Seven
summer
The new compound was nothing like the old compound. It was a constant hub of activity and people. My life became filled with every day routine.
Training with Yoshino. Gossiping with Maemi and Haruka. Ignoring Ryuu. Playing with Izuna. Talking with Madara. Ignoring Tajima.
It seemed as if I was finally becoming an official member of the compound. I was introduced to Haruka's father, called Toyozo. He was loud and big and overwhelming, and it was clear that Tajima liked him and Kosuke didn't.
My days spent eating meals with Mei were gone. I no longer ate with her and rarely saw her except for when I played with Izuna and she watched on, smiling. Instead, I ate with what seemed like Tajima's council, consisting of: Kosuke, Yori, Tajima, Toyozo, Matsuri, Haruka, Ryuu, Yoshino, Shin, Satsuki, Madara, Izuna and I.
A lot of so-called important people crowded around table, with Tajima at the head.
The rest of the plebs of the Uchiha clan dined in the big hall, which to me, seemed far more exciting. The talk at meals was stifling, some tension always rising between Kosuke and whoever else. Everyone was his target. Yoshino and Yori sat on either side of him, lips pursed, neither giving away anything.
My fifth birthday came and went. It was no quiet affair. Everyone seemed to wish me a good day as I walked the corridors, everyone knowing my name.
It was disturbing and I didn't like it.
The gifts were worth it, though. Yoshino gave me a set of shuriken and kunai, Madara a book about taijutsu, Izuna a drawing of us outside playing together, Ryuu a piece of grass.
Despite the fact that every stranger in the Uchiha clan seemed intent on wishing me a good day, dinner was spent with just Tajima, Izuna, Madara and I. It was quiet and peaceful and exactly what I needed.
I didn't mind the fact that none of us spoke. It contrasted against the laborious intensity of having strangers talk to me.
Weeks blurring together provided both bliss and also a sense of confusion. One day, it could feel like just week that the old compound burned down and Yoshino and I were trudging through the Fire Country. The next, it could feel like the event had happened years ago, and I was immune to it.
During the day, I was distracted. If it wasn't Maemi and Haruka talking my ear off, it was Yoshino lecturing me on my posture, or Izuna begging me to play with him, or Madara and I engaging in a ruthless intellectual battle where he seemed to want to prove he was better, which was ridiculous because I knew he was better and was making no attempt to disprove this.
It was as if someone had told Madara about my newly acquired Sharingan, and this was a threat to him. I didn't realise just how badly this was until I was watching him and Ryuu spar together in the courtyard one day.
Ryuu was definitely stronger than Madara, but he was at least a year older. There was something less technical about Ryuu as well. It was as if whoever had taught him had sort of told him the basics, then he had figured out the rest himself. Everything Madara knew was textbook taijutsu and ninjutsu, whereas Ryuu's fighting style involved all sorts of odd movements that Madara called not right.
After Madara had lost nine times in a row, they came over towards me.
"Did you see that?" Ryuu asked and they both sat on either side of me, effectively preventing my escape. "Did you see me beat your brother into the ground?"
Madara scowled beside me. "You're older," he said.
"Age is no excuse."
"Well it is, considering you've had one year of extra practise!"
"Should have started training a year earlier, them."
"Do you know how life works? You can't do anything when you're in the womb."
"I wasn't training when I was just born. Do you know how life works? I started training at three. You should've then started training at two."
"I didn't know you existed. If I had, then I would have."
"Enough," I interrupted before Ryuu could open his mouth again and continue the tirade. "Who cares?"
Madara's scowl grew. "I'm sure you should, considering your goal seems to take over the Uchiha clan."
On the other side of me, Ryuu shifted, moving away and looking into the distance.
"What? Why would I want to take over the Uchiha clan?"
"You're training and you have the Sharingan."
"Ryuu's training and he has the Sharingan. Does that mean he wants to take over the Uchiha clan?"
"Ryuu-kun," the boy himself said, giving me a nonchalant smile. "And of course I want to take over the Uchiha clan! What kind of nonsense are you spouting?"
Madara crossed his arms and levelled me with a look. "See?"
"He's being sarcastic, Madara," I snapped. "He's messing with you."
"I don't care if he's messing with me. It doesn't change my point. First you want to start training, then you go out and get the Sharingan, and now Yoshino-sensei is training you when he should be training me."
All three of us fell silent.
"I'm leaving," Ryuu said, standing up and going without another word.
"I can't believe you're jealous of me," I said the moment Ryuu was out of sight. "Can you stop being such a drama queen?"
Madara scoffed. "I know you think you're smarter than me. And maybe you are. You seemed to have some sense of superiority over me, whether it be for intelligence or morality or anything else. But the only thing that you aren't better than me at is fighting. So you're going to take that, too."
"Where did this even come from?"
"I'm going to be clan head. Not you. Everyone whispers about how much you've been improving with Yoshino-sensei and I—"
"It's Kosuke, isn't it?" I interrupted. "He's been having casual conversations in front of you. I'm not improving that much, Madara! And you'll always be better than me. I know that."
He fell silent, basically confirming to me that it was Kosuke that seemed to somehow be putting this idea into his head.
"Kosuke-san," he told me quietly.
I huffed. "He doesn't deserve respect."
"That's not the point."
"This is not the point!"
"You truly are a child sometimes, aren't you?" Madara murmured.
I wanted to hit him. Here he was, calling me a child, when he had just accused me of wanting to take over him or some utter bullshit like that. Accusing me of being a child when he was the one being petty, when he was the one easily being manipulated.
"I'm young," I replied instead, giving him a glare.
"Only when it suits you."
We both glared at each other, neither of us moving or saying anything. I felt as if we both looked exactly the same — narrowed eyes, messy hair, hunched shoulders. A perfect reflection of one another.
But I didn't want that.
"Fine. Kosuke-san," I mumbled.
Madara frowned at me. "You just that wasn't—"
"I know what I said."
"Well, then—"
"And I think you shouldn't listen to Kosuke-san. I don't wanna be clan head. Ever. I don't know what he's said to you but it's probably wrong."
He scrutinised me for a moment. The expression made him look so much like Tajima that I stared right back.
"Do you promise?" he asked.
I wrinkled my nose. "I mean, yes, of course I promise. You should just believe me anyway. I don't think I need to promise."
"But do you promise?" This time, he held out his hand for me to shake.
"A handshake doesn't make a difference," I said but took his hand anyway.
For a second we battled for dominance, looking at each other and squeezing as hard as we could. Madara's grip became too tight and I wrenched my hand out of his.
"Good," Madara said, getting up and walking away, leaving me sitting there with a bruised hand and ego.
autumn
"I want you to teach me, Kiyo-chan!"
"Izuna, I'm not even that—"
"I don't care! Teach me, teach me, teach me!"
Izuna and I were sitting in his room, and he had produced a box containing a variety of orange-y leaves that he was thrusting in my face.
His boundless energy wasn't contagious. It was exhausting. And besides I had no doubt that he already knew the leaf technique, so I wasn't sure what game he was playing with me pretending he didn't.
Izuna's entire face lit up when I held the leaf to my forehead and kept it there.
"You're so amazing, Kiyo-chan!"
I rolled my eyes, ruffling his hair which made his grin wider.
"Okay, now draw!" he said, shutting the box and pushing it into the corner of his room.
"I thought you wanted me to teach you?"
He shook his head, and went to the closet where his parchment and ink were stored. "Draw! I wanna draw!"
Part of me wanted to object, because spending time drawing was just ridiculous. But it was something creative, something artistic. Though I knew how to read in this world, reading wasn't something people just did unless it was for something.
Basically, no one had any sense of recreational hobbies except for practical ones, like cooking and sewing. But that wasn't even a hobby.
Izuna drew thick stick figures with an ink brush, squinting hard, tongue poked out, as he drew a set of seven people.
"Who are they?" I asked while I just stuck to drawing a shitty landscape that consisted of a river, trees, the classic corner page sun and V birds.
He beamed at me. "It's us! That's dad, mum, Take-kun, Jin-kun, Madara, you and me!"
I stared blankly at the piece of parchment.
"So you can remember eve—everyone!"
It could've been any seven people. He had drawn me with a slight mullet, Tajima looking sullen, a random generic looking woman, one boy with a scowl, one with a passive smile, one with a wide grin and the smallest stick figure was giving a weird looking thumbs up.
I stared at the figure who was representing Jin, at that wild grin that looked nothing like his actually had, but —
In my head, I could still envision it perfectly.
"This is meant to be happy, Kiyo-chan!" Izuna said, pouting when he saw my sullen expression. "It's happy!"
It was happy. But that was no longer what we were.
I took the parchment from him anyway, giving him a smile. "I'll put this up in my room," I told him.
He stared at me as if this was the most amazing news he had ever heard. "Really?"
"Of course, Izuna. It's beautiful."
It wasn't. It was a shit drawing done by a nearly three year old. But I wanted to encourage something non-violent within Izuna, even though I had yet to see him begin some kind of shinobi training.
I didn't know if that was a deliberate decision on Tajima's part, or if there was something no time or no one to train him. But that was ridiculous. Izuna was the clan head's son. Priority would surely be given to him over some other random Uchiha.
If there was no one to train him, if that was truly the reason, then surely Yoshino would have been asked to train Izuna, and not me.
No matter how hard I tried to force myself to think like Tajima, to try and uncover some reason behind this, I couldn't. It was illogical.
But I was glad for it. It meant that my room slowly began to fill up with endless ink drawings done by Izuna, some of stories I told him in the old compound, and some of me and then the rest of our family. I stuck them into my wall with little metal pins, which I had thought Mei would disapprove of, but she only smiled when she saw them.
"Madara doesn't put mine up!" Izuna told me when he saw my room covered in them.
"I'm sure he has a reason for it. He might just be really busy and hasn't had time."
Izuna frowned, looking unconvinced.
"How about we go find him, then? Drag him away from the training ground and spend some time hanging them up with him?"
This got rid of the frown, but he still looked at me oddly. "I thought—you two aren't talking!"
"No, Izuna, we are," I said, the reply automatic. "We are."
We were talking. It was just usually about nothing, about safer conversations. If I ever saw Kosuke beside him in the courtyard, talking to him, I never asked him about it. And Madara seemed to respect this and therefore didn't bother me with his petty jealous bullshit. One handshake couldn't eliminate every problem.
"Okay," Izuna said, still looking uncertain. "Okay!"
Predictably, Madara was in the courtyard. There was no one beside him, which I took to mean that this was his own personal decision to train, meaning it could be interrupted.
"Madara!" Izuna shouted, bounding up to him and causing everyone in the near vicinity to scowl.
I watched as Madara stopped his shuriken practise and turned to Izuna. Part of me wanted to see their relationship in action, because it was obvious that Izuna absolutely worshipped Madara, but I wasn't sure how either treated each other.
They both began speaking, Madara going onto his knees to be eye level with Izuna and smiling.
He had never looked at me like that.
When they both approached me, Izuna's hand within Madara's, I forced a smile on my face.
"You excited to decorate your room, Madara?" I asked.
He raised his eyebrow at me, as if to say what do you think? "Of course," he said instead.
Naturally, Madara's room was larger than mine and Izuna's combined. His futon even looked more comfy. He went to the closet and pulled out a wooden box that contained all of Izuna's drawings.
I had thought he had been obsessive when it came to drawing me things, but it looked like had drawn double for Madara.
It took the entire afternoon to pin all the drawings into Madara's wall. Izuna chattered away the entire time, rambling on about this and that, sometimes making sense and other times not. He spent a lot of time flattering Madara, as well, complimenting his form in his katas — how did he even know what good form was? — as well as his katon, which was coming along nicely.
By the time we were on the last few drawings, Izuna was yawning, and Madara set up his futon. We both watched our younger brother collapse onto the futon and fall asleep within moments.
"Sometimes I feel he has endless energy, but then this happens," Madara said, but there was no sign of irritation in his voice.
"I'm sure he'll be up in a few minutes, ready to draw you more pictures."
We both exchanged grins before quickly looking away from each other.
"Let's finish these last few," I suggested, not meeting his eyes.
With Izuna snoring softly in the background, we pinned up the last few pictures. Most of Madara's walls were covered in them, and most of the pictures seemed to star just Izuna, Madara and I, all smiling.
"I almost want to sleep now," I groaned, sitting beside Izuna's sleeping form. "I swear, your futon looks way better than mine."
"It probably is," Madara said, sounding annoyingly nonchalant.
Maybe it was because I spent most nights tossing and turning, waking up sweating from nightmares, or maybe because here, surrounded by two ridiculously young boys, I somehow felt safe. Whatever the reason, I crawled next to Izuna, closing my eyes and drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
When I came to and opened my eyes, the room was dark. I was curled around Izuna. When I squinted my eyes, I saw Madara on the other side of Izuna, his eyes closed and his breath heavy.
I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.
winter
Ryuu was a bursting mess of testosterone despite only being nearly eight. He was arrogant, sexist and full of energy constantly. He was also full of shit.
It was funny how I started to spend more time with him than Madara.
Madara was constantly training, throwing himself into things at a rapid pace. According to Ryuu, he was absolutely begging to be taken on missions and being placed on the frontlines.
And so Ryuu, despite being a bursting mess of testosterone and arrogant, sexist and full of shit, became my Madara confidant.
"He's always sucking up to my father," Ryuu told me as I whisked the tea.
I realised after Mei found us in my room together that there was no acceptable way for us to hang out unless I was treating him or some other sexist bullshit.
"You're the clan head's daughter, Kiyomi-chan," Mei had lectured. "You cannot just have boys in your room."
"What if I want to practise my tea ceremony?"
Unfortunately, she hadn't fallen for this. "I can't imagine you wanting to do such a thing. But if you are, leave the door open and make it look convincing. Hopefully I have taught you well enough to simply pretend like you know what you're doing."
I must have, because every person that peered in and saw Ryuu and I sitting around a tatami table, me sitting seiza and pouring tea seemed to smile approvingly.
Ryuu took a sip of his tea and nodded, as if he were an eighty year old tea connoisseur and not a dumb boy.
"Why would he suck up to Toyozo-san?" I asked. "No offence, but our father is clan head."
"Yeah, but my father is responsible for delegating missions." He sounded proud for using that word and said it with great deliberation. "And Madara really wants to prove himself or some crap."
I gave him a sweet smile. "Don't swear in front of me. I'm the clan head's daughter."
"Yeah, maybe, but you act like an adult peasant, so whatever."
Haruka didn't like me spending time with Ryuu.
"I do not see why you should," Haruka said to me. We were all outside, and Haruka was braiding Maemi's hair.
"I already told you why we actually talk. It's not that I actually like him or want to speak to him, it's just I need to know how Madara's going."
This only made Haruka's frown deepen. "I think you should just ask Madara-kun himself how he's going."
"I know what you think."
"Well, then—" She stopped, clearly wanting to say something but not doing so because I had no doubt it would be seen as disrespectful.
Fortunately, Maemi saved the awkwardness by talking about a completely different awkward matter.
"Of course Kiyo-chan wants to talk to Ryuu-kun! He's a talented shinobi. And he's—well, y'know." Maemi began to blush.
Both Haruka and I immediately scowled, though I had a feeling hers was simply because Ryuu was her brother, whereas I was wondering how messed up this world was for a seven year old to be commenting on how cute a boy was.
Though I supposed girls did marry young here. I had a feeling that Maemi was encouraged to think like this, especially about Ryuu or Madara. They were considered higher than her, and she should aspire for higher.
"And Yoshino-kun as well! I wish I was you, Kiyo-chan."
This only made my distaste grow. "He's old," I said, my voice short.
Maemi scoffed. "His maturity adds to how handsome he is!"
"What Maemi-chan means, I think, is that Yoshino-kun is a very talented shinobi," Haruka interrupted smoothly.
"A very talented attractive shinobi."
I wrinkled my nose.
"I would've loved to spend three whole days roaming the Fire Country with Yoshino-kun."
"Maemi!" Haruka snapped, this time genuinely flustered.
Maemi fell silent. I knew that they were both looking at me, scrutinising my reaction. I pretended to stare at the falling leaves.
"I'm sorry, Kiyomi," Maemi said. "I—that was insensitive."
"Don't mention that again," I said, turning to face her. "Don't bring that up again."
"Oh. I—of course."
Maemi's hands fluttered around Haruka's hair, as if unsure whether to resume braiding her hair or to change the subject or to apologise once more.
I didn't have it in me to ease the awkwardness.
spring
Maemi's birthday was a vastly different affair from mine. She turned eight, and seemed oddly proud of this, as this was some grand age.
The people walking down the corridors didn't stop to congratulate her, as they did me. She didn't get a special dinner, or a hoard of gifts. In fact, her only gifts were from Haruka and I, which made me wonder about her parents.
"She does not talk about them," Haruka whispered as we sat in the mess hall, waiting for Maemi to get breakfast. We had already eaten ours. "I do not know where they are."
I nodded, not having time to say anything else as Maemi returned with a bland looking breakfast. Staring at it, I wished I had taken her to our breakfast, with its variety of soups and fish and rice.
"So," Haruka began after Maemi finished her breakfast, smiling brightly. "What do you want to do today?"
Maemi returned the smile. "Just hang out, of course! We can sit in the courtyard seeing as the weather is finally nice." She sighed in a dramatic manner. "I can't stand the cold. Everything is just so...sad."
Outside, the leaves were growing back on the trees, the sun shining in the sky without being obstructed by grey clouds. Everyone was gathered in the courtyard, some older girls lounging around and gossiping and a few people training. I saw Madara in the distance going through katas while someone watched on.
As usual, Maemi began the discussion.
"I heard Renjiro-san is getting engaged," she said, which caused Haruka to straighten up.
"Who is Renjiro?" I asked, frowning.
Maemi tutted. "We talked about him just last week! He's one of the top shinobi of the Uchiha clan. And it's Renjiro-san. Come on, Kiyo-chan."
Haruka sent Maemi the look which said shut up you're speaking to the clan head's daughter.
"Oh. Yeah, him. I remember now. How do you even remember all these names?"
"I know everyone in the Uchiha clan," Maemi bragged. "Or at least, everyone who matters."
"Right," I said, not really believing her. I thought of the least important Uchiha I had met. Saori came to mind instantly — she had been so boring and predictable that no one could really know her, not to mention I didn't even know if she was alive. "Do you know Saori-san?"
She gasped at me. "Of course I do. Do you think I'm an imbecile? She's engaged to wed one of the Elders!"
I wrinkled my nose. "One of the Elders? But she's so young?"
"Do you honestly not know anything about your own clan? Aren't you meant to be the clan head's daughter?" She shook her head at me, ignoring the look from Haruka. "You don't have to be old to be an Elder. You just have to be incredibly wise."
I had never really heard of the Elders before, which struck me as odd, now that I thought about it. In fact, Tajima had done little to explain the politics of the Uchiha clan with me, and hadn't bothered to have Mei explain them to me, either. If Maemi, a girl who Haruka claimed wasn't that 'well bred' or whatever, knew all this stuff, why didn't I?
"So Ta—my father doesn't have all the power?" I asked, trying to sound as if I knew this and was just confirming it.
Once more, Maemi sent me a look of pure astonishment. "I just—are you just messing with me, or do you seriously not know anything about this?"
"I don't know anything about this," I confessed.
"Well—well okay. Tajima-sama technically makes the decisions, but usually they have to go through the Elders first. They're like the middle ground, so if Tajima-sama does go insane or whatever and make some really bad decisions, the Elders can shut him down."
"I've never seen them, though," I pointed out. "If they were so important, then wouldn't they be by his side? And doesn't my father have his own council? Isn't that what they do?"
It was Haruka who spoke this time. "Tajima-sama is sort of unusual for a clan head," she told me, and I had a feeling unusual was a polite way of putting it. "Usually the Elders are always around the clan head. Usually, in fact, the Uchiha are all in one place, but Tajima-sama deemed that unsafe, for if someone were to attack, we would all be put in danger. And it is the Elders who usually guard the Uchiha library and tablet, but for whatever reason, your father did not want to stay there."
Tajima wasn't an idiot. It was unsafe for a whole bunch of people to be gathered in one place.
But that wasn't the point. Maemi — who seemed to be a lower tier Uchiha or whatever — knew about all this and I didn't. And it made me realise how little about this world I had actually been taught.
"How do you know all this?" I asked, my face flushing as Haruka and Maemi exchanged looks.
"People talk. I just picked up bits and pieces from listening in," Maemi said. "Haruka was taught all that stuff, though."
I scowled.
"I'm sure there was a reason you weren't told, though!" Maemi added quickly.
There was a reason. Tajima was a piece of shit who seemed to like keeping me in the dark in regards to every single thing that mattered. But of course I didn't say this to them. I had already confessed enough, that I didn't know something that seemed to be common knowledge. I refused to elaborate and let them know how much I hated Tajima, their beloved clan head.
He was unusual. That didn't excuse him from not telling me important things.
summer
The entire compound seemed to fold in on itself. Everyone who walked the corridors was subdued, as if they felt the grief personally, as if it rested on their shoulders and they were burdened by it.
They weren't. They didn't care. They didn't know.
Haruka's first words to me had never been truer. These people just wanted to climb the hierarchy that was the Uchiha clan, and if that meant being utterly disrespectful and faking grief, then they would. And they would do it without shame.
Tajima's door to his office was closed. He wasn't at breakfast.
Even Kosuke was silent as he ate his food, not meeting anyone's eyes.
I stayed in my room, only leaving to train with Yoshino where we ran through various katas which mostly involved him twisting my arms and legs until they hurt. He didn't go quite as hard.
That night, I forced myself to stay awake. I didn't want the brutal invasion of nightmares that would inevitably happen. I didn't want to wake up screaming, drenched in sweat.
But I did anyway. I didn't remember much — just the usual horrifying combination of Jin and Takeshi dying, my old friend and black blobs suffocating me until I woke up, gasping for breath, a scream halfway out of my throat.
My room was pitch black. Outside, I heard the usual familiar noises of shinobi pacing back and forth, the occasional hushed conversation.
Everything was safe.
Everything was okay.
It had been okay for awhile. It would be okay for awhile longer.
But I lay there, shivering in my futon despite it being early summer, unable to sleep, unable to believe that this world could ever truly be safe.
autumn
"I think it's time," Yoshino told me when I came out to greet him at the usual time.
I frowned, because that could mean several things. "For?"
"For a ninjutsu. I've been mostly teaching you taijutsu and just how to not be an idiot, but I think it's time to move on from that."
Ignoring the part about not being an idiot, I grinned at him. "I definitely think it's time to move on."
"Now I'm going to assume that your affinity is fire—"
"Wait, what? What if it isn't?"
Yoshino shrugged. "Then I suppose you'll suffer. I don't think I've met an Uchiha who doesn't have fire as their main affinity."
"Isn't there a way to check, though?" I asked.
"Maybe there is, somewhere out there. I wouldn't be surprised if the Nara had invented one, but obviously they wouldn't share that around."
"The Nara?" I repeated, because that sounded very familiar.
He gave me a look. "Do you want to learn ninjutsu, or ask stupid questions?"
"Both! I'm curious. Isn't curiosity a good thing? Shouldn't children be encouraged to be curious?"
"Not children like you, that's for sure." He gave me another look, as if trying to figure out whether I did want to know about some random clan or breathe fire. "Well, the Nara clan aren't exactly competition for the Uchiha clan. They're a great deal smaller, but that's not how they've survived. They deal in knowledge. Besides, they don't exactly attempt to gain power or control within the Fire Country like the Uchiha or Senju do."
Senju. Now that was definitely familiar. They were the rivals of the Uchiha. Yet I was sure I hadn't heard their name brought up yet, despite the fact that they were — from what I could remember — the main antagonist in the eyes of the Uchiha.
"The Senju," I began to say and Yoshino let out a sigh. "What? I need to know these things!"
"This is the last thing I'm telling you, and then we're moving on, okay?" He waited until I nodded before continuing. "The Senju are the other big clan within the Fire Country. They have large numbers, just like us, and they're powerful. Tajima-sama and their leader, Butsuma, have always had an intense rivalry. Most of the time, though, the clan in favour with the daimyo is the one who is considered to have the most power at that moment in time."
I thought I remembered Jin mentioning something about the daimyo and Tajima awhile back.
"That's us, right?"
Yoshino laughed. "What? No. Tajima-sama hates the daimyo. He considers it a waste of time. That's what he tells my father, at least."
"So the Uchiha and Senju aren't really fighting at the moment?" I asked.
"I wouldn't say that. Let's just say if I bumped into a Senju, we'd fight to the death, no questions asked. That's just how it is."
"But that's—that's just dumb!" I snapped. Yoshino shrugged when I glared at him. "That's just how it is. That's called being dumb. That's how wars just keep going!"
"Well, I'm glad we have you, the esteemed clan head's daughter, who seems to understand so easily how wars can be ended and will definitely end them herself."
My hands clenched and I forced myself to not hit Yoshino. Not only because he would easily annihilate me, but also because it was easy to think like him. It was easy to think that's how it is and never think further. And I had feeling that he did think further than that, that he didn't necessarily agree with that.
"Fine," I said, watching Yoshino's face flicker with surprise. "Let's just get on with it."
"Alright then." He looked at me, uncertainty all over his stupid acne nearly teenager-y face. I still couldn't believe he was thirteen.
I watched as he went through the hand seals, his larger hands easily managing to flick through the combination. When I tried, it was as if my fingers were steel rods trying to bend and flex.
"Stop overthinking and try again, this time slower. Copy me. Tiger, Ram, Monkey, Boar, Horse, Tiger."
As he said each word, I attempted to fumble through the hand seals.
"I thought this would be the easy part," I snapped, shaking out my hands.
Yoshino rolled his eyes. "Of course you did. None of it's the easy part."
It took me the entire afternoon to get them anywhere near smooth, and even then each transition was shaky and awkward.
"Don't stress it," Yoshino told me when I lay against the tree, exhausted despite the fact that the only part of my body I had moved were my hands. "This is a difficult jutsu, especially for someone so young. Honestly, in my opinion, it shouldn't be taught until people are around ten or so. And it's usually—" He paused. "It's usually the indicator of whether someone is ready to go on the front lines."
"What?"
He shrugged. "I don't agree with it. But that's often how people decide."
"So if I master this, I'll be sent out into the war?"
"Only if you want. Only if you think you're ready."
I shook my head. "Only when I'm ready? I'm never gonna be ready. Ever."
He didn't look surprised. "No one's every ready. Let me reword that. Only if you think you're as prepared as you could be."
But standing there, every joint in my hands throbbing with exertion, I didn't even see that there would be a point where I would be as prepared as I could be. Prepared to kill. Or prepared to die.
"Don't stress it," Yoshino said once again. "It doesn't matter."
We both knew it did matter. He was training me for this explicit reason. I couldn't just back out.
"Can we try it one more time?" I asked. "Please?"
After a lengthy sigh, Yoshino held up his hands. "Okay. Watch me do it, and then try again."
winter
Izuna and I spent a lot of time outside braiding grass. It calmed my head and my heartbeat, and Izuna always seemed to know whenever he passed me in the hallway if I needed to spend a bit of time outside, simply doing something with my hands. Even when it was so cold we had to wear multiple layers, we were often outside.
His fingers were too chubby to properly do much, but he still gave it his best go. And somehow, his always ended up looking better than mine.
"I know how to pick the grass!" he said, beaming.
It was odd, how different it was to spend time with Madara and Izuna. With Madara, it was as if we were both constantly on the verge of a disagreement, or a fight, or something. I felt uneasy around him, like I was crossing a field riddled with landmines and one wrong step could blow me to pieces.
But with Izuna, it was just like lazing around on a nice sunny day.
The issue with spending time outside, though, was that in this compound, most kids were outside. And I hated their judging and prying stares, their leers, their loud shouts.
They never really bothered us except for the odd looks. Until one day when we found some flowers on the edge of the compound by the gates despite the freezing weather, picked them, went to our usual spot and made flower crowns with the grass and the flowers, and I placed one atop Izuna's head.
"Wow, Izuna-hime, you look so great!" a boy said who stood behind Izuna, towering over him, sneering.
"Excuse me?" I snapped, but he ignored me, leaning down to just above Izuna's height.
"That type of stuff is for girls, Izuna-hime. Are you a girl?"
Izuna frowned and shook his head. "No, I'm a boy!"
"Well then you better start acting like it. Stand up!"
I watched as Izuna slowly began to rise, looking uncertain.
"Now you're gonna climb that tree over there with just your feet. If you can't do that, well, there's gonna be trouble."
Before Izuna could make his way over to the tree and actually try it, I grabbed his arm. "That's enough," I told the boy, who looked around eight.
He barely glanced my way. "Shut up and don't interrupt. I'm talking."
"Who do you think you are?"
"Who do you think you are? Izuna-hime's boyfriend?"
I laughed, which caused the boy to stop and look at me, startled by my reaction. "No, actually. I'm his sister."
For a moment he stared, confused, before the realisation dawned on him. But he didn't stop.
"It looks like the clan head's little princess wishes she was born a little prince. You think you can take us?"
The us turned out to be two more identical looking eight year olds. They all were sneering, they all had lost a few of their front teeth and they looked ridiculous.
Despite the fact that I knew there was a courtyard filled with kids watching, and that I shouldn't do this — he was just an ignorant kid, that was all, there was nothing more to it —
He had insulted Izuna.
He could go fuck himself.
When my foot hit just below his waist, he screamed in pain and hit the ground.
"Kiyo-chan," Izuna mumbled beside me, tugging on my hand, but I ignored him.
"You know what? I'm still a little princess and I can kick your ass just fine! You're pathetic. A pathetic loser who's jealous because he thinks his only talent is strength and fighting but it looks like you're shit at that!"
The two other boys stared at me and looked back down at their leader, as if they couldn't think for themselves what to do.
"Go!" I screamed, and the leader limped away, the two boys following a moment later.
I knew that the entire courtyard was staring at me. It was deathly silent.
Izuna tugged on my hand. "Kiyo-chan, let's go inside."
"Okay," was all I could say, but we didn't get that far before Yoshino intercepted us.
"What's this?" Yoshino demanded. "Why is everyone gathered here?"
"How should I know?"
He glared at me, before turning his attention to Izuna and kneeling down before him. "Are you alright, Izuna-kun? Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Izuna shook his head, looking at his feet. "I dunno why all these people are here."
Yoshino's presence had made most of them leave. I didn't know what they found intimidating about him — he had acne, not grizzly battle scars. At least, none that were visible.
I certainly hoped he didn't have any battle scars.
"Why don't you go find Mei-san and have her clean you up?" Yoshino suggested, giving Izuna a gentle push in the direction of the compound. "Go on."
When he was safely inside, the glare was back.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I snapped. "Not everything is my fault."
He rolled his eyes. "All the kids were looking at you. And I'm pretty sure I heard someone complain about being kicked in the balls."
"The balls?" I repeated innocently. "What are they?"
"For fu—don't play pretend."
"I don't understand. What balls?"
"You're a piece of shit."
"I dunno what that means either. What's s—shit?"
Yoshino made an exasperated noise. "Just go inside. I don't understand why you're out here in the first place. You're going to catch a cold."
When we were inside and away from everyone's stares, he turned to me once again.
"What?" I snapped.
"You shouldn't lose your temper like that," he said. "Everyone's watching you."
"Maybe that's why I'm losing my temper."
He sighed, which was the usual noise he made around me. Usually I didn't care, but — that idiot's words were still rolling around in my head, thunking against my skull insistently.
"Oh, I get it. I'm so annoying and hard to deal with. I should just be a silly little girl and sit around sewing and learn how to keep my mouth shut and bow prettily and do all that stupid stuff!"
Yoshino grabbed my arm before I could storm off, his grip tight. "Don't you ever think you're better than people who choose to do that," he said, his voice so harsh that he sounded almost like Kosuke. "In fact, most of the time they don't have a choice. You're privileged. So start admitting that and grow up. You think you're so mature in some ways, and maybe you are, but in most you're the most childish person I've ever met."
"Well you're just like your father!" I screamed the first words that came to my mind.
He let go of my arm instantly, stepping away from me. He left without a word.
I watched him go, ignoring the tears that were beginning to rush to my eyes. I didn't feel like crying because of what he said to me — it was what I said to him.
That night, I searched all through the compound for him. I banged on the door I knew to be a main room for Kosuke's family until Kosuke himself opening it.
"What do you want?" he snapped when he saw it was me.
"Have you seen Yoshino-sensei?" I asked.
At the word sensei, he snarled. "No, I haven't. He's a grown man. He can be where he likes."
Before I could say anything and inform him that his son was only a boy going through puberty, he slammed the door.
More guilt crept into me at the fact that I had compared Yoshino to such a horrible person.
Eventually, I found him. Yoshino sat outside, despite the fact that the wind was slamming against windows and doors alike. His hair was all matted to his face from the breeze, yet he didn't seem to notice.
I braved the cold, sliding open the screen door and quickly shutting it. "If you're out here because of what I said—I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was angry."
"You're always angry," Yoshino replied. He still didn't look at me. "No, it's not about that."
"Then...what's the brooding about? I get that you're turning into a man or whatever everyone's saying that so you're all moody, but—" I stopped, feeling my face begin to heat up. "I mean, it's just—you can tell me. I mean, if you want. Of course if you don't, that's fine too."
He laughed, the sound weak compared to the gushes of wind. "You're terrible at this."
"At least I'm trying."
"I suppose."
I sat beside him, wrapping my clothes tight around me. "I—it is about what I said. About how you're like Kosuke."
"I am his son."
I grabbed his wrist, tugging on it until he looked down at me. "You're not like him. I know what I said but I think I just wanted to see you just as upset as I was. Because I'm dumb and cruel. But you're nothing like him. You're so different. I don't even think you could be like him if you tried."
A small smile appeared on Yoshino's face. "You're the most obstinate child I've ever met."
"What's that got to do with this? I'm trying to be—I don't know, encouraging!"
"I know, I know. Relax."
"Okay, well then if you know...can we please go inside?"
He laughed at my shivering and hunched over body, pulling me up with him and going inside, away from the frigid wind. Inside, Yoshino looked as if he hadn't just spent an hour or so outside brooding. He had a small smile on his face, which was the most that I could usually get out of him on a good day.
"You still didn't tell me what's wrong," I pointed out.
Yoshino shrugged. "Some things I don't think you should know. It wouldn't do any good. You'd just dwell on them and try and do something and make it worse."
I scowled. "Would not."
"You would and you know it."
Once again, I grabbed his wrist. "Just—does someone know? Is someone helping?"
He pursed his lips. "Sort of."
"Sort of? What does that even mean?"
"It means sort of. It means someone is sort of helping."
I shook his wrist to make sure he was listening. "Well if you want someone to actually help, I'm here. I'd help, no matter what it was."
"That's what I'm worried about."
He removed my hand from his wrist, and ruffled my already wind swept hair.
"If you ever need help with it, then, you can tell me," I said, dodging another attempt to mess up my hair. "Seriously, Yoshino! I'm being serious!"
He grinned. "I know."
I didn't think he did. It surprised me, how much I liked Yoshino. Maybe it was because he was older and always treated me as an equal, unless I didn't deserve it. Or because he was just him.
I just knew that I wanted to see him happy and safe and not being forced to do things by Kosuke. Because even though I had no idea what Kosuke could be planning, or even if he was planning anything, if it involved Yoshino —
There'd be hell to pay.
A/N: well this is a long one, but I hope you enjoy it even if it's in a little bit of a different format! i might take a tiny hiatus of like a month or so because i have exams now but we'll see i guess
thank you to everyone who reviewed/followed/faved, I appreciate it so much!