Chapter 7
When Levon unlocked Joe´s apartment door, he wasn´t sure what to expect. All during the day he had continuously turned all options over in his head, but now he couldn´t make up his mind how to start the imperative conversation with Joe.
Levon found his partner still on the couch, awake, but surrounded by an air of gloom and fatigue. Joe didn´t even look up as Levon sat down beside him.
"Did yah eat something?"
A shake of the head was the only reaction.
"Did yah at least sleep some?"
Again Joe shook his head. "I told you before I can´t sleep, that´s why I used the marihuana," Joe said defiantly.
"But you said you´d be ok a while ago, don´t yah remember? Yah should have told me you were far from ok." Levon could not suppress the reproachful tone.
"And what would you have done about it?" Joe retorted.
"I would have made you see a doc. Joe, how do you think this will go on? Do you want to end up sick, homeless, without a job, in jail or even dead?" Levon was tempted to get hold of Joe and shake him to see reason.
Joe started to sob. He felt utterly helpless. He saw absolutely no way out of the predicament he had manoeuvred himself into. The tension and despair of the past weeks were violently seeking an outlet.
His partner´s reaction made Levon bend towards Joe and he got hold of the younger man, pulling him to rest against his shoulder. He felt that the tense body started to shake with convulsive crying and just held on.
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Joe cried for a long time. At last his tears ran dry and though he wasn´t closer to a solution to his problems he felt slightly better. He sat up and realized that he had soaked Levon´s shirtfront with his tears. He reached out and touched the wet fabric.
"I´m sorry," he said, his face showing a trace of his typical boyish smile.
Levon returned the smile. "That don´t make no never mind." He rubbed at his shirt front.
"I know I slept the one time you stayed here." Joe wiped his face. "Perhaps you could stay tonight."
"Joe, I don´t mind staying here. But this can´t be a permanent solution. You need to stop taking drugs. Don´t you realize that you are violating the law you swore to protect?"
Joe felt ashamed. "I know, I know. But I only did it to get some peace and quiet. I just bought it and used it for myself."
"But how long do you think you can go on like this?" Levon wanted Joe to see where his behavior would inevitably be leading to. "You´re already owing large sums of money to most of your friends. How do you think you will ever be able to repay them?"
First Joe´s jaw dropped open. Then he sat up and shot Levon a furious gaze. "You spied on me, how dare you…"
"I didn´t. Esteban asked about you and he said he needed his money back to go see his family in Mexico. But you never intended to repay it, did you?" Levon held Joe´s gaze. "And Chicken overheard the conversation. Guess what he told me? I didn´t even have to ask him. And Annie, you used her too. Only Joanne you couldn´t sweet talk into giving you an advance."
Joe had gone quiet again. He knew Levon was right.
"Just think, Joe. When no one will give you any more money what will you do? Do the next logical thing? Become a dealer, become a criminal yourself, steal and cheat?"
Joe swallowed hard. It was over. "Will you tell Joanne?"
"There is only one way I can help you, Joe. You must never again use drugs, never, you hear? And no one must ever learn anything about what you did. Because if anyone finds out I will be involved as well. And I will not be able to help you then."
Even as Joe spoke the words, Levon had a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had heard these words before. His father, an incurable alcoholic, had used the same phrase many times.
"I promise. I promise never to take any drugs ever again." Though Joe´s face couldn´t be more honest, Levon knew, that just like his own father, his partner would break the promise.
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During the next week Joe really made an effort.
Levon spent the nights at Joe´s apartment so the Ex-Chicagoan wouldn´t be alone. The first night was ok, Joe was exhausted and his body eagerly demanded sleep. But the days that followed were full of pitfalls. The symptoms of detoxification were numerous, hard to hide and they varied. Often Joe was moody or even downright depressed. During daytime their job kept them busy, but the nights were hardest. Some nights Joe couldn´t sleep at all, some nights he had nightmares and Levon woke him, wiping the cold sweat from Joe´s face. Then Levon would stay up with him, talk to him and try to ease his partner´s fears until Joe finally calmed down again.
On another day Joe flung profanities at Levon for no apparent reason. He did not utter a single word of thank when Levon cleaned up after him when Joe had been sick all over the bathroom floor. Levon just dragged him to his bed and tugged him in nonetheless.
One afternoon, when Levon was in court, Joe left the bullpen early on a pretext and Levon found him in the apartment, plastered and in a belligerent mood. "Leave me alone!" was all Joe shouted over and over again.
Levon endured it all stoically, hoping for a change.
The next day Joe was feverish and when Levon left for work alone he locked the younger man in for fear that Joe would go out to get drugs.
Then finally after a week a slight change for the better came. Joe looked less haunted. He seemed more at ease. He slept most of the nights. He ate more regularly.
Levon felt relieved.
But then Joe blew it.