Seventh Chapter of the Prequel for:

"Where's the Excitement?"

"Where we've been"

We had only been in South Dakota for about a week before my depression fully took over. I couldn't take the thought of not having my daughter with me. I needed to be alone.

I locked myself in the first room I found. I curled in on myself and sat in a corner, I stretched my shield out to protect myself; creating a hard bubble around me, alienating myself from everything else around me.

I sat in that corner of that little room of the ranch in South Dakota for weeks maybe even months...time stopped mattering, I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to cease to exist…I wanted to die…

Everyone came in trying to get me out: Andrew, Ethan, Charlotte, but Peter was the only one who stayed there, pressed up against my shield watching me.

He would randomly talk to me, but I never answered, I just stared ahead. Not moving, not speaking, not doing anything.

The darkness that surrounded me was swallowing me whole. I missed my daughter, and I couldn't imagine a world where I belonged and she did not.

Thoughts came at me from all around the house.

Andrew was in the library researching about shields, trying to figure out if there was a way to get me out without hurting me. He made me think of Carlisle, which only made me want to cry more. I let waves of my sadness and unworthiness come out and fly within my bubble. The pain scorching my soul for all the wrongs I had done.

I should have never left her side; I should have stayed with her and fought them from across the lake. I should not have let her convince me to go looking for them…We should have waited…

"I'm a terrible mother…" I sobbed.

Peters head snapped up, and he smiled. He was shocked but glad.

"You're talking', well that's a step up." He seemed to think this was a positive step, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not anymore.

It might have been a slight step up, but I didn't say anything for a while after that.

My thirst was the only thing that did make me want to get out of this room, I could feel the burning sensation threatening to overpower my restraint, but I didn't want to focus on that. I let myself feel the pain the burning caused and I let everything else around me fade.

I let go, and blacked out. My vision became blurry and then everything began to disappear from sight. I felt the initial pain from my head hitting the hardwood floors, but after that, there was nothing.

Only darkness.

VvVvV

"Izz, honey, come on you got to get up." I felt a gentle touch against my shield, the coolness from the hand seeped through my walls, they were using their fingertips to lightly draw circles on my shield, and it felt really nice, it had been a long time since someone cared for me or touched me, "Please sweetie…" The voice soothed me.

"Mama?" A small whisper came through the darkness.

I screamed.

I swear I heard her voice, my baby, her small whisper, a plea, oh god I'm losing it! She was here, somewhere! She had to be! I heard her!

"Peter! Peter! Come here! Quick! Something's wrong with her! She's screaming!"

"Nessi! Please! Come back! No! God please! No, my baby! My baby! I was never fit to be a mother! Edward! This is all your fault! You made me lose my baby! My baby! Oh god! Everything she has been through and now she's gone! My baby! My baby! My baby…"

I cried.

I screamed.

I cursed.

I plead.

There was no reason to live without her.

VvVvV

Peter Whitlock:

I watched Isabella fall to the floor in pain…screaming for her baby and blaming Edward for everything. God looking at her made my balls quiver and retract into my body…okay ouch not helping.

This year has gone by so quickly, and Isabella still won't come out of that bubble thing. I am so close to just calling' the fuckin' Cullens and making them come here and fix this shit.

Isabella, god she is so beautiful but the soulless onyx eyes was really not an attractive look. Her eyes made her look feral and mad. There was no doubt in my mind that I was afraid of her, She could chomp us all to bits in the blink of an eye, but instead, she laid there on the floor, weeping.

I left Charlotte to look after her while I went to the kitchen. There was only so much screaming a man could take. Leaning on the kitchen counter, with my head down, I couldn't stop the sobs from shaking through my body, god my wife will think I'm a pansy ass for this shit, but god I can't take this anymore!

I need the Major and I need him right the fuck now!

Lucky me, my cell phone rang just as soon as the thought went through my head, and if it wasn't him I am gonna throw this piece of shit against the wall until it shatters into a million fuckin' little pieces!

"Hello?" I answer gruffly.

"Hey fucker, how's it going?" I hear my brother holler, oh thank the fuckin' lord!

"My god man, you have no idea how fuckin' happy I am to hear your fuckin' voice." I responded with a chuckle. The relief was instant, not that he could do anything over the phone, but just hearin' from him was a blessing.

"Oh is that Jasper?" Char had come out of Isabella's room when the phone rang. I nodded with a smile, and she jumped up and down, making her tits jiggle and I couldn't stop my dick from hardening as I watched. Fuck it had been a while, and I can't talk to Jasper when she does that shit. "Jasper!" She exclaimed. She was just as happy to hear from him as I was.

"Hey Char! How's Petey holding' up?"

"Oh god, Jay things are shit here, we need help! You nee-"

"Shut the fuck up woman! What are you sayin'?" I hissed at her. Fuck! He can't come here yet! Isabella isn't supposed to see him for a very long time and Char is all shits and giggles, what the fuck!

"Oh right, um…" Char felt guilty for slipping up, so I reached for the phone.

"Give me the phone woman!" She thrusts it to me and says she's going to check on her…

"Dude what the fuck is goin' on over there? Do you need some help? I could be on a plane in an hour you know that. Do you need me to come home?" Jasper asks frantically, shit no! No!

"Na man it's all good, Char is just annoyed because I've been holdin' out on her, you know how she gets without her lovin'!" I did my best to laugh it off, hoping he would buy my cover.

"Okay man, if you say so, she sounded generally worried though, panicked actually…" Fuck…Charlotte why can't you keep your trap shut! It's a good thing I love that fuckin' woman so damn much or I would slap her fuckin' silly…

"Don't worry about her, I'll handle it. So how's the wife?"

"What wife? We got a fuckin' divorce!" Jasper cheered. Finally…

"Well I'm sorry man, but it's probably for the best, now you can go out and find your real mate!" Yeah like Isabella…

"Yeah right man, I gave that shit up a while ago, I don't even think she exists anymore, Alice says she does, but I don't give a flyin' fuck, I just can't go through anymore shit man, could I come down and visit? You know, spend some time with the family-"

"Hey fucker! Who's on the phone?" Ethan! You idiot!

"Who the hell is that?" Jasper asked.

"Oh shit man, sorry got to go! Love ya dude!" I slammed the phone closed and broke that shit in two, fuck!

"What the fuck is your problem? Is your little newborn brain too fucked up to get that you can't just sneak up on a vampire makin' an important phone call!"

"I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah well just fuck off dude." I said as I shoved him into a wall, stupid fucker shouldn't mess with me! I have too much shit on my fuckin plate to take care of every fucking thing!

"Let him go!" Isabella's very angry voice rang out. My hands let Ethan go and he fell to the ground and I backed away. Ouch…now she decides to use her gifts!

Shit I'm in trouble aren't I?

"Yes you are Peter, you are in trouble. Ethan take Andrew and go hunting I need to talk to Charlotte and Peter privately." She smiled at the boys, and Ethan smirked at me and left us alone.

Isabella walked further into the room and sat on one of the couches in the living room. Char gave me a disappointing look as she followed behind Isabella and sat beside her. I came closer to the living room and stood waiting for Izz to start talking.

"How long have I been out of it?" She asked.

I snorted at her question and she glared at me. "I'm sorry princess, but you've kinda been out of it since you got here." I said as I looked at her sadly.

She sighed heavily and nodded, "You're right Peter. I mean, how long have I been in the bubble?"

Char and I looked at each other and then looked back at Isabella.

"Well…you've been in the bubble for about a year sugar. But this month has been the worst of it, at first you didn't talk at all, but recently you've been screamin' like a mad woman." Char put it simply.

"I'm so sorry…" Isabella averted her dark eyes from us, god she looked so broken and very hungry, "I am broken, I mean why wouldn't I be? I lost everything, I have no one…" She sobbed. I could sense her need to close in on herself again, but she was resisting it, tryin' to keep her composure around us.

"It's not your fault! Izz, it was never your fault, please stop blamin' everything on yourself! We love you and we are here for you and I don't want you to forget that." Char was really laying it on thick; I could almost feel her sincerity. I smiled at my wife as she continued to smile at Isabella.

"Thank you for your hospitality and it is very kind of you to be so loving and open with me, but I barely know you." She said quietly.

"Well I think we can change that." I said with a smirk.

VvVvV

Isabella Swan:

The Whitlock's were trying really hard to help me.

I felt strange being able to fit in so easily with them, I mean even Andrew and Ethan fit in with these nut jobs...

Once my eyes were no longer a bottomless pit of darkness, time started to fly by in South Dakota. The sun was out a lot, but it didn't matter to me. I went outside when I wanted to and just made sure to stay out of sight. I loved how the sun felt here, it wasn't as hot as Phoenix, but it made me feel like I was glowing.

Time didn't seem to matter anymore. Years would go by and I wouldn't notice. Obviously, there were subtle hints: computers, cell phones, cars, Ethan and Andrew's diets, my soul…every year it seemed to grow darker and darker and I would feel the need to blow shit up.

Peter said it was my unreleased rage that was making me feel like I was going to implode, but I don't think it was just that.

Time was getting away from me because I was alone, I didn't rest anymore, if I wasn't hunting or in my room then I was sitting alone doing nothing, just watching things move around me.

I missed my old life, there were no breaks, no resting, just waiting. I wasn't exactly sure what I was waiting for though.

Everywhere I looked, I saw things that reminded me of Nessi: the bed, the closet, or even a bear! I felt like my insides were trying to rip me apart and I couldn't see any reason to prevent it.

On the other hand, Charlotte and I had gotten to know each other better and she really was a very nice woman. Her and Peter seemed perfect for each other. Like true mates.

Peter was something else though… I instantly felt safe with him, but then sometimes his strange foresight would set me off. He would mention things that were private and I would get defensive, he would apologize to me, and I would ignore him for a week.

Peter eventually told me about theirs and Jasper's time with Maria. I was proud and honored to be in his presence, but he told me that Jasper didn't quite feel like he disserved the praise.

"Jasper thought he was a monster when he was with Maria, but even now he feels that he isn't normal. He hates himself for ever being born and for bringing destruction to so many people, vampires and humans alike. I wish there was a way to make him see that this wasn't his fault, for being the way he was. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, just like all of us." Peter explained.

Peter really cared for Jasper, which was obvious. They were like brothers and Peter just wanted him to be normal and to be happy… Jasper couldn't grasp the fact that nothing that happened to him was his fault…I'm sure Alice didn't make him feel any better about it…

"Are you trying to tell me that Jasper and I have something in common here, or is it just a coincidence?"

"I was tryin' to point you in that direction, thanks. You do have a lot in common with him, he can't see that nothin' is his fault, and neither can you princess. You really need to get this around your pretty little head. You couldn't protect her, you tried your best, you need to move on and let things go, she told you she would always be alright, maybe this is a sign. Izz you need to let her go. I know you love her and that she was everythin' to you, but you need to see the bigger picture."

He was trying desperately to get me to see the connection, but mainly he wanted me to let go of my daughter. I didn't think it was that simple. I couldn't just accept the way things were now. I didn't want to.

"What are you trying to say Peter?"

"What I am trying to get at is…just because you couldn't save your daughter, doesn't mean you can't save someone else's daughter from harm. Just because you failed this time, doesn't mean you have to fail when the next chance comes along to save someone. Why blame yourself when you can do more good by accepting this and moving on?" Peter asked.

"Are you telling me to save people from danger? Like humans?"

"Yes! Why not? You've got nothin' better to do! Why don't you give the people who don't have a choice a chance to live? Help others who can't help themselves." He sounded so inspiring. I smiled at him and nodded my 'pretty little head.'

"Is that what this whole thing was about? You want me to… help people?" I wasn't so sure that was going to be enough for me, but it didn't seem like a terrible plan either.

"Yeah, I guess so, I mean Char and I save people by killing the scum of the earth, why don't you save the ones who already got attacked by the scum? Or who just gave up on their lives and couldn't find a better road?" Peter mused.

"Are you seriously telling me this? We are not supposed to get interfere with humans! Do you realize what kind of damage I could cause them by getting involved?"

"Well doesn't that sound familiar?" He asked accusingly.

"What are you talking about? Why do you always speak in riddles Peter?" I yelled, god why does he have to be so confusing, why can't he just spit it the fuck out!

"I'm sorry princess. I mean doesn't that sound like what the Cullen's did to you? Come into your life and change it drastically? Leaving you permanently damaged and vulnerable?"

"Okay, okay I get it! Shit happens! But you want me to purposely do shit to people! What is wrong with you?" I shook my head at him. God, he sounded crazy!

"I just want you to help people sweets. Humans are always killing each other and soon there could be an all-out world war! Why can't we help them?"

"I don't know if you're actually crazy or if you just don't have your head on right today…"

I couldn't actually step into people's lives and do something could I? Edward always said that vampires tried to stay away from humans and let them live their lives. Why would I just walk in and change things for them…? It's not like Edward ever did me any good…except for Nessi, he did give me her.

"You would do it because you want people to be able to live instead of having their lives taken away from them against their will." Peter stated confidently.

Maybe it was possible to help them…help the humans when they are in trouble, I could be like Super Woman!

Oh, god what am I saying…?

It sounds fucking ridiculous…

VvVvV

I hate being alone, I never thought that I would have to be alone forever... Yet, here I am all alone with no one to love me, my god I sound like a spoiled brat…

What do you do when you are all alone…?

I sighed and got up to walk out of my room, when I opened the door, Ethan was sitting on the floor staring up at me.

"Are you going to be okay Izz?" He asked, genuinely concerned for me.

"Why would you think I wouldn't be okay?" I asked as I looked down at him. He looked so lost and worried on the floor like that.

"You have been really out of it since we moved here, and it has been a long time, like almost ten years long time, so I have a need to ask, are you going to be okay?" He stood up and moved towards me, looking down at me with sad eyes and a small smile.

We need a leader and she is the only one here with experience, please let her be okay. I can't take the sadness anymore, her eyes look so cold, not even angry anymore, just blank and vacant…how the hell are we supposed to be a family if she won't talk to us or let us in?

He was literally sobbing in his head, he was so sad. His usual happy persona had been replaced by this sad miserable shell, I did this to him…He wanted to 'be a family…' His words sounded familiar to me, they reminded me of similar thoughts I had once had about Nessi. I sighed when I thought that I could be making him and Andrew feel the way I once did when Nessi was distant. I did not want to make anyone feel that way.

"I'll be fine, please don't worry about me. I'll figure this out and we'll move passed it…or maybe I'll just move passed it. Have I really been hurting the…the fa- um the family that much?" I asked in a shaky quiet voice.

I was very hesitant to use the word 'family,' because I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I wasn't really sure what we were, but the word 'family' felt very intimate. I wasn't sure if I was comfortable using that term yet.

He smiled, jumping up and pulled me into a gentle hug surrounding my small frame with his large arms. I was a little shocked by his comforting embrace, but he was very happy that I had used the word family and I didn't want to ruin the moment for him. He pulled back and kissed my cheek. I looked up at him and smiled.

"You know, we are a family, and the Whitlock's were just trying to help us see that, please don't run from us. All we want to do is help you, will you let us? At least try…maybe?" He asked warily.

I could feel his fear of rejection. I just didn't have it in me to hurt this poor man.

"I will try to be more open, but it's difficult for me. I guess we can talk if you want to, you can come in…" I moved back into my room leaving the door open. He took the invitation immediately and he followed me in. He had never really looked at my room before, or really ever been invited in, but I guess if I am opening up I have to start somewhere.

"Are you actually going to start spilling to me?" He asked, curiously.

I chucked lightly at his eagerness, "Well what do you want to know?" I asked as I settled back onto my bed and watched as he sat crossed legged again on the floor.

I had to be careful here, I wasn't sure how much I wanted him and Andrew to actually know about me. Who knows how long they would last?

"Oh, umm…where you from, who changed you, how did you have a daughter…?" Oh, that was subtle…

"Okay well I'm from Forks, Washington, The Volturi, and I think you know where babies come from Ethan," I chuckled slightly. This was so not turning into a biology lesson.

"Could you elaborate a little bit?" He laughed too, realizing that sounded stupid.

"Well I was born in Forks, but when I was young my parents got divorced and my mom and I moved away from my dad. Where are you from?" I asked trying to stall a little.

"Is it a bad thing if I say I don't remember?" He seemed sad about that.

"No, of course not. A lot of vampires lose their human memories when they are changed. I mean you don't lose all of them, but I was told that if you want to remember them more clearly, you have to go through them in your head during your change, but obviously if you weren't told then you wouldn't really know to do that."

"So who is the Volturi?" Ethan asked with a serious tone to his voice.

"Well…they are known as the royal family of the vampire world. They enforce the laws, well more like just one law: humans must never know of our existence, unless you are going to kill them or change them. That is the one law we all live by and if we see others disobeying this law, some will and do take matters into their own hands." I explained coldly.

He and Andrew must understand this, actually on a second thought, Andrew you need to know these things too, please come to my room. I had just started using my telepathy, and it had become an easy way to communicate without talking.

Only seconds later, Andrew walked into the room and sat down at my desk and faced us.

"I guess you're here for a history lesson too?" Ethan asked with a lazy grin.

"I have to know this stuff too, dumbass." Andrew rolled his eyes at Ethan.

I cleared my throat and recaptured their attention as I began speaking again. "Okay, so the Volturi consists of three main figures, Aro is the leader, then there's Caius, who is a fucking jackass to say the least, and Marcus who I consider much different from the others…"

"What does that mean?" Ethan asked.

"He isn't cruel like his brothers, he is kind and warmhearted, but he's dead inside because of the loss of his mate. He was the only brother I trusted, he never hurt me like his brothers, but he still never stopped the fucking torture. I should have been more careful with my life but I wasn't, I let everything fall through my fingers." I sighed; wow, I screwed up my life.

"I'm so sorry, you know you could always get back at them, you're pretty equipped to handle something like a little enemy." Andrew said.

"Yes, but I don't think I have it in me to do something like that right now. My daughter and I escaped them, but I had to crawl my way out of that disgusting shithole, where my daughter was held against her will, abused and raped. I had to listen to that, you have no idea what that kind of torture does to someone's heart and sensibility. Their guard is very gifted and large, originally it consisted of ten members, but when I left there was only five left, and both Caius' and Aro's wives had been killed because of their association with me. I'm sure by now they have new members, but I haven't asked Demetri anything about that."

"Wow…so how many of those did you kill?" Ethan asked.

"Oh I only killed one, Afton, he was the mate of one of my friends, Chelsea, but he betrayed her and let her be murdered. I'd like to say he was manipulated into it, but I highly doubt that. His mind was filthy and misguided, but he was the one who got passed my shields and caged me in…he had multiple gifts. He could control people using his mind and he was an expert fighter, there was always something strange about him…he never seemed to be able to affect me as a human. I was glad I was the one to kill him, he took part in some of the things they did to Renesmee, but seeing it through his mind was worse than I could have imagined. I needed him to die." I felt the anger rising, but I let it simmer before I did something I would regret. Charlotte would kill me if I tore out the left side of her house…

"Do you regret anything?" Andrew brought me out of my musings.

"I ask myself that question all the time. I just wish I had protected her from real life more. I think that was my ultimate downfall, my mother never protected me, Edward protected me too much, my father was barely a part of my life, I wish I had had better role models when I was growing up, but I didn't. I regret not being a better parent; I guess I just wasn't ready." I told them honestly.

"I'm sure your daughter loved you very much, even if she isn't here that doesn't mean her soul died with her. I'm sure she is living on…somewhere…" Andrew said with a sad smile.

To tell the truth, sometimes I felt like she was there, just beyond my reach, watching over me as I laid here in pain over her loss. I could feel her here, in my heart, I know she is fine and she is happy, she is out there somewhere.

"I couldn't agree with you more." I smiled. A genuine smile for the first time in a long time I actually believed that I could be happy again.

"So, how did you find the Whitlocks?" Ethan asked.

"Well honestly, Peter just showed up in our house while Nessi and I were fighting one night…It was strange and for some reason or another I didn't kill him on the spot." I said with a small chuckle. Peter was fucking lucky I was so distracted that night…

"Wow, that's random…" Andrew laughed.

"You could say that again, but if he never came to find me, I would not have been aware that someone was going to try to hurt us. In a way, even if Nessi didn't make it, I still owe him for warning me." As I said that, I realized I had never thanked Peter for coming to find us that night.

If Peter had not shown up that night and told me that someone was going to come after us, I'm not sure how I would have reacted when I ran into Victoria and Irina the first time. Things might have gone differently, I might have lost Nessi sooner…

"So…What are we going to do? Are we just going to stay here forever? I would really like to see more of the country and then maybe the world…" Andrew said, hopeful.

"Well we could move on soon, if you like? I haven't gone anywhere aside from Washington, Alaska, and here. Despite my control and skills, I have only been living freely as a vampire for a short time, and if we are going to be a family we could move and live wherever you want." I said with a smile.

As I thought about the idea of moving on, it seemed more and more appealing. A fresh start. We had been taking up Peter and Charlotte's place for a while now. It was about time to move on.

"Could we start on the east coast? I've never been there before, or at least I don't remember ever going there…" Ethan mused with a laugh. I guess it must be hard not remembering anything from his human life.

"Of course, wherever you want, we will go." I said with a smile.