A/N: Thank you so much for the replies. I tried to update as quick as possible. Hope that you like my next chapter. The italics are flashbacks.
Chapter 7 – Shattered Apologies
"Christine?" I cannot believe my eyes, I haven't seen her since a few days after the funeral, she came to my house to check on me, and that was the last that I heard of her. Christine went to camp with us starting when she was ten. The three of us were pretty close, but not the way that Tina and me were. Dance Camp lasted most of the summer, and whenever we were at camp the three of us were inseparable. But Christine never really wanted to hang out outside of camp, mostly because she lived in California, and it would be really hard to get together. She was still one of my close friends though, we talked on the phone, and she was always there whenever I needed her to be, until Tina died. I haven't talked to her in seven months, she didn't even show up to the funeral, but I still remember our last conversation clearly.
"Haley!" I jumped off of my bed and ran into Christine's open arms while a fresh batch of tears ran down my face. "I am so glad that you are okay!"
"What are you doing here, you live across the country!" Christine looked at me and gave me a sad smile.
"I got on a plane as soon as could. I wanted to come when heard about the accident, but my parents wouldn't let me. I am so sorry about Tina. I know that you must really miss her Hales." I nodded my head and tried unsuccessfully to stop the tears that were streaming down my face. "Are you doing okay? It must have been so hard to be in that accident. I am so glad that I didn't lose you too." I look up at Christine and see that she is crying too. I break out of the hug and start to pace around the room; it's a habit that I picked up since the accident.
"It should have been me, Christine, I deserved to die so much more than she did. I mean I was supposed to drive, and she was such a good person and she didn't deserve to have this happen to her. I don't understand it, and I don't want to. All I know is that it is my fault." I see Christine's eyes open in shock as I talk, clearly that was not the response she was expecting.
"Haley, I know that it was horrible that Tina died, and that it is easy to blame yourself, but how can you honestly believe that it was your fault. It wasn't your fault Hales." I look at her disbelievingly, she is wrong; it was my fault.
"Of course it was my fault. I saw the other driver swerve, I should have known that they were drunk, I should have known that it was dangerous, but I didn't." I can feel the anger and pain rise inside of me and I start to yell. " I was the one who wanted to go out. I was the one who just needed to have fun. Tina would have been just as happy watching a movie at her house. Tina would still be alive if I had just stayed in with her, but no, I needed to go out and because of that Tina is dead. So don't tell me not to blame myself, because it is all me fault, and I hate myself for it." Christine takes a minute to absorb what I said before she responds.
"Haley, you can't hate yourself, and you shouldn't. No one blames you and no one hates you. It was an accident and the only person who is to blame is the drunk driver. It wasn't your fault." I look at Christine with fire burning in my eyes, and can't believe that she has the nerve to talk about things that she doesn't know anything about.
"Shut up Christine. You don't know what the hell you are talking about. You weren't at the funeral, you didn't see the look that her parents gave me when I tried to give my condolences; they hate me. They wish that it was me, I know it."
"Haley, I am sorry that I couldn't be at the funeral, but I couldn't get here till today."
"I don't care why you weren't there. When someone dies Christine, you cancel your other plans and come to say your last goodbye. I don't want to hear your lame excuses about it. I had to go to that stupid funeral alone. No one knew me, and no one was there to hold me as I cried. I needed you to be there Christine, but you weren't. So, don't tell me that it is okay, and it isn't my fault because it is!" I look at her and see the pain in her eyes, but it quickly changes to rage, and I know that she is pissed. She starts yelling too.
"I wanted to be there Haley, I tried to get on a plane the second that I got the phone call, but my parents said that I had to wait till the weekend, because I couldn't miss school. I was so mad; I still am not talking to them. I hate that I had to miss the funeral, and I am really sorry that you had to go alone, but at least you got to say goodbye to her. I didn't even get that chance. I haven't even seen her since the summer. I hate that I wasn't there, so don't you dare yell at me for that!" I look up at her and while a part of me just wants to hug her and leave this fight in the past, a bigger part of me just wants to scream at the top of my lungs.
"It is not my fault that you haven't seen her since the summer. It was like we were never good enough for you, you only can be seen with us when there is no one else around at camp. God forbid we ruin your reputation."
"That is such bull shit Haley, I live in California, I would love to see you more often but I can't." I know that is true, but it doesn't matter. I walk up to her so that I am only an inch away from her face and speak in a malicious tone.
"Whatever Christine, I bet you don't even care that she is dead." As the words leave me mouth I can't believe that I said them, and even in my rage I want to take them back in and swallow them. But before I get a chance, Christine shoves me backwards, and I fall to the ground. I get back up and tackle her, it feels so good to unleash all of the aggression that I have. As I slap and kick and yell, I barley even feel her hitting me back. I feel my father pull me away, but I don't stop, I keep kicking and screaming until he finally manages to calm me down.
I look at Christine and see that she has a gash on her cheek and is bleeding. Then I taste my own blood. I don't fell sorry though, I feel liberated, and all that I want to do is smash something.
My parents leave the room once we both are calm, but say that they will be right outside, so we better not start fighting again. I look at Christine with nothing to say, and she looks just as clueless as me, so we stand in silence for what seems like forever, until she speaks.
"I have a plane to catch, so I guess I am going to go. Goodbye Haley." I hear the coldness in her voice, and match it with my own.
"Goodbye Christine." She walks past me and after she is gone I see a framed picture of Tina, Christine, and Me. I walk over to it, and pick it up, and then throw it at my wall, watching the glass shatter, I melt to the floor, and cry, knowing that my life will never be the same.
I look at her now, and want to tell her sorry so badly, but can't bring myself to do it. She looks at me and doesn't say anything, so I decide to say something first.
"How are you?" She looks at me, but doesn't respond, and I know that it was a stupid thing to say, but it was the only thing that I could think of.
"Fine. Look I have to go. Goodbye Haley." She walks past me without a second look and I can feel the tears threatening to spill down me face. I had finally starting dealing with losing Tina, and now I have to deal with a whole different part of it.
I looked around the club to see if I could find Nathan or Brooke, but it was so crowed and I couldn't see them anywhere. I can't hold the tears in anymore and I let them fall. I look down so no one will see me cry and feel two strong arms wrap around me. I look up at Lucas and hug him back. I really missed him.
"I'm scared Luke, everything fells out of control."
"I know Hales, but I'm here for you, and so are Brooke and Nathan." I smile slightly at the mention of Nathan. I know that Luke hates him, but he is trying.
"I miss you Luke. I am so sorry, I don't want to lose you."
"You won't Hales, I will always be here, no matter what." I hold him tighter and feel like a weight has been lifted. It is amazing that Luke can forgive me so easily. Maybe, if I am lucky, Christine will be able to forgive me to. Then, hopefully, I will be able to forgive myself.
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