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Cats are not mine :(

Ever since Izabella had started to wear her new necklace Tugger had realised that the tom kittens were probably lost from his fan club for good. It brought out all her other beautiful features and now it was obvious to everybody that Izabella was another maned cat in the tribe. Her mane wasn't nearly as big as Tuggers but it framed her face and the small curls gave it a natural flow that Tugger had to groom his mane carefully to have. He felt more and more that this wasn't just temporary and upped his game to keep the remainder of his fan club. What was irritating him most was that Bella no longer played with her friends like small kittens. They were all older now and they had started practicing dancing and singing and it was always Bella that was the centre of attention in that group. Unlike most of the kittens she didn't try to dance like the older cats, she made her own dance moves and her voice sounded like nobody elses.

But there was something else too that nagged at Tuggers mind and it was the fact that Bella had not sneaked out to see him since they were out on the town last time. He had felt like it was the perfect evening and that Bella had thought so too but the more time that passed since the more he started to question if it had actually been as good as he remembered. He had been trying to focus on the queens instead but always tried to end the evenings a bit early to go see if there was someone waiting on him in his den. Tugger was not used to dance around someone elses pipe and every night he thought that this night he was just going to ignore it and stay out, but when it started getting late he changed his mind and returned to his den. Only to be disappointed again. He had made some advances with Bombalurina lately. Even though they weren't mating they had done almost everything up to it now but neither of them took it that seriously. It was just for fun and he felt like he might as well explore these things with a friend to get a hang of it and she seemed to feel the same. 'Maybe I will put my practise to use with some of the other queens tonight?' he thought deciding once again that he wouldn't go back early to look for Bella this night.

Izabella had been exploring what it meant to be the centre of attention lately and she felt like she was in heaviside everyday. It had been so much fun to go from playing around to start doing more grown up things with her friends. She had let her body express itself and just followed the flow when they started dancing but she had not been oblivious to the fact that her dancing looked like no other of the kittens. She felt like she was growing when everybody watched her dance and she suspected that it was not only because it was different that most of the tom kittens tried to dance with her. She usually let them keep up with her for a short while before going of in an unexpected direction making them lose the rhythm. That feeling when they backed off to the side to watch a little embarrassed was almost better than the feeling of the dance moves themselves. But when it came to singing it was mostly the queens that complimented her. She had a strong voice and she could sing songs that the others had a hard time with, but it was harder than the dance. She had to concentrate to get it right and it didn't come as natural as the dance did. And even though her voice was powerful she couldn't keep up when the other kittens sang in a faster tempo, it seemed that her voice was mostly made for ballads where she could take her time finding the right tone and holding it.

Izabella felt a bit bad about not sneaking out to see Tugger but all the attention was so addictive and at the end of the day she felt exhausted from it. Most days she couldn't even remember seeing the maned tom but she certainly heard his fan club. But when every time she started to sing all the giggles and laughter disappeared and even Tuggers fan club seemed to want to listen to her. She thought that maybe tonight she would go see him, she could just relax a bit from all the attention and maybe she would not be as tired when it was time to go to bed. She had danced around with Tumblebrutus when she decided that she was taking a break and stopped the dance in the middle of a move making the tom kitten lose himself and feel silly. Bella looked over towards Tuggers fan club to see what they were up to and locked eyes with Tugger. It seemed that they all had been watching her and she got a bit confused for a moment before composing herself and took a bow towards them and gave Tugger a wink. Everybody laughed and she felt that rush again of all the eyes being on her but let it go and settled down among the other kittens. She soon realised that even though she wasn't the one dancing and singing all the other kittens around still tried to impress her and wanted her attention anyway. It was fun to be the one they all circled around but for now she needed some time alone to just relax and think. She made up an excuse and turned away from the disappointed faces to go find a quiet place.

As she walked away she could feel that they all watched her but tried to make it look like they didn't. She turned a corner and hoped she could find a place to rest and be a bit alone for once. Bella lay down behind an old washing machine so that if anyone came her direction they wouldn't immediately spot her, and she tried to make herself comfortable. Just when she had found a position that would be good enough for a nap she heard someone coming her way. She let out a sigh and prepared to stay stealthy hoping the follower would just go away. But when she peeked to see who it was she got surprised.

"Tugger?" Bella said looking out from her hiding place.

"Hello Bella, what are you up to?" he asked casually, but she guessed he had found her for a reason.

"Actually, I was trying to take a nap to get away from the others for a while" she said a bit embarrassed, not used to the feeling of attention being too much.

"Getting tired of the tom kittens?" Tugger said with a grin but secretly hoping she was fine with just snatching the toms away from him, he had seen the queens turning their heads towards her a little more often as well.

"A little bit actually" she said confused. "I get really tired even though it is fun and, well I was hoping I would be a little less tired tonight so I could go see you" Bella said.

"I got plans tonight kitten" Tugger said with his usual cocky tone. "But let's hang out now?" he said when he saw her face turn a bit disappointed. "I know the perfect place for a nap, want to come?" he said hoping it didn't sound too much like he'd cancel all his plans in an instant if she asked him to.

"Sure!" said Bella not feeling that tired anymore when she hung out with Tugger but like always she wanted this tom to keep spend time with her. It was something special when it was just the two of them.

Tugger made a sign for her to follow and to do it discreetly. Bella wondered what he had said to his fan club to sneak away and realised that they probably hadn't let him go without a struggle. 'He must have really wanted to meet me now' she thought. Tugger took Bella to the same clearing he had shown Bomba earlier and knew that they probably would be alone there in the tree. He climbed all the way up to the third branch this time to make sure no one saw them.

"What do you think, pretty sweet right?" asked Tugger as they were both up.

"This is perfect" said Bella. "Do you go here to nap too?" she asked.

"Yeah, sometimes you just need to be away from all clingy queen kittens" he said without thinking and bit his tongue. "I mean, you are cool though"

"Thanks, you too Tugger" Bella said, as usual not taking offense. She tried to lay down comfortably but it was a bit hard since Tugger had taken the place closest to the stem of the tree leaning his back against it.

"You can put your head in my lap if you want to?" Tugger said trying to sound casual and reminded himself of the fact that she was still a kitten.

"Okey" said Bella lying down. "This feels much better" she said and started to purr when Tugger absentmindedly put his paw on her head and gently rubbed her ear. He startled a bit at the sound but relaxed when he decided that it was only a friendly gesture he could have done with any other cat. 'It felt a bit different though' he thought but pushed it away.

"Still tired?" asked Tugger.

"A bit" said Bella as the feeling came back when she relaxed in his lap. "Do you want to talk a bit first?" she asked thinking of nothing in particular.

"Okey, about what?" asked Tugger.

"Tell me about the Jellicle ball?" asked Bella holding back a yawn.

"What do you want to know?" asked Tugger not really knowing where to start.

"Tell me your favourite part" said Bella smiling and looking up into his face. Tugger had to look away for a moment as he felt that green shade in them made his mouth a bit dry.

"Hrm, well, of course I love my own song best" he said with a smirk. "But also the battle of the pekes and the pollicles, mostly because Munk is on the verge of breaking down during that part" he continued and laughed. Bella smiled and kept looking at him to keep going. "Hm and what else? Everything is fantastic, you will love it next time, the mating dance is of course a favourite, and then usually Mistoffelees does some magic, I really like that. But you will love it all" he assured her.

"Everybody always talks about the part when Old Deuteronomy chooses who goes to the heaviside layer, but it sounds like everything else is much more fun" said Bella.

"Oh you're right, but it is the most important part of the Jellicle ball and even though it is not always the most fun part it is a really good part" said Tugger looking off into the distance. Bella felt like something was sensitive about this for Tugger.

"Was it beautiful last ball?" she asked carefully. Tugger sighed and wasn't sure he wanted to tell Bella about last ball.

"Last ball was...different" he said after a while.

"Why was it different?" asked Bella and as always Tugger had a hard time not answering her questions.

"Munkustraps mom showed up and was chosen… she was my mum too" he said, thinking at first he would only tell half the truth but felt like he had to share the rest.

"I'm sorry" said Bella and pushed up to sit in his lap. "Or are you supposed to be happy? This part was really confusing when Old Deuteronomy told me. It sounds like it is something good to go to the heaviside layer, but it feels like it is sad to let someone go like that." she said trying to explain.

"It is both" said Tugger putting an arm around Bella and pulling her into a hug.

"Were you sad when she left?" asked Bella into his chest.

"I don't know really" said Tugger. "She was never really my mom, or Munks either. She left us when we were really young and I have no memory at all of her, I didn't even know who she was until after the ball when I heard Munk telling Demeter it was his mom" said Tugger talking about this for the first time with someone. "Dad had always said Grizabella left Munk as soon as he was done nursing and that she just came back one day and left me there with him to take care of" Tugger said and felt like it was good to talk about it even though it was awful at the same time.

"Why did she come back?" asked Bella and stroke her paw over Tuggers shoulder to comfort him.

"She was in a terrible shape" said Tugger. "She had lived on the streets and it's a tough life for a cat, especially when you are alone, but she came back to ask for forgiveness and to end her life in peace" Tugger said feeling a bit unsure if he had really forgiven her.

"Why did Old Deuteronomy decide to forgive her when he knew what she'd done?" asked Bella feeling like that would be a hard thing to forgive even though some time had passed.

"She sang a beautiful song that night and we all got moved, it really felt like she was sorry for everything" Tugger explained and looked down at Bella who had sat down more comfortably, starting to yawn and he could see her eyelids getting heavy.

"Could you sing it for me?" she asked and close her eyes, resting her head at his chest.

"Okey, but she had a very special voice, it won't be as magical as that night" he said with a smile and started to sing.

...if you touch me you'll understand what happiness is, look, a new day has begun…

Bella started to fall asleep as Tugger sang for her and for some reason the song felt very familiar to her. She started to dream about someone holding her close and singing it to her, a queen. The dream felt warm and caring and it felt like it was real. She wasn't sleeping that deep and when Tugger stopped singing Bella started to feel awful. She had only felt that way on time in her life and it was that horrible night when she was left in the basket before Old Deuteronomy had found her.

"Bella! Bella, what's wrong?" Tugger asked as the kitten had started to cry in his arms. Bella woke up and looked up into his eyes. "Did you have a bad dream or did I do something?" he asked not knowing how to handle the crying kitten in his arms.

"I..I think it was a dream" said Bella trying to understand what happened. "But it felt so real"

"It is okey, everything is okey, you are safe here" Tugger said trying to remember things he had heard other cats say. "Was it the song?" Tugger asked knowing his voice didn't fit it too well, but still he hadn't sang so bad it was reason to cry.

"No the song was beautiful, but it was different. It was like I had heard it before but I couldn't remember where" she tried to explain. "And when you stopped it felt like I was abandoned and helpless" she said confused about her reaction. 'The song had been really beautiful, so why did she react so bad when it stopped?' she thought.

"Maybe it was just a bad dream because I talked about my mom abandoning me" said Tugger and smiled down at the kitten. "Everything is fine now though" he said hugging her close.

"Hold me for a while?" asked Bella and squeezed closer, not fully recovered from the awful feelings. Tugger did as she said and they stayed there for while longer.