Chapter Seven

"James!" Lily called but James continued to walk forward, his long legs making it hard for Lily to catch up. They were now outside the castle.

"James!" she called again. "James, listen to me."

James turned around to face her, and the hostile look upon his face intimidated her.

"What?" he snapped.

"James, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?" He smiled an angry smile. "For what? For giving me mixed signals? For always turning me down? For making me look stupid?"

"James, I – I was confused."

"The hell you were!"

"I am," Lily insisted, and she could feel hot tears stinging her eyes.

"Of course," James said with heavy sarcasm. "That's why you rejected my invitation to go to the Ball, and accepted someone else's. Someone I bet you don't even know!"

"I only did it because – "

"Because what? Because you simply don't like me? You should have told me that straightaway instead of giving me mixed signals – instead of letting me kiss you under that blasted mistletoe and making me think that somehow you have feelings for me too."

"James, I was afraid," Lily finally admitted. She couldn't see him clearly. Her tears were blinding her. "I was afraid to fall in-love. I was afraid to have my heart broken. And I – " She swallowed. " – I didn't know if it was true that you – you love me."

James laughed a humorless laugh.

"They say you're clever. They say you're brilliant. But you're just as daft as anybody else. What more do I have to do in order to let you see how much I'm in-love with you? How much my heart beats wildly whenever I'm talking to you? How much my mind becomes in disarray whenever I see you?"

Lily didn't say anything, afraid that her voice might break. James moved closer to her and he held her arms. His hold wasn't tight; it wasn't furious. Lily closed her tear-stricken eyes and warm fingers wiped the tears that were still falling. He let his finger linger in her cheek for a moment. And when he spoke, his voice was soft.

"You told me to leave you alone. And now I am."

The hands in Lily's arms loosen and when she opened her eyes, James was gone.

"Lily, you ready?" Mary asked her.

Lily took one last look at the castle that had always been her second home, and nodded. She took a deep breath and entered the Hogwarts Express. They settled into one empty compartment.

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"Remember when I asked you if you were ready?"

Lily nodded slowly.

"You don't look ready," Mary stated.

Lily sighed and admitted, "I know."

Mary didn't even ask about James. She knew perfectly well that ever since James left Lily at the school grounds, they didn't have any communication. They were avoiding each other. Lily acted pretty normally. But only Mary knew that a week - maybe even a month - after their last "conversation", Lily cried every night. That was when Lily fully realized that the emptiness she felt inside her was caused by the love she had for James - a love she had only unraveled after that night. She doubted whether that love could still bring back the past. That love, for all she knew, was already unwanted. But if they were really meant for each other, fate would have to bring them back together.

The Hogwarts Express halted to a stop at King's Cross Station. Lily and Mary went out of the train.

"Oh, this is it!" Mary said, wiping her face with a handkerchief. "I'm going to miss you, Lily."

"Owl me, okay?"

"I promise!"

They hugged each other and parted ways to go to their families. Lily's eyes scanned the whole station, but she couldn't find the very person she wanted to see.

"Lily!" Petunia's voice called, accompanied with impatient knocks on her bedroom door.

"What?" Lily shouted back.

"There's an owl downstairs with a letter from that freak headmaster of yours."

Lily opened her door and glared at her sister.

"Professor Dumbledore isn't a freak," she said icily.

Petunia glared back before entering her bedroom that was just next to Lily's.

Lily went downstairs and untied the letter that was tied to the owl's feet.

"'Dear Miss Lily Evans,'" she read. "'As you know, Lord Voldemort has been gathering followers known as the Death Eaters. The Wizarding world and also the Muggle world is being filled with the bad side. Needless to say, we are in need of wizards and witches to help defy Voldemort and thus maintain peace in our world. For the past few months, I have been looking for well-trained wizards and witches and you, Miss Evans, might be a good addition to the Order of the Phoenix. If you decide to accept my invitation, there is a feast at Hogwarts with all the members. This will be held on the first of August. Yours truly, Albus Dumbledore.'"

Lily's eyes had grown wider while she was reading the letter. After she graduated from Hogwarts, she had been staying at their house, not even bothering to train for an Auror because she knew that if she did, there would be a possibility that she would see James. If she wanted to train for an Auror, she would have to do it maybe after a year. But this, the Order of the Phoenix - though there was a probability that James would be there - might be a good opportunity. Besides, it was time to face the wizarding world again.

When the first of August came, Lily rode the Knight Bus to Hogwarts. And when she got there, her head was pounding, because of the ride. She promised herself never to ride the Knight Bus again.

She inhaled before entering the castle. She had never entered the castle during the summer before so she found it unusual to find silence inside. When she went to the Great Hall, members of the Order of the Phoenix were already there, occupying the four House tables.

"Lily!" Dumbledore greeted her, his blue eyes twinkling behind half-moon spectacles.

"Professor! It's good to see you again!"

"Oh, don't call me professor. I believe you're not my student anymore."

"Sure."

"How have you been?" Dumbledore asked, leading her inside. Lily felt his blue eyes were X-raying her.

"I've been fine," Lily lied.

"Well, the others are over there." He pointed at the Gryffindor table.

"Thank you, Prof - I mean - Dumbledore."

She walked towards the table and looked for old acquaintances.

"Lily! Over here!" a familiar voice called.

She looked for the source of the voice and saw the Marauders, with Remus and Peter waving her over. She could that the wings in her heart was flapping again as she saw James sitting there, but not looking at her.

"How are you?" Remus asked, hugging her.

"I'm good," Lily answered. Again, the lie was there. "You?"

"We're fine," Remus said as Lily hugged Sirius and Peter.

"It's good to see you, Lily," Sirius said, and Lily was relieved that he wasn't angry at her anymore.

"You too. All of you," Lily added as she saw James still sitting there, acting like she wasn't around.

"Why don't you join us, Lily?" Sirius offered, gesturing to the seat between him and James.

"Er - no thanks, Sirius."

Lily turned around and walked towards the other tables.

"Hi," Lily said to a witch at the Hufflepuff table. "Can I sit here?"

"Go ahead," she said.

"I'm Lily Evans."

"Oh, hi, Lily! I'm Andromeda Black," the woman said, holding out her hand to shake Lily's.

"You must be Sirius's cousin."

"Oh, yes. After all, he's the only one among the Blacks that I consider a cousin - or a family."

"Why?"

"We -Sirius and me - are blood traitors," Andromeda said with a chuckle.

"Blood traitors? Why would you be blood traitors?"

"I married a Muggle-born and Sirius, well, he just doesn't like the fact that pure-blooded families should be the only ones to run the Wizarding world. It's a load of crap, if you ask me."

"And the rest of the family?"

Andromeda smirked.

"My sister Bellatrix is a Death Eater. My other sister Narcissa married a Death Eater. And Regulus, Sirius's brother might be one."

"Whoa," Lily breathed. "Your family's - "

"Crazy, I know."

Lily laughed.

They talked for a moment. Then Lily decided to ask Dumbledore's permission to roam the castle for awhile. She went out to the castle grounds and sat on the only bench there.

It was official, Lily thought. She would have to practice on not thinking about James Potter. She knew for a fact that it would be hard since she had been thinking about him all summer. Not thinking about him would be a good thing for her. Thinking about him made her depressed and miserable. Not thinking about him - well, she didn't know what it would make her feel. But she knew it wouldn't be easy. Thinking about him and having his face vividly in Lily's mind was like a drug. It was obsessive. Once she started thinking about him, she wouldn't be able to stop.

But before her thoughts could go any further, she heard a voice call her name. It was a voice that was awfully familiar, though she wondered why that was. She hadn't heard that voice for approximately five months.

She slowly turned around and when she saw him, her long-forgotten feeling became more intense. Her heart was literally jumping inside her.

"Hi," James said quietly.

"James," Lily muttered, unable to believe what was happening.

James sat beside her on the bench and Lily was staring at him, looking like an idiot.

"I missed you, you know," James told her, smiling for the first time since Lily saw him at the castle grounds months before. "It hasn't been the same. I told you I'd leave you alone but I'm tired of it. You don't know the yearning I felt after what happened that night - the yearning to be with you, to hold you, to speak with you. But I promised to leave you, didn't I? So I kept my promise. But now, as you can see, I'm breaking it. I didn't know promises could kill.

"I thought about what you said," he continued, looking at the setting sun. "You were confused - I understand. Being a marauder has its cons, doesn't it? But, Lily, I want you to understand that you are the very first girl I'm serious with. I was confused too, at first. I'd never felt like this in my whole life. Until you came. And when i finally realized that I was in-love with you, I gave all of me. Melodramatic, isn't it? But it's true. I didn't know you were getting sick of me. I couldn't see it. My feelings for you made it impossible."

"I wasn't getting sick of you," Lily said, surprised that her voice didn't sound overwhelmed. "I only did it because I was busy and you were bothering me. And I didn't mean it when I told you to leave me alone."

"It had been a hard time, even pranks couldn't cheer me up. Everything seemed to remind me of you. Sirius thought I've gone mad. Every twilight, when I look at the sky's red and orange glow, I remember your hair. And do you know that I snapped at my mother when she wore her emerald earrings? And we have so many lilies at our garden that it was driving me crazy.

"And when I saw you as Remus and Peter called you over to our table, it was torture. I wanted to hold you. I wanted to hug you. But I couldn't. I thought you were angry. And now that I know you're not..."

"James - "

"I love you, Lily."

"Not as much as I do."

James raised his eyebrows mockingly.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Prove it."

Without giving him time to blink, she kissed him. James placed his hand on her back to make it last longer. And at that time, Lily was sure that the last five months didn't happen.

This doesn't end here, okay? I still have to post the Epilogue. Read and review please. Thank you so much. :)