The first day of Matilda's gymnastics lessons arrived before Jenny knew it. The school year had just come to an end and, even though Jenny would miss her students, she was unbelievably excited about the prospect of having an entire summer stretched ahead of her and Matilda. Jenny couldn't wait to have two and a half whole months to play, read, and explore with her daughter. Jenny used to feel such despair on the last day of school, because she led such an isolated life of poverty and her work was the one thing that brought her happiness and social interaction and a sense of purpose. But now she was a mother! A mother to the most wonderful little girl in the world. Jenny had the one thing she had always dreamed about- a loving family, and each day she and Matilda grew closer and more comfortable in their new life together.
It was an unusually cool mid-June day, and Matilda had decided on her yellow leotard. She threw on a pair of white cotton athletic shorts and a purple t-shirt over it, and slid some black Nike slides onto her small feet. Jenny had painted Matilda's tiny little toenails a sweet pale pink the previous evening. She looked so adorable. Jenny had lovingly brushed Matilda's hair and smoothed it back into a neat ponytail. Matilda could not contain her excitement and had been twirling and leaping around the house all afternoon.
Jenny felt silly, but she past several weeks she hadn't been able to get that handsome father at GymStars out of her head. She wondered if he'd be there! Since she wasn't coming from school, she had a little extra time to spend on getting ready. Although Jenny did not have a vain bone in her body, she had acknowledged that she was probably was overdue for some new clothes. And now that her new life included an occasional happy hour after school with her colleagues and the inevitable social interaction with other parents that came with having a busy and active child, Jenny had begun to feel a little self conscious about her prim, conservative wardrobe. She thought that it couldn't hurt to have some slightly… sexier… things to wear. She didn't want to look slutty by all means, but it hadn't escaped her that recently people were starting to notice her. And she liked it. She was eating a healthy diet, and she had even recently started exercising. There was a lovely biking trail about a quarter mile from Jenny and Matilda's house, and Jenny had splurged on bicycles for her and Matilda. She got a shiny blue one for Matilda- her daughter's favorite color- and a pale pink one for herself. She and Matilda had enjoyed many afternoons biking down the trail and taking a break in the clearance to enjoy a picnic that Jenny had packed for them in the white wicker basket attached to the front of her bike. Jenny had also started doing some sit-ups, pushups, and squats on the carpet in her bedroom after Matilda went to sleep. She was starting to see a change in her body- a good change. Her previously frail, bony body now had curves and definition, and she had to admit that she felt really good about herself. She had even recently purchased some makeup. Not a lot- but some light brown eye shadow, mascara, and subtle pink lipstick to bring out her natural beauty.
Jenny looked over the new clothes hanging in her closet before deciding on a slim fitting pair of jeans that fit her body like a glove, a pale blue cold shoulder blouse with a neck that came to a V in the front- showing just the tiniest hint of cleavage (not like she really had much), and some strappy flat brown sandals. She blow dried her hair and curled it in loose waves around her shoulders. She finished applying her makeup and stepped back to admire her reflection in the mirror. Just then, Matilda burst through the door. "Mom! We should probably call for the-" she stopped short and gaped at Jenny. "Mom, you look so beautiful!"
Jenny smiled. "Thank you, Matilda! Since it's your first day of lessons and I thought that I could treat you to dinner out afterwards. What do you think?" Matilda's eyes shone bright and she flashed that big toothy grin that Jenny had grown to adore. "Yes please!" she exclaimed, wrapping her little arms around Jenny's waist. Jenny almost always made dinner at home for the two of them, so dining out was definitely a special occasion. The day that the Wormwoods had pulled away in a cloud of dust, leaving Jenny holding her new daughter on the front porch, she had taken Matilda out to dinner to celebrate. It had been the best day of her life.
Jenny called for the cab and they sat on the bench underneath the willow tree out front to wait. Jenny draped her arm over Matilda's shoulder and pulled the little girl towards her. She thought back on the past several weeks and how far she and Matilda had come in their new journey as mother and daughter together. The day after Matilda had found Jenny's old diary, the two of them had sat down and had a long talk.
"Matilda," Jenny had began, "did your mother ever talk to you about your body?" Jenny blew out a long breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Parenting was still new to her, and having a talk like this was definitely uncharted waters.
Matilda's brows had furrowed in confusion. "My body? What about it?" she asked.
"Well, Jenny forged on awkwardly, "you remember what you read about in my diary last night. About what my Aunt Trunchbull did to me and the places that she hurt me on my body, right?" Matilda nodded solemnly. "I guess what I'm trying to get at," said Jenny, "is that I'm wondering if your mother ever discussed with you what parts of your body are private and off-limits for anyone to touch."
Matilda breathed in a deep breath and sighed. "Well," she started, "my parents never talked to me about anything, really. They usually left me alone and ignored me, and if they were talking to me they were yelling at me and telling me I was stupid and to leave them alone. I remember I tried telling my mom about my first day of school, but she was on the phone and plugged her fingers in her ears to tune me out." Jenny's heart would never stop breaking at hearing Matilda talk about her home life and the way she had been treated prior to Jenny taking her in.
"But I read a pamphlet about child abuse at the library once," Matilda continued. "So I know that my vagina is private. And my butt." Her cheeks flushed. "It's kind of embarrassing to talk about. But I know no one is allowed to touch me down there."
"That's absolutely right," confirmed Jenny. "And your chest too. I know you're still a little girl and you don't have anything on your chest yet, but one day you will, and that's also a private area." It had occurred to Jenny that as Matilda was already almost 7, it wasn't a stretch to think that in the next 3-4 years or so Matilda would probably start growing breasts and need her first bra. The thought of how quickly children grew up and how quickly Matilda was going to grow up terrified Jenny. Jenny took so much joy in watching Matilda grow, but it also saddened her to think that she had already missed out on so much of her life. What she wouldn't give to go back in time and cradle a baby Matilda in her arms, feed her bottles, change her diapers, and bathe her chubby little baby body in the sink. Watch her learn to crawl and then take her first steps, watch her lose her first tooth. Hear her speak her first words, read her first book. Those milestones of her daughter's life were gone, lost to time forever. Precious moments that Jenny would never get to see, wasted on Matilda's cruel and neglectful parents who could not have cared less about any of it. It was so unfair.
"No one is allowed to touch your vagina, your butt, or your chest. The only exception to that," said Jenny, "the only exception, is me, because I'm your mother, and that's only if you need help with something, like the night you had an accident and I helped you get cleaned up. You're a very independent, self-sufficient little girl and you can do just about anything for yourself, but you're still a child and once in a while there might be a time where you need help with something. Does that make sense?"
Matilda had nodded. "I still can't believe I did that. I hope it never happens again."
Jenny smiled fondly at her daughter. "You're so much more settled in and comfortable now than you were back when that happened, so the odds are lesser. But remember that so many children your age still have accidents at night and that it's normal and okay. So there's nothing to be ashamed about if it were to happen again, okay?" Matilda nodded.
Jenny's mind drifted back to the present just as the cheerful yellow cab pulled up the drive. "The cab's here!" cried Matilda. "Time for gymnastics!"
Jenny and Matilda walked into the building hand and hand and were immediately greeted by Pam. "Jenny and Matilda! It's so nice to see you back!" Pam directed her attention to Matilda. "Are you excited for your first lesson?" Matilda nodded enthusiastically. "You're about ten minutes early, which is perfect," said Pam. "If Matilda needs to use the restroom before class, I suggest she go now."
Jenny looked down at Matilda. "Do you want to empty out your bladder before class, Matilda? It's probably a good idea." She spoke in a low voice so as not to embarrass Matilda. Matilda nodded.
"I'll tell you what," said Pam. "If you want to go get settled up in the observation room, I'll take Matilda through the locker room and then introduce her to her teacher." Jenny gave Matilda a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Have fun sweetie!"
As Jenny made her way up the short flight of stairs to the observation room, her mind again drifted off to thoughts of that handsome father who had been in here the day she signed Matilda up for classes. Jenny pushed the door open and scanned the room. Much to her disappointment, the man wasn't there. She looked around and noticed many of the women talking, seeming to know each other and have established friendships. Jenny wasn't sure where to sit, so she chose a seat in the front row. She scanned the large gym and noticed Matilda, hand in hand with Pam, exiting the locker room in her yellow leotard. Matilda looked so tiny. She looked up into the observation room and, upon spotting her mom, broke into a big toothy grin and waved. Jenny smiled and waved back, giving Matilda the thumbs up sign.
A woman sitting a few seats down from Jenny smiled. "You're new here, right? I've never seen you before. I'm Gina Martinez."
"Jenny Honey," said Jenny, extending her hand. The two women shook hands. "It's my daughter Matilda's first day in the level 1 class. That's her over there in the yellow leotard standing next to Pam. What about yours?"
"My daughter Stephanie is a level 4. That's her on the balance beam over there, in the green leotard", she said pointing to a beautiful girl with curly dark hair who looked to be maybe a year or two older than Matilda.
The women sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Jenny forged on, "You know, it's nice to have someone to talk to. To be honest it was a little intimidating walking in here. I'm kind of a shy person, and it seems like everyone already knows each other pretty well."
"Ah," said Gina smiling, "yes, the gym moms." At Jenny's inquisitive look, Gina explained, "There are a lot of parents here- mostly mothers- who take their daughters' gymnastics careers way too seriously. It's like they're trying to live vicariously through their daughters. Make up for lost dreams of their own, I don't know. It's pretty competitive and cutthroat and kind of creepy, to be honest. Look, if Stephanie ends up wanting to keep progressing to the higher levels, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but it would have to be her decision. Her father and I are very realistic about the fact that this can be an incredibly demanding and pressure filled sport in the higher levels, and that's not what we want for her. We want her to have fun and enjoy herself. Plus we started her a little on the later end. I guess our "loosey goosey" outlook on gymnastics doesn't jive with a lot of the other parents. They're polite enough and all, I just don't really feel like I fit in with them, and I think that feeling goes both ways."
Jenny nodded. "That makes total sense. I feel very similarly. Matilda is very gifted academically and that's where her real passion lies- school, and reading. She was really excited to try gymnastics, but I also see it just as something fun to do- an outlet for her energy and a way for her to boost her confidence and be more well-rounded in her activities."
The two women sat observing their children. Jenny's eyes drifted over to the bars area, where she saw a young girl with a beautiful thick red braid down her back swinging in circles around the high bar. She had some kind of walking cast on one of her feet. "Oh!" exclaimed Jenny. "That's Katie. I remember Pam pointed her out to us the other week when I came to sign Matilda up. I'm glad to see she's on the mend."
"Katie is amazing," said Gina, watching the girl. "She really has the talent and the drive to go far. She's expected to test into level 9 soon. All the little girls worship her."
Jenny watched the girl swinging on the bars with fascination. Gina was used to this, but Jenny had never seen gymnastics being done before. It was awe inspiring! "Which one is her mother?" Jenny asked Gina in a low voice, her eyes darting across the room to the group of gym moms. "Oh, the poor girl's mother died when she was little. Her father raises her on his own," Gina whispered back. Jenny paused. Was it possible that the handsome man from the other week was Katie's father?
Gina continued, "Her father, John Keller, is an English professor at the local community college. Katie does a half day at school and partial homeschooling. Her father picks her up at school at lunch and brings her to the gym then goes back to work at the college. He comes back to watch the last few hours of her practice and reads or grades papers. He's a very nice man, mostly keeps to himself. Always seems to be a little sad, to be honest. Very good looking. I think every single mom here has tried to flirt with him, but he politely shuts them down. He's just so devoted to his daughter."
Jenny felt a surge of kinship with this father/daughter duo she didn't even know. She knew what it was like to be a little girl growing up without a mom. She knew what it was like to be a single parent who loved a little girl more than anything in the world. And she knew what it was like to have suffered tremendous loss and to be haunted by it. Jenny figured, based on what Gina had said, that this man, John, probably wouldn't be interested in Jenny romantically. But maybe he could use a friend. Someone who could relate on some level to what he and his daughter were going through.
As if on cue, the handsome father- maybe John?- walked into the observation room. The locked eyes. Maybe she was imagining it, but Jenny thought she saw his eyes widen and his cheeks blush when he saw her. "John!" exclaimed Gina. "Meet my new friend Jenny!" John recovered from his initial surprise at seeing Jenny and made his way over, extending his hand. "John Keller," he said in a deep, sexy voice. "Nice to meet you."
"Jenny Honey," said Jenny. She could feel her face redden. "Pleased to meet you as well. I was just watching your daughter. Gina pointed her out to me," said Jenny as her gaze flickered over to Katie, who was now climbing a tall rope that went all the way up to the rafters using only her upper body. "She's amazing!"
John beamed with pride. "She is, indeed. I'm very proud of her."
Gina made eye contact with Jenny and winked. "I'm going to walk over to the shop next door and get some coffee," she announced, standing up. "I'll leave you two to chat."
Jenny wracked her brain for something to say to John. "Gina tells me you're a professor at the community college? I'm an educator too."
John's eyes lit up with interest. "Yes, I teach English literature and creative writing. What about you? Where do you teach?"
"Crunchem Hall Academy," said Jenny. "I was until recently a first grade teacher but have just become school principal."
"Impressive!" said John, smiling. "Congratulations on the promotion! How are you liking your new role?"
"Mixed feelings, to be honest," replied Jenny, surprising herself with how candid she was being and with how easy she felt talking to him. "It's a lot of responsibility and I like the ability to have a say in the goings on in the school, and the curriculum, and especially the hiring of new teachers. But I do miss teaching and having a classroom. I loved working with the children so closely and seeing them learn and grow. Being principal is very bureaucratic and I find myself dealing with parents more than with children."
John nodded thoughtfully. "That makes a lot of sense. So which kid is yours?" he asked, scanning the gym full of leaping, spinning, tumbling children.
"Over there," said Jenny pointing. "That's my little girl Matilda in the yellow leotard with the brown hair. She'll be 7 soon."
John smiled. "That's a great age. They're still so innocent. Katie is a great kid but I'm definitely experiencing some of the preteen angst," he said with a rueful chuckle. His eyes darted to her naked left hand. "Are you, um… are you also a single parent?" he asked nervously.
Now it was Jenny's turn to smile. "I am indeed. It's just the two of us. Matilda was one of my students and I've recently adopted her. Well, I'm in the process of making the adoption final through the courts."
John's eyes widened. "You adopted one of your students! And as a single mother. Wow. That's really wonderful. Was she an orphan?"
Jenny shook her head no. "Matilda was born to two people who should have never been parents. They never wanted her in the first place, and made no secret about it. They were very neglectful and cruel towards her, and while their treatment of her was appalling in so many ways it never rose to anything criminal that the authorities would be able to act on. By the time she came to my class, they were sending her to school, she had a roof over her head, food to eat, and clean clothes to wear. But she was so starved for love, and for someone to notice her and understand her and appreciate her. She and I just had a real connection, and I did everything I could to make her feel special and to nurture her. Then one day her parents decided to move, and Matilda didn't want to go with them. She asked them if she could stay with me and they agreed. It all happened so fast, but it was the best day of my life. I adore her, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world."
John looked shocked. "Her parents just… gave her away? Just like that?" When Jenny nodded, John sputtered with disbelief. "I can't even imagine! I'd die before I'd let anyone take my Katie away from me! She's all I have left now," he added with a sad look in his eyes.
"Gina told me that Katie's mother passed away when Katie was young," said Jenny with sympathy. "I'm so sorry. I lost both of my parents when I was young, so I can only imagine how difficult it's been for Katie. And for you."
"You lost both of your parents?" asked John with sympathy in his eyes. "How old were you?"
"I was only 2 when my mother died, and I was 5 when my father was- when my father passed," Jenny finished.
"My God, I'm so sorry," said John. "Who raised you?"
Jenny tensed. "I lived with a step-aunt," she said in a clipped voice, pursing her lips together in a thin line. It would be a joke to say that Agatha Trunchbull had raised her.
John, sensing he had just drifted into a sore subject, navigated the conversation back to safer waters. "Jenny," he said said nervously. "I haven't done this in several years so I apologize if I'm a little rusty, but, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?"
Jenny's eyes widened in surprise.
"It's just been a long time since I've been able to talk so easily with someone, and I'd like to get to know you better," he continued.
Jenny smiled. "I'd love to have dinner with you. Does Saturday night work? I'm sure I can find a babysitter."
"It's a date then!" declared John with a smile. Why don't I get your number?"
The two of them pulled out their cell phones and exchanged numbers. Jenny, miraculously, had not owned a cell phone until just the past few months. Becoming a school principal and a mother had really catapulted Jenny into the modern world. Matilda needed a computer with internet access at home for her classes, and as school principal Jenny occasionally had work she needed to do at home. One of the first things she had done as principal of Crunchem Hall was modernizing the school, hiring a web designer to create a website for the school. The website had an email system for parents and teachers to easily communicate, and teachers could post coursework and assignments online. Jenny could post school events and important information on the main page. The feedback so far had been nothing but positive.
Jenny and John exchanged numbers, with John promising that he'd be in touch soon to firm up plans for Saturday and to get her address.
Jenny felt a pang of guilt when she looked down and noticed that the lesson was wrapping up. She had been so engrossed in her conversation with John that she hadn't focused on watching Matilda as much as she would have liked. She hoped the little girl hadn't noticed. She said goodbye to John, and made her way down to the lobby to wait for Matilda. When Matilda emerged from the locker room several minutes later in her shorts and t-shirt, she spotted Jenny and catapulted into her arms. "Mommy! Did you watch? I had so much fun!"
"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart!" said Jenny, kissing Matilda on the cheek and artfully dodging the "did you watch" question. She set Matilda down and they walked out of the gym, hand in hand, together.
