The kiss was real. I know that much. Damn moonshine, I think bitterly. But...she didn't seem tipsy. She seemed in complete control, but then again, alcohol makes some people bold. Not everyone becomes a giggling, flirtatious disaster like me.

As a scientist, naturally I contemplate the alcohol to body weight formula for a moment. Lauren probably didn't eat anything before she drank. She's a little taller than I am, but then she's under more stress which would increase blood flow. She was really warm-yes, warm and pressed up against me.

My mind drifts to how our bodies fit together so nicely. The way the slightest brush of her lips against mine sent lightning coursing through my body. I'm tossing around in the bed that once seemed so small, but now feels expansive without her here next to me.

Lauren stumbles in, exhausted, a couple of hours later and quietly slides into bed. Not really knowing what to say to her, I pretend I'm asleep. I hate this. I want to continue where we left off. I want to talk. I want…

But I know it's not only about what I want.

We continue this pattern for the next several days. The doctor tends to Tamsin during the day, while I hang out and find ways to make myself helpful to the others at the station. Lauren isn't sleeping much, since she gets up every few hours and starts all over again. She's pushing herself to the limits for Tamsin, and maybe also to avoid me. I wonder if she's eating well and if she can keep this pace up for much longer. We really only see each other at night when she comes in, takes a shower, and crawls into bed. I lie there "asleep" and wish we would just talk to clear the air, but neither of us takes that first step.

Tonight, however, is different. I've decided I will break the ice no matter what, when she comes back.

After her shower, she crawls into bed with her back to me. I'm slowly working up the nerve to say something. I've rehearsed several things, but none of them feels right at the moment. The silence over these last few days has become deafening.

It's difficult to tell for sure, but I think she might be crying. Is she upset because of what happened between us or is it something else? I'm probably the last thing she wants right now, but it's my turn to try and comfort her like she comforted me after my dream. Then again, I don't know if she will be accepting of that.

Despite my reservations, I reach out and touch her shoulder, letting her know I'm awake.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk?" I ask, feeling like I probably already know her answer. "I want you to know I'm not upset about what happened between us the other day. I don't want you to be too hard on yourself." What am I saying? I didn't mind it? I wanted her to kiss me!

"It was unprofessional. You have every right to be upset with me. Wanna know what's worse?"

"Uh, okay-sure?"

"I've been down this road before. This isn't the first time. A similar thing happened with Evony. A couple of drinks, an inappropriate kiss..."

"So you and Evony...you're a thing?"

"No," she answers, exasperated. "There was a kiss after a holiday party. It gets lonely out here sometimes, you know? The kiss led to other things. I wasn't thinking clearly, but Evony wants it to be more."

"And you don't?"

"For me, it was just a one time thing."

"And you're upset now because you're afraid that after kissing me, this will turn into a similar situation...that I will act like Evony and expect more from you?"

"No."

"Okay…"

"I'm afraid that Evony will make your life hell. She's run others off simply for being my friend. If she were to find out there's even a hint of something more between us, you might as well pack your bags and head home. Your career here would be over."

"I'm a big girl. I can handle the consequences. So I don't make a name for myself in Antarctica. I have a long and illustrious scientific career ahead of me, penguins be damned," I try to reassure her.

"It's more than that, though," she continues. "I'm afraid of how I react whenever I'm near you. I'm afraid I won't be able to stop myself the next time. I'm pissed for allowing all of this to happen in the first place when my focus should be on my patient. I'm afraid that I won't be able to save Tamsin, that I will have failed as a doctor. Again. I can't let any of these things happen, Bo. I just can't."

I'm sort of stunned by her honesty with me. She has no reason to be so open, but I admire her even more for it.

"Sometimes, Lauren, these things have a way of sorting out all on their own." I'm kicking myself at how lame that must sound to her right now, but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

"Yes, you're probably right," she says resignedly.

We must have fallen asleep shortly after our talk because the next thing I know, I'm waking up and the bed is empty beside me. I really miss her when she's gone. I think I'm actually starting to get homesick for Palmer Station, too, which is funny since it's only been my home for a few weeks now. I'm ready to get back to my work routine, something to put my back up against. When I finally do get home, though, it's going to feel strange not having Lauren around as much. I've gotten spoiled.

Ferguson said he could use some help with some odd jobs today, so I decide to get up and make the most of the day and quit my moping. I take a long, steamy shower to help wake myself up since I have no morning coffee to look forward to.

I come out of the bathroom still dripping wet, looking for some clothes to put on, and decide that the warm burgundy sweater and jeans will do just fine. I'll have to be sure to thank Knox for letting me borrow all these things, since they've been a real lifesaver.

I'm just pulling on jeans when Lauren abruptly bursts through the door.

The look on the doctor's face when she sees me will be etched in my memory for quite some time. An intricate combination of embarrassment and lust. I don't even have my bra on yet, but I decide to just act confident and casual about the situation.

"Could you throw me that sweater please?"

"Wha…?" The doctor is struggling to tear her eyes away from my chest.

"On the edge of the bed, right there-"

"Yes. Of course...sorry." She regains her composure. I have to give her credit because I probably would have passed out if I had walked in on her like this. She walks over to me and hands me the clothes instead of throwing them.

"I wasn't expecting you back for awhile." My comment comes out sounding more like a question as I pull the sweater over my head.

"I wanted to talk to you." Lauren walks back to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Oh? Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Good news, actually. The weather's finally clearing up. I'll be able to take you home in the morning." She smiles up at me with her big brown eyes.

"What about Tamsin?"

"I got her to eat some toast this morning, and she was able to sit up for an hour without much coughing. I think she's on the upswing. She even thanked me, if you can believe that."

"You cured her bitchiness? You're a better doctor than you give yourself credit for," I joke. Lauren flushes the most beautiful shade of pink.

"I probably need to get back now, but I was wondering if you would meet me back here at six o'clock? There's something I'd really like to show you," she asks shyly.

"Sure, okay. Six."

"Great! Um, see you then."

I spend the afternoon assisting Ferguson with miscellaneous jobs around the station, but around a quarter to six I look for my opportunity to make a quick escape. I can't wait to see Lauren and find out what she wants to show me. I have absolutely no idea what it could be, but I'm kind of hoping that she changed her mind about having a torrid love affair with me. Or, at least that she found a secret stash of coffee beans.

When I get to the room, I find her already there waiting for me. She's dressed in thick black snow pants with suspenders over a white turtleneck. Now that I think about it, she kind of resembles a penguin, and you know how I love penguins.

Her eyes have their sparkle back when she hands me my own winter ensemble: pants, boots, parka, gloves, hat...the works.

"Put these on. You're going to need them."

I go along with whatever she has planned without questioning and quickly get suited up in the bathroom. The clothes are really big on me, and I come back out feeling like an overgrown stuffed animal. Lauren's smile practically lights up her whole face when she sees me. I'd probably blush if it weren't so good to see her looking happy for the first time in days.

We shuffle down several hallways together in our suits, making our way outside. The frigid air smacks me in the face and immediately takes my breath away. It's so damn cold that I will never complain about this giant puffy snow suit ever again. We both put on gloves and goggles, and Lauren helps me pull up my parka hood, fastening it on tightly.

There's is a snowmobile parked there, apparently fueled up and waiting for us, because Lauren climbs on, extending her hand for me to get on behind her. I snuggle up against her and hang on, my arms wrapped tightly around her waist. I have no idea where we are headed, and I don't really care. I'm ready for whatever the enigmatic doctor has in store for me. For us.

I'm humbled by the scenery and the sheer beauty all around us, as we swiftly travel what I think is north, over miles of snow and ice. Lauren's body protects me by blocking some of the wind. After speeding several miles from the station, we reach the crest of a glacier and slow to a stop. The doctor shuts off the snowmobile and climbs off. I'm still clueless about what she wants to show me. It's just miles and miles of pure white in every direction you look.

Lauren grabs my hand and pulls me off the snowmobile. She doesn't let go as she carefully leads me up the icy slope. Each step over slippery terrain is tedious and slow, as we're both being cautious not to fall on our asses. I feel like a newborn fawn who doesn't quite have control over her legs, but Lauren helps to keep me steady.

Once we reach the top, that's when I see them. The colony. Thousands of Chinstrap penguins huddled together in the valley between two glaciers. They are immediately recognizable by the thin line that circles from behind one eye, under the chin, to behind the other eye - much like a chin strap. They prefer a higher, rocky terrain like this to nest. It's a perfect place for them, safe from the elements and predators that won't come this far inland.

"They're beautiful!" I squeal like a little girl.

"I thought you'd like it." She smiles. "The sky is really clear tonight for the first time in days. Now that March is getting closer, the daylight is waning, and I wanted you to see them in all their glory before it gets dark."

I notice the change in the sky, and it is getting darker. It's been continual sunlight since I've arrived here.

"I also wanted you to see something else."

I look at her inquisitively.

She looks down at her watch before she declares, "About 10 more minutes, you'll see."

We stand together, side by side in silence, looking out over the colony until the sun finally dips down below the icy horizon. The sight takes my breath away. Brilliant orange and pink light slips gracefully down between massive glaciers, announcing a grand end to the day. A few minutes later we make our way back down the hill, even slower this time because it's darker. I find myself choking back tears. I just opened myself to the raw beauty of this place, and I think I fell in love with it. Antarctica is even more than I imagined it would be. I also have Lauren to thank for that.

Back at the snowmobile she turns on the lights and digs around in a backpack, pulling out a silver thermos.

"If that's moonshine…" I tease her.

"Nope. Coffee," she grins. "Apparently Thomas and Whitaker make terrible moonshine, but excellent coffee."

"Oh. My. God." I grab the thermos from her grip and deeply inhale the scent of the hot liquid.

It's perfect.

She's perfect.

With one of my secret hopes about our rendezvous coming true, I can't stop myself from trying for the other. I grab her by the parka and pull her towards me for a kiss. Our cold noses rub against each other, as I lose myself in the feel of her mouth on mine. Her soft lips are so warm and inviting, my whole body instantly heats up. Deepening the kiss, I grip her parka tighter, wanting to let her know how much I want her. I'm breathless now, but reluctant to stop. I slowly release her mouth, not because I want to, but because I simply need oxygen. To my surprise, Lauren lets out a small moan in protest before she pulls away and straightens herself up. Maybe it's frigid temperatures, but I think she has me feeling suddenly lightheaded.

She stands there in front of me, looking a bit stunned.

Even though I'm not even a little sorry for my actions, I open my mouth to begin an apology.

She stops me with a reassuring smile. "Wow, I had no idea you liked coffee that much." That's all she says to me before she gets on the snowmobile and fires up the engine. I settle in behind her once more and we make our way under darkening skies back to the station.