Ok. Hey. I'm going to add some song-fics to this because obviously I'm not very creative and I'm running out of story ideas...so Yeah. Oh and ideas are always welcome. Here we go.
Believe In Me – Demi Lovato
I'm losing myself
Tryin' to compete.
With everyone else
Instead of just being me.
I walk down the halls of Degrassi, in Converse, skinny jeans, and Eli's Dead Hand t-shirt. My hair was down, uncurled, my face free from any substance besides face cream.
"Clare!" I turned. "What happened to our pink day?" Alli asked, clad in all pink. Jenna right next to her, clad in bubblegum pink. Like there's a difference. I stared at them, sickened that a week ago I was just like them. Wanting to fit in to some group.
I shook my head at them and walked away. "Clare!" Jenna shouted. I walked faster.
Don't know where to turn
I've been, stuck in this routine.
I need to change my ways
instead of always being weak.
I turned down the hall to my locker and right across from it was Eli and Adam. I sighed bigger and walked to my locker. I felt their stares bore into my back. Obviously they're not very happy with me. I wouldn't be either. I ditched them for hot pink Ali and bubblegum pink Jenna. I'm an ass.
I opened my locker and took out my books.
"Jesus bitch Clare! What's wrong with you today?" Ali came up to me. I closed my eyes in frustration.
"I can't do this anymore" I whispered, talking for the first time in days.
"Do what?" Jenna chipped in.
"I can't pretend that I'm like you. I can't pretend that I want to be in your little 'group'." I turned to face them. "I'm not...this" I said, gesturing to their pink outfits. "And I'm tired of pretending I am"
"But...but...you know ALL our secrets!" Jenna wailed. I rolled my eyes.
"I do, but what am I going to do with those stupid, pathetic secrets anyway?" I said. Jenna and Ali stared, clearly shocked. I grabbed my Chemistry book, and closed my locker.
"Your making a big mistake, asking out of our group" Ali growled. I looked over and saw Eli and Adam, gawking at us. I looked back to Ali and Jenna, blushing slightly.
"No. I don't think I am" I whispered, a tear escaping. "Over the past week, I found myself. And it's definitely not with you guys. Have a nice rest of the year" I finished and walked off.
I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today.
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
You see...I just wanna believe in me.
La la la la, la la la la.
I sat at my table in Health. It went, me, to my left K.C. Then across from him was Eli and next to Eli, Adam. Sigh.
"Clare" the teacher called out. "What do you think people strive for daily?" Mr. Lawrence asked.
I stared at hands. "To wake up..." I started. He stared at me.
"And?" he pushed.
"To wake up and feel...pretty. Beautiful. I guess" I whispered, still staring at my hands.
"You have more you wanna say" he stated. Not as a question, just a statement. A true statement. "Go on" I sighed. I didn't speak. "I think people strive daily to..." Mr. Lawrence started for me.
"Knowing that in the end...they're gonna be okay. Or just wanting to believe in themselves" I finally whispered. Mr. Lawrence stared at me.
"Is that what you strive for?" he asked. I swallowed hard, audibly. My breathing became ragged and short. After a minute, I regained my breath back.
"I guess you could say that" I whispered, close to tears.
"Hmm" he said.
The mirror can lie
Does it, show you whats inside?
And it..it can tell you your full of life.
It's amazing what you can hide
Just by putting on a smile.
Waiting for the bell to ring. Still in Health class. I stared at my reflection on the table, disgusted at the person looking back. Your a monster I thought to myself. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up and Mr. Lawrence stared at me.
"Are you ok?" he asked, sincerely. I pulled my self together and smiled sweetly at him.
"Yeah" I nodded my head. "Never better" I said. He smiled back and walked back to his desk. "Never better" I mumbled under my breath.
"What?" K.C. Asked. I shook my head at him and stared the other way.
I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today.
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
You see...I just wanna believe in me
A week later I stood at my locker, my eyes red and puffy from crying. Ali an Jenna were pissed about what I did and started spreading viscous rumors about me. I'm ugly. I'm fat. My Dad touched me. My Dad beat me. I'm a slut. I'm a whore is all I've heard all week. All fucking week. I'm about to break. I'm dying inside. And I'm tired of it.
I closed my locker and leaned my head up against it.
"Clare" someone whispered. My breathing quickened. I looked up.
Eli.
"Hey" I whispered, my voice cracking from crying. Eli stared at me and suddenly his arms wrapped around my waist and I was crushed to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I'm so fuckin' sorry" I choked out. He rubbed my back, soothingly.
"Sh, it's okay. I forgive you. ...I love you" he whispered. God, how I missed his voice.
I'm quickly finding out
I'm not about to break down...not today.
I guess I always knew that I had all the strength to make it through.
I stared at him. "What?" I whispered. He looked at me.
"I love you" he said, stronger. Confident. I looked at his gorgeous jade eyes.
I smiled, for the first time in a week. "I love you too" I said. He smirked and crushed his lips to mine.
I gotta be afraid
I'm gonna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
You see...now, now I believe in me.
"I love you...so much" Eli whispered. I smiled, and answered him by grabbing his collar and pulling him to me.
Now I believe in me.
Ok, I must admit. I'm pretty proud of myself for writing this. I almost started crying...hahah sorry, I'm a wuss. (:
Don't refuse the urge to review (: