It was the middle of the night.
I would have stayed in bed, but my mind was too busy, thinking, remembering, reminiscing through old feelings and wants that were swimming in my mind. At the same time, it is hard to forget what made you who you are, no matter how hard you tried to forget the pain that shaped you, changed you, and transformed everything around you.
Deep down, I wouldn't even want to.
I left our chambers and took a walk through the enormous buildings of grey stone that was the castle, the cut-glass windows reflecting the moonlight on the cool stone underneath my bare feet. Everything was always at peace this time of night; I went with the tranquility and calm as I walked slowly, my long, beautiful dark blue sleep kimono trailing behind me as I walked. Everything seemed too perfect.
I left my tiny silver headdress that symbolized my stature on my dresser back in the bedroom, for some reason, I felt like it didn't fit me, at least, not tonight. Tonight I wanted to remember the old Rin, with only the small ratty orange and yellow dress she always wore, the Rin that was too carefree to realize her desire.
After a walk that felt too short to have happened, I arrived at the large balcony that overlooked the land we ruled.
I put my hands on the railing and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, allowing everything to sink in.
All of the struggles and triumphs, the fear and apprehension, the uncontainable desire…
Everything felt like it just happened, a mixture of feelings I will never forget.
Three years ago, just replayed itself. Has it really been that long?
Three years it has been since I confessed my feelings to Sesshomaru, three years it has been since I felt loneliness and true pain, three years to the day it has been since I last wept at my sanctuary.
I have learned that places and events are no more permanent than the people who live in it. Only deep feelings and connections transcend through time.
Even when I go back and visit the places I used to call my temporary home, it feels almost foreign. I am still welcomed back by everyone, still help around the village like the ordinary girl I used to be, for being selfless will never grow old.
Three years back, when all I cared about was Sesshomaru (who is still really all I care about); little had I know that all of this was waiting for me here.
Our marriage and mating confirmed my everlasting happiness, being with my one true love.
I lift my hand and feel the bite mark on my neck, the one that matches Kagome's almost, that made our bond. Because of this, I now live the same life span as my husband, similar to Kagome's as well.
Everything I had ever wanted appeared to me when I had enough sorrow to fill my heart, but enough emptiness to deplete it. When I was no longer afraid of death like I was when I was younger, for everything leaves this world for the next at some point. When I realized my heart's one desire, and when I wanted it more than anything. When I was too afraid to admit my feelings, in fear of exposure.
When I was so close to becoming that void.
When Sesshomaru saved me from that terrible fate.
And now here I am, prosperous in both love, and even something that I never bothered to care about, riches and power.
Now I am the Lady of the Western Lands. Now my husband is crowned Lord, and his empire is built, his own small desire before I had come along.
I try to be a good ruler, fair, and kind, and urge Sesshomaru to do the same. He does, simply because I want him to probably. The unlimited respect I had gained from the demons was at first unsettling, beforehand, they probably would have tried to eat me. Strange the way things work. As previously mentioned, absolutely non permanent.
Another example, I thought, was how in nineteen years I went from big family Rin, to orphaned Rin and barely surviving, to not surviving, to be alive again, and to falling in love with the one who saved me. Life is undoubtedly nothing of we expect, if we were fool enough to expect in the first place.
My mind grows weary, once more, from over thinking, is that a tear I feel rolling down my cheek?
It really is sad, looking back at everything, missing some things, but knowing that you really are glad everything worked out.
Now I think, well, life can be simple, and it can be confusing, but in the end, they combine. Who is to draw the line between simple and hard, insanity and sanity, good and evil? Everything is connected, so just allow all of the conflicting emotions to run through you, feel the exhilaration. And then keep living your life. It's the best we all can do.
I sigh again, when suddenly I hear light footsteps behind me and strong arms wrap around my waist. He rests his head on my shoulder, and I lean my head on his. I love the feeling of being in his arms; it is one of the best. In his embrace, I feel so loved, something I've always wanted to feel. I can no longer help myself, so I turn slightly and kiss his perfect lips, he happily returns it. The ends of my lips tilt upwards into a never ending smile, and he chuckles into the kiss. When we reluctantly break apart, he speaks in his beautiful silky voice.
"I heard you get up, is everything alright?"
I answer, "Yes, my love, everything's fine, I just couldn't sleep."
He looked worried for a moment, "No?"
"No, just too busy thinking about everything, how everything has changed."
He smiles, "Oh yeah? And how do you think things have turned out?"
I smile back and give him a peck on the cheek.
"Pretty damn amazing, and you?"
"Pretty damn amazing."
I turn completely around to face him, "I love you Sesshomaru, so much."
I get lost in his copper orbs as he says, "I love you too, koi."
Sesshomaru hugs me and I lay my head against his chest, absolutely content. We stay that way for a little while longer.
Finally, he turns me back around against him, and places his gentle hand on my swollen belly.
"Come, we should go back to bed, the baby's getting tired."
I put my hand over his, "So is the baby's mother."
We start to leave, when at the entrance of the balcony, I look back out into the night covered lands.
And then I remembered something I thought a long time ago; yes, everybody should be able to feel this, because in life it is the only thing that survives.
Thank you so very much to all of those who read this story, posted reviews and such, it makes me really happy! I didn't want to overdo it or anything, so I kinda created an epilogue; sorry for the lack of warning. Please Forgive Me, but thanks again to everyone!
CelestialAngelOfSorrow
