Time for another adventure of Lily Valkyrie, Remnant's Most Adorable Criminal Mastermind

But first, quick recap! Remember the Soda-King-Magnate? I've decided to include the skits done for him here in this chapter! And he'll likely appear again in the future. Accompanied by his Companion, El-Pizza-Bandido! Of Just Blaze Pizza! (he's basically Ray). Anyway, if this is starting to get confusing please say so in the reviews so I can clear it up in the future. Also the Forums were unanimous, P-Money is here to stay.

Without further ado:

Reign of Terror.

LILY: Corporal Studmuffin! You have led us to assured victory!
JAUNE: I have?
LILY: As a reward, you shall have Lieutenant Ruby's Milk Rations!
RUBY: But I worked hard to steal that milk!
LILY: Hush minion!
PENNY: Hello Jaune-person, meet our newest friend! Her name is Freckles!
FRECKLES: UNIT DESIGNATION: FRK-15 V2. ACCEPTED MONIKER - FRECKLES
JAUNE: Oh boy.
LILY: And with Freckles aid in our army of evil, we shall conquer all! And so begins Phase 3!
PENNY: Gasp!
JAUNE: Does this mean there was a phase one and I missed it?
FLUFFY: Arf!
LILY: Yes my minions! For you see, it is clearly not enough for us to simply stay holed up in our impenetrable fortress! We must expand our dominion, bring it under my fold! For phase 3 myself and my great council, who has led me to many great victories, shall devise a plan that shall expand our grasp, and drive out the enemies at our door! What say you!
RUBY: Yeah!
PENNY: What she said!
FRECKLES: POSITIVE AFFIRMATION: RECEIVING NEW MISSION DESIGNATION
JAUNE: I am never leaving this place.
FLUFFY: Arf!
(meanwhile)
BLAKE: Plan-F has failed.
REN: Tell me something we don't know
YANG: Weiss has a sister.
NORA: Do you two have wacky shenanigans like we do?
WEISS: Heh, please.
BLAKE: What now?
NORA: Well, I'm not too sure. I was like, so confidant that Plan-F would work, but now Lily has that Giant Death Robot I borrowed from Daddy's private collection, on top of all her cookies, and candy, and milk, and both our team leaders under her sway, and that girl who shoots lasers, I mean, how can she even do that?
YANG: She's probably a robot or something.
NORA: Oh come on, that's silly. Anyway, it last Tuesday was any indicator, we only have a few minutes to set up before she storms out of her room in a sugar-induced-bloodrage, destroying all that is good and holy. In that case, I'll have to set up our emergency failsafe plan.
WEISS: What's that?
NORA: Plan-G.


(gets diagram made of crayon)
NORA: See Plan-G is a bit of a last resort I concocted a while back. It was during a Conversation with Lily by the way. I had Razzberry Delight. It was delicious. Anyway, basically encase the house with dynamite. Like all of it. And then we blow it up. Blow it all up. Kay?
REN: ...
YANG: ...
BLAKE: ...
WEISS: ...
P-MONEY: (with fire in her eyes) Plan-G!
NORA: Yeah! Okay, so I'm going to need you guys to go get the highly volatile explosives, and dump them all over the place while I supervise.
WEISS: I'm beginning to see why Prof. Ozpin put someone like Jaune in charge.
P-MONEY: (with fire in her eyes) Plan-G!
BLAKE: Um, P-Money? Not to tell you how to do your thing, but aren't you supposed to be the reasonable level-headed straight man of your group.
P-MONEY: (with fire in her eyes) Blake! (grabs her and stares intently) I have spent too long polishing that Diamond in the Rough to risk him being stolen away by some girly underaged tramp with a napoleon complex! No offense Nora.
NORA: None taken! Ren! Put your back into it! Lift with your back, not your legs! And stop breathing! Don't you know that under stress the body produces all the breathing stuff it needs on it's own?
P-MONEY: (with the intensity of a thousand fiery suns) At this point I'll try anything in order to get that handsome useless heterosexual back within my arms, and away from crazy psychotic woman! Again, no offense Nora.
NORA: None taken.


LILY: Comrades now is the time of attack! Are you ready!?
RUBY: Aye!
PENNY: What she said!
FLUFFY: Arf!
FRECKLES: POSITIVE AFFIRMATION
LILY: Let us surge forth and take what is ours!
(surges forth)
NORA: Stop right there!
(team NPR and WBY are currently behind their pillow-fort)
LILY: Sister! I see that you have appeared to oppose me, rather than to step aside and let me take my rightful position as Queen! What say you!
YANG: Ruby! Come home already! It's late, and we gots homework to do!
RUBY: Never!
WEISS: Remind me why we're here?
LILY: You're appeals to morality and authority are useless! All shall be swept aside by my rule!
NORA: Lily! I have to warn you! If you don't calm down, and release the leaders of our teams, we shall be forced to use Plan-G!
P-MONEY: (with fire in her eyes) Plan-G!
LILY: No! Not Plan-G!
RUBY: What's Plan-G?
PENNY: What Friend-Ruby said.
LILY: A while back, I may have proposed to my sister a scheme in which I blackmail my position into power by replacing the foundation of the city with TNT.
(awkward silence)
RUBY: How did that conversation go?
(flashback)
LILY: (licking a strawberry ice-cream cone) Burn. Burn it all. Burn...
NORA: You say something?
(end-flashback)
(awkward silence)
PENNY: Does this mean the tea party/revolution is over?
RUBY: We can't end here your highness! We were just about to abolish bed-times forever!
LILY: Minions you have served me well. But once again I have underestimated the brutal cunning of my elder sister, using one of my own schemes against me. The revolution shall live on, but our day is done. She holds the upper hand. The best we can hope for is to submit with our heads held high, the same we would expect of our own enemies. Let us go now my minions! A band of sisters until the end. I shall remember you each until the end of days.
RUBY: (with teary eyes) Lily... you're so cool...
PENNY: Archenemy-Lily... I am feeling... emotion...
FRECKLES: DETECTING DANGEROUS EXPLOSIVE IMPLEMENTATIONS. DISABLING DETONATION DEVICE.
(detonator gets shot out of Nora's hand.)
P-MONEY: (fire extinguished from her eyes) No! Not Plan-G!
RUBY: Way to go Freckles!
REN: We're doomed.
LILY: On the other hand... Attack my minions!
NORA: Run away!
P-MONEY: Guys help! Don't leave me!
LILY: Go! Capture her bovine commander! Another hostage for us to leverage against them!
P-MONEY: Guys...


The Adventures of the Soda-King-Magnate, and El-Pizza-Bandido!

SODAKINGMAGNATE: I have decided old friend. Using the vast wealth left to me by my deceased parents, I shall use it to secure a better and brighter future for all! And I shall do it by dressing in tights, and beating up criminals in the night. And you will fight by my side old friend.
ELPIZZABANDIDO: That's a bad idea. That is a horrible horrible idea.
SODAKINGMAGNATE: I built the entirety of my Carbonated Empire from a single bad idea!
ELPIZZABANDIDO: Yeah, but to be fair, people like grapes.
SODAKINGMAGNATE: That they do. That they do.


SODAKINGMAGNATE: I will also print my adventures in visual format to further fund my escapades.
ELPIZZABANDIDO: But you're already super-freaking rich! Your the king-magnate of soda!
SKM: Yes, but while people like grapes, I must insure that my hero-ing funds come from separate sources to insure nobody from within becomes suspicious, and discovers my secret identity.
EPB: Well won't people learn your secret identity from the comic books?
SKM: Printed adventures in visual format.
EPB: Printed adventures in visual format.
SKM: Who would be crazy enough to assume that I, the Soda-King-Magnate, would take on the identity of a masked crime fighter? That would be utterly preposterous.
EPB: I would. If someone told me you were doing this, I'd believe them in a second.
SKM: Yes. But you KNOW me.
EPB: Hmm... you make a good point.


VAV: Stop right there Criminal Scum!
CATBURGLER: Drats I have been foiled!
VAV: Yes you have, by the likes of-
X-RAY: X-Ray!
VAV: And Vav! Now that we have apprehended you, we shall- wait a minute, are you a Cat-Faunus?
CB:Well yes, but I don't see what the has to do with anything.
VAV: And you're a Cat Burgler.
CB: Yeah, well it's a living.
VAV: We can't use this! Do you have any idea how incredibly offensive you are?
CB: Excuse me?
VAV: You're a Faunus who is clearly using their Faunus powers to indulge in acts of petty theft.
CB: I'm not sure I would count a four block high tower of gold on a base of obsidian to be petty. In fact I would even call it pimpin'.
X-RAY: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Censor-time!
CB: What?
VAV: Ours is a family friendly series of adventures printed in visual format. Not only are you a Faunus who is committing crime, a Cat Faunus who is Cat Burglar, I mean, talk about stereotyping, but you're foul-mouthed at that.
X-RAY: Hey, at least she ain't a Duck Faunus. Get it? Foul-Mouthed?
CB: I get it.
SKM: And we'll totally have to change your gender.
CB: What? Come on? I am one sexy lady. Not to mention I'm already in this skintight catsuit.
X-RAY: There she goes again! Are you just trying to be as offensive as possible?
SKM: We have a large demographic of female readers in our adventures printed in visual format. About fifty percent even. That's almost half. Of that demographic most of them read for our dashing good looks, and homoerotic tones.
X-RAY: Yeah, you should check out those chicks who ship this idiot with Mogar. Scary stuff dude.


(Later)
VAV: Stop right there criminal scum!
LILY: Oh no! Someone has spotted me in the midst of my evil crimes!
VAV: Indeed, how dare you steal that kitten! Good thing I was here to stop you!
LILY: (Unloads with her exploding paintball-tommy-gun)
VAV: (Gavin noises) X-Ray! Protect me! (More Gavin noises)
(Presently)
NORA: Lily! Someone at the door for you!
LILY: Yes?
SODAKINGMAGNATE: It is I! The Soda King Magnate! Hello adorable little girl. I was hoping to get your permission to use your likeness for a series of adventures I hope to print in visual format.
LILY: Nora! It's that stranger who tried to attack me last night!
NORA: NORA SMASH!
SODAKINGMAGNATE: (Even more Gavin Noises)