I do not own Vash the Stampede, Rem Saverem, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Milly Thompson, Meryl Stryfe, etc: they all belong to the incomparable Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow.

It occurs to me that Vash -might- compose letters in his mind as the way that he re-examines his day, unwinds, and learns any lessons he can from it.

This is an attempt to blend the tales in both manga and anime. Anywhere there is contradicting information, the manga's will be used. I use manga dates where they are given. Where dates are not given, I'm using my best guesstimate.

As the various "Unwritten Letters" accumulate, there will be more and more spoilers.

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Steamer Ride

Year 110, month 7 day 11

Dear Rem,

I did it again.

I helped someone, and mistakenly thought I that could trust him because I'd helped him.

Perhaps I really am an idiot, like so many people call me. It's happened so many times. I really should know better, by now. I don't know why I keep hoping that each new person I help will be different from the others who have turned against me in the past.

I also wish it didn't hurt so much every time it happened.

Although, the town I helped recently did eventually come around and start liking me. When they knew I was leaving, they threw a party at one of the saloons. The chatting and dancing and other goofing off was fun, but there were so many toasts that I finally pretended to pass out. I'd hoped to avoid drinking so much that I'd make myself sick again. I was a bit too late on that, but at least I tried.

Then one of the townsmen tried something... unusual. He helped me to a room, and hired two hookers to ... visit me. I rolled onto my stomach as soon as I realized what was happening. I just kept pretending that I was passed out, and eventually they left. It was embarrassing.

I can't deny I've been curious about... certain things... but I don't want to learn about them that way! Without love, what would be the point?

Anyhow, as I started to say earlier, I helped someone new. At first, it didn't turn out so well.

He was a young boy, Kaite. He said he'd stowed away on the sand steamer because he was an orphan and his relatives mistreated him. He seemed terrified that he might be sent back to them.

I felt so sad for him; his story touched my heart. I loved him immediately. I took him in, and accepted a security job to get a private room where he could hide. I even bought him some food, since he looked so hungry. I hoped these things would help him to know he is loved. It sounded like he'd had precious little love since his parents died.

The next thing I knew, I was dreaming of you and your favorite song. It was like we were having a picnic in a grassy place. You reminded me how my ticket to the future is always blank. When the dream started fading, I begged you not to go. I cried, because I miss you so much...

I woke up, and he was gone. He'd drugged me: he used something that knocked me out. He must have put it into the milk, since I didn't eat anything else. To his credit, he didn't leave me on the floor. I woke up on the bed. It can't have been easy for a little fellow like him to move me. I'm kind of tall.

When I woke up, the Bad Lad Gang was already in control of the sand steamer.

I had to do something about that. I had accepted the room, on the condition that I would help with security. So I had a responsibility. However, there could be no safety while bandits controlled the sand steamer. And there were so many people on it that needed protection! I had to act, for their sakes, even if I'd never been hired.

I reached the control room just in time - the bandit leader, BDN, was going to shoot the poor boy! I rescued him, but then things got really complicated for a while. We had to jump outside the window, and then get back into the steamer, and then outwit the bandits and get the crew back into control.

It wasn't my best day. Sometimes I think that Death and Poverty like me too much. I was so worried about all the passengers. Those young insurance girls were there, too, because of me.

The girls actually managed to hide among the bandits, disguised like one of them (they wore weird costumes that hid their faces). The girls saved my life, when the bandit leader would have shot me dead. I must find a way to repay them for that kindness, before I escape from them permanently. They deserve that, and more, for helping me.

I didn't kill anyone, but I did have to injure several of the bandits. The boy didn't understand. He thought I should kill them. I tried to explain, but I guess I didn't do that very well. He still yelled at me, that I ought to remember they had betrayed and killed.

I told the boy about you, just a little. I told him you should be remembered, because no human would have survived without your sacrifice. I don't know if he really understood, but at least I tried. I hoped that even if he couldn't love me, perhaps he could love you.

I was injured, but I will recover. What's another scar, more or less?

The good news is that the boy seems to have decided to try living a better life. I hope he succeeds. He will be happier if he isn't fighting his own conscience. I hope he can find himself again, and grow up better than he would have done among the bandits. I want him to be happy.

I also helped a little sister on the steamer. The bandits had meddled with the systems, and she nearly overloaded. I hope she'll be all right, now.

The boy I helped, he knows your favorite song. He was singing it, after the steamer was safe. I started crying, just from hearing your favorite song, because I miss you so much.

I wish I could be with you again, Rem. I've never really been happy since we were parted.

- Vash "the Stampede"