Part Seven
POV – Danse
I had always been a man of action, so simply staying hidden away was something that I didn't know how to handle. Quinn had gone to fetch supplies, which included making a few different runs to gather guns and armor that we'd been collecting during our ventures together. There was always loot amongst the filth of the lands, because they were all too inclined to steal it from others. Piper had gone to ferret out information at the behest of Quinn, promising that she would make sure that no one got word of the fact that I was a…synth. I knew that after gathering supplies, Quinn was going to go and talk to Nick Valentine – just the thought of it made my stomach squirm. I'd never asked for help from a synth before, and it was odd to start now.
All of this was so odd to me.
I wasn't used to simply sitting on my hands and waiting around for someone else to do the saving. I'd certainly learned to play it cool and hold tight in certain situations – I knew when to fall back, and when to go in with stealth. But this was different. Quinn took me through the city before anyone had really woken up and put me into the house that he'd purchased here. I remember him telling me about doing it – his eyes had been excited, full of green fire. He told me that he was going to show it to me someday, though he'd mainly bought it to store supplies in when the vendors didn't have the caps for proper trades. Mainly, Quinn bought ammo and stimpaks, but occasionally he liked to make big purchases of armor, guns, modification equipment.
I couldn't say that I didn't enjoy watching him work on his equipment – I'd caught myself watching him one too many times to even try to deny it.
Still, I hadn't realized when he'd purchased the apartment that he'd gone so far as to decorate it. He'd pushed me inside quickly, dashing to the workbench. I watched as he unloaded gun after gun, armor piece after armor piece, until he was staggering under the weight of it. Usually, he had me and the strength of my power armor to help him lighten the load. I'd chided him a million times for picking up unnecessary junk… but now I could see where all of that had gone to.
The little apartment was actually quite cozy. There was a full kitchen bar, with a cooking station and a Nuka Cola machine, and a living room to the other side of it. I could catch a glimpse of his bed upstairs, and soft music was coming from a radio above me. He'd given me an almost shy smile, chuckled, and quickly left – well, as quickly as he could manage with all of the weight he was carrying. If I was lucky, he would manage to get through what he was doing without breaking something along the way. Thankfully, the shops would be opening any minute, and they were right outside of the door.
After Quinn left, there was really nothing else for me to do. Usually, when I waited at one of the settlements that he'd acquired the loyalty of over our time together, I roamed around. I didn't like to sit, or stand in confined spaces. The power armor made it hard to relax. Now, however, there was nothing else for me to do. I knew that, even if he was to finish with his trading and bartering, he still had Nick Valentine to speak to.
And even if he did manage to get through that and get back within the next hour or two, he was going to secure food, drink… and we were going to have to wait until night to move again. I'd taught him that caution was the best error that one could make – and I knew that he wasn't going to risk it. Not when my life was involved.
My heart gave a small pang, and I couldn't help but to wonder why it even did that. How much of me was human on the inside? I'd shot enough synths – but I'd never really seen a gen 3 up close. I knew that they bled, they talked, they behaved, they cried and felt just like regular humans… I was proof enough of that fact.
But did my heart really beat inside of my chest? Did it really exist to cause such pain? I shook my head – thinking like that was only going to drive me to insanity. Instead, checking to make sure that the doors were locked, I walked to the corner of the room and stepped out of my power armor. As soon as my feet hit the wooden ground, I felt how tired I was. I'd never really felt this way before; it was as though, knowing the truth about myself, I could feel my insides, I could feel everything that was wrong with me. I had no idea how long I stood there worrying – it could have been minutes or an hour, but finally I snapped myself from my thoughts.
It was all in my head, and I knew it. Instead of allowing myself to worry any longer, I turned to the stairs that led up to Quinn's bedroom. I knew that he had 'homes' in all of the settlements that we visited, but I'd never seen one that was so private – so totally and obviously Quinn's. No one could enter here without his permission. My booted feet were far too loud as I made my way up the stairs. The radio was playing music from a nightstand beside his bed – two mattresses pushed so closely together that more than one body could easily fit. The sheets were made perfectly – and hanging above the bed was a banner from the Brotherhood of Steel. I felt that pang in my chest again. Beside that, hung perfectly on the wall, was a folded American Flag. His old life and his new. There was a small part of me that wondered, as I looked at the flag hanging above the bed, if Quinn had meant to bring me here at some point.
I shook my head. There was a dresser along the wall, and I couldn't help but to sidle forward. I told myself that I was simply looking for a chance of clothing – a shower stood on a raised platform above us, and the thought of finally washing away everything that had happened over the past few days, perhaps both physically and mentally, was too tempting to ignore. I had the time, after all.
My fingers opened one drawer – I saw Quinn's blue Vaultsuit folded neatly on the top of the pile – beneath that, there were various outfits. I'd seen Quinn in most of them, and I knew that nothing there would fit me. When I opened the next drawer, a small smile quirked the corner of my lips. Another Vault Suit – Quinn had told me how he'd grabbed multiples on his various trips – and this one was larger than the other. I looked beneath it – a clean suit in my size, slacks and a shirt in my size, another Broterhood of Steel uniform in my size…
It was as though Quinn had taken painstakingly careful time to fill half of the dresser with clothing that I would be able to change into.
How long had he been planning on bringing me here? How long had he been harboring these feelings for me, and I'd been too blinded by the rules of the Brotherhood to allow myself to admit that I felt the same?
It didn't matter anymore – We had time now… time to feel these emotions, time to explore and see where they went. I didn't know what our plans were, other than that we were still going to try to help the Commonwealth. I knew that Quinn wanted to do anything that he could to set matters right for me, but I didn't know how long that was going to take.
All that I knew was that he'd made sure that I would feel just as at home as he in this little apartment that he'd purchased… and I was more grateful for it than I could possibly describe. I was so used to being alone, so used to keeping everyone at arms length, that I found it hard to know how to act around my green-eyed companion.
The things that he did, the things that he said… and even how he looked at me was so overwhelming. I wondered again if it was some flaw in my programming, if the Institute had been too foolish to program those feelings in. Whatever it was, the mind that was mine, the memories that made me who I was… they were overriding that programming – I was feeling things for Quinn that I'd never felt for another person, and I wasn't going to let that go. I would fight for these emotions with my life… because I was realizing that these emotions, the way that he made me feel, were even more important than the sense of family that the Brotherhood had provided. Quinn was a security that I knew would never turn on me.
I'd never really taken the time to imagine myself in a scenario like this – a home that I could call my own that wasn't the Prydwen, or another Brotherhood of Steel outfit. Someone to share that home with… someone who cared. I'd never seen myself caring about another person this way, allowing them so close that just the simple action of making sure that I would feel at home could make my pulse jump into my throat at the sweetness of it. Quinn was giving me a glimpse of that life – a glimpse of the life that I'd never even contemplated, just by letting me stay here. I could have stayed at Piper's home. She'd even mentioned that Quinn had the key to Kellog's house, and no one would look there. But Quinn had insisted that I come here. He'd wanted me to see this.
He wanted me to know.
I shook my head – these thoughts, these feelings were far too much for me. I needed to clear my head.
I grabbed one of the outfits from the drawer without looking and quickly made my way up to the shower. It only took me a moment to strip, and only a moment longer to dial on the water. It was a cold burst against my skin at first, ripping my breath from my chest… but it felt good to wash again the dirty that I'd accumulated during our travels. I watched the water run from me – darker, then lighter, until it was steaming hot and crystal clear. The droplets clung to my flesh, slicking my hair forward and into my face… and I could do nothing but close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of it. I'd thought about chiding Quinn for how much he'd obviously had to pay to furnish this place… but suddenly, it seemed so very worth it.
The radio blared loudly, a song that I'd heard played a thousand times over. It was only now, as I let the hot water beat over my skin, that I took the time to listen to the words.
"I don't want to set the world on fire. I just want to start a flame in your heart. In my heart I have but one desire… and that one is you. No other will do."
A soft chuckle escaped my throat, and I slicked my fingers through my hair, letting my muscles stretch and relax beneath the head of the shower. We'd been on the move so much that I'd hardly had time to enjoy something like this. We bathed quickly, sometimes in cool water, and we rarely wasted resources. I knew that this was purified water, and that if anyone could accommodate their people with such luxury, it would be Diamond City. They wanted to be the bright and shining mecca for everyone in the Commonwealth.
As soon as I thought about it, the resources that I was wasting, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to enjoy my shower anymore. My fingers regretfully moved to the knob, turning off the water. I jumped when I heard a soft groan from the stairs – Quinn stood there, his jaw slack, his cheeks slightly flushed.
"I hope that I didn't make you stop – I was so worried that you'd be angry that I paid for running water, but…" he gulped loudly. "I can see that you're enjoying it."
My eyes snapped quickly over his frame – there was a bit of sweat on his brow, and his jet hair was falling into his eyes. His pupils were dilated as he stared at my nude frame, and I saw the way that his gaze swept downward and over my body again and again.
"I thought you were bringing back Valentine. Or Piper?" My eyes swept below us, and I saw Quinn quickly shake his head.
"Valentine will be back late tonight – nearly early morning tomorrow. We should have time to see him before we leave the city. Piper is busy scouting out information, though we might head over there later on tonight to see what she's figured out." Quinn was stuttering over his words. I felt the hot droplets of water still sliding over my body, slipping down my chest and along the muscles planes of my stomach. I felt my prick stir between my legs, unbidden by the sight of Quinn and how much I'd been enjoying my shower. I felt something inside of me completely snap at the fact that we were here. Safe. Alone, in accommodations that Quinn had clearly meant for me to see.
The emotion was too much. My need was too strong. In a quick movement, I spilled from the shower and moved towards Quinn. When he realized that I wasn't stopping, he took two steps back, down the stairs, and barely managed to make it before I was in front of him. My arms stretched out, grabbing him and crushing him against my nude body. With a small groan of desire, I pressed my lips to his.
This was the man who brought me comfort, a sense of home… and right now, more than anything in this world… I wanted to feel a flame in my heart. I needed to feel human – I needed to feel loved.
I needed Quinn.
Author Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and enjoying this. It's been a pleasure to write. There are PLENTY of chapters to come - I've gotten so many ideas for what I want to do with this. Thank you again!
