Bella POV

I woke up to something hitting the back of my shoulders. I could never just wake up could I? I had to be disturbed by something. I peered around to see Jacob on the floor, reaching for another weapon.

"The hell?" I muttered just in time to see him launch another wad of folded socks at me. "What's your problem?"

"You were sleeping."

"Well spotted."

"I thought you had enough of that."

"So you decided to throw your laundry at me?"

"It's clean."

"Not the point." I sunk back into the pillow. "Were you raised by wolves?"

"You're grumpy." He was now tossing the socks up in the air while laying back on the air mattress.

"You suck. What time is it? And if it's before eight, prepare for battle."

"Nine actually. You were tired and actually slept in. Busy night last night."

It was more like busy past four nights. Since the end of the school year and the Clearwater's accident I had spent all my time in La Push. The week I decided to take off from work to recoup from finals, was now spent here. Charlie and I camped out at the Black's with him on the couch, and me in Jake's room. He refused to let me take the floor, but paid me back by waking me up the second he was.

"Last night was hell. At least Sue is going to be ok though. That's something."

We'd been at the hospital most of yesterday. Jake kept Seth busy, while I stuck by Leah. Emily had returned home to pack up her things. She'd made the decision the day after the accident to move in for good. She'd finished school the year before, so she was free to do so. She'd be back in time for the funeral.

For the most part the remaining Clearwater's were holding up better than you'd expect. Seth was more subdued than Jake said he usually was. Leah was more anxious when she couldn't see the others, and Sue like her son, was no longer vibrant. She stayed strong for her children though. Last night when it was confirmed she could go home today, Sam finally showed up. Not however, to step up.

Instead at the worst possible time he took Leah outside of the hospital and broke up with her. I had the feeling there was more to what he told her because Leah would not look anyone in the eye.

"What do you think happened? You're a guy." I asked Jacob knowing he'd know what I was talking about.

"I'm a guy but I'm not a monster. I don't know what he could have been thinking. Break up with her, fine, but now? Unforgiveable. They've been friends for years. I don't know him well but I've seen him with Leah. He loved her."

"Leaving when she's hurting isn't love." I said, feeling the painful connection for the first time.

"Bella…"

"No, it's fine." I shook my head clear of the thought as he reached out. "I'm good."

"You can talk about it you know."

"No, I can't. I know if anyone I can talk to you about anything but I can't talk about this. It's better to ignore it.

"It's not healthy to keep it all in."

"It's not healthy to talk about things like this though. I don't want to remember and end up dwelling on it. It'll sink me."

"You're stronger than that. Look how well you've done."

"By blocking it out Jake. I'm still standing and tolerable to be around because I blocked it all out. Sometimes little things break through, but I'm handling it.

He stared at me, considering. "You're sure?"

"I am, but with everything else, you're the first one I go to."

"Well that's something. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown socks at you."

"No. there was no need for that. Ugh what day is it?"

"Wednesday." Jake stood to deflate the air mattress. "I think you're actually going home tonight."

"Maybe. I may stay at Kim's. I don't have work til Friday so I'm free to keep crashing up La Push." I looked at Jake as he straightened. "Jacob Black, have you gotten taller?"

"I know right!" I have no idea what it is. I thought I was done."

"Well you are a junior in high school now, you're growing up."

"Shut up. I hate that you're older. Least I can tower over you."

"Yea I'm scared. Pft. I could take you."

"Yea Miss Fallsalot. You're a killer."

"I've taken on worse than you and your socks."

We glared at each other and I took the pillow and womped him over the head with it. As I grinned he wacked me back with his own pillow and I lunged. We ended up wrestling around the floor, half smothering each other, half hitting.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Charlie said from the doorway.

"He started it." I pointed at Jacob. Blame him."

"Well whoever started it doesn't matter, I blame you both. You woke Billy up, and now he'll be a pain in the ass all day."

"I see. You're obviously a ray of sunshine." I grinned at Charlie's glare. You two need to stop snapping at each other."

"Can't seem to help it. We'll get over it though. Just miss our mediator." Charlie got the usual look he had when he was thinking of Harry. "I'm taking Billy to the hospital. Sue's getting discharged."

"We'll go with you." I said and started looking for my backpack of clothes.

"No, you'll not. You two have been doing enough, and I know you still will, but today, all of today, we want you two to do whatever you want. Relax. Order not request." Charlie pointed at us until we nodded in agreement, and then left to get ready.

"It seems we've been bamboozled into spending time together." I stuck my tongue out at Jake.

"No he said relax and do what we want, who says I wanna spend time with you?"

"I will smother you with your air mattress, don't cross me. I'm going to the beach, I don't care where you go."

"I thought you hate the beach."

"I hate the ocean cuz I hate seaweed, not the beach. I like sitting on the edge." I got up and grabbed my things. "Here I go."

I went out to the bathroom to get ready and by the time I was done, Charlie was getting Billy into his cruiser. I told them to give Sue and the others my love. I almost got in the car with them, but Charlie gave me one of his few scary Dad looks. Even a vamp would reconsider rebelling after seeing that look. So I backed away, even though it felt wrong to not be going with them.

I put my things back in Jake's room, not sure if I'd end up going home or not. I realized he must have left while I was getting ready because he wasn't in the house. I went out to my truck to drive to the beach, and sighed as I saw the occupant in the front seat.

"Well hello person who doesn't want to spend time with me."

"I'm a liar as well as a sock thrower. To the beach then?" He settled in and grinned at me. "Oh come on now, you know you would have missed me if I didn't go anyway."

"Possible. Now we'll never know it seems." I started the truck and maneuvered away from Jake's house. He was right in a way. Whenever we weren't together I didn't collapse or anything but I did feel unhappy. It surprised me to know he actually felt similar. If we were apart and I didn't answer a text from him, he'd worry, and vice versa. I'm sure if our other friends knew about that, they'd assume something more was going on between us.

It was a little weird I guess. I was usually oblivious to odd things, being odd myself. However, there was something about Jake and I that was different. We understood each other so easily. In a way it reminded me of how comfortable I had been with Edward. There was no heat with us though. I didn't feel the need to explain that to anyone, but it was strange to me. After spending so much of my life feeling out of place, who knew all I had to do was move to Washington to find the people who would understand me. Even if I lost most of them.

I shook my head clear of that thought. I was doing better, but I still felt better if I pretended the others had never been here.

I'm sure Freud would have a lot to say about that.

Until I was at that wonderful place in my life where I could look back on my time with Edward and feel grateful I had him in the first place; I enjoyed going to the beach with my best friend.

The weather was pretty decent for once, but I knew it wouldn't last. It was the only downer about this place, although there were many days when I enjoyed the rain. For now Jake and I found a place on the water's edge and sat and talked. He talked about how he was worried about his Dad. Everything with Sue and Harry had drudged up his memories of his own wife's passing. Jake didn't remember it at all; he only had a few memories of his mother. It seemed Billy was taking it all pretty hard though. Between the memories of Sarah and the loss of Harry, Billy was worse off than Charlie. The only good part about it was it seemed to distract him from whatever he was worrying over with Jake.

It was early enough that there weren't a lot of people on the beach, except for Sam and his band of merry men. I noticed Sam and Paul but I didn't recognize the other boy with them. He had the same look though. Tall, muscular, and a lost but alert expression.

"Jacob who is that with the lost boys?"

"Jared Thail." Jake said as he looked over. "Mingan's son."

I had met Mingan Thail at the hospital when we were visiting Sue. Like too many people on La Push he had lost his wife as well. He was a little older than the others, and spoke about his son, though I hadn't seen him. Paul's mother was also there because she was a nurse. She seemed more worried when she spoke of Paul, where as when Mingan talked about his son he did with no worry, only pride. I wondered if he knew Jared was now hanging out with Sam and Paul.

"How many does it take to make a cult?"

"I'd say they have one now." Jake said as he looked over at them. "It's starting to get really weird. Especially the way they look at us."

"What do you mean?"

"I noticed at the hospital they're looking at Embry and I like they're waiting for something. It's making Quil feel left out, Embry angry, and I'm just confused. Then there's how they look at you. That's what pisses me off."

"They look at me?" I hadn't even noticed, usual unobservant me.

"Yea. At first Embry noticed it and thought they were checking you out or something but I don't think that's it. They look at you cautiously."

"Like I'm a bear?"

"Kind of. It's ticking me off."

"Aw you take care of me." I bumped his shoulder.

"I try. You make it difficult though." He smirked at me. "You look like you're holding up better than you were though. Hopefully today helps more."

"I hate it when people point that out. It makes me feel like I looked like death for a while there."

"You did. Maybe because I know you better I can still see how it affects you every day, but for the most part people are starting to think you're getting over it. I know better."

"Gee thanks."

"Do you think you ever will?"

"Get over it?"

"Yea. And move on from him."

"I am moving on from him." I tiptoed carefully. Don't think his name, don't picture his face.

"You know what I mean. Date someone else."

"Is that an invitation?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider giving it a try. But whenever I think about it, it's not there. I'm probably a stupid guy for not trying to at least suck face." He grinned his famous grin at me as I laughed.

"I thought about it too. Can't help it since you understand me so well. I'm not used to that, so I couldn't help but wonder if that meant we should give it a try as you said. But also like you said, it's not there. Not like that."

"I wish it was sometimes." Jake said honestly. "If nothing else but to make everyone stop asking."

"True. It would make so much easier. Guess we have to settle for being best friends."

"I'm ok with that. How about this, if we're forty and unmarried, we give it a go then."

I struck out my hand to shake his. "Deal." We shook and I leaned on him. "People ask you about us too?"

"Oh yea. Mostly the guys."

"Kim and Lu do the same. Even Jessica and Ang are wondering."

"Boys and girls can never just be friends."

"We're one of a kind." I said and looked back at the broody boys. Sure enough they looked back at me, but not in a normal way. It shook me a little. They looked at Jake like they were waiting for him to explode, meanwhile I got a look of almost fear and anger. Jake was right, none of this made sense at all.

We spent the rest of the day talking as we hung out on the beach. In mid afternoon we went to find ourselves some lunch and ran into Embry and Quil.

"Well if it isn't the love birds." Quil winked at me.

"Hardly. I for one have the hots for Mr. Call, but he only has eyes for Morgan." I smirked as Embry grumbled, but the two of them got into the truck with Jake and I.

"Bells can you drop us off at my house if you're still going to the Graystone's? I don't live far from there."

"No problemo." I changed direction and took them over to Quil's place. "Text me when you guys wanna be picked up, or are you spending the night?"

"I am, but Jake will probably want to get home to you won't he?" Embry snickered to himself until he met my eyes in the mirror. "Kidding."

"That's what I thought you said." I pulled towards Quil's house and the boys got out. Jake hung back.

"You sure you're ok? You know since we brought up certain…..things."

"Yea I'll block it out just fine Jacob."

"And if you can't."

"I'll text you."

"I'm going to anyways. Have fun with the girls."

"Will do." I smiled at him to be reassuring and he left to join Embry and Quil. I drove away thinking about what he said.

I didn't want to block it out forever. I didn't want to rely on having Jake around to feel understood. I wanted more. I had to make sure I got it.

Aiyanna was working so it was just the girls and I. Elan was out somewhere. Kim seemed distracted, though Lulu didn't act like that was out of the ordinary.

"You ok Kim?" I finally asked after we finished watching a movie. She looked out the window most of the time.

"Yea, sorry girls. My mind keeps wandering I guess."

"She's thinking about Jared." Lulu said and Kim rolled her eyes.

"There's nothing to think about there." She said, but her eyes told a different tale.

"What am I missing? Are you talking about Jared Thail? That's weird. I saw him today."

"Where?" Lulu asked so Kim didn't have to.

"At the beach today when I was with Jacob. He was hanging around Sam and Paul."

"I knew it." Kim said. "People have been talking about him changing. Just like the others have."

"Is he one of your friends, I haven't heard you mention him before."

Kim sighed. "No. He was, sort of. But we run in different crowds I guess. Now more than ever. I thought he was better than to hang around Sam. Especially after what he did to Leah."

"Is that already getting around?" I grimaced.

"It's a small rez." Lu explained. She reached for Kim's hand but she got up and went towards the back of the house to her room. We heard a door close. "She just needs a minute. She's had a crush on him for a long time. Everyone here has gone to the same school together since kindergarten. They hung out for a while when they were working on a school project a few years back, but afterwards he acted like he didn't even know her. Kim's used to not being noticed in school but I don't think she expected it from him. She's mostly gotten over the crush since then, but I think she still hangs onto this fairytale hope. She's only said it once, but she said she has a feeling when she looks at him. That he's it and that during those times they talked he really understood her. Who am I to say she's wrong, but it certainly seems like they couldn't be in more opposite directions."

"Seems like it." Was all I could say. It was funny how the people I was now surrounding myself with could understand what I was going through. Maybe it was time to talk about it.

I went over to Kim's room and she let me in. She didn't look overly upset, but she didn't look happy. I knew she needed a distraction, but to know I was there for her. That she was understood.

"I haven't spoken much about the relationship I had….with Edward." I felt the pains but went on. "It was the next to last thing I expected when I moved her, but it was instant. There was a connection from the start, though at first I didn't understand it. I thought I was even imagining it because it was the type of connection I had craved for so long. I've never really fit in before, and in a finger snap I felt like he was the one who could get me. Two weeks was all it took for me to see it was something more. Much more. We fought it for a while for our own reasons, but in the end there was nothing to fight. It just was. He was it for me, and I him. From then on I would have never expected him to leave. I'd go where he went, and we'd always be there for each other. I was as sure of that as I was of my own name. But things happened. And when they did he changed. I don't think I'll ever fully understand why. Even with it happening, it hurts to admit this, but I still love him. I still feel that connection where I think I know how he is. I block it most of the time. I don't let myself think his name or picture his face. Even know I'm blocking it out. My greatest fear now is that he'll always matter to me. That I won't be able to love anyone else or feel what I felt when I was with him. For now though I just try and block it all out. All the memories all the pain. Maybe it's not the healthiest way, but it's my way. It's the only one I know. I'm not saying I know what you feel, but I do understand it. It doesn't matter how short a time you had the connection, if you felt it it'll last with you."

Kim let a tear or two fall and reached to squeeze my hand. "I feel the same. I didn't even have a relationship with him. We've only ever been friends but I felt….I don't know. It's probably stupid, and nothing compared to you and…Bella how are you doing? I had no idea it was that serious."

"No one really does. Sometimes I wonder if it was real. It's not stupid what you feel though. Not at all." I squeezed her hand back and we sat there silent for a moment.

"I get you." She said finally. "And I know you get me. So I know you'd tell me if I was being stupid."

"Absolutely. As would Lu."

"I know. I just try not to talk about it around her. She's heard enough of it and has still stuck around. I don't wanna push it though."

"That's usually how I am with Jacob. He's the only other one I've said this all to though."

"I'm here."

"I know." I smiled back at her, and we went back out to Lulu.

The rest of the night went normal. We had some dinner and watched another movie. I declined the offer to spend the night. Instead I got back in my truck and headed to the Black's. I wasn't sure Jake would be there but my suspicions were confirmed when I saw Charlie's cruiser along the house. I parked the truck and said hi to Billy. Dad was fast asleep on the couch. I shook my head at him. Going home today my ass. He needed to relax as much as Jake and I did, if not more.

"Jake's in his room Bella."

"He's here? I thought he was still at Quils."

"Nope, he walked home. Said he wanted to be here instead." Billy shrugged it off and wheeled to his room.

I rolled my eyes as I walked back to Jake's room. "Well if isn't the filthy sock throwing liar."

"I resent that. Those socks were not filthy." He said from his bed where he was reading a car magazine.

"I was calling you filthy not the socks." I plopped down on the bed next to him and kicked off my shoes.

"Talk about filthy; you just dropped your shoes next to where I sleep."

"Consider it your punishment. Yes you texted me, and thank you, but no you did not tell me you were going home."

"So you didn't know I was going to be here, but you still showed up."

"Yea. I didn't feeling going home alone; I figured Charlie would be here."

"Could have stayed at Kim's."

"Not really. I opened up a little more than I planned on to Kim. It was necessary and I think it made us closer, but it was still hard. I needed to get away from it. Saying his name made me feel like he was there." I whispered the last bit and felt relief when Jake squeezed my hand. When it had been Kim I felt good knowing I had a real friend. When it was Jake, I knew I didn't have to say much. He knew when to ask, and when to listen. For now we just sat there as I worked on putting my blocks back up.

I looked out Jacob's window as I tried falling asleep. I thought I saw a figure moving in the shadows like a red streak. I shook my head to clear the thoughts that bloomed from what I thought I saw. Looked like I was going to have to try harder with my way of coping.

Talk about vampires, and you start thinking you see them. Can't have that can we?

I know I haven't posted in a bit, my apologies. I've had a hard time with this chapter, hence why it's titled "Blocking." I usually don't have writers block, I just have chapters that are in between action sequences or big scenes that are harder to write. I call them fillers. I didn't realize how long it had been taking me until my grandfather pointed out that he noticed I hadn't updated. I love that he checks in on me that way though. I hope everyone had a good holiday and is still enjoying and reviewing! Merry New Year! Yea that's how I say it.

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