SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.

Seb, Cole and Albus's whispers eventually faded, each having drifted off to sleep. I was still wide awake.

I didn't quite feel welcome to join in the conversation, it appeared to be something important and if it had concerned me, they would've surely let me know. Besides, I had other things preoccupying my mind.

I couldn't shake off the feeling of his nails digging in my wrists. Anything else, I could forget about. Everything else was the same old, but the pain was comforting. And comfort was not something I associated with Blake.

His nails didn't draw blood, but they left small red marks, that you would miss unless you were looking for them.

Albus was the last to fall asleep and I had to be certain he was this time, and I would not wake him as I previously had. And so, I waited until I could hear his unmistakable snoring, then waited a few minutes more and then deemed it safe to slip out from under the covers and pinch my wand from my bedside table.

I moved at a troll's pace towards the bathroom, holding my breath. Once I got to the bathroom, I rested the door on the door frame, rather than closing it completely and risking making any more noise than necessary.

Instead of turning on the light, I whispered 'lumos' and let my wand tip guide the way. I made my way to the sink and rummaged through the drawers.

I get to the third drawer before I find anything suitable. A nice, sharp razor. Quickly, I pry the plastic away and take out the metal blade inside. I hold it just under the marks already on my wrist, wanting so desperately to feel that pain again.

But after all this effort, I just can't bring myself to do it. It brings me such shame to know what Albus would think of me if I hurt myself. He wouldn't want to be associated with someone who will bring him down or drag James down that path again. And I just couldn't bear to be rejected by the Potters', who are more my family than my father, at this point.

With that in mind, I throw the blade back in the drawer, along with the unusable plastic and hope no one will see it. Even though I don't want to hurt myself right now, I can't find it in me to throw it out, just in case. I shudder at the thought of ever needing to hurt myself, but then again I was just about to a minute ago. How rash I was being.

I sneak back to be my bed and sleep soundly.

I woke up, feeling disgusting and sweaty. The dormitory was alive with the usual rush that mornings brought. I could see my roommates were already back in the swing of things… unlike myself. I yawned, loud enough for Cole to hear and he glanced over.

"Might want to go have a shower." He said, snorting. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I looked down at the sheets and myself, confused.

I was drenched in sweat. It was still quite a cold winter, and the dormitory wasn't stuffy. I sat up quickly, aware of my friends' eyes on me, a blush creeping up on my pale cheeks.

Someone whistled and laughed. I couldn't tell who. I hastily pried my sheets off myself, and stood up. By this point, they had stopped teasing me and got back to whatever they were doing to prepare for the day. Still, Albus was near me and thank Merlin for his reflexes.

I don't know whether I stood up to quickly, or I was still half asleep or what but I stumbled as I got out of bed and if not for Albus, would have faceplanted.

He kept his hands on me only for as long as he had to, just to steady me but as soon as I got my footing, he snatched his hands away as if I had shocked him. I wasn't complaining but he seemed concerned.

"Scorp? You're burning up," Albus said, raising his eyebrows. He leaned forward as if to place his hand of my forehead but I dodged it.

"It'll be okay." I mumbled.

"No, I'll skip breakfast and take you to the hospital wing." Albus said strictly. I could feel Seb and Cole's eyes on the back of my head. There was no point in arguing, Albus has always been overly concerned about everyone's health and well-being. I remember in first year, I swallowed a bug and he made me go to the hospital wing. He has calmed down since then but the ordeal with James set his back a few steps.

I hurriedly got dressed, hoping that we could manage to make the trip to Pomfrey and back in time for breakfast.

Once we got to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey and the trainee she had taken under her wing, Miss Abbott, were both rushing around, treating the crowd of people that there usually was at this time of the year. To dealing out Pepper-Ups to treat the common cold, taking temperatures, fixing up people who slipped in the snow, and treating more serious ailments, they had their hands full. In fact, I could see someone currently being defrosted.

It took several minutes until someone shoved a small dose of Pepper-Up in my hands and I didn't protest. I downed it in one gulp, wanting to get out of here and claimed to be feeling better. If anything, it worsened the heat my body was producing and blurred the line between the white noise in my head and what Albus was saying.

I just told myself it will take a few minutes to settle and so we set off for breakfast at a fast pace. Albus made several attempts to start a conversation but each time, I shrugged it off. I was too weary, and I wasn't sure if it was just a fever wearing me down.

Just before we got the Great Hall, I had to lean against a wall for a moment, and Albus backed up when he realised I was no longer beside him. His face swam dizzyingly into my vision and I was forced to shut my eyes.

"Uh, Scorp? Scorpius? Pepper-Up not working?" I could hear the worry in his voice, even if he was trying to keep his tone light.

I fumbled over my words, creating something incoherent but when I waved my hand, and pushed myself off the wall, he seemed to get the message after all. Even though I was looking forward to filling my half-starved stomach this morning, but the time we sat down at the Slytherin table, I had lost my appetite.

Sorry! I have been so busy and then I was motivated to write another story instead lmao I'm the worst. But reviews/follows/favourites are so so encouraging! xo