Chapter 7-

"How is she?" Bob asked, sipping the coffee he didn't want to drink only because he was starving and in need of something strong to keep him awake.

"Not great Bob." Emily's doctor offered. She liked Emily and Bob a lot, had delivered all of their children, and wished there was something more she could do about this entire situation.

Bob was beleaguered. He'd been living in the hospital for days with no permanent place to be: tending to Lauren and not speaking with Emily. It wasn't as if he didn't have enough to deal with given everything that was happening to Lauren. By this time it had been three long days since she was born. In that time she had been carefully undergoing testing, which was hard for Bob. Watching her go through this had been agonizing for him. And on top of it, Emily had been refusing to see or speak to him.

"Well I know that…she's shown no improvement?" He inquired.

Bob was aware of what had been happening: that Emily had been sedated a couple of times, not because she was hysterical but just so she'd be able to get some much needed sleep, and on top of that she'd been refusing to eat. He wondered what else could possibly be going on.

"Well it's just that she's so distraught…mentally she's in a bad place and emotionally I'm sure it's worse than bad…you can probably testify to that." He nodded. "But physically she's not doing wonderfully either Bob."

"What?" He'd been worried about Emily's emotional well being and had no idea that he had to be worried about her physically now too.

"She's not healing as well as we'd like from her c-section. She's going to be just fine, but it's slow going. I just had to tell her that she's going to have to put off holding your baby for a few more days and she's pretty upset about it."

"Oh no."

"Yeah I-I know…she won't be able to hold her until Friday now. I feel really badly but I think it's best."

"That's almost a week after she was born." Bob reflected.

"I know and I feel bad, especially given the circumstances but…"

"I understand." He offered.

"But she's very, very upset Bob. If I were you I'd get your other girls at least one of them: maybe Meghan because she's the oldest, to come and spend some time with Mommy…it would cheer her up."

Bob paused. Emily'd only spoken to him in order to ask him to let her see one of the girls, but he wasn't sure he wanted to bring any of them to this place and burden them with what was happening. There was a large part of him that didn't approve of this idea but if it would help Emily, he'd do it. There was no other choice.

"Well that's good." He said. "Because Meghan will be here any minute."

When the doctor left Bob walked down the hall to the place where he'd agreed to meet Ellen and Meghan. He was now more stressed than ever and having second thoughts about bringing his oldest daughter here. As of now she was at home being a normal little five year old not worrying about the health of her mother or sister and now he felt he was bringing her into something that shouldn't be any of her concern.

"Daddy!" Meghan squealed, letting go of her Aunt's hand and running into her father's arms. Ellen and Bob exchanged heavy-hearted glances.

"Hi sweetheart." He said, lifting her into his arms and kissing her forehead. He had no idea that holding Meghan would also comfort him instantly. "There's my girl, how are you doing?"

"I miss you." Meghan said, she had not seen either of her parents in several days.

"Oh I miss you too." He knew Meghan couldn't grasp the magnitude of that statement, but Ellen could.

"Why are you still here?" She asked, recalling that Molly had come home from the hospital only a day after she was born. "Aunt Ellen told me something was wrong with Lauren."

"Yeah, yeah there is honey."

"What is it?"

"I-I'll tell you when we get to go and see her."

"I get to see her!"

"Yes, you get to see her."

"Where's Mommy?"

"Mommy's sleeping but she can't wait to see you and we'll see her after we see Lauren. Okay."

"Okay." Meghan whispered. She was a little scared now.

Bob felt better entering the nursery, where he'd been with Lauren for a few days now, with Meghan in his arms. He hated being there alone. Ellen stayed outside to give Bob and Meghan some space alone with the baby.

"Meghan, this is your sister Lauren." He introduced.

"Why is she in the plastic thing?" She asked of the incubator her tiny sister was in.

Bob watched as Meghan's little eyes accessed all the different things attached to Lauren, they were there to monitor her heart and to help her with breathing. He noticed this seemed to frighten Meghan, that it was obvious to her that she didn't look like Molly had as a new baby and that there was a reason for it: a bad one.

"Well because she's not breathing so well Meghan and the plastic thing and all the wires give her better, cleaner air than you and I get, o-out here." He explained as simply as he could, knowing it wasn't even close to being a complete answer.

"What's wrong with her and Mommy?"

"Well. Mommy will tell you what happened with her. She'll be fine in a few days…"

Bob paused; he was worried to death about Emily's mental and emotional well-being, although he could say she'd ultimately be just fine physically. As a psychologist he thought he recognized some things the rest of the doctors were missing about his wife mentally. She'd been through a lot in the past couple of days and didn't at all seem like his same Emily at all. He hoped Meghan wouldn't notice when she saw her. He sighed and continued, deciding to tell Meghan the hardest part out of all of this.

"But we don't know about Lauren yet angel."

"Oh!" She was surprised and looked up at her father with wide eyes.

It pained him that they looked just like Emily's eyes, and it was like watching her freak out about the baby all over again. Emily had flipped out after throwing Bob out of her room, and he'd had to come back and be witness to it: and of course to be thrown out a second time.

"She uh…she's perfect accept. She's got something wrong in here, in her heart." He said, pointing to Meghan's own heart, so she'd get the idea. Meghan looked down at her tiny sister, wondering how this could possibly be.

"Her heart?"

"Yeah honey."

"What's wrong with it?"

"It uh-it has a a hole in it munchkin."

That was in fact, what seemed to be wrong, but the doctors weren't sure on the extent of the condition yet: what heart condition was it exactly? How big a hole? Did it need surgery? Was there a second condition? A third? Would Lauren make it at all?…These considerations swam around in Bob's mind all the time. He was never free from them, even in his sleep (which there had been very little of since the birth). He hated watching his little girl go through so much just in her first few days of life and wished he could endure everything for her. It terrified him that Meghan was scared, because he knew if Meghan was scared, it met tiny Lauren, who knew nothing at all and didn't feel well, was petrified.

"A hole!"

"Yeah a hole. It uh-it means it doesn't work right. Or they're afraid it doesn't."

"Poor sister."

"Yeah I know. They're still trying to figure out what's wrong."

"Can they fix it?" Meghan asked, realizing that a hole in the heart was probably not the same as a hole in a sock.

"They uh-they don't know yet." Bob was suddenly struck with the idea that he'd done the wrong thing in telling Meghan this, or in having her meet the baby, who might not even make it, at all. "They might be able to, they might not…they might not need to. We'll see."

"So she might not be okay?" Meghan clarified.

"No honey. And she might be just fine. We don't know."

"She's pretty Daddy."

"She is, isn't she?" He smiled, kissing Meghan again.

Meghan hugged her father, she could tell he needed her love and that was why she had been brought there. Meghan was upset enough that her sister was in this condition. Even though she was only five, she understood that she couldn't understand what it would be like for your baby to be in this condition.

"Wanna touch her, you can touch the baby Meghan." She only nodded and watched carefully as her father guided her hand into the little hole on the side of the big plastic box. Meghan could only think that her sister's skin was the softest she'd ever felt. She noted the baby gave a slight smile at her touch.

"Hey Lauren." Bob whispered, holding Meghan close. "Lauren, this is your big sister Meghan. Can you say hi?"

"No Daddy she can't say hi." Meghan giggled.

"No. She can't. Meghan's just one of three big sisters who really want you to-to-" Meghan observed that her father was trying to say something more but he couldn't get the words out. He was going to crack up and start crying. Knowing this, she decided to distract him, not realizing he'd already cried twice that day.

"Daddy she looks like you." She pointed out, not knowing that the reminder only hurt him more.

"You think so?" He asked, this made him want to cry too but he understood that she was trying to make him feel better so he did his best to refrain from allowing the tears to fall.

"Um-hum." Meghan was enthusiastic. She thought it was about time someone looked a little more like Daddy.

…

"Here you go princess, go see Mommy." Bob said, putting Meghan down when he got to Emily's door. This was his way of announcing to Emily that he was dropping her off, as they were still not speaking to each other.

"Meghan!" Emily squealed.

"Hi Mommy. Are you okay?"

"Yes sweetheart. Oh let me hug you!"

Meghan climbed onto her mother's bed and quickly found her way into her arms. Emily hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, wanting to cry on her a little bit. She was relieved to hold a healthy child in her arms, especially one she was so close to. Meghan had a hard time getting onto the bed and couldn't understand why her Mom wouldn't help lift her up: she usually would've.

"Mommy why wouldn't you pick me up?"

"Because Mommy's tummy is healing and she can't lift anything." She couldn't even lift her new baby, if the baby was alright…

"Oh…Daddy said something happened to you when you were having the baby and you'd explain. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine angel. Mommy couldn't have the baby the normal way, like we talked about…because her cord, which we talked about too, was wrapped around her neck. So they cut my stomach open and got her out that way."

"So they sewed you up?"

"Y-yeah."

"Was it like Lauren's heart?"

"Daddy told you about Lauren's heart?" She was surprised.

"And I got to hold her hand. She kinda smiled at me."

"She did?" Emily was happy about this. Even if she wasn't well, maybe she wasn't suffering if she could smile at Meghan. That in its self would be a relief to her.

"Um-hum. She was sleepy, but happy."

"That's what new babies are like sometimes." Emily found herself smiling for the first time in days. Lauren was doing something a normal baby would do? Maybe she had a chance.

"Mommy…"

"Yes Meghan." She said, still hugging the girl tightly.

"Is it the same kind of hole in your tummy as in Lauren's heart?"

….

Night fell and Bob was the only parent, save one very distraught Mother, left in the NICU, the nursery for babies that weren't exactly thriving. Lauren was fast asleep and he sat there running his fingers through her barely there hair, concentrating intently on the way her little lips pouted out, trying to permanently imprint every little trace of her on his heart and mind, afraid that he'd forget if they lost her, but knowing that he could never forget. He wished he could hold her and kiss her, but just being able to touch her was better than nothing.

"Lauren. I'm so, so sorry honey."

He felt guilty and choked back tears. Maybe the stress he'd caused Emily early on in her development had caused her heart to not finish forming correctly. The heart, after all, does form very early in pregnancy, and hers would've finished around the time Emily almost miscarried…maybe that had something to do with it. He knew that was unrealistic but he felt it was necessary to blame himself to some degree. Emily had insisted.

In the morning, he and Emily would find out what was really wrong with Lauren and that scared him because he feared he'd hear the worst news possible. At the same time, he'd been watching her heart monitor. It was just as steady now as it had been before she was born. It wasn't as strong as some hearts, but it barely missed a beat and that calmed him.

"How ironic is it that, that I didn't want to be a father again." He admitted to her. "And here you are: you got the most from me." Lauren was very clearly his baby in almost the same way Meghan was very clearly Emily's, from everything to her hair all the way to her calm little disposition. "I think that if you, if you want you can blame Daddy for this."

"Dr. Hartley it's a birth defect, you're not at fault." One of the nurses soothed. She was tending to a baby a few feet away from Lauren and couldn't help but overhear him.

"It sure seems like I am. Can I hold her?" He asked, he didn't want to be told no even though he knew he would be. He'd only been allowed to hold her a few times and he was angry about it. She was a new baby and a sick one: she needed his love and comfort more than anything, and he knew it. "I-I mean I know there's a lot of stuff attached to her, but…"

"No I'm afraid not. Lauren needs her rest and so do you. Maybe you should go to bed now?"

"No!" He barked then caught himself. "No I uh…if this is all the time I'm getting with her, then I want every second of it." Bob was on the verge of crying.

Usually, he didn't like to think about his girls getting married. The idea made him heartsick, but he prayed that he'd be able to walk this one down the aisle. He'd rather live with the certainty of that than the regret of the alternative.

"I understand." She comforted. At the same time, she knew he needed to sleep. "But if you sleep now. You can be awake when she is." He looked up at her, realizing this was true. "You're not doing Lauren any good if your not awake. And I promise I'll come and get you if anything happens."

…..

Bob sat with Lauren a few more minutes then made his way back to his wife. Seeing Emily had not been so pleasant over the last few days and he was nervous about doing it again but knew it was the right thing. Bob was worried about her mental health and their relationship above all else. She blamed him, for Lauren's state and had rescinded the forgiveness she'd given him months earlier when he'd apologized for not wanting to become a father again.

Tonight he was determined to change some of that. He'd thought carefully about this and knew that: A. they had to be strong to help Lauren through whatever she needed to get through, their division wasn't going to do anything but hurt her more. B. They had three other small children, one of whom was just a toddler herself, to take care of and to stay a family for, and C. no matter what, he loved her too much to ever let her go. Children or not. Period. And he knew she loved him that way too even if she wasn't acting like it. D. Tonight was special and he wondered if she remembered like he did. They'd celebrate fifteen years as a couple that evening and by Spring fourteen years as a married couple.

"Hi honey." Bob said, announcing himself as he came into her room.

She sat up in bed, crossed her arms and refused to look at him. He watched her carefully, noting how beautiful he thought she was, even in her present condition and with such an unpleasant look on her face…and while she was so mad at him.

"Emily please speak to me."

"What do you want?"

"We have to talk."

"What is there to talk about?"

"There-there's a lot to talk about." He said.

"Where've you been all this time?" He raised an eyebrow, didn't she know?

"W-with Lauren. Where else would I be?"

"I wanna be with Lauren." She pouted.

"I-I know you do Emily." He said as she began to cry again. He sat on the edge of her bed and tried to dry her tears but she pulled away.

"No! Bob go away."

"Emily listen to me!" He burst, grabbing her shoulders.

She turned to look at him, staring back with wide blue eyes. She was shocked that he was asserting himself this way. Usually, he gave her space when she knew she needed it.

"Emily. I'm sorry for however I was feeling at the beginning of your pregnancy. Yes I was upset. Yes, my Mother said some awful things, for which she's now devastated, but that's another story…" Martha had been to the hospital and she was hysterical as she thought it was all her fault. "But I have shown nothing but love to Lauren since I brought you home from the hospital seven months ago…and I've spent almost every second of her life with her…"

"For three days…I've spent the past nine months…" Emily began crying again. She choked on her words and could barely get them out. "I spent them taking care of her when she was at her most venerable. From the time she was nothing, defending her from you, and your Mom and from everybody…trying to make sure she just grew into a healthy baby and look…oh Bob!" She cried, allowing herself to collapse in his arms.

"Shu Emily it's okay. I know my part cannot compare to yours. And I'm not trying to make it compare. I'm only offering my best, and trying to prove how much I love our baby. She needs you and I to love her and be strong for her together. Whatever's wrong or not wrong, or whatever, I think that's going to make all the difference in the world for her if we're in it together. I'm sorry if I hurt you. But you and I need each other too…I'm not willing to give up on us for anything."

Emily sniffled, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Meghan told me Lauren smiled at her."

"Yeah, she uh, she smiles a little bit." Bob managed to smile, thinking of this.

"Oh Bob, is she okay?" Emily whispered.

She hadn't been seeing Lauren. In fact, she hadn't seen her since she was born and in retrospect, Emily thought this was driving her crazy. Being separated from her newborn, especially when she was so sick, was just cruel. Emily had had so much bonding time with her first three babies and felt so close to them instantaneously. She was afraid Lauren wouldn't love her or remember her and Emily longed to see her and be able to bond with her.

"She's beautiful." He smiled simply, trying to comfort her.

"She has your eyes." She mentioned as a peace offering.

"I know. Emily I uh- I don't know if you could tell when she was just born and everything, but uh, she's kind of just a little bit blonde."

"She gets that from Martha." Emily considered.

"Maybe yeah. Ellen was blonde when she was a newborn. I don't think it'll last, there's a little bit of brown in it too."

"Bob. Whatever she is. She's beautiful and I love her." She said, leaning over and kissing him softly.

"Oh Emily, I love her too. You know what uh, what happened fifteen years ago today…it was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"What?" She smiled, knowing the answer already.

"We met for the first time. I'll never forget we were both stood up on a blind date. And I looked over at this other table set for two and saw the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen sitting all by herself with a lit candle and a red rose. And I thought, gee that poor jerk who stood her up didn't know what he was missing. Anybody would be lucky to be with her."

"Oh Bob do you really mean that?"

"With every bit of my heart." He affirmed.

"I love you."

"I love you too. And we're in this together: you, me and our baby girl."

….

"Meghan?" Ellen called.

She was looking all around the house for her oldest niece who'd been upset and distant since they'd left the hospital earlier. Bridget, Molly, and the twins were making cookies with Howard but Meghan had stormed up the stairs. Ellen finally found Meghan in her parent's room peering down into an empty bassinet.

"This is where Mommy said she'd put her when they got home." She said simply. "If she doesn't come home can we put the bassinet and the crib and the clothes and everything somewhere Mommy won't see them? So she won't cry?" Meghan had ascertained, earlier that her mother's state was fragile and it scared her.

"Oh Meghan honey come here." Ellen held out her arms for Meghan. She hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Sweetheart, it's going to be okay. Lauren has a good chance at coming home. And she looked like a fighter, don't you think?"

"She smiled at me." Meghan considered.

"Me too. And I think baby sister will be just fine."

"How do you know?"

"I don't. It's a feeling Meghan. But that's what I think."

"If she's not. Can we move the stuff?"

"I guess. I think that might hurt Mommy more honey."

"Why?"

"Well to have memories of her new baby erased. That would hurt me if it were me." Ellen thought she'd rather face the memories than have them moved away from her.

"Oh." Meghan paused maybe this made sense to her.

"And I think you'd better apologize to Bridget and Molly." Ellen suggested and Meghan smiled.

"It's true."

"No its not true." Ellen cautioned.

"Yes it is, I'm Mommy's favorite, I know I am. Why else would she want me to come to the hospital and not them?!"