Mr.Darcy Does Houston Part 7
Reba Screenplay Chap 13-16
Scene 13
INT: CHARLIE'S HOUSE- EVENING PARTY
(The band, dressed in street wear, is playing a pleasantly danceable fusion of country and big band with hints of alternative rock and hip-hop. Guests are in formal wear. Some dance ballroom, some dance apart, but everyone claps when they finish one song. They cheer when another song begins. Reba arrives in a seafoam green floor-length gown with a small fishtail train. Lorri Ann is standing close to the door, where Charlie is greeting guests. Reba says her hellos to Charlie and Caroline, then goes over to Lorri Ann.)
LA: You look ab fab, lady! Could it be because you expect a certain drug pusher to show up?
R: Are you sure Charlie invited him?
LA: Oh, yes; I saw his invitation myself and Caroline made a point of putting it in the mail. She's so afraid you're going to steal Will from her she wants to make sure you have a better option.
R: Whatever gave her that idea?
LA: It's just that he seems to perk up when you are mentioned in conversation. Tries to pretend that he's not.
R: That's just so he can get ammunition to use against me. Pompous donkey. But I refuse to let him spoil my night. Where is the scrumptious Mr. Wickham?
LA: I haven't seen him come in yet, but I did run to get a drink for a couple of minutes.
R: Aren't you going to mingle?
LA: No, I want to make sure I'm available and right in his face so Caroline can't force him to dance the first one with someone else.
(Reba smiles and winds through the crowded rooms searching for Mike. In a hall, Barbara Jean grabs her by both hands and pulls her into a powder room where it's quieter.)
R: Barbara Jean, why-
BJ: I just overheard Van say he heard Mike wasn't coming due to business.
R: Business? On a Saturday night? That's the lamest excuse I've heard in a long time.
BJ: That's what I thought, too. Only I think he really doesn't want to show since Will Darcy is here.
(Reba's face falls.)
R: Oh, yeah. Crap!
BJ: But cheer up, Reba-Roo! I found somebody for you to dance with!
R: Don't tell me it's Harry the Hump.
BJ: No, me!
R: Uh, Barbara Jean, that was OK in sixth grade when you were too scared to dance with boys. You're married, and I'm not gay. Not happening.
BJ: Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
(BJ pulls her out of the powder room and toward the ballroom. Reba tries to wrench her hand away, but BJ has an iron grip.)
R: Ow, Barbara Jean!
(Reba finally struggles and jerks her hands free, only to accidentally hit Darcy, who has come up behind them, in the chest.)
D: Oof!
(Reba twirls around.)
R: Mr.Darcy! I'm so sorry.
D: Quite all right. Mrs. Hart, would you give me the next dance?
R: Uh, well, I wasn't… I mean I'm not really… OK.
(Darcy holds out his gloved hand. Reba gives BJ a quick "Help me" look, but BJ just smiles wildly. Reba takes his hand, glances at him warily, and he leads her to the floor. The dance is a fox trot, which Reba remembers how to do. She is flushed and obviously having difficulty remaining composed, so she talks to cover herself.)
R: I thought you said you didn't dance, Mr. Darcy.
D: I usually don't.
(There was a period of several seconds of silence.)
R: Well, we need to talk about something.
D: All right, please tell me what you want to discuss.
R: Well it doesn't have to be existential philosophy; anything will do. I could say something about the dance, like, "I'm glad I remember how to do the foxtrot." Then you could say something like, "This place is as packed as a Jimmy Dean sausage."
(Darcy smiles slightly.)
D: Do you usually talk the whole time you are dancing with someone?
R: Heck, no, I'd rather bite my lips and make him think I can't stand his guts. Makes it so much more interesting, don't you think?
(They dance a little longer, looking at each other now and then.)
D: Tell me, do you ever show houses in your own neighborhood?
R: Sure, if I can. As a matter of fact, I showed one the other day to a new client. He was very obliging and easy to talk to.
D: Oh,yes, Mr.Wickham is such a "hail fellow, well met" that everyone immediately becomes fast friends with him. Now, whether he can keep friends or not is an entirely different matter.
R: Well, I heard you were the one that dumped him as a friend.
D: And for very good reasons.
R: Those reasons would have to be pretty convincing to rationalize holding a man's future for ransom.
D: Mrs. Hart, you have no idea what you are talking about.
R: That's what you think. Why do you care what Mr. Wickham does with his life? Don't you have enough to do in your own life?
D: Why are you questioning me like a prosecuter?
R: I want to find out what kind of man you are, Mr. Darcy.
D: And what conclusions have you drawn?
R: None at all. You are a complete puzzle to me.
D: Well, then, I will try to make my motives more transparent in the future.
(They look at each other, Darcy struggling not to appear like a schoolboy, mad at himself for paying her attention, and Reba angry and disgusted yet strangely drawn to him. The dance ends, she nods curtly and walks away. In another room, Van is arm wrestling a waiter for the last shrimp. Barbara Jean and Brock are sniping loudly in another room as a crowd looks on, and Cheyenne has fallen off the wagon and is doing karaoke in the study with one of the band members. Reba goes through the house, seeing her wacko family. She winces in embarrassment, takes a deep breath, and steps up to Cheyenne to take her home.)
Scene 14
INT: REBA'S DEN - EVENING
(Reba is relaxing after work on the couch with a book and a glass of wine. BJ comes downstairs.)
R: So what did he say?
BJ: Who?
R: Brock, your husband. You were going to give him an ultimatum to let you back in the house or throw him to the piranha divorce lawyers.
BJ: Oh, yeah, that. Well, I think I'll do that anyway. I called a lawyer today.
R: So you think it's really over.
BJ: Oh, yeah; it's been over for months. I just didn't want to upset Henry.
R: Upset Henry? As if he's not upset with ya'll fighting every day?
BJ: Well, anyway, it's done and I wondered if I could keep on staying here until I get a place…and you could find me one, and …
R: BJ, I have had enough of you and you have had enough of me. If you stay any longer our so-called friendship will be seriously damaged.
BJ: But Reba, I could never have too much of you. You are the single most stable thing in my life besides Henry's Cocoa Puffs.
(Reba pauses.)
R: You know, that's really very pitiful. But I still can't allow you to stay any longer. I have a great condo in a wonderful school district that's right in your price range and convenient to your work.
(BJ frowns and studies Reba.)
BJ: Y'know what we need?
R: I know what YOU need. A box of Cocoa Puffs up your-
BJ: We need a girls' week off!
R: I don't take entire weeks off, Barbara Jean. And if I did I wouldn't spend it with you.
BJ: (ignoring Reba totally) I'll go call the station now and ask off for next month, and then I'll book us into a suite at the Venetian in Las Vegas! We can shop during the day and go to shows at night. I've always wanted to see a famous country western singer live in Las Vegas!
R: Not me. I think those shows are way over-produced.
BJ: So how about two weeks from this coming Friday?
R: No, Barbara Jean.
BJ: You know you need a vaca.
R: No,Barbara Jean.
BJ: Oh, right; it's too expensive on your little salary. I can pay for you and you don't even have to repay me.
R: Do you have potatoes in your ears, Barbara Jean? I- said – no.
BJ: But, Reba…
R: (yelling) No, no,no,no!
(Reba grabs her palm and spells out "NO." Then ,she grabs a handful of pretzels and spelssit out on the coffee table. Than, she gets air freshner and sprays in the air "N-O." She spells it out in sofa cushions and pillows. She spells it out in potpourri. Finally, she runs upstairs yelling it.)
BJ: Well, somebody will go with me.
(BJ exits.)
Scene 15
INT: LORRI ANN'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON
(Reba walks in in her work clothes. Lorri Ann is sitting at the kitchen island counter, drinking.)
R: I came as soon as I finished showing a house,Lorri Ann. What happened?
LA: The lovely Caroline Bingely e-mailed me that she could not make our lunch date she had set up at the Club because she and Charles were headed back to Atlanta and may not return to Houston.
R: "May not return?" That's ridiculous. Charlie loves you.What did Charlie say?
LA: He has not called; he has not written. He has not communicated with me at all since the night of the dance.
R: This smells like Caroline.
LA: No doo-doo, Dudley.
R: Well, you'll just have to go to Atlanta and hunt him down.
LA: Caroline will still have him under her thumb.
R: But she can't be with him constantly. Do you have his e-mail?
LA: Sure, but who knows; she may have a spy thing going.
R: Go to Atlanta . E-mail Charlie and Charlie only. Let him know where you are. He loves you. He will ignore Caroline and find you. Do it.
LA: Go with me?
R: Gotta work, Lorri Ann. My divorce didn't leave me with 20 million.
LA: Oh, yeah. I forgot. Hey, is Barbara Jean still at your place?
R: No, I found her a condo and kicked her out. Haven't heard from her in two days. I haven't felt this good since I was on Wellbutrin.
(Reba picks up her purse.)
R(cont): Now, go sleep off your Jack Daniels, then get up and pack.
LA: Yes, Reba.
R: Charlie loves you. I know that. And I'm always right.
LA: Damn straight.
(LA starts to take another sip. R grabs the glass.)
R: Upstairs,woman. No more booze. Charlie's a-waitin'!
Scene 16
INT: REBA'S KITCHEN- MORNING
(Jake is clearing the breakfast table. BJ walks in without knocking with Henry.)
BJ: Morning,Jake.Where's Reba?
J: Upstairs dressing. She'll be down in a minute.
(Just then, Reba walks in dressed for work.)
R: Barbara Jean, I'm about to go to work; I can't talk. Jake, it's time for the bus. Go on outside.
J: Yes ma'am.
R: Good luck on your history test.
(Jake slings his backpack over one shoulder and leaves.)
BJ: I'm not staying. I just came to tell you that I'm going to Vegas alone.
(Reba stops andstaresatBJ)
R: That doesn't sound like a good idea.
BJ: Why? I wantto have fun. No one wants to go with me. I can find other people who want to have fun there.
R: Barbara Jean, Vegas is not the sort of place you go to in order to find safe, healthy,wholesome, like-minded individuals to hang out with. You are not thinking straight. What about Henry?
BJ: Brock's keeping him. I'm taking Henry over there right now.And Brock thinks it's a good idea. He thinks I need to go have a good time for once. And I would think as my best friend you'd be happy for me.
R: Barbara Jean, Vegas is a fun place for a couple or a group, but as a single woman, you are basically asking to get picked up and used.
BJ: That might be nice for once. Look, Reba. You have an entire family who think you hung the moon. I won't ever have that. I want one week where I can have people think I'm something special. So don't preach to me about wholesome activities. I've had it with wholesome. Wholesome has not worked for me. I'm going back to nasty, at least for a week, and I'm not going to listen to your preaching. Goodbye.
(BJ leaves with Henry and slams the door. Reba just stands there for a minute taking that scene in, then looks at her watch and walks out the door to work.)
