7
"I remember, I don´t even remember the year. Only these bursts, these flashes that return with everything and the exact words. Only that little song that I will never hear again. No matter how high the sky is in the world, no matter how deep the profound sea, there will not be a barrier in the world that my deep love does not break for you. "
-Jose Emilio Pacheco, battles in the desert.
Violet didn´t wanted to see that house again. It seemed to her that somehow they could have avoided a destiny of suffering and anguish if Mr. Poe had gone astray before reaching the street, if he had taken them to another place, to another city. She still shuddered at the thought of how close she had been of being Count Olaf's wife forever, and she understood the perversion that had haunted them ever since.
Of course she knew that Count Olaf had only plotted that plan to steal their fortune, but she could remember other words, words that had made her feel uncomfortable and in which she had not been able to think through fear, anguish, and sadness. She remembered the man with the long nose staring at her, his hands holding her face, and remembered how he had called her beautiful. She remembered listening to the group of Count Olaf from the trunk of the car, mentioning how they preferred not to hurt her just for her beauty, valuing her as a trophy.
She was just a girl... she felt a little sadness.
And looking toward the tower, she remembered the fear Sunny had felt. She had not had the mind to think about anything else back then, not even to think about herself.
The old house of Count Olaf stood on the other side of the street like a tower of blasphemies, a monument to an invented poverty, broken and forgotten. Klaus gently took her face to make her look away, guessing where her thoughts were going, and Violet forced herself to focus on the door in front of them.
Of course, that house was not without memories. There were soft moments there, light flashes of light, but now none of the Baudelaires knew if they would be welcome there. Klaus approached, undecided, and raised his hand to knock, but he did not. Violet took a step, unsure, and wanted to press the bell, but could not either. Finally Sunny walked and hit the door firmly.
"Dad?" Beatrice asked, saying the only word she knew and exploring around with curiosity. But even though Klaus's heart was filled with love, he did not have time to explain why they were there.
The door opened. Justice Strauss looked identical, with her sober clothes and tender look. She stood there, put a hand to her mouth and the Baudelaires could see that she took a step back, surprised.
"Hi," Violet began, not knowing if that was a good thing to say, "How are you, Justice Strauss? We... we asked ourselves if you could help us, once again."
She wanted to say other things, she wanted to say: "Justice Strauss, we are very sorry for all that you have suffered because of us, but we feel very lonely and scared and we want to know that there is someone in the world who cares about us", but the words remained stuck in her throat.
Justice Strauss dropped her hand, her eyes traveling quickly towards the little girl in Klaus' arms.
"The Baudelaires," she whispered, in a choked voice, "But, am I dreaming? I... I did not believe I ever saw you again. "
"We wanted to apologize," Klaus said, "if you allow us, we could explain why this happened."
Justice Strauss blinked back the tears, still overwhelmed.
"You'd better get in" she stepped aside and when the Baudelaires entered the house they thought they were going back in time, and this was a place where they had felt pain and relief, that had been a refuge and as they looked around they realized that it still felt like that.
Klaus could still remember putting a heavy volume of nuptial laws under his clothes, the fear of being discovered, the impotence he had experienced seeing Violet so frightened, and Sunny so far out of reach... a chill ran down his spine, but Violet had been brave, just like Sunny, and in those days Klaus realized that together they were terribly strong.
"You're so big, Sunny," Justice Strauss said, and the voice sounded trembling. When Violet looked at her, she noticed that the woman was making a tremendous effort not to cry right there.
"I'm not a baby anymore," Sunny said.
So much pain, so much nostalgia. The Baudelaires had not had easy lives, and Violet sometimes doubted that they would ever have them. It was unfair, detestable, that some children have had to feel so afraid, that they would have been forced to get ahead on their own; but looking at Klaus, Sunny and Bea, she felt proud. She was proud of the man Klaus had become; she was proud of Sunny's strength and courage, and she was proud of the little intelligent baby that was Beatrice... and she was proud of herself, of having overcome everything.
"Everything looks the same," Klaus commented, smiling slightly.
Justice Strauss closed the door behind them.
"Sit down please."
"Justice Strauss, we want to apologize to you," Violet said. "It was very unfair what we did to you, and we would like to explain why we had to do it."
While everyone took their seats, Justice wiped away a tear. She seemed happy to see them, but she also looked like if someone had shaken a box of memories above her... Klaus knew how that felt.
"Oh, dear Baudelaires," Justice Strauss sighed, "I really did not believe I would see you again. After the fire everything was confusing."
"We know it was our fault," Klaus said, "but we had to do it, there was no other way."
The woman closed her eyes and sighed.
"I know, I know, dear."
Violet, Klaus and Sunny shared a look.
"Really?" Violet asked, relieved. They had hoped that Justice Strauss would not understand their motives at all, because even they had taken a long time to accept them.
"Of course I do," Justice Strauss's house looked identical from the last time they had seen her, but the Baudelaires could easily say that Justice looked more tired, more lonely, and with a permanent air of nostalgia; and they felt ashamed to be the cause of it all.
"But if that makes you feel better, I'll let you explain."
Where to start? How to explain so many painful things? During the afternoon the three Baudelaires took turns telling Justice Strauss everything that had happened since the last time they had seen her, what happened on the island and how they had returned, they told her about how Violet and Klaus had gotten a job and about Mr. Poe's visits, but the elders Baudelaire did not say a word about their secret.
"We hoped you could help us one more time," Klaus concluded, and at that moment Bea let out a little noise. "Kit trusted us, our parents trusted us, and we are all we have."
Justice Strauss smiled as she stroked Bea's hair.
"It's certainly a beautiful girl," she said, "you were too. You were the best children I'd ever known. But things change... the innocent children who appeared once at my door have left; you two, Violet and Klaus, are two noble people who deserve to have your family by your side. Of course I will help you."
"Thank you, Justice Strauss," Sunny said.
Violet gasped.
"I had forgotten something," she said. "Justice, have you heard anything about V.F.D lately?"
The woman looked at her surprised and denied.
"I'm sorry, after the fire I decided to take some time... away from V.F.D."
"Of course, the clock," Klaus recalled.
"A few days ago a clock came up to my hands," Violet explained, "it had the phrase engraved: the world is quiet here. First we had the hope that it was a coincidence, but recently also came a letter that said exactly the same."
"And Mr. Poe said that someone called V.F.D had left an invitation for tomorrow's masquerade, directed towards us," Klaus finished, "someone is trying to contact us."
The judge frowned, silent.
"It could be important, you should go."
Violet took Klaus's hand without realizing it, a gesture that always made her feel safe. Sunny crawled to sit on her sister's lap, yawning. It was dark and Justice realized that it was quite late.
"We should," Violet agreed, "but we'd have to ask you for another favor, if you're willing."
"Of course I'll take care of Sunny and Beatrice," Justice sentenced, even before Violet continued. "I've already lost you many times, Violet, maybe this time it's different."
And at that moment the three brothers and even the baby, who did not fully understand what was happening, felt that there was for the first time in a long time another place where they felt understood.
"We´ll need masks," Klaus said then.
"And a dress and a suit," Violet added.
"You look very pretty," Sunny told Violet as Klaus finished up the zipper of her dress, her fingers stopping more than necessary on Violet's skin. She shuddered, her skin burning.
"Thanks Sunny," she replied, "and thanks for choosing it for me."
"Klaus said you would like it."
On Saturday morning, while Violet and Beatrice were still asleep, Klaus had taken Sunny to the city center to buy a dress for Violet, and to rent an appropriate suit for the masquerade.
"At least I expected it," Klaus commented, "I really did not want to wake you up, you seemed tired."
She had been tired, exhausted after their meeting with Justice Strauss, and the fact that the judge had decided to help them, in addition to knowing that she had survived the Hotel Denouement fire, had relaxed her enough to allow herself an extra sleep.
While Violet saw her reflection in the old mirror she felt very strange. She had never worn such an elegant dress, and had never been combed in the way Sunny had done it. She blushed when she looked at her lips. Klaus had also brought her a discreet lipstick. Violet had smiled when he gave it to her, with shaking hands and stuttering meaningless words. Klaus... he knew her perfectly, he knew that in her mind full of practicality she would never have thought of using something like that, and nerves had betrayed him thinking that maybe she did not like that gift.
But in fact, strangely enough, Violet had liked it a lot. It had reminded her of something distant in her memory; her mother preparing for a party while Violet, small and stubborn, tried to put together an invention sitting on her parents' bed. Digging deeper into her memory, she knew that at that time Klaus would have been chasing their father all over the house, asking him about some book.
"Mom," laughed Beatrice, sitting on Klaus's bed beside Sunny, as she looked at Violet with bright, happy eyes; she extended her hands, almost losing her balance.
And even when the initial surprise of having heard her say her first word in the hospital had been left only in their minds as a beautiful memory, even when that word had been a serious "dad" directed towards Klaus, Violet could not help a mixture of pride and happiness escaped her in the form of panting.
She looked at Klaus, who smiled happily, and at Sunny, who seemed absolutely proud of her younger sister, but also a little pensive. Violet took the little baby in her arms and squeezed against Klaus, who in turn hugged Sunny.
"I love you Bea," Violet whispered, then took Sunny's little hand, "I love you, Sunny."
She wanted to add something else, to say in exact words why what she felt for them was crushing her, why they were one of her reasons for getting up every morning, her strength. Violet felt Klaus kiss her hair and sighed. She didn´t have to tell him how much she loved him, she would show him later.
Sunny crawled to sit in front of them, watching them.
"You remind me of mom and dad," she said.
Klaus's heart stopped a little. She realizes, he thought.
"Do you still remember them, Sunny?"
It was funny how they had never asked her. When the fire had taken their parents, Sunny was already a very precocious girl. Violet and Klaus had assumed that she remembered them, but now they were not so sure. Could she ever call them the same way as Beatrice?
Sunny looked away.
"I don´t know," she replied, "I remember how they felt."
The doorbell rang properly, so none of them had to say anything. Klaus muttered something about Justice Strauss and left.
"Violet," Sunny began, unsure. When her older sister looked at her, she discarded what she planned to say. "Be careful."
Violet smiled.
"We'll be here soon, I promise." She did not have to remind them that they should be good with Justice Strauss.
Sometimes her heart ached at the sight of her. She would have liked to return the time and protect her, and she wondered how her heart could continue to be full of innocence when the evil had haunted her since she was so young.
The building where the Mulctuary Money Management was located was full of people, gentlemen in elegant suits and tall ladies in fine dresses, and Violet and Klaus felt completely strange from the first moment they stepped inside.
"What if we go back? What if Justice Strauss needs something and doesn´t know how to find us? "Violet whispered to Klaus.
Klaus shook his head.
"We have to find whoever is sending us signals," he replied.
Violet sighed.
"You're right, who do you think it is?"
"Someone who survived the fire."
People danced and laughed around him and somewhere in the room there was a string quartet playing music. Violet held Klaus's hand.
Everything was so strange, she realized. With concerns on the agenda, Violet had hardly had time to think about this wonderful new life in which Klaus loved her. She only knew that he was there, so unmistakably real. He was her anchor to the world, always had been. Violet would not have endured having to grow up, having to watch him go... a shudder ran through her. She needed him to live, as much as she needed air and water. She loved him, she loved him and wanted to kiss him right there, and wanted to know that she was his.
I always have been, she realized.
"Could it be Jacquelyn?" Klaus's voice brought her out of her thoughts.
"Mr. Poe said she moved to Winnipeg, remember?"
They made their way among the people, walking without a strictly fixed course.
"Everyone we met once now is gone" Klaus stopped, adjusting his glasses "Violet, what if this is a kind of trap?"
He saw the apprehension grow in her eyes, the fear. He pulled her closer to himself, as if hoping to have to protect her at any minute.
"We should go, Klaus, I don´t like this."
Klaus nodded. He didn´t know why they had gone, in the first place; no matter how much they wanted to know what V.F.D was up to, it was not worth the risk. Especially with Sunny and Bea waiting for them at home.
They were about to turn around towards the exit when a waiter approached them and offered them a drink. Violet would have declined the invitation if she hadn´t seen a small paper tied to the glass.
"Thanks," she said to the waiter, and Klaus and she looked at each other.
"What do you think?" She asked, "Does this look very "V.F.D"?"
Klaus helped her untie the paper.
"It certainly looks like."
Once they unfolded it and read it, Klaus and Violet knew where they needed to go. With their hearts beating fast and wondering if they really were not making a mistake, the Baudelaires made their way to one of the large windows facing the street.
They distinguished a tall figure without mask and their breath left when Jerome Squalor looked at them.
"Jerome?" Violet stepped forward to the man, "it was you! But are you part of V.F.D?"
"Hi Violet, Klaus" Jerome greeted them, "you really don´t know how happy it makes me see you."
Klaus smiled.
"We're also happy to see you, Jerome."
And it was true. Despite not having been of great help when he was their tutor, Klaus knew that Jerome had never had bad intentions and even if he had wanted to help them, could he have done it while Esmé was around him?
The party around them was noisy and no one noticed them, and Jerome considered it a good time to answer Violet's question.
"Well, Violet, answering your previous question; yes, now I am part of V.F.D. After the hotel fire, the organization lost many members, and those of us who survived were so full of horror..."
Klaus licked his lips nervously.
"Jerome, who else survived?"
That question had been eating away at him. To both. They knew it was not their fault but they could not help but wonder how many lives had been lost, how many had been saved.
"Well," Jerome began, "we were really few. Justice Strauss, Frank Denouement, Charles ... "he sighed," I'm very sorry to say that the man with the beard but no hair and the woman with the hair but no beard were gone when everything caught fire. That's why you are here. We believe that even after all that, they have a new apprentice who is planning to smoke the world. V.F.D. is desperate for new recruits and we have been looking for you since you disappeared. First it was difficult, and from what has been investigated now we know that you were in that island. However, once we found your address, it was dangerous to enter into a direct dialogue with you. Both sides of the schism want to recruit you, Baudelaires. Those who put out fires know that you are still noble and honorable people, but those who start fires believe that you became a kind of followers of Count Olaf."
Violet closed her eyes, trying to translate all that new information, her heart pounding.
"Both sides of the schism, you say?" She asked, "Jerome, we thought it was all over with the fire. Has not it been enough horror, enough suffering, for a lifetime?"
Jerome sighed.
"It was, Violet. But neither goodness nor evil will ever end on this earth."
"Then V.F.D. expect us to join them?" Klaus asked.
Jerome nodded.
"I know you may have a lot of doubts, and that's why you do not have to give an answer right now. You can find me in this direction, "he handed them another sheet of carefully folded paper. "We'll be in contact, goodbye, Baudelaires."
Jerome left, and Violet and Klaus thought maybe it was time for them to do the same. They looked at each other and could recognize the same consternation in the other.
"Let's go home, Klaus."
But as they tried to find their way through the people, they ran into Mr. Poe. He looked exactly the same as when he was at work, his pin with "Banker # 1" attached to the coat, which on this occasion was black.
"The Baudelaires!" He greeted.
"How are you, Mr. Poe?" Violet asked, without much encouragement.
"How are you, Mr. Poe?" Klaus repeated.
Mr. Poe smiled.
"Violet, I should introduce you to one of my sons" It seemed that the banker had taken two or three glasses of wine.
Violet felt Klaus tense beside her.
"I'm afraid we already know each other, Mr. Poe, do you remember? When we lived in your house for a while."
But Mr. Poe was not listening. He dragged them with him to where a group of young people dressed in suits chatted, with their backs to them, and Violet and Klaus had trouble recognizing the children of Mr. Poe, Edgar and Albert. They could still remember the unpleasant question they had been asked the first night they slept knowing their parents would never say good night to them again.
"Talk a little, Violet!" Said Mr. Poe, and he turned around and left, distracted. The Baudelaires waited until it seemed certain that Mr. Poe would not return at any moment.
"Let's go," Violet said to Klaus.
However, Albert, Mr. Poe's eldest son, managed to see them before they could get out of sight.
"Is that Violet Baudelaire?" They heard him ask.
"The orphan girl?" His brother's voice answered. "Mom used to write funny things about her."
"I remember," Albert said, "She's hot, I wonder if she'd like me to be her new daddy."
His friends burst out laughing and Klaus could not help it. He felt anger rising from his stomach to his throat and his vision was clouded.
"Repeat it!" He challenged, "repeat it and I'll kill you!"
Violet felt her cheeks flush, anguished by what Klaus could do. She tried to pull him to take him away, avoiding looking at any of Mr. Poe's sons, or their group of friends.
"Come on Klaus."
"Calm, four eyes," said Albert, "it was just a compliment."
"He's crazy," they heard another young man say.
"They were always very strange," said Edgar.
Violet managed to convince Klaus to walk towards the door and she knew that he had done it solely for her; however, his grip on her waist became stronger, more apprehensive.
By the time they got home, Justice Strauss was asleep in the armchair. While Violet checked the room of Sunny and Bea to kiss them good night, although they were already asleep, Klaus began to undress, ordering all the garments of the suit to return it as soon as possible. He still felt angry, upset, and anxious. And when Violet entered the room, undoing her hairstyle, Klaus avoided looking her in the eyes.
"Klaus," she called softly. When he refused to look up, Violet said his name again.
"I'm sorry" finally said her brother, "I'm sorry, Vi."
"Don´t be sorry" Violet replied, and smiled a little, "it's natural. There were many emotions today. I'm glad Jerome is alive, you know? But I'm afraid I don´t know what to think about V.F.D."
Klaus sighed finally.
"Me neither."
"We should postpone thinking about this for tomorrow" Finally Violet´s hair fell on her back, and Klaus could not think for a moment, "now, could you please help me undo the dress?"
Klaus helped her slide the delicate zipper down, her back uncovered instantly. And he couldn´t resist. There were many things wrong in the world, more than he wanted or could tell. It was wrong that someone had humiliated his sister like that, and it was wrong that after all the fires were extinguished there were still others on fire, it was bad that they had to hide and it was bad that they were so lonely. He kissed Violet's skin, forgetting everything.
At that moment there was only he and she, his precious sister, and Klaus only knew that his lips on her skin were the medicine he needed, the only one. Violet was warm and soft, and he heard her sigh.
"I love you, Klaus."
So many words. Klaus had read so many books, and yet he could not find the precise word that could define exactly what he felt for her, they all seemed too small.
He could be a child again in her arms, he could feel protected, and at the same time feel like a complete man.
"He would not have said that about you if he knew..." Klaus fell silent in mid-sentence.
"Klaus?"
He didn´t mean something inappropriate, he didn´t want to scare her.
"He would not have said anything about me if he knew I was yours," Violet finished.
Klaus closed his eyes, scared. He could feel Violet's heartbeat under his fingers, so much vitality and youth emanating from her, and he just wanted his sister to be happy.
"Klaus, I want to be yours."
Klaus let the words caress him, calm his trembling fingers. And he desired her, he desired her more than he had desired in his life, and feelings overwhelmed him. He wanted her to feel... how much and how desperately he needed her.
Violet's lips caught his, and Klaus felt the world spin giddy when he heard the fabric of her dress slide. He held her with love, with strength, a firm hand on her waist and the other on her neck, drawing her to him.
"We have always belonged" Violet sighed, entangling her hands in her brother's hair, "Always, Klaus, since we were born we have belonged to each other."
She took a step to leave the dress behind, swirling on the floor at her feet, and she was almost naked in front of him, but she did not feel a bit of embarrassment. It was natural, as the most perfect and pure of things.
"Violet," he moaned. The faint light of the gas lamp cast shadows on his face, the bed creaking a little under their weight as Violet gently laid him on the pillows. "This is real?"
His voice sounded broken, anguished and longing, and Violet knew that what he wanted to say was, for the first time, beyond words. Klaus settled himself until he was on top of her, her light body resting beneath him, and the world spun as if it made no sense, because love makes no sense, and Violet laughed, absolutely happy. She removed Klaus's shoes with her own feet, and opened the shirt of his pajamas, and then there was nothing between them. Klaus could have cried, he could have died at that moment. Violet was blushing, innocent and perfect, and Klaus stroked his fingertips over her neck, her collarbone, her breasts.
Violet let out a sob and lifted her hips, craving, longing for him. Her lips were intoxicating and Klaus could not have enough.
"Now, Klaus," another sigh, another groan. And the unmistakable certainty of belonging, "now."
Violet spread her legs for him, to receive him, and Klaus saw her beyond everything, beyond a physical beauty. A soft, slow thrust, and Violet felt completely full, and she had never felt anything like that, so absolutely scorching; she held on to her brother's neck as she sobbed and Klaus stood there for a second, squeezing his eyes tightly as he kissed her hair and whispered to reassure her.
Violet began to move against him, awkwardly, slowly; a rhythm never before known, and everything was a wet body, so much love... there was no remedy, no salvation, no death, not even a little agony.
Everything had been, for a long time, a tangle of loneliness and despair, and everything was being rewarded for them. Klaus would live a thousand lives like that if Violet was by his side, if he was allowed to love her that way.
"I need you, it scares me how much I need you."
"Klaus" she was surrendering, half crying and half laughing, the pleasure electricity running through her; Klaus could see it in her face and hear it in her breathing and feel it in the way she wanted to please him too.
Each thrust was pleasant and painful, in a way that touched each of their wounds, wounds so old they had seemed like they were never going to heal.
How could this be wrong? Violet wondered. How could something so pure be wrong?
No, the world is wrong.
"We belong to each other, Klaus," she gasped.
He did not need to say words. Violet knew it, in the way he moved against her, in the way he held her as if she were the most precious thing, the most fragile and real at the same time. Klaus was giving himself up, he was giving himself in every way possible.
A vortex, a deep desire, seemed to be swallowing them. Both were carried away, beyond all limits and all sanity, until the world was quiet.
So here it is, I can´t believe this chapter is so long, and I really really hope you like it, and if you let me know it would be so great.
I´m working very hard on this story, and I hope I´m doing a good job. The quotes at the beggining are all of mexican poets and writers
and they´re just heartbreaking, so maybe you would like to read anything else of them. Sometimes it is difficult to write something or
ship something if almost no one likes it, and I was worried about the pairing of the story because I ship them so bad, and sometimes I
feel like I´m the only, it´s good to know that there in the world are people who ship them too! I send you a lot of kisses and I can´t
say anything else but I hope you had enjoyed reading.
