Show Me Heaven: Chapter Seven
ARIZONA'S POV
I kissed her. I don't know why I did that but in the moment, it felt so fucking perfect. We had just spend the day together and then the evening and yeah, it just felt right. I mean, it wasn't a thank you for having me over but I guess in a way, it was a thank you for being back in her life. She wanted me to kiss her. But did she? Did she want that to happen or was she just being polite? No, that isn't being polite. That is telling me what she wants. Like, her eyes were begging me. Her body…her lips, they were begging me to kiss her and you know, I feel good about it. Maybe it was too soon, but fuck…it felt so good having her mouth on me. Her lips as soft as they always were…it just felt like it was supposed to happen. I don't regret it, not for one minute. I'll never regret anything we have shared. Never. Sure, I wish some things had happened differently but we cannot change any of that…just like I've come to accept the fact that I cannot change my past. None of it. As much as I'd like to imagine Jenny never existed, I can't. She is a part of me. She is a part of my past. A fucked up part but a part, nonetheless. I've come to terms with it and now I need to not think too hard about the kiss I shared with Eliza a few days ago.
It's been four days since the kiss and I haven't heard anything from her. Sure, she's probably busy but I still expected to hear from her. She isn't your life anymore. Not yet, anyway. Sighing as I round the corner, Dani's bar comes into view and my stomach suddenly doesn't feel so good. I'm not worried about the conversation I'm about to have but at the same time, I don't want to strain things between us if I can help it. I've been avoiding her and now it's time to finally put it out there. She knows Eliza is who I want and if I have to sit her down again and tell her that, I will. I know she isn't fond of Eliza but Dani and her thoughts aren't any of my concern. She isn't who matters right now. Eliza is who matters. Eliza and our relationship. God, she matters so fucking much. I don't know when everything once again changed for me but I'm glad that it did. I'm glad that I have it in me to reconcile with Eliza because life without her really scares me. It terrifies me. I don't know if she realizes just how much I love her, but it's not time to tell her yet. So long as she knows that my love is there, that settles me.
Pushing through the doors to the bar, I head straight for the woman in question and she simply raises her eyebrow. "What?" I scoff. "Don't look at me like that…"
"You're a fool." She shakes her head, disappointment written all over her face. "I can't believe you took her back."
"First of all, she has a fucking name…"
"Whatever."
"No!" I hold up my hand. "You don't get to judge me or feel like there is something more between us, Dani. You knew exactly what we were and I can't help that I'm still in love with Eliza."
"She will hurt you again…"
"Hurt me?" I raise an eyebrow. "She didn't hurt me…I walked away!"
"But you walked away for a reason." Dani shrugs. "You walked away from her because you didn't want to be with her anymore."
"No, I walked away from her because I needed to fix myself…because I was in a bad place." Sighing, I study her face. "Have you listened to anything I've said since I left her? Have you really been the friend you claimed you could be?"
"Honestly, no." She says with certainty. "I was too busy wondering when I was going to fuck your brains out."
"Real nice." I nod. "I think we're done here…" I should be disappointed and hurt by her admission but I'm not. If she doesn't want to be my friend, good riddance. She has clearly never seen herself as that anyway so she shouldn't feel the loss too much when I'm not around for her anymore.
"Why don't you just run along home and play the happy wife…" She rolls her eyes as she walks away from me. "Leave me alone."
"Oh, gladly." I laugh. "Fucking pathetic." Disappearing from the counter, I head straight for the exit and decide that I'm ready to see Eliza. I mean, I've been ready to see her since the moment I left her but she didn't call and that was okay. Taking my cell from my pocket, I send off a quick message.
I don't know why you haven't called but I'm coming over. Az x
Locking my cell, I quicken my pace and head straight in the direction of my old home. Nothing even has to happen. I just want to be in her presence right now. It's a little after seven and yeah, I hope to god she is home. I hope to god she is willing to see me. Her being is all I need to settle me and since I'm fucking mad right now, I believe it's more than needed. Rounding the corner, Eliza's place comes into view and I rush towards the sidewalk. Her home is lit up and her car is parked up the drive. Come on, Eliza. Please don't back away now.
Taking the steps to the porch, I knock loudly and wait for any kind of response. I'm hoping for one that doesn't involve me leaving but I'm not getting too worked up about it. If she's busy, she's busy. There is nothing I can do about that. She doesn't generally work during the evenings but things have changed and I no longer know her routine. At least, not like I used to. Movement evident behind the door, I shove my hands in my pockets and the door opens. "Hey…" I breathe out.
"A-Arizona…" Her brow furrowed, I hear more movement inside and peak over her shoulder.
"Oh." I hold up my hands. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." She gives me a small smile. "Is everything okay?"
"Well, I hoped it would be…" I clear my throat. "But clearly I've totally read this all wrong." Watching as Kaden moves around her home, I give her a slight nod and back away a little. "I'll come by in a few days to grab the stuff I left. You know, the paint or whatever." I chew on the inside of my mouth. "Actually, you can just leave it out front…it's no big deal."
"Where are you going?" She furrows her brow.
"Home." I shrug. "Well, Jess'..." Taking the steps, I head down the drive and onto the sidewalk. "Take care, Eliza. Goodnight…"
"Arizona, wait!" Following me down the porch, she grips my wrist and I turn back to face her. "Kaden and I aren't together. Never. Not in a million years."
"Looked pretty cozy to me." I clear my throat, my eyes focusing anywhere but on hers. "The dinner and wine?"
"That's just who she is." She shrugs. "And I want her to leave, so please come inside and she will take the hint."
"I don't want to get in the way…" I shake my head. "I'm sure you can get rid of her yourself if you want her gone."
"I think I may need the backup for this one." She sighs. "She's very…determined."
"And you don't want anything with her?"
"No, nothing." She shakes her head. "Please, come inside."
"You want me to get rid of her?" I raise an eyebrow.
"I'd love it if you could do that." She smiles.
Moving past Eliza, I head back up the porch and open the door. Finding Kaden standing in front of me, she gives me a look of confusion and my eyes trail her body. "You can leave now." I throw my thumb over my shoulder.
"Excuse me?" She scoffs. "Do you know who I am?"
"I don't give a fuck who you are." I spit. "Do you know who I am?"
"No." She shrugs.
"All the more reason to move your ass and leave then, huh?"
"Eliza…" Kaden glances over my shoulder. "Any chance you can ask this one to leave?"
"Oh, no." She shakes her head. "It's time for you to leave."
"So, that's it?" She asks. "No more contract? No more music?"
"No, I'm sorry." She sighs. "I have things I need to do here." Furrowing my brow, I study Eliza's face and she gives me a small smile. "Things that are so much more important."
"Like what?" I lower my voice as I step closer to her, my back now to Kaden. "Eliza?"
"I don't want to leave you again…" She whispers, her fingers curling through my belt loop as she pulls me in closer. "I'm only just getting you back and I can't lose you again, Arizona."
"We will be okay." I try to reassure her. "Your career is your life."
"Not anymore." She gives me a sad smile. "I'm not sure it's been my life since the day I met you…"
"Please think about this," I beg. "Please, Eliza…"
"Kaden, can you leave?" She steps away from me. "I'll call you with a decision soon but I really need you to leave right now."
"Two days, Eliza." She gives her a knowing look. "Two days and I'm gone."
"Whatever." Eliza sighs. "I don't really care…."
"Well, you should." She scoffs. "Ending your career for a woman? You'd be a fool."
"Alright, enough." I step in front of the woman who is really getting on my last nerve. "Get out!"
"You should watch that attitude." She steps closer to me, her breath washing over my face. "It will get you into trouble…"
"Maybe I am trouble," I smirk, my eyes never leaving hers. "I'm sure as hell going to be a pain in your ass!"
"Oh, honey." She rolls her eyes. "If only you knew who you were dealing with…" Stepping around me, Kaden leaves Eliza's home and slams the door shut behind her. Turning back to face my ex, she looks a little unsure but I'm not. I'm not unsure about any of this.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask as I close the distance between us.
"Yeah." She gives me a small smile. "Sorry about that."
"She's a bitch…but aren't they all?" I laugh. "Sorry I showed up here unannounced…"
"It's okay." She clears her throat and drops down into a seat. "I'm sorry I didn't call…"
"Why didn't you?"
"Just…processing, I guess." She glances up at me and her eyes are a little dull.
"I'm sorry I kissed you." Wait, that makes it sound like I didn't want to. I totally did, though. "I mean, I'm not…but if that's what you want to hear or what you need to hear, I'm cool with that."
"No, I wanted you to kiss me." She runs her fingers through her hair. "She wasn't here because we're together, Arizona."
"Just...what are you guys?" I ask as I take a seat next to her. "Before we go any further, is there anything I need to know? Anything I need to be prepared for?"
"No, nothing." She says with certainty. "She suggested we have dinner together a few weeks ago but I didn't want that so I avoided her. She showed up here tonight with dinner and insisted we talk."
"About what?"
"Well, she claimed it was about more music but I'm not so sure. She's so hard to read and it makes me a little uncomfortable."
"Don't worry about her, okay?" My hand settles on her own and those gorgeous green eyes close. "But if you believe she wants you for the music, you should totally do that."
"I meant what I said to her, Arizona." She gives me a knowing look. "I have things I need to fix here before I even think about my career."
"You mean us?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Well, yeah…" She furrows her brow. "Although, judging by your reaction, I'm not sure you want that."
"No, that's not what I'm trying to say." I try to diffuse the situation I can feel building. "I can hang out here and wait this out for you…"
"No, I'm not doing that." She shakes her head. "No way."
"Bu-"
"But nothing, Arizona." She stands. "We are friends and I need more than that. If that is ever going to happen, I need to be here and fully present. Not following that bitch wherever she is and working from hotel rooms."
"Eliza…" I sigh.
"Look, if you don't want there to be an us, that's okay." She holds up her hands. "But I need you to tell me so I can stop feeling this way about you. I need you to tell me so I can go on existing alone."
"Hey…" I stand and grip her jaw gently. "You know I want there to be an us. I wouldn't have kissed you at the weekend if I didn't want that."
"My head is up my ass, Arizona." My thumb working her jawline, her eyes close. "And the more you are around…the more you are here and kissing me. Touching me. I just…I can't bear it."
"I'm sorry." I pull her into my body and wrap my arms around her. "I just thought I was doing the right thing in going slow."
"You probably are…" She agrees, her face buried in the crook of my neck. "But I can't take watching you leave each evening. Not when I don't know the next time I'll see you…"
"I was waiting for you to call," I reply. "I wasn't avoiding you, Eliza…"
"I'd avoid me." She scoffs. "You are so full of confidence and just amazing and I'm a fucking mess."
"Maybe…" She pulls back and her eyes find mine. "But you're my mess." Giving me an adorable smile, my hands find her face, my thumb ghosting over her cheek. "What can I do to make this better?"
"Stay a while…" She leans into my touch, those beautiful eyes fluttering closed. "Please?"
"I'd like that," I answer honestly. "Maybe we could watch a movie?"
"Mm, that sounds so good right now." She agrees. "Do friends maybe like…snuggle?"
"Fuck friends." I roll my eyes and decide to be a little brave in the moment. "I don't even know why I suggested that."
"W-What?" She pulls back, her eyes searching my face. "What does that mean?"
"It means we are still taking this slow but I'm done pretending to be your friend." I smile. "I want dates. Late evenings talking about crap. I want us to move forward but at a steady pace."
"Wow…" She breathes out. "S-So, we're doing this?"
"Honestly…" I pull her into the living room. "…I'm not sure we ever weren't doing it." Dropping down onto the couch, Kaden's scent is still all around me but I'm not concerned. Eliza is here in my arms and it feels good. It feels better than ever before. Last time, I always had my issues on my mind. Last time, I felt like I couldn't truly breathe. Now, though? Now I feel nothing but Eliza and her love for me. My own, too. "You know, I'm glad I left, Eliza."
"I know." She admits. "I understand why you did now…"
"Yeah?" I raise an eyebrow as she glances up at me. "I hated being away from you but it was the right choice to make."
"Look at you now…" She breathes out. "God, it's so good to see you like this."
"It is." I agree. "Feels good, too." Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I pull her into my body a little closer and her breathing settles, her body relaxes. Her hand slipping under my shirt, her skin settles against my own and my stomach tightens. It feels so good to be here with her like this but we do have to take this slow. As much as I want to just go back to the way we were, we can't. We aren't those people anymore. At least, I'm not. Our time will come. Our time to just be and to love each other will come and I know it will be sooner rather than later. This all feels too good to think anything other than that. It all feels like it should and Eliza feels incredible against me. She always did, though…and I guess in the back of my mind I knew that. "Dani hates me…" I breathe out.
"I'm sorry." She looks up at me, her head resting on my shoulder. "You think you will ever work it out?"
"I'm not so sure anymore," I admit. "I want you to know that everything with her has ended, though."
"I know…" She smiles. "We may have been through it but one thing you have never been is a cheat, Arizona. That has never been you."
"I see you…nothing more." I say with complete certainty. "You believe that, right?"
"I do." Leaning down a little, my lips press against her own and a smile curls on her mouth. "You've no idea how much I've missed your kisses…"
"I have some making up to do then, huh?"
"Mmhmm…" She moans against my mouth. "Not too much, though…"
"Why not?" I furrow my brow, my tongue trailing her bottom lip.
"I'll never let you leave if you spoil me too much…"
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.
Chapter eight is almost ready to go...