Chapter 7
Kate tries to control her breathing in the cab. It doesn't work.
She couldn't take her cruiser because having drunk two glass of wine, it was unwise to drive. Even if she wanted to walk, she couldn't because at the moment she stepped out from his apartment building, it started to rain. Heavily. Luckily there was a taxi waiting just around the corner.
The driver looks at her suspiciously as she tries to force herself to breathe slower. But the narrow field of vision and numbing hum in her ears doesn't allow her to concentrate on her efforts. She feels like the world is closing in on her and her breathing gets shallower and shallower by the minute.
The journey to her apartment seems longer than usual and she starts to feel dizzy. When the cab finally stops, she doesn't even see what sum she is giving to the driver. All she cares about is getting out of there.
The tears start to flow somewhere between the second and the third floor while she is racing up the stairs. She couldn't wait for the elevator, it was too slow. Too slow. Her hands are shaking when she tries to force the key into the lock of her door. She misses it once, twice, before the damned thing slides in and she can open the door.
She slams the door behind her and collapses on the floor, drawing in air with short gasps. She needs to take off her coat. It's too hot and then… it's too cold.
Between the ragged breaths and weeping noises, she manages to shed her coat and her watch, along with her badge and her gun. It's too much. Everything is too much for her.
Finally, after a long while, her heart rate starts to slow down as the adrenaline starts to fade from her system. Her breaths start to deepen and the flow of her tears stops. When she finally feels the spell of dizziness lift from her, he tries to sit up, lean against the door and breathe.
Just breathe.
She is grateful that she managed to reach her home before she was too far gone. It wasn't pretty. These kinds of breakdowns never are. She had panic attack once or twice before, when she was recovering in the cabin. But nothing ever felt like this.
She finally stands up. Her legs are shaking. She wipes off the remainder of her tears and picks up the badge and her gun she had thrown away before. She takes them onto their place in her bedroom and walks back to the kitchen.
Everything around her feels empty now.
She pours herself a glass of scotch and sits onto her couch, the sound of heavy raindrops pounding on her window, her mind reeling over what just happened.
She can't believe what he had done. Just when things seem change between them, everything starting to move to the positive side, something happens.
Why he had to do that? Why he had to go behind her back and make some deals with shadowy people he had never met. To play with her life. With his life as well. She would forgive him that. But he is playing with both of their lives. He just escaped the deadly bomb in the bank and now this… does his own life means nothing to him? For crying out loud, he has family, his daughter, his mother. He can't just throw his life away.
She takes a sip from her glass when she hears a knock on her door.
Who?
She walks to her door and peeks into the peephole. Cop's habits. Better safe than sorry. She sees a familiar form standing there.
It's Castle.
She lets out a long sigh, pressing her fingers the bridge of her nose. She isn't sure she can face him at the moment.
He knocks again. This time a little bit more forcefully. "Beckett open up!"
Maybe he will go away if she faces him. She hesitates, but finally swings the door open.
"Castle, what do you want?" her voice is low, unfriendly.
Castle is standing there, in the doorway. He looks like he had run there, his hair dripping wet from the rain, his coat soggy.
He looks to her eyes. Intently.
"You."
He doesn't hesitate to push his way into her apartment. He's reaching for her face and she takes a few steps back before he catches her and brings his lips to meet hers.
She's surprised and doesn't know how to respond. She wants to tell him to go away, but his lips against hers, it just feels too good.
He breaks their kiss and leans his forehead against hers.
"I'm so sorry, Beckett. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
He leans forward, kissing her a second time, until she pushes him back. He isn't surprised. He knew she was going to push him away eventually.
"I'm sorry for doing this," Castle whispers, trying to convey his sorriness through his eyes. "I just… after you didn't call, it was the only way to feel connected to you. Even now, when I know you can't investigate it… I still want you to have some kind of closure. You need it. You deserve it. I… I just want you to have it all."
Beckett closes her eyes and tries to take it all in. "Castle. You… lied. To me. They might come after you… why did you do this?"
"Beckett, You almost died, and I realized that all I've ever needed was you... I just want you..."
He leans in closer to kiss her. But when she just stands still, he hesitates and stops few inches away from her lips, breathing in her scent.
They just look into each other's eyes and Castle moves his hand from her shoulder to her cheek, his fingers softly brushing the line of her lips.
Something snaps inside Beckett.
She gives up denial.
She wants him. She has wanted him ever since they had their first kiss a year ago. He is right there, in front of her, genuinely apologetic. At this very moment - she forgives him and takes action.
She lunges forward and fuses her lips with his. Castle responds immediately to her, opening his mouth and drawing her in. He turns them around so that he can push her against her front door, his big, warm body crowding hers. Beckett moans into his mouth and her fingers end up somewhere in his hair, around his neck, on his back. He slides his fingers up and down her sides, skimming the surface of her skin.
He can't resist the siren call of her neck, so his mouth starts travelling south, placing kisses everywhere on its way. When his lips hit a particular pulse point, her knees give out and she starts to slide down the door. He presses his leg between hers and his arms surround her like a wall, pressing her slender body even more against him. He kisses her neck with abandon, drawing out moans and sighs from her.
They are like a frantic bundle of moving arms and mouths, caressing each other, kissing every surface they can. Somewhere between the breathtaking kisses, he manages to get his fingers under the hem of her shirt and she raises her arms to help him to get rid of the annoying garment.
As soon as her shirt is off, he attacks the newly revealed skin, enjoying every bit of the surface he can find. She still has a light shirt on, but that doesn't stop him one bit. He lowers his head to her neck and kisses down the column of it.
Her fingers find the buttons of his shirt and she starts unbuttoning them. They got rid of his coat and jacket some time ago and his shirt is the only thing that is stopping her from touching his skin.
Suddenly his kisses slow down as he discovers the puckered bullet scar between her breasts. He stops and just looks at round red healed flesh.
She takes in a shuddering breath, takes his hand and places on her chest, on top of her scar.
Her heart.
He kisses her again. This time, the hurried pace is gone. The energy has settled around them and all that remains is this calm, loving feeling. He kisses her slowly, deeply, his hand resting on top of her scar. He's drinking her in, trying to memorize every move she makes, every sound that comes out of her.
When they finally break the kiss they just stand there, Beckett crowded against the door of her apartment, Castle towering over her. They look at each other, their eyes locked like there is some kind of spell around them.
He smiles, so does she.
She slides her hand back up to her chest where his hand lies. She lifts it and entwines their fingers.
This is her final step before they cross the line for forever. The final step that has been always hers to take. She closes her eyes for a second and opens them again. She smiles and he moves his knee, allowing her to move.
She leads him through the apartment towards her bedroom, their hands joined.
He lies her down on her bed, the mattress sinks underneath their joined weight.
He managed to get rid of her shirt and her pants trailing past the kitchen and through the living room on the path to her bedroom. Enough time had passed without him kissing her, so he had claimed her mouth against the door of her bedroom, his nimble fingers working on getting rid of the clothes. She was as eager as he, efficiently unbuttoning all of his buttons and sliding the shirt from his shoulders.
Now on her bed, Beckett is sprawled on top of her comforter wearing only her white bra and red panties, Castle towering over her, looking down. They are both breathless from the kisses they shared in the hallway. She smiles up to him and brings her hand to caress his face. He leans into the warmth of her hand before he leans down again, kissing her lips with abandon, the overwhelming feelings making her moan under him.
Her hands travel up his abdomen and slide downwards. When they reach the waistband of black suit pants, she starts unbuttoning them. The zipper opens with a teasing sound and he feels her pulling his pants down, revealing the blue boxers underneath. She doesn't even notice Castle removing the remainder of the clothes as he works his way down from her neck to her belly with his mouth. The waves of pleasure are creating a storm of emotions in her brain and in her heart. She even forgets to breathe.
He seals his lips with hers and swallows her cry of joy when she reaches her climax few moments before him. The feeling of her ecstasy around him triggers his own release and he comes with a silent cry on his lips against her throat.
When they finally lay in each other's arms, joined as one, her heart sings out loud in happiness.
This is where she wants to be. This is where she belongs, in his arms.
When they finally come down from their high, Castle brings his lips against her ear. He feels the flutter of her heart against his skin, as he kisses the soft flesh. Placing another kiss on the soft flesh of her neck, he whispers, "I love you."
Ahem.
Thoughts?
