Disclaimer: The characters are Stephenie Meyers.

A/N: This was a stupid chapter to write and it's also a very disappointment to myself, so I wouldn't blame you guys if you thought so too. Just don't be too harsh, please.


Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
Cuz you're the only one that I know who'll keep
them
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them, and this is what I've
done


Dear Diary

I was awoken by the rooster. Actually it wasn't that bad. It was like he knew what time was best to make noise. It was only six thirty but that was just fine by me. I went to the shower and took my time. When I got out it was 7 o'clock. I took some warm clothes and put on my jeans. I made sure I had the right books in my bag and the detention work. Would he really count if it were 200 sentences? It would be his waist of time, because I had 200. This time I would just say nothing, even if he got my name wrong again. I wondered what his punishment would be if someone didn't make his detention work. Would Edward have made them?

I'm glad Charlie leaves early every morning. It was my best way to skip breakfast and lunch was at school anyway. I felt horrible with this weight. I don't know why everybody called me bony. I went outside to the rooster and fed him. Charlie said he would but I liked feeding him. He was looking a bit healthy now. I would never ever go near him again, though. To think of it, in some way he was the reason I also got the iron tablets and vitamin C. Maybe that was a good thing.

I walked inside again and took my bag. I drank my antibiotic. I would be early at school, but it didn't matter. I could just sit in my car until it was time. I took my car keys and went to school. I can't believe I actually got lost that first day.

It was finally last day of school and then finally weekend. Two whole days that would be just mine and nobody else's. I found a spot and turned the car off and just stared into space.

I didn't want to be here. I was feeling mad again. And also embarrassed. He had touched my hair yesterday. He had touched me. He had given me the fault of him getting late. He was probably disgusted. I know I was. I was disgusted be Edward. I was disgusted by food. I was disgusted by me body. I was disgusted by… everything. If the doctor said my weight was alright now, then why was I so disgusted by everything? He didn't know what he was saying.

Suddenly bright lights were blinding me. In front of me was Edward in his car, next to him sitting Alice and in the back of the car Jasper and Emmett. Alice hit Edward on his shoulder, I saw her mouth moving and the blinding lights went out. Alice looked at me again and was looking worried. I felt something wet on my cheeks and quickly dried away the tears, some with my fingers and some with the back of my hand. Oh why did I just cry? I'm also disgusted by my tears. Why didn't I just disappear?

Alice and Edward were suddenly screaming. I couldn't hear them but it was clear the way Alice was moving her mouth, turning red and the way Edward was glaring at her. What was that all about? I jumped up when I heard someone tapping on my window. It was Emmett and Jasper. When did they get out of the car? I opened the door so they could have their say.

'Bella, are you alright?' Emmett asked.

'Yes. Why?' I asked him, pretending nothing had happened.

'You just seem a little sad. We thought we saw you crying,' Emmett replied.

'Oh, I just got something in my eyes and well, it happens sometimes,' I told him.

'In both of your eyes?' Jasper asked. 'Bella, you can tell us if there's something the matter.'

'I said I'm alright,' I snapped and got out of the car and left them there.

I went to my first class and it wasn't until third hour when I saw the Cullens again. We had English class. I pulled out my books and detention work along with a pen. I noticed someone sitting next to me and I didn't care to even look up if Mike came to bother me again.

The teacher was coming to class now and I heard him say, 'Edward and Isobel, detention work, now.' Maybe I should just not react since I'm not Isobel. I put my bag on the floor and I saw Edward already walking to the teacher to hand over his detention work. I was about to do the same, but my detention work wasn't on the table anymore.

'Isobel, I am waiting.'

Edward was walking again and I saw he was holding in some laughters. When he came to sit next to me, he also took his books. Did he just take my detention work?

'Isobel!' the teacher was screaming now, but I was still looking at Edward. 'Have you made your detention work?' Edward looked up to meet my stare.

'No,' I said, not caring about what would happen now.

'Monday, 500 sentences!' What, that's it? I could handle that. I was looking at the teacher now and he was looking at the detention work… counting! Everybody started talking and I just kept watching the teacher, hoping I had forgotten about just one sentence, so that would lead in some more detention work for Edward. I laughed at myself. This was so silly. Why was I laughing about something as silly as that? When I looked at Edward again, he was just looking at me. He tore a piece of paper and wrote something down. Then he put it in front of me.

Mood swings?

My eyes went wide. Not did he just say I have mood swing but it was the exact same thing that I had thought about him just yesterday! He was the one having mood swings, not me. He didn't know anything about me.

'Edward!' the teacher yelled and I jumped up. Man, that guy had some loud voice.

'Since when do you write 'will' with one 'l'? What am I supposed to pronounce that as? Wiel? This isn't German class! Monday, 1000 sentences!' The whole class went still. I had to put my hand to cover my laughters. But it didn't matter, other people were already laughing. That man should be joking! I hadn't supposedly made the detention work so my punishment was 500 sentences and he had 200 sentences which were technically mine, but the teacher didn't know that, with one mistake and his punishment was 1000 sentences! I mean... Wow.

'Everybody, shut up so I can start class!' he yelled some more. Eventually everybody did go silence and he started some grammar and spelling. The guy was a joke. I had probably written so fast that I had forgotten one l but really, this man was unreasonable. Edward took the paper again and wrote something one it. Then he pushed it to me.

You're stupid as dyslectic as well?

What? No, I'm not. I took my pen and wrote also something down.

Easy come, easy go.

I was holding the paper, and decided the better of it. I wouldn't give it to him. I was thinking about getting up and throw it in the bin, when he snatched it out of my hand. I was looking away, because I couldn't afford the look on his face when he read that. I saw the paper on my side of the table again.

My punishment was more than yours, you call that fair?

Seriously! He took my work and deserved to get more punishment! Nothing is fair.

Life isn't fair, what can you do about it?

I gave the paper to him and ignored it when he gave it back. I wasn't in the mood for him. All of his thoughts were rubbish. All of his acts were low. I was right. He is not to be trusted. And if I can't trust him, neither can I trust his family. I guess it runs in their blood. Too bad his father was my doctor. Maybe I could do a switch and demand for a female doctor or something? Everybody was starting to get up and I hadn't even heard the bell. Edward was fast again and already had left the room. I took the paper he had given me and was considering just throwing it away unread. Of course I had to be curious. And stupid. Some people would go crying. I crushed it in my hand and threw it away. This was just great. What did I think? He would forget about me crying? Big no. And I had class again with him after lunch.

I had two more hours, this time with Mike sitting next to. Then lunch time came and there weren't many people yet. I sat on a table somewhere in the corner. I felt so weak for all of them had seen me crying! I was so deep in my own thought, that I hadn't noticed two people sitting next to me.

'You listen to me! If you ever dare to do a stunt like that again, I'll make sure your life is going to be a misery!' She put her water bottle on the table.

'And I'll help you, Jessica.' So slut was Jessica?

'You stay away from Edward. You will never have him! He doesn't want you. You're worthy of nothing. He loves me,' she said.

She just said I was worthy of nothing. She had actually said that.

'Go away,' I was able to whisper.

'You think I like sitting here? I'm trying to make sure you stay away from Edward! He thinks you are ugly, that's what he said to me! Ugly and fat and-'

I stood up, because I couldn't take it anymore. When I tried to walk pass her, the water bottle, which was open, fell from the table and landed on her lap.

'Watch it, pig!' she said. 'You are going to regret that!' But I was already walking fast. Fat. Ugly. It kept going threw my mind like it was a CD player that was hit on repeat. Fat. Ugly. I pushed open a door, any door, and it happened to be the toilets. Fantastic, that's what I needed. And nobody was in there. Hopefully none of the girls would come in now. I didn't want them seeing me like this. I felt completely horrible. I just couldn't handle anything anymore. I was trying to clear my mind from the thoughts. I still had to go to one class. Biology. Still one more class with all of the Cullens and Jessica. I mean slut. Stupid slut. Slut Jessica. SJ. JS. SS. She was right about everything... And so was Edward. I hate this. I hate me. Why am I even here? I looked in the mirror and what I saw makes me want to cry. It was absolutely horrible. I opened the toilet door and sat on the toilet lid. This time, however, the tears didn't come. It was as if I didn't deserve to cry. I heard the door open again and somebody else walked in. I was really lucky that I had gone to the toilet just a few seconds or she might have seen me.

'Dad,' someone said and it wasn't a girls voice, 'why don't you answer your phone, you just texted me!' Oh no, it was Edward. What was he doing in the girls loo, anyway? 'Is that your reason? That was the best you could do? That's ridiculous. I am not going to go to the summer holiday and definitely not for a reason like that! So don't force me to go!' I think he ended the phone call, because he had stopped talking. So he was really being forced to go for some reason? I nearly jumped when I heard a sound, but it turned out to be Edwards ring tone, because he started talking again.

'What,' he snapped at the receiver. 'You're joking, right?' Pause. 'Why do you care, anyway?' Another pause, but this one was longer. 'Fine! I'll go!' He hung up again, I think, and was muttering something about his dad giving him threats. So Angela was right about one thing. Edward did have many fights with his dad. With my doctor. Who I still needed to replace. I was thinking about how dead I would be if Edward knew I had heard his call. But he shouldn't be in the girls loo. Maybe he was a girl. Maybe- Shit! I thought just hit me... Was I in the girls loo? I hadn't really looked, just opened the door and went in. The door opened and he left. I quickly got out of there too and opened the door. Thank God no one was around and this time I looked at the sign. It was a man. How could I have missed that? Oh yeah. Jessica. One more hour threw hell and it would be weekend.

Lunch time was over and I was heading to the right door this time. There was room on the last table and I was really glad for that. The teacher never really paid attention to those who sat at the back. I took my books and opened them just at some random page. I didn't care about biology. I was sitting alone this time. Edward sat next to Jessica and it really was a disgusting sight. It wasn't until Jessica was screaming at the teacher and he sent her out of the class to go to the principal I noticed everybody was looking at me, including the teacher and... Edward. What did I do?

'I'm not going anywhere!' Jessica was still screaming. 'You should send HER, not me!' The teacher looked tired as if he didn't care about this discussion. Hell, I didn't even know what they were talking about.

'Bella, did you really throw water over Jessica,' he asked. Oh, so that was what this was all about, 'and call her a bitch?' I hadn't called her anything, but I knew she had gone completely crazy. And wasn't this very childish of her?

'Why would I do anything like that?' I asked, avoiding his question, because part of it was true, even though it was an accident.

'Pig, you-' Jessica was screaming.

'Jessica! Principal, now!' the teacher interrupted her. He sounded very convincing and I suppose Jessica thought so to, because she left the class room.

'Class,' he started, trying to regain some control again. 'Today we will do test. You will work in pairs of two. Everything else is explained on the paper, so just read that through and remember not to speak to anyone else but your partner. You can all take a microscope and the test paper here.' He glanced briefly over the class and said, 'The pairs are fine just like this. Edward, you go and sit next to Bella.'

I didn't look up when he came to sit next to me. I got up to take the microscope and a test paper. I wrote my name on it and then Edward's. It was about stem cells. We had slides and had to figure out what stem cell it was. Since I hadn't really done homework and never paid attention, I had no idea which one was which. And when I say I really don't know, I mean it. Plus, microscopes weren't my thing. I was never able to focus the image and once I was almost blinded myself because the light was too bright.

Edward just sat there, doing nothing. So I had a partner that was even dumber than I. I took one of the slices and tried every turn and twist, but I think it even got worse. The light was way too bright, but I didn't know how to change that. All that I was seeing was a bright blur. When the image gave me a headache, I just put it away. What ever. I couldn't do this. Edward took the microscope and he looked in it.

'What the hell have you done? You have tortured it.' He gave some turns to the microscope and said, 'Prophase.' Had he focused the image? I was staring in amazement. How the hell did he do it so fast? It has to be bluff. 'Will you write that down or is that a hard thing for you, too?' he said, mocking me. I quickly wrote it down and I saw him pushing the microscope to me with a new slide in it. I looked in it. The picture was focused and the light was better now. I kept staring at the tiny things until Edward asked impatiently, 'Well, what is it?'

'I really have no idea,' pushing the thing back to him. This time he looked surprised.

'What, not even a guess?'

'What are my options?' I had no idea what those words were. They all ended with phase; at least that's what I thought.

'You don't know that?'

'I'm guessing the second phase.'

'The second phase?'

'That's what I said.'

'The second phase is prophase.'

'Exactly, that one,' I said quickly so it would look like I knew the name. He was taking a slide and held it up.

'This one is prophase.' I was looking confused.

'How do you know?'

'Because it's the one I just identified and you just wrote down,' he said slowly as if talking to a moron. I looked at the paper again and saw my own writing. Prophase.

'Oh, yeah,' I replied, feeling really dumb now. Smart Edward was even worse that dumb-not-caring Edward. He looked in the microscope and identified all of the other slides while I wrote them down. There were also 5 questions. I didn't even make an effort to read the questions. I just gave the paper to him. He glanced at the paper and I saw him answer the questions. At least he didn't argue, that was some better. He gave the paper again.

'You have to answer the last question on your own.'

I read the question.

What have you learned from this assignment?

Edward: Nothing, because this isn't the first time I have done this. I already know this by hearth.

I already know this by hearth. That sounds so… Like a know-it-all. I had to write about what I had learned from this? I took my pen and wrote down.

Bella: Nothing. It was the truth. So why lie about it? Edward had taken the paper and was looking at my answer.

'Interesting. So now you're mourning in self-pity.'

'I never said I was.'

'I should just scrape off your name of the test. You haven't done anything but write. And I'm going to get an A and now you will too because of me. I might almost think you are using me.' He was looking at me and I had no idea what my face looked like, but I sure was astonished. That was his worry? I would get a good grade because of him. I didn't want a good grade because of him. But he was right. He knew all the answers and I didn't. So to prove him I wasn't using him, because I wasn't, I didn't even knew the guy was good at biology, I took the paper again and scraped off my name and also my answer on the last question.

'Here. Now the A is yours and yours alone.'

The bell rang and I took my bag and walked over to the door. When I was out of the school building I practically ran over to my car. Deliverance! Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday, just mine!

I went to the house and saw there was a message on the phone.

'Hey Bella, I won't be home this evening, it's just some police work. Don't wait up for me. Dad.'

Perfect. No diner. I did take my medicine with some water. Then I went to the rooster and fed him. Maybe I should name him? It's kind of sad for him not to have a name.

'Henry,'

'Bill,'

'Rocky,'

'Ruben,'

No reaction.

'Jane,' I said and had to laugh when to rooster snapped his head at me and narrowing his eyes. Well it was a reaction. It just wasn't the reaction I was looking for.

'It's very hard to name you, you know that? I don't know any names anymore,' but then I remember another. 'Jacob.' The rooster started to crow. 'But I like Jake better.' He kept on crowing. 'Well Jake it is.' He continued crowing.

'Okay, you can stop now.' But he didn't. 'Jane,' I said and he stopped his crow midway. That should do the trick. Maybe a certain Jane had mistreated him?

I slept early that day and had already missed first meal. I took a long shower, which caused me to miss the second too. When I went downstairs, Charlie was nowhere to be found. His cruiser was missing too. Did he work on Saturdays? It was a wonderful day for Forks and I had to jog a little. So I wore some sport clothes and went running. When I was home, I did some more exercises and took another shower. Charlie didn't have a scale, so I had to buy one. I just wasn't sure where to find one. I landed on my bed and I just wanted to take a nap, but when I woke up it was 6 in the morning. I had slept a lot. And I ha just one more free day. I spent this day on many exercises too. Charlie had slept in so I just went jogging again around noon. I just kept running until I was too tired and found a fallen tree to sit on. I spent the next hours sitting on it and when I came home Charlie had just finished his diner.

'You're not eating anything, Bella?'

'I ate in town. Where were you Saturday?'

'I work on Saturdays, didn't I tell you? Well, anyway, now you know.' He went to the television to end his evening there and I went to my room. I was planning on putting the right books in my bag now so I wouldn't have to do it tomorrow. At the bottom of my bag I saw the paper that all of my teachers had to sign. And another with Mike's number on it. When did that happen? I threw both of them away, not caring about it at all. When I was finished, I went to bed and I slept early again.

I woke at 5 this time and couldn't fall back asleep anymore. Since I had 3 hours, I just did some more exercises. Everything else was done anyway. When I was finished and took another shower, I went of to school again. The hours went fast and I had English now.

When I made it to the class room, the door was already closed. Was I late? I saw Edward coming around the corner, not looking in a hurry at all. So maybe I wasn't late. I opened the door and once the teacher noticed me, the screaming started.

'Isobel, you are late! I don't tolerate that. Hand over the 500 sentences please.'

'Shit!' I said out loud. I had forgotten about that. I looked at my side to see Edward raise his eyebrows. Maybe it was because I had cursed. Then Edward appeared into view too and the teacher was screaming again.

'Edward! LATE AGAIN! You know the school rules by now, why do you keep coming late? I want the 1000 sentences.' I didn't turn around to see his expression. He didn't say anything and neither did I. How long did we stand there saying nothing? I was about to walk in the class room, when Edward grabbed the door and pushed it closed. I turned around to watch him with big eyes. Did he just do that to a teacher? I wouldn't open the door now! That was just horrible of him.

'I hadn't made the-,' he was saying, but when he saw me he said, 'you look aw-,' but I just pushed him away. I didn't want to hear anymore from him. I already knew what he thought of me. I went outside, deciding to spend the hour and lunch time in my car. I just sat in my car, staring in space. When it was finally time, I went to class again. Two hours of Biology this time. I sat alone time and hopefully it would remain that way until the end of the second hour.

'Alright class, I have to say, after grading your tests, I'm slightly disappointed. The rates were very low, on a few exceptions. We are going to check it together so you won't make the same mistakes again next time. So sit next to the same partner you had Friday,' I dropped my head on the table, 'so we can get started.' I heard him come sit next to me and put the test on the table. All the time I remained like that and I shut my eyes. Nobody saw me anyway. And when the teacher was finally done explaining the whole test, I lifted my head and my eyes met Edwards. He was looking so mad. It didn't surprise me. I looked at the paper with was signed with an A. Bastard was right after all, but it didn't surprise me a lot either. After all, his dad was a doctor. I saw he had put my name on the paper again and had answered my question with Isabella: same answer as Edward. That did surprise me. Well, then again, maybe it didn't. I suppose he had to do that. It was after all an assignment with groups of two and the teacher did know I was working together with Edward. So what use would it be if I had crossed out my name?

Second hour of biology sucked too. So I just put my head on the table again, hoping time would go faster this time. Edward had already taken his original seat back, next to Jessica. I sat alone again.

The following days nothing much happened. At school I was left alone often. I didn't see Angela much anymore. On Thursday I went to the doctor so he could take the blood samples and the following day he said things were just the way they were supposed to be. It was Friday so I made a search for a scale. It wasn't hard to find one and I bought it, along with a diary. I always wanted a diary. I drove home and saw that I was now 129 lbs. I opened my diary and wrote my weight down.

18-06-2010
129 lbs

Dear Diary,

Four more weeks and summer holiday will start. At 9 July to be exact. Summer holiday is supposed to be fun, but this one really depresses me. Nothing is wrong with the cities. New York is wonderful and Los Angeles can be great too. It's the company I'm having that makes me want to run away from this place to... I don't know where. Just away.
What would the rooms be like there? I don't want to share it with anyone.
I haven't seen Charlie much this week. I spend most of my time in my room or outside jogging. I don't care about homework. It was only 4 weeks anyway and then school will end. What's the use of it anyway?

I hate Edward. That day he was about to say I look awful. Why does that hurt me so? I don't care about him. Why does it matter that he thinks I look awful? I think because he's right and it hurt more to hear it from someone else beside myself.

Anyway, it's weekend now. Just four more weekends and then my freedom will be taken away from me. I think this might even be worse than the clinic.

Bella

20-06-2010
127 lbs

Dear Diary,

Weekend's gone so fast. I did many exercises and haven't eaten. I feel strong now. It's really easy. And I love this control that I am able to have. It's the only control I am able to have.

Bella

25-06-2010
125 lbs

Dear Diary,

It was awful today! Another doctors appointment and the doctor wanted to check my weight again. He took more blood from me and asked me what my previous clinic was named. I told him I didn't know. He probably wanted to contact them, but that is not necessary.

I looked at the appointment card that they had given me on 10 July, my first appointment.

1 Friday 18/06 at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
2 Friday 25/06 at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
3 Friday 02/07 at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
4 W-day 07/07 at 14.30 hour with Dr. Cullen
5 Th-day 08/07at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
6 Friday 09/07 at 15.15 hour with Dr. Cullen
7 …..day … /… at … …hour with Dr. …
8 …..day … /… at … …hour with Dr. …

He says I have lost 7 lbs in 15 days. Too much he says. How is that too much? He has also gone crazy. He wants me to go to him every Friday until the summer holiday and a few days more in between. He is sick. Edward is sick. Tanya and Jessica are sick. Everybody else is. I'm not.

Bella

02/07/2010
123 lbs

Dear Diary

The doctor doesn't say much anymore at our appointments. Maybe he has finally decided that there is nothing wrong with me. He did need more blood and sent me to this person who kept asking me questions like what my days looked like, if I ate and slept. I don't know what that was about.

I still speak with my friends on the computer every day. But it keeps getting harder, because their parents don't allow them to go a lot on it anymore and I probably won't find any computer in the 6 weeks of summer holiday.

Dad said that the school has made the choice and we're going to New York.

Bella

07/07/2010
122 lbs

Dear Diary

You have been diagnosed with depressions. I want you to take these pills each day. That's what Dr. Cullen told me. How is it even possible to diagnose depressions?

Today Mike came to sit next to me at lunch. His friends Eric and Tyler came too. What do they want from me? They were talking about the summer and Mike said he was glad I would be there too. He asked me if I wanted to join him on the trips they had planned. I asked them what kind of trips. They said just stuff like the statue of liberty, the BrooklynBridge and all the other famous things.

Bella

08/07/2010
x lbs

Dear Diary

I am trying so hard. I failed. I've gained this time. When I look in the mirror, I see a monster. When will the monster disappear?

The doctor said my blood results are not the way they are supposed to be. On 6 August it would be 2 months in total since I have taken the iron tablets. But the doctor said we would continue the same tablets until after the summer holiday. Then he would check my blood again and decide on the further treatment.

Bella

09/07/2010
122 lbs

Have a good time, Bella. That's all that Dr. Cullen said to me today. It wasn't even a doctor's appointment. No remembrance. No warnings. Just that one sentence.

Bella

It was Sunday now and I was packing. I took all the warm clothes I had and a pair of extra shoes. My bag was very big but half empty. I just didn't need to bring much along. My appointment card was actually full now. We would be back on 22 August and the doctor actually couldn't leave me alone!

1 Friday 18/06 at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
2 Friday 25/06 at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
3 Friday 02/07 at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
4 W-day 07/07 at 14.30 hour with Dr. Cullen
5 Th-day 08/07at 15.00 hour with Dr. Cullen
6 Friday 09/07 at 15.15 hour with Dr. Cullen
7 M-day 23/08 at 08.30 hour with Dr. Cullen
8 Tu-day 24/08 at 08.30hour with Dr. Cullen

I didn't even get the chance to sleep in on Monday and Tuesday. I took my 3 boxes of medicine and put them in my bag on top of them. Iron tablets, vitamin C and antidepressant. I had enough for the following 6 weeks.

I wish I also have enough strength to survive this.


A/N: So that's about it. But the next chapter should be more fun. I don't know when I'll post.

I've just seen Prince of Persia in IMAX and it was absolutely amazing and great and I love it so much I want to see it again. It's also kind of amazing, because in Holland there are only 4 cities with IMAX in their cinemas and I happen to live in one of those cities. Yay me!