we win?

HYDE:

(with a wicked smile) Fifty bucks.

JACKIE:

Suckers.

THEY SMILE EVILLY AT EACH OTHER AND THEN MAKE OUT LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW.

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

ACT 3

SCENE 1

INT. RECEPTION HALL. IT'S A LARGE ROOM AND IT IS BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED. THERE IS A DINING ROOM WITH SEVERAL TABLES OF EIGHT SET UP. SOME PEOPLE ARE SEATED AT THE TABLES OTHERS ARE WALKING AROUND, MINGLING. THERE IS A LARGE BAR AND A DANCE FLOOR. THE DANCE FLOOR HAS A STAGE SET UP WHERE A DJ IS PLAYING MUSIC. THE SONG, "ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE" BY KISS IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. KITTY, RED, BOB, JOANNE, PAM ,W.B, LEO AND PASTOR DAVE ARE SEATED AT A TABLE IN FRONT OF THE HEAD TABLE. SEATED AT THE LONG HEAD TABLE ARE: KELSO, LAURIE, FEZ, JACKIE, HYDE, DONNA AND ERIC. THEY ARE ALL SEATED ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE TABLE AND THEY ARE FACING THE REST OF THE TABLES. EVERYONE HAS A DRINK AND DINNER IN FRONT OF THEM.

ERIC:

(shaking his head like he's a little shell shocked) God, I can't believe two of us are really married.

FEZ:

(indignant to Eric) Hey, Laurie and I are married too.

ERIC:

(ignoring him) Like I said, I can't believe two of us are really married.

LAURIE:

(snotty) You know Eric, some people would say Fez and I have the perfect marriage. We don't talk about our feelings, we can sleep with other people and if I get drunk enough I let Fez make out with me. (She smiles at Fez)

FEZ:

(yelling and motioning to a waiter) Hey, buddy, more champagne for my lovely wife.

CUT TO JACKIE AND HYDE

JACKIE:

(very excited) Steven, did you see all of the presents we got?

HYDE:

Just remember, if any of them are wrapped in a brown paper bag, that means they're for me.

JACKIE:

(quietly to Hyde) Well, I have a present I think you're going to like.

HYDE:

(to Jackie) If it's dirty let's leave the table, if it's not it can wait 'till after dinner.

JACKIE:

(holds up his sunglasses) Surprise! (she smiles)

HYDE:

(Hyde takes the glasses from her and nods) Unlimited alcohol, good tunes and now this. Today has now become the new best day ever.

HYDE PUTS HIS SUNGLASSES ON AND GIVES JACKIE A KISS AND A SMILE.

CUT TO THE WHOLE GROUP

ERIC:

Donna, are you almost done eating? 'Cause I wanna get out on that dance floor. (with a fake sexy look) I've got some new moves that are gonna knock your socks off, young lady.

FEZ:

(excited) Yes, and I have choreographed a routine for Kelso and I to the tune of "Boogie Wonderland"

JACKIE:

(in a warning tone to Fez) Oh no. No stupid dance routines. I want a classy wedding.

ERIC:

(sarcastically) Then you should've chosen a different groom. (yells and points at Hyde) Wedding burn!

FEZ:

(pouting) No big dance number? What kind of party is this?

JACKIE:

(shrugs and smiles) Cheer up, Fez. Table 7 is full of all my bitchy cousins that I don't like but my mom made me invite. So, go nuts.

FEZ:

Are any of them whores?

JACKIE:

No, but some of them have been drinking a lot.

FEZ:

(clapping his hands) Ooh, that is even better!

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 3

SCENE 2

INT. RECEPTION HALL. KITTY AND JACKIE ARE WALKING THROUGH THE DANCE FLOOR TO THE BAR. IT'S A LARGE BAR WITH A COUPLE OF PEOPLE STANDING AROUND IT. ONE BARTENDER IS FIXING A DRINK AND STANDING WITH HIS BACK TO US. THE SONG, "DO YA THINK I'M SEXY?" BY ROD STEWART IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. ON THE DANCE FLOOR BOB AND JOANNE AND FEZ AND LAURIE ARE DANCING. HYDE, ERIC, KELSO AND DONNA ARE STANDING AROUND HAVING A DRINK.

JACKIE:

(sweetly to Kitty) Mrs. Forman, I wanted to get you something to say thank you for all your help with the wedding.

KITTY:

Oh Jackie, that is just so sweet!

JACKIE:

Well, here it is. (she gestures to the bar)

KITTY:

(excited she looks at the bar) You got me my own bar?

JACKIE:

(with a small laugh) No.

THE BARTENDER TURNS AROUND AND IT'S CASEY KELSO.

CASEY:

(with a smile) What'll it be, ladies?

KITTY:

(laughs nervously) Oh my goodness, Casey Kelso.

KITTY SITS DOWN AT THE BAR AND CASEY POURS HER A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE. JACKIE SHAKES HER HEAD AND LAUGHS AT KITTY.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 3

SCENE 3

INT. RECEPTION HALL. FEZ AND KELSO ARE SEATED AT A TABLE WITH SEVERAL CUTE, BITCHY-LOOKING GIRLS. KELSO IS MAKING OUT WITH ONE OF THEM. FEZ SITS NERVOUSLY NEXT TO A GIRL. WE CAN HEAR THE SONG, "DANCE WITH ME" BY ORLEANS COMING FROM THE DANCE FLOOR.

FEZ:

(with his best sexy smile) So, you are Jackie's cousin?

COUSIN #1:

(looking very bored) Um hm.

FEZ:

I, am Jackie's friend. (pauses nervously) We have so much in common.(looks at the girl with a pervy smile) We should make out.

JACKIE'S COUSIN GIVES FEZ A DIRTY LOOK AND SCOOTS HER CHAIR AWAY FROM HIM. FEZ SMILES WEAKLY AND THEN POUTS.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 3

SCENE 4

INT. RECEPTION HALL. THE BAR. CASEY IS LEANING ON THE BAR. DONNA AND ERIC ARE SEATED AT STOOLS. WE CAN SEE THE DANCE FLOOR IN THE BACKGROUND. THE SONG, "COPACABANA" BY BARRY MANILOW IS PLAYING. HYDE IS DANCING WITH KITTY, SHE IS REALLY INTO THE SONG AND HYDE LOOKS EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE. FEZ IS DANCING WITH LAURIE AND JACKIE IS DANCING WITH KELSO. EVERYONE IS WATCHING KITTY DANCE AND THEY ARE ALL HAVING A LOT OF FUN. ERIC AND DONNA BOTH HAVE A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE IN FRONT OF THEM. ERIC LOOKS MISERABLE.

DONNA:

Casey, when did you become a bartender?

CASEY:

(with a smile) Pretty much as soon as I realized chicks love bartenders. See, dating a bartender is like being the First Lady; you get to do it with the most powerful guy in the joint..

ERIC:

(sarcastically to Casey) Perfect. So now women find you even more attractive. How great for you.

CASEY:

(to Eric) Relax, Foreplay, I'm not gonna try and steal Pinciotti back. To be honest with you, I don't have the time. I've got a waiting list now. (nodding) I'm harder to get into than Harvard.

ERIC:

Oh. (with a smile and a phony laugh) Well in that case, another glass of champagne, barkeep.

DONNA:

(with a small laugh) Eric, you better take it easy on the champagne. Remember last New Year's Eve when you drank all that champagne and then you went door to door dressed like Baby New Year and singing "Auld Lang Syne". (she smiles)

CASEY:

(to Eric) That was you? You scared the crap out of my mom.

ERIC JUST SHRUGS AND DOWNS HIS CHAMPAGNE. DONNA SHAKES HER HEAD AND LAUGHS AND CASEY REFILLS ERIC'S GLASS.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 3

SCENE 4

INT. RECEPTION HALL, THE DINING ROOM. BACK AT THE TABLE WITH JACKIE'S SNOTTY, BUT GOOD-LOOKING COUSINS. KELSO IS MAKING OUT WITH A DIFFERENT GIRL AND FEZ SITS NERVOUSLY NEXT TO ANOTHER GIRL. THE SONG, "DON'T STOP TIL YOU GET ENOUGH" BY MICHAEL JACKSON CAN BE HEARD COMING FROM THE DANCE FLOOR IN THE BACKGROUND

FEZ:

So, you are Jackie's cousin?

COUSIN # 2:

(very snotty) Yep.

FEZ:

(in a deep voice, with a sleazy smile) Well then today is your lucky day, baby! For one night only Jackie's cousins get free admission to Fez Town.

COUSIN # 2:

(rudely to Fez) I don't make out with foreigners.

FEZ:

(shrugs) Hey, in the dark we're all the same color.

THE GIRL ROLLS HER EYES AT FEZ AND WALKS AWAY. FEZ LOOKS SAD AND THEN ANGRY. HE DOWNS THE DRINK IN FRONT OF HIM.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 3

SCENE 5

INT. RECEPTION HALL, THE DANCE FLOOR. ALL THE GUYS NOW HAVE THEIR TUXEDO COATS OFF. JACKIE AND HYDE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DANCE FLOOR. THEY'RE NOT SO MUCH DANCING AS THEY ARE JUST STANDING THERE MAKING OUT. ERIC AND DONNA ARE DANCING, ERIC IS TRYING TO BE FANCY, HE'S TWIRLING DONNA AND DIPPING HER. DONNA IS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT HIM. FEZ AND LAURIE ARE DANCING A VERY CLOSE AND SEXY DANCE. KITTY AND RED ARE DANCING, KITTY IS SMILING, RED LOOKS A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE. "MARGARITAVILLE" BY JIMMY BUFFET PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

CUT TO KITTY AND RED

KITTY:

(listening to the music) Ooh Margaritaville (she laughs) now that would be a fun place to live.

RED SHAKES HIS HEAD AND KITTY STARTS SWAYING TO THE MUSIC.

CUT TO FEZ AND LAURIE.

FEZ:

(trying to look seductive) So, Laurie, (he smiles like a little kid) what are your feelings on candy?

LAURIE:

(shrugs) It's ok, I guess. There are just other things involving my mouth I like better.

FEZ:

(wide eyed) Ooh, tell me more.

CUT TO ERIC AND DONNA. ERIC IS DANCING, VERY BADLY AND DONNA IS TRYING NOT TO LAUGH.

ERIC:

I'm a great dancer.

DONNA:

(laughing) No. You're not.

ERIC:

Ok, but I am a great singer. (sings) "Wastin' away again in Margaritaville"

DONNA:

(laughing again) No, you're not that either. (pauses, giving him a seductive look) But, you are a great kisser. And who needs singing and dancing when you can just make out?

ERIC:

(gives Donna a huge smile) You're great.

DONNA JUST LAUGHS AND THEY START MAKING OUT.

CUT TO JACKIE AND HYDE

JACKIE IS STARING AT HYDE, LUSTFULLY.

JACKIE:

(quietly in a husky voice) God, you are so sexy in that tux.

HYDE RAISES HIS EYEBROW AT HER.

JACKIE:(cont'd)

I just wanna rip it off you and tie you up with it!

HYDE GRABS JACKIE BY THE HAND AND STARTS LEADING HER AWAY FROM THE DANCE FLOOR.

JACKIE:

(looking around at everyone) Steven, what are you doing? We can't just leave our own wedding.

HYDE:

Oh we're not leaving. (giving her a sexy smile) We're just gonna find a room with a door that locks.

JACKIE SMILES AND LEANS INTO HYDE FOR A KISS. HE LEADS HER OFF THE DANCE FLOOR.

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

ACT 4

SCENE 1

INT. RECEPTION HALL, A CLOSED DOOR IN THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF THE DINING ROOM AND DANCE FLOOR. WE CAN HEAR MUFFLED MUSIC COMING FROM INSIDE THE OPEN DOUBLE DOORS LEADING TO THE WEDDING RECEPTION. "BLACK WATER" BY THE DOOBIE BROTHERS IS PLAYING. THE CLOSED DOOR OPENS AND HYDE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT. HE LOOKS AROUND AND THEN, NOT NOTICING ANYONE NEARBY, HE STEPS OUT OF THE ROOM PULLING JACKIE, BY THE HAND BEHIND HIM.. THEY BOTH LOOK A LITTLE MESSY AND HYDE'S BOW TIE IS GONE. HYDE RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR AND JACKIE TRIES TO STRAIGHTEN OUT HER VEIL. HYDE TURNS BACK TO THE DOOR AND CLOSES IT. JACKIE NOTICES HIS PANTS.

JACKIE:

(to Hyde) Steven, zip up your pants.

HYDE:

(flatly) Oh yeah, because my fly being down, and not the fact that your dress is missing about 10 buttons, will give us away.

HYDE GIVES JACKIE A TEASING SMILE AND SHE JUST ROLLS HER EYES. W.B. COMES OUT OF THE OPEN DOUBLE DOORS AND WALKS UP TO THEM.

W.B.:

(to Hyde and Jackie) There you are. Are you two kids having good time?

HYDE NODS HIS HEAD AND GETS A VERY DIRTY SMILE ON HIS FACE.

HYDE:

I am having a great time.

W.B.

(with a smile) Good. I have something for you.

HYDE:

(shrugs) Ok, but if it's a really cool black dad or a record store I already have one.

W.B. LAUGHS AND HYDE CRACKS A SMILE. W.B. TAKES AN ENVELOPE OUT OF HIS SUIT COAT POCKET AND HANDS IT TO HYDE. HYDE TAKES IT FROM HIM..

W.B.

Now, Steven, I know you don't like big, expensive gifts. But, I also know that those are Jackie's favorite kind.

JACKIE:

(to W.B. with a smile) It's like you've known me my whole life.

HYDE OPENS THE ENVELOPE AND TAKES OUT SOME PAPERS. HE STARES AT THEM, SHOCKED AND THEN HE LOOKS AT JACKIE.

HYDE:

It's two first class plane tickets and two weeks in Hawaii.

JACKIE'S MOUTH DROPS OPEN AND THEN SHE LUNGES AT W.B. GIVING HIM A HUGE HUG.

JACKIE:

You are the greatest present giver of all time!

W.B. LAUGHS AND HUGS JACKIE BACK. HYDE STANDS THERE WITH A SMALL SMILE WATCHING JACKIE AND HIS DAD.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 4

SCENE 2

INT. RECEPTION HALL, DANCE FLOOR. RED AND KITTY ARE DANCING. RED LOOKS CRANKY. THE SONG, "YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE" BY STEVIE WONDER IS PLAYING.

RED:

I can't dance to this music. It's crap!

KITTY:

(smiling) Oh I don't know, I kind of like it.

RED:

(looks at Kitty with a scowl) Well of course you do. You've made about 15 trips to the bar tonight. Everything sounds good to you.

KITTY:

(ignoring Red) I thought Eric's speech was very sweet. Although, Jackie did seem a little upset when he compared her to Darth Vader. You know, Eric just shouldn't be allowed to drink champagne. It makes him do stupid things.

RED:

Kitty, alcohol doesn't make Eric do stupid things. The fact that he's stupid makes Eric do stupid things.

KITTY:

(with a smile) Oh Red, I can't believe Steven is married. You know, I knew when we took him in he just needed a little loving care to turn him into a sweet, sensitive gentleman. And I'm glad he married Jackie. (she laughs) If anyone can get him to shave off those horrible sideburns, it's Jackie.

RED:

(pauses and gives Kitty a smile) Yeah, they'll do just fine. Steven has an uncanny ability to tune out almost everything Jackie says.

KITTY:

Well thank God they found each other. Because, I've got to say, I love them both dearly, but there is no way either one of them would've ever found someone else that could put up with them.

RED:

(smiles in agreement) That's for sure.

THEY BOTH LAUGH AND KEEP DANCING.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 4

SCENE 3

INT. RECEPTION HALL. THE DANCE FLOOR. THE SONG, "YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL" BY JOE COCKER IS PLAYING. JACKIE AND HYDE ARE DANCING. HER HEAD IS LAYING ON HIS CHEST AND HE IS HOLDING ONE OF HER HANDS. HIS OTHER ARM IS WRAPPED AROUND HER WAIST. JACKIE LOOKS UP AT HYDE WITH AN EXCITED SMILE.

JACKIE:

So, Steven, do you wanna hear the vows I wrote?

HYDE:

(with a wicked grin) Are they dirty?

JACKIE:

(rolls her eyes and smiles) No.

HYDE:

Can you make them dirty?

JACKIE:

(just ignores him and rolls her eyes) Whatever.

JACKIE TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND HER FACE SOFTENS. SHE LOOKS A LITTLE NERVOUS AS SHE SPEAKS TO HYDE.

JACKIE:(cont'd)

I never thought I'd be here. Not because I didn't think you'd ask me to marry you. (with a teasing smile) I always knew you would. (she looks deadly serious) Because when I want something bad enough, I get what I want. (her face softens again and she smiles at Hyde) I just never thought I'd find someone who was my best friend, my protector, my teacher and the love of my life. (without even realizing it, they have stopped dancing and Hyde just stares at Jackie) But I found him. (with a little pout) He was a little hard to find because he's always hiding behind dark sunglasses and his Zen (she looks a little embarrassed) and also because he used to run when he saw me coming. (she smiles again) But I found him. (Now she looks triumphant) I found him. I caught him. And I married him.

JACKIE JUST LOOKS AT HYDE WAITING FOR HIS RESPONSE. HE LOOKS STUNNED.

HYDE:

(quietly) Wow.

JACKIE SQUEALS IN GLEE AND WRAPS HER ARMS AROUND HYDE'S NECK, KISSING HIM. THEY START DANCING AGAIN, VERY SLOWLY AND PRESSED TIGHT AGAINST EACH OTHER. THE SONG CONTINUES TO PLAY WHILE THEY DANCE.

"You're everything I hoped for

You're everything I need"

HYDE SMILES AND LEANS DOWN TO WHISPER INTO JACKIE'S EAR.

HYDE:

(raising an eyebrow) You know, I bet we could make those dirty if we tried.

JACKIE JUST LAUGHS.

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

ACT 5

SCENE 1

INT. RECEPTION HALL. THE DANCE FLOOR AND BAR AREA. JACKIE IS IN THE CENTER OF THE DANCE FLOOR GETTING READY TO TOSS HER BOUQUET. HYDE IS STANDING BEHIND HER, WATCHING HER WITH AMUSEMENT. THERE ARE ABOUT 10 GIRLS GATHERED AROUND ON THE DANCE FLOOR. IN THE DISTANCE AT THE BAR WE CAN SEE LAURIE SITTING ON A BAR STOOL AND ERIC, FEZ AND KELSO STANDING AROUND THE BAR.

JACKIE:

(with a bratty smile) Ok, all you sad, unmarried ladies gather around me.

CUT TO FEZ AND LAURIE AT THE BAR. CASEY IS BEHIND THEM POURING DRINKS.

FEZ:

Laurie, why are you not joining all the lovely ladies trying to scratch each other's eyes out for the bouquet?

LAURIE:

(gives Fez a snotty look) Oh, I don't know. (she pauses) Maybe because I'm married. (she looks a little sad) God, Fez, sometimes you can be such a jerk!

LAURIE STORM OFF. CASEY, WHO HAS BEEN WATCHING, GIVES FEZ A MOCKING SMILE.

CASEY:

(to Fez) Nice. Real smooth, buddy.

FEZ POUTS. CUT BACK TO JACKIE AND THE GIRLS ON THE DANCE FLOOR. JACKIE IS STANDING WITH HER BACK TO THE GIRLS AND SHE HAS HER HAND OVER HER EYES.

JACKIE:

Ready or not, here it comes ... 1, 2, 3

JACKIE TOSSES HER BOUQUET AND THEN TURNS TO SEE WHO CATCHES IT. DONNA EASILY PUSHES THE OTHER GIRLS OUT OF THE WAY AND THEN CATCHES THE BOUQUET WITH ONE HAND. SHE LOOKS AT IT AND GIVES A SMALL SMILE. JACKIE RUNS OVER TO DONNA AND THE OTHER GIRLS SULK OFF.

JACKIE:

(relieved) Oh Donna, thank God. I am so glad you have such giant hands. I really didn't want one of those bitches to have my beautiful bouquet.

DONNA:

(looks very surprised) Wow, that was so cool! I love knocking down small, snotty girls.

JACKIE AND DONNA BOTH NOD AND SMILE.

CUT TO THE GUYS AT THE BAR.

ERIC:

Wow, did you see Donna fight for that bouquet. Either she really wants to be the next girl to get married or she just needed to kick a little ass. Either way I'm pretty turned on right now.

DONNA RUNS UP TO ERIC AT THE BAR, SHE IS A LITTLE BREATHLESS AND SHE'S SMILING.

DONNA:

Eric, did you see me catch the bouquet? You know, I never understood why girls got so into this bouquet crap, but I do now! It's a blast shoving all those bitchy girls to the ground.

KELSO:

(with a taunting smile to Eric) Hey, Eric, I'm gonna catch the garter. 'Cause whoever catches the garter gets to have a nice, sexy slow dance with the chick that catches the bouquet. And I'm gonna request "Freebird" so I get 13 minutes with Donna. (he laughs) By the time the song's over, you're gonna be single.

KELSO, WITH A COCKY SMILE HEADS OFF TO THE DANCE FLOOR.

DONNA:

(panicking, she whispers to Eric) Eric, you've gotta catch that garter. I don't want Keslo molesting me for 13 minutes.

ERIC:

(in a mock "hero" voice) Don't worry, Donna. I'll stop him.

DONNA:

Ok, but don't try and use the Jedi mind trick on him because I've told you 100 times that doesn't actually work.

ERIC:

(pouting) The only reason it doesn't work on Kelso is because he has no mind to trick.

CUT BACK TO THE DANCE FLOOR. JACKIE IS NOW SEATED IN A CHAIR AND HYDE IS NEXT TO HER ON ONE KNEE. HE HAS A VERY DIRTY LOOK ON HIS FACE.

JACKIE:

Ok, Steven, now try and keep it tasteful.

HYDE:

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

CUT TO THE GUYS GATHERED ON THE DANCE FLOOR. KELSO IS FRONT AND CENTER WITH A BIG SMILE. HE HAS HIS ARMS SPREAD OUT TRYING TO KEEP ERIC, WHO IS RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, AWAY. DONNA IS STANDING AT THE BACK OF THE CROWD, WATCHING. SHE NOTICES SOMETHING AND HEADS INTO THE CROWD OF GUYS.

DONNA:

(a little irritated) Dad, what are you doing? You can't catch the garter. I am not having a sexy slow dance with my dad.

BOB:

(shrugs) Good point.

BOB LEAVES THE DANCE FLOOR AND HEADS TO THE BAR WHERE KITTY AND RED ARE NOW STANDING AND WATCHING. HYDE POINTS TO THE DJ AND HE PUTS ON THE SONG, "A FOOL FOR YOUR STOCKINGS" BY ZZ TOP. HYDE SMILES AND NODS HIS APPROVAL OF THE MUSIC. JACKIE JUST ROLLS HER EYES. HYDE VERY SLOWLY LIFTS UP JACKIE DRESS AND PULLS OUT HER LEG. HE RAISES HIS EYEBROW AT JACKIE AND LEANS INTO HER LEG. HE GRABS JACKIE'S GARTER WITH HIS TEETH AND PULLS IT DOWN HER LEG. HE TAKES HER HEEL OFF AND THEN PULLS THE GARTER OFF HER FOOT. HYDE STANDS UP AND SNAPS IT LIKE A SLING SHOT INTO THE CROWD OF GUYS. KELSO AND ERIC BOTH GO DOWN ON THE GROUND WHERE THEY WRESTLE FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THEN A HAND EMERGES HOLDING THE GARTER. ERIC STANDS UP TO REVEAL HE HAS THE GARTER. KELSO STOMPS OFF, POUTING. DONNA RUNS TO ERIC AND KISSES HIM..

DONNA:

(throwing her arms around Eric) Oh my God, Eric, I can't believe you got it. You're my hero!

ERIC:

(he just shrugs) Yeah, well, I kneed Kelso in the bean bags.

DONNA LAUGHS AND KISSES ERIC AGAIN.

CUT TO JACKIE AND HYDE

JACKIE SITS IN THE CHAIR POUTING. HYDE OFFERS JACKIE HIS HAND, SHE TAKES IT AND HE HELPS HER UP FROM THE CHAIR.

JACKIE:

(poking at Hyde) You owe me one slow dance.

HYDE:

(pulls Jackie to him with a devilish look) It was worth it.

THEY KISS

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 5

SCENE 2

INT. RECEPTION HALL. THE BAR. IN THE BACKGROUND ON THE DANCE FLOOR WE CAN SEE JACKIE AND DONNA DANCING TO, "RICH GIRL" BY HALL AND OATES. THEY ARE SINGING ALONG AND INDICATING JACKIE DURING THE LYRICS. AT THE BAR, HYDE, KELSO, FEZ AND ERIC ARE ALL SITTING ON STOOLS AND HAVING A BEER.

HYDE:

Fez, what's wrong with you man? Are you still pouting 'cause Jackie won't let you do your little dance number with Kelso.

KELSO:

(indignant) Hey, man, we were gonna be really good!

FEZ:

(sadly drinking his beer) I got rejected by a woman. Again. I can't do it anymore. I give up.

ERIC:

(pats Fez on the back) Come on, man, you can't give up. (pauses) You get rejected. It's what you do. I whine, Kelso cheats, Hyde steals, you get rejected.

FEZ:

(getting angry) Well I am tired of the rejection. I need a woman who will love me for the dirty man that I am. I need a woman who is not afraid of my needs.

FEZ PAUSES AND GETS A VERY EXCITED LOOK, LIKE HE'S HAD A REVELATION.

FEZ:(cont'd)

(talking to himself, he looks a little crazed) Of course, oh Fez you are such a fool, it has been staring you in the face all along, (he pauses and smiles proudly at the other guys) I need Laurie!

FEZ LOOKS AROUND ANXIOUSLY AT THE OTHER GUYS, WAITING FOR THEIR REACTIONS.

HYDE:

(looks slightly stunned) It's genius. It's like an X-rated fairytale. The horniest guy alive finds the easiest girl alive and they live happily ever after with their 15 children.

KELSO:

(condescendingly to Fez) Laurie's a lot of woman, Fez. Are you sure you can handle her? I mean, I wasn't enough to satisfy her (pointing to himself with a cocky smile) and I'm me.

FEZ:

Oh yes, (shakes his head confidently) I know I am man enough. My people have always has a lot of stamina. It comes from generations of having to chase down and kill all your meals.

ERIC:

(yells, angrily) Well I think your idea sucks!

HYDE:

(to Eric, with a taunting smile) I disagree. Because actually staying married to your sister is an even bigger burn than marrying her was.

ERIC:

Fez, you can't just be with someone because you both like having sex.

HYDE LOOKS AT ERIC AND SHAKES HIS HEAD IN DISGUST.

HYDE:

Man, you are such a girl.

FEZ:

(speaks quickly and getting very excited) Eric, that is not the only reason I want to be with her. (with a perverted grin) It is my favorite reason, but it is not the only reason. Laurie is beautiful, she makes me laugh with her fabulous hot burns and I feel really happy when I am around her, like I have just eaten a whole bowl of jelly beans. Plus, we are already married and living together so it's very convenient.

KELSO:

(shrugs and smiles) I say go for it, man! Just tell Laurie what you told us, chicks go crazy for all that girly, romantic crap.

HYDE:

(nodding in agreement) How do you think Forman got Donna?

FEZ:

(with a hopeful smile) Eric, do I have your blessing?

HYDE:

C'mon, Forman. Give the little guy a break. Look at it this way, if things work out with him and Laurie she'll never move back home.

ERIC:

(with a huge smile he pats Fez on the back) Go get her, buddy!

KELSO:

(pouting) Well, I gotta go find Jackie's cousin. 'Cause I am not gonna be the only one who doesn't do it tonight.

FEZ:

(very excited) Oh my God! Tonight I am going to do it with my beautiful, beautiful wife!

HYDE:

(with a wicked grin) I already did it with my beautiful wife tonight. (pauses, realizing) Holy crap. I have a wife. (pauses and looks at the others) Fez has a wife, Forman has a girlfriend that is way too hot for him, and Kelso has an illegitimate child and lots of meaningless sex with strangers.

KELSO GIVES A BIG, DUMB GRIN.

ERIC:

God, where have the years gone?

HYDE:

(smiling mischievously) I can tell you where they've gone; up in smoke that's where.

KELSO:

(grabs a beer and raises it) To us!

THE GUYS ALL GRAB THEIR BEERS AND RAISE THEM UP.

GUYS:

To us!

ERIC:

(with a laugh he shakes his head) We are so cool.

THE GUYS ALL DRINK THEIR BEERS.

END SCENE

CUT TO BUMPER

ACT 5

SCENE 3

INT. RECEPTION HALL. THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF THE DANCE FLOOR. FEZ, WITH AN EXCITED, AND SLIGHTLY PERVY SMILE, COMES OUT THROUGH THE DOUBLE DOORS AND LOOKS DOWN THE HALLWAY. HE LOOKS IN AND OUT OF SEVERAL OPEN DOORS AND OTHER AREAS. THEN HE WALKS TOWARDS THE CLOSED DOOR THAT JACKIE AND HYDE CAME OUT OF EARLIER. THE SONG, "LADY" BY LITTLE RIVER BAND CAN BE HEARD, SOMEWHAT MUFFLED, IN THE BACKGROUND COMING FROM INSIDE THE RECEPTION HALL. FEZ IS FRANITCALLY LOOKING FOR LAURIE.

"So lady, let me take a look at you now

You're there on the dance floor making me want you some how

Oh lady, I think it's only fair I should say to you

Don't be thinking that I don't want you 'cause maybe I do"

FEZ PULLS OPEN THE DOOR AND HE FINDS LAURIE MAKING OUT WITH CASEY KELSO. LAURIE TURNS AROUND AND SEES FEZ. HIS FACE FALLS, CRUSHED AND HE LOOKS EXTREMELY CONFUSED. LAURIE SEES HIS EXPRESSION AND SHE GIVES HIM A GUILTY SMILE.

FEZ:

(yells at Casey in a high pitched voice) What are you doing? Get off my wife!

CASEY:

(with a cocky grin) Relax, buddy. We'll be done in a few minutes and then you can have her back good as new.

FEZ:

(angrily) She is not your play thing you son of a bitch! She is a beautiful, Strip-Candy-Land-loving, goddess.

LAURIE LOOKS SURPRISED AND THEN TOUCHED.

LAURIE:

(with a smile) Oh Fez.

FEZ:

(to Laurie with attitude) Don't "oh Fez" me, lady! I give you a place to live, I share my candy with you, I do your hair for free and this is how you repay me? Now, (trying to compose himself) if you will excuse me, I am going to find Kelso and cry on his strong, manly shoulder. Good day.

LAURIE:

(pouting) But Fez ...

FEZ:

I said good day!

FEZ STOMPS OFF LEAVING A VERY CONFUSED LOOKING LAURIE AND A VERY AMUSED LOOKING CASEY BEHIND.

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

ACT 6

SCENE 1

THE RECEPTION HALL IS NOW ALMOST COMPLETELY DARK. EVERYONE IS GONE EXCEPT FOR JACKIE AND HYDE. THEY ARE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER ON THE DJ'S STAGE. JACKIE HAS HER HEELS AND HER VEIL OFF AND SHE IS HOLDING A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. HYDE HAS HIS COAT AND TIE OFF AND THE TOP FEW BUTTONS OF HIS SHIRT ARE UNBUTTONED. HIS SUNGLASSES ARE HOOKED ON THE FRONT OF HIS SHIRT. THE SONG, "WONDERFUL TONIGHT" BY ERIC CLAPTON IS PLAYING VERY SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND. JACKIE TAKES A SWIG FROM THE CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE AND THEN HANDS IT TO HYDE.

JACKIE:

So. We're married.

HYDE:

Yep. (takes a swig from the bottle)

JACKIE:

(she nudges him, with a small smile) What do you think so far?

HYDE:

(with a grin) It's no worse than bowling.

JACKIE PLAYFULLY HITS HIM. HE HANDS THE BOTTLE TO HER, SHE TAKES ANOTHER SWIG.

HYDE:(cont')

(twisting the ring on his finger, nervously) I have a surprise for you.

JACKIE:

(gasps and covers her mouth with her hand) You're shaving off your sideburns.

HYDE:

(looks at he like she's crazy) What? No. But I did write my own vows. (smiling a cocky smile, he shrugs) Well, I didn't so much write them as I did borrow them from The Eagles.

JACKIE:

(shocked) Oh my God, you can keep the sideburns! Let's hear it!

HYDE:

(takes a deep breath) Ok.

HE REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND GRABS A PIECE OF PAPER. HE UNFOLDS IT, CLEARS HIS THROAT AND READS THE PAPER.

HYDE:(cont')

"I've been searching for the daughter of the devil himself. I've been searching for an angel in white. I've been waiting for a woman who's a little of both." (folds up the paper and looks at her with a wicked grin) And here you are.

JACKIE:

(smiling) Oh, Steven. (she takes his face in her hand and kisses him, then she pulls back and pauses, giving him a seductive look) So, who do you want tonight? The angel or the devil?

HYDE:

(with a sexy smile) Oh tonight I want the devil.

THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER AND KISS. THE CREDITS RUN OVER THE STILL IMAGE OF THE TWO OF THEM KISSING AND THE SONG CONTINUES TO PLAY.

END EPISODE

END SEASON SEVEN

UP NEXT ...

THE SEASON EIGHT PREMIERE

"Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'"

Jackie and Hyde are on their honeymoon but they can't seem to make it out of their room. And, Fez has to make a decision about Laurie.