The weekend had gone by in a blur. Nick and I had spent the whole of Saturday at the little oasis and afterwards, he'd taken me to a little cute restaurant, to get something 'real to eat'. I was pretty sure he had no idea how smitten I was. At around nine at night I was finally home and I fell asleep almost as soon as I hit the mattress.
Sunday I spent studying. And since I had slept in – I woke up around two p.m. and took my time actually getting out of bed – I spent around four hours studying. I finished around dinner time, had something to eat and soon went to bed. All of my studying was spent outside though, because I seriously needed a tan; at least I thought so.
And then it was already Monday and I was extremely nervous. This would most likely be the day I'd find out if Nick actually meant what he'd said about him stopping with all the bullying… even though he's never bullied me before. Well, he promised he'd talk to me during school because all that group-building was nonsense.
But before I could let myself ponder whether Nick would actually talk to me or not, I tried to find Brooke and Demi. Those two would get my mind off things; or more particularly, Nick. At least I hoped they would. That's why my feet directed me towards the two of them, as soon as I spotted them leaning against a little fountain.
Brooke was first to spot me… and first to frown at me. Oh no, what happened? What did I do wrong? Was I walking funny? Did I dress weirdly, differently than usual? Was I smiling too big? What the hell? She was confusing me. And since I was confused already about the whole Nick thing, adding Brooke and her confusing ways was not really a good thing. But before I could ask her, as soon as I reached them, she already did the job for me.
"Where the hell have you been all weekend? Dems and I tried calling you… on several occasions!" Oh, so that's what it was about. And the exclamation mark was not necessary. You could practically hear it, the way she shouted it, the only thing missing was her actually saying 'exclamation mark'. Brooke tended to do that, whenever she felt either funny or pissed off.
"Well… I wasn't home?" Poor, Miley, really poor. I could have done better but at that moment, I saw Nick walk directly behind the two. He hadn't seen me because his back was turned towards me, but I knew his back now. I knew it almost as good as his front… meaning his face, of course. After swimming with him for a whole day, I was kinda bound to know him a little better.
"'I wasn't home'? That's all you got? Well, how about 'sorry Brooke, I decided to become a little bitch and not tell you where I was even though I've been telling you ever since we decided to become best friends'?" I frowned a little. Why was she even so pissed off? After deciding that if she got to be angry, I got to be too, I glared at her.
"Well, how about 'Sorry Brooke, but sometimes there are things that aren't mine to tell. I promised someone that I wouldn't tell because it was their decision and not mine'?" Okay, that was a lie. I never promised Nick that, but I knew that it really wasn't mine to tell. And Brooke could not, under any circumstances, keep her mouth shut, even if you begged her to.
Of course, that had Brooke silent for some time. Enough time for Nick to turn around and catch my eye. Enough time for him to send me one of his amazing smiles. Enough time for him to appear to be walking straight towards us. And definitely enough time for me to start panicking. I wasn't sure if he was going to approach this like I wanted him to – civilly, stating that he had fun last Saturday – or the way I expected him to – like a jerk, laughing in my face, embarrassing me and definitely trying to humiliate me, saying that this all was just a prank.
"Still, we've never had any secrets so I don't…" Brooke was cut off with a squeal. In general, Brooke hated to be cut off. But as she turned to Demi to see what the squeal was about, she squealed herself and started fluffing her hair. I sighed. Okay, this would be it. I would finally get to see if Nick could hold a promise. And Brooke would probably kill me for not telling her sooner.
"Oh my gosh, he's totally walking our way right now. How do I look? Do I have something in my teeth?" Demi and Brooke kept asking each other, totally ignoring me. They were nervous as hell. Still I would bet that I was more nervous than them. And then, Nick finally reached us. He smiled at me and held his arms out, making Brooke and Demi stop with what they were doing; Brooke finger-brushing her teeth and Demi trying to fluff her hair.
I looked at Nick shocked, confused and slightly panicked until he just pulled me into a hug. He had hugged me on Saturday too, but the feeling was still the same. Amazing, really. There were no words to describe how good it felt to just be hugged by this guy. You could feel every toned muscle in his body.
Brooke and Demi's mouths were wide open with astonishment and shock, I would have loved to tell them to shut it, not having the opportunity quite often. It was mostly me being shocked about their escapades and such. But this time, no, not this time. This time, it was me shocking them. But I was too shocked myself to say anything. Nick pulled back.
"Hey, Miles. Demi, Brooke…" He waved at them and smiled. Both of them were on the verge of passing out, I could see it. My eyebrows were raised. Because Nick had called me Miles, which I found adorable, even though it was my nickname anyway, and because after he'd greeted the two, they were frozen in place. Until Brooke finally snapped out of it… sort of.
"Uh, you… and Miley… but… yeah, hey, Nick…" She was stuttering. Brooke Penelope doesn't stutter. She doesn't stumble either. She struts and proclaims… at least that's what Brooke kept on saying about herself. I've never heard her stutter in my whole life. Until this moment, when Nick decided to… well, what did he decide to do? Hug me in public? Yeah, he did that… Approach me in public? Yup, that happened too. What next?
He laughed and nodded towards her, while Demi just kept on staring, her mouth wide open and her arms hanging by her sides limb. She looked ridiculous, but she was Demi so she pulled it off just fine. Unfortunately, only me and Brooke could really see that. To the others, it looked like she just saw a ghost and now was on the verge of passing out. She just looked ridiculous.
"So, what're you three doing?" So, what the hell are you doing mister? That's what I wanted to ask him. But I didn't say anything. Because the next second, his friends were suddenly there and they looked at him curiously. Yeah, they were probably asking the same thing I was asking myself. What the hell was he doing?
"Nick… what the hell are you doing over here? With the… losers." The last word was spit out as if it was chosen as the nicest thing to say to us. I guess, at this point to them it really was. I just sighed and looked at Brooke and Demi who seemed to be just as interested in the question as Nick's friends. Honestly, I was too. What would he say?
"I… uh, well, I came to chat, what do you think?" Clara stepped forward. She was obviously Miss Popular in their circle. And she definitely was the main bitch there too. She smirked at him, obviously thinking she caught on to his innuendo. Obviously, some bullies said that they'd 'chat' with their victim while actually they'd been interrogating them.
"Oh… right… Why don't I believe you?" Nick and I frowned. I frowned because Clara seemed to be even more stupid than I believed her to be and Nick frowned because she didn't believe him. He was sincere when he said he'd come here to chat. But before Nick could answer or probably even think about an answer, my mouth did the job for him.
I don't know how it happened, but I felt like I shouldn't be the reason for Nick to become unpopular, to become hated and stomped on. He did so much for me the last weekend by just acknowledging me, let alone take me to his secret place and make me feel worth something, I didn't want him to lose his popularity just because he promised me something that shouldn't even mean anything to him. Saying he'd risk his popularity and his image for me was stupid because I didn't mean anything to him; at least not as much as those two things.
"He… he came over here to tell me off. He said that my dress looked ridiculous and gross… and it appears to be too tight. And if I ever were to show up in that dress again he would… shred it or something like that, I didn't really listen, I was too busy… uh, not crying… and he threatened to push me over if I ever dared touch him again. And then I did… so he was just about to push me…"
I wasn't sure who was more shocked. Nick, who wasn't only shocked but also seemed to be hurt by what I just said, Brooke and Demi or Clara. I have never once really talked to her. Well, I did, I back-talk her a lot. I just never admitted on being bullied before. What made it worse in that moment was that I was lying about it. Or actually, that was pretty okay thinking about it but… the point was that in the one moment that it wasn't happening to me, I felt like I had to lie about it because I didn't want to ruin someone's life. Did that make me a good person?
"Is this true, Nick?" Clara turned to Nick, just as did Demi, Brooke and the rest of the crowd that had formed in the few minutes of standing there. I didn't look at him. The moment I'd finished, I saw the hurt and sort of even betrayal in his eyes. I don't really know what his problem was, I didn't mean anything to him, not like that, for him to feel betrayed or something like that.
But nonetheless, I listened as well. I wanted to know what he had to say. Would he agree with me or would he not? And then I'd have to explain to Brooke and Demi, once Nick would have agreed because I knew that's what he'd do. He would never admit it, but he did love his popularity and his image. And he would not give it up for me, I knew that too.
"Uh.. yeah, that's true." And then I felt a shove and I fell to the floor. So he did push me, just for good measure. Either he did it because I said he was just about to, which I believed to be at least half of the truth, or because he felt like it seeing as I just might have hurt his feelings. Or he pushed me half because I said he was about to and because he could without looking weird at the moment. Either way it hurt; falling down and hitting the ground, realizing what big of a mistake I just made.
Nick was gone way faster than I could have looked up. And then, Brooke and Demi were by my side, pulling me up as fast as they could. I looked after Nick, making out his figure in the crowd quickly. His shoulders were slumped. And even though I knew his friends were congratulating him about pushing me to the ground, he felt bad about it. And he was ignoring them.
I felt bad, really bad. Not only because I might have slightly hurt Nick's feelings somehow. Also because maybe now, I ruined every single chance I ever had of being friends with Nick. Being with him completely was now so much out of the question, I wasn't even sure there was ever the chance of being with him at all.
Nick was gone, and he'd maybe never come back. I pushed him away even though it was him that pushed me at the end. And now I was being pushed into the girls' toilet. Time to give the two girls some details, I suppose. They looked more than just curious. They looked ready to kill if they wouldn't find out soon. And it all did look way too suspicious to play it off like I did with Carla.
"Okay, Missy, start the talking. What the hell just happened out there? And what the hell happened last weekend, where you oh so mystically disappeared, never picked up your phone and never called back. And on Saturday, your mother said you left the house with some friend. Now, no offense, but we know that we two are your only friends. What friend did you leave the house with? By the way, you never leave the house, not even with us, you barely even go to the movies with us, I mean, what's up with that, why can't you just-"
"Brooke… I think you should first of all, breathe, and you should probably let her answer too. I mean, she's not going to remember half of your questions if you keep going like this." Brooke nodded, took a deep breath, said 'right' and then turned to me expectantly.
"Uh… what?" Brooke rolled her eyes dramatically.
"Okay, let's start with the most obvious one: What the hell just happened out there?" I sighed and shrugged.
"Well… I might have disappointed him out there…" Brooke nodded, glad that I was telling her something. Honestly, this girl could not go without details of secrets for a day if she knew there was more to the story than she was being told.
"Okay, so why was he disappointed? Why would he be? And what the hell happened this weekend?" I chuckled a little just because she was rambling again and then shrugged.
"Well… he kind of took me somewhere last Saturday… and we, uh, bonded, I guess. And… now he wanted to be honest and I made him not only seem like a liar in front of his friends, but also I hurt him because I just wouldn't let him be honest and… I messed everything up. Now he won't want to be friends with me anymore and… gosh, there wasn't anything to mess up to begin with but that's the point, you know?" Brooke just stared at me.
This must have been a historical moment. Brooke was never just quiet. She didn't just stare. She was Brooke and she always had something to say. But I suppose this was a situation where anybody would have to digest what they just heard. I had my problems believing my eyes on that Saturday as well. And adding a frantic me speaking in riddles probably wasn't helping either.
"Okay… wow, that's… something. I guess you're pretty stupid then. Dude, Nick freaking Jonas was about to admit to his super hot super popular friends that he… well, whatever he was going to 'admit', probably that you two were sort of friends now and you just blow him off! You're a jerk, Miley, a jerk!" I frowned and shook my head.
"No, you don't get it! I know for sure that his reputation is more important to him than I am, I mean, why would he care about me more than something he had to build all these years that actually meant something to him? I know he loves that he belongs to them, even though he doesn't agree with most of the things they do. He's glad that he isn't the one being bullied but he doesn't bully others. It's very complicated and I know because he told me. I just… I didn't want him to lose all he's worked for, you know? I didn't want to be the reason, at least. Even though reputation and all that BS don't mean anything after High School."
"But… I just don't understand… How did this happen? Why did you spend Saturday with him?" I smiled a little and then shrugged.
"I really have no idea. He just showed up at like 7 p.m. and made me get up. The day before he helped me with work; you know, handing out flyers really isn't something you'd be proud of doing nor something that is easily done, especially if you're standing in some alley that no one fucking goes through. And suddenly, there was Nick and he helped me get rid of those ridiculous flyers. And he brought me home saying that the alley I was in and the way I'd have to walk would be pretty dangerous at night. And the next day he was at my house, in my room, pushing me to get ready."
Brooke's eyebrows were raised as she stared at me. I knew that she knew that I was not telling something but I was grateful that she wasn't asking for more. I promised Nick not to tell anyone about him being an infant. I bet it was hard enough having to deal with it at home; or wherever else he wouldn't have to pretend. Having to explain to his popular friends how their apparently rich friend was actually poor and had no parents would probably kill him social-wise.
"This… this really is something… And why didn't you tell us? I mean, we're your best friends, you can tell us anything." I sighed and shrugged.
"Well… I thought Nick wouldn't want anyone to know even though he's said that he wouldn't lie anymore. He said that he was sick of pretending to be someone he's not. Well, he basically did. It wasn't so much with the words, but with the meaning behind them, you know?" Suddenly, Demi sprung back to life, having probably zoned out on us for the last few minutes.
"You spent a whole day with freaking Nick Jonas?" I giggled and nodded. She squealed and hugged me.
"Oh my god, that's so awesome! That could change our whole reputation!" I softly pushed her off me. She was seriously squeezing me to death here. And then I shook my head.
"No, I don't want that. I don't want him pushing our reputation. Because it would seem like I'm using him. And it most likely would work the other way anyway; he'd become one of us." Demi frowned and stood back. She was like a little kid sometimes, really.
"Oh… okay then, still you hung out with him." And there was her super smile again. I smiled and nodded. That's the spirit.
"Exactly… okay, now I suppose we should get to class." We all nodded but no one moved. Some were still digesting the information that was just shared with them and… well, okay; I was just trying to think of a reason to not hate myself right now… much like Nick probably did.
Gosh, I was such an idiot. How could I not just let him do the talking? I never talked to Clara or any other person from the popular group, at least not for any other reason than to defend myself. I always defended myself because I have some dignity left in myself. I would never let any mean comment about myself or my friends just be.
Even though most of the time I would just embarrass myself in front of everyone, trying to come up with a good comeback but… I was trying because I cared. The point was that I would not say anything to them if it didn't concern the little that was left of me. I learned to defend myself and that was it. But why in the name of anything that made sense did I have to say that Nick was there to bully me?
That question haunted me all day. In Science, when Nick was sitting just two tables in front of me, I was asking myself why I was so hate-able. In Bio, he was sitting next to me so I asked myself why I was so horrible to look at, why I was so stupid and why I was not some 'popular-material'. In Math he wasn't in my class, but still I had to ask myself how it was possible that he had to have cared in some way.
And then it was lunch and I was more depressed than ever. I had managed to bring myself down so much that I didn't believe in anything about myself anymore. I even started to think that I was breathing wrong. I mean, how can someone breathe so loudly, really? Maybe it was me being slightly sick… okay, I had been crying for some very short amount of time and my nose got kinda stuffy so… you know, not worth mentioning. But I breathed rather loudly.
And I brought my concern to Brooke and Demi. They were… surprised by my revelation. Or… okay, well, they were shocked, disgruntled… astonished and lastly pissed off by my revelations. How could I think such bad things about me? Hey, I didn't know and I didn't care. But Brooke and Demi did. They probably just didn't want Emo-Miley though.
"Okay, smile, bitch. I mean, you are wonderful… a little stupid and clumsy, but wonderful. Beautiful… incredible, amazing and indescribable." I raised my eyebrows at Demi and Brooke giggled. Demi tended to get like that; all lyrical and… smart and stuff.
"Don't write a song about me now!" Demi laughed and I couldn't help but crack a smile. Demi's laugh was just something else. No matter how depressed you were feeling, she would make you smile anyway, just with her way to be funny without wanting to be.
"Sorry, I couldn't help it. Well, but you are… amazing, you know?" I nodded but didn't really take her words seriously. I knew she only wanted my best so she had to tell me; she was my best friend after all. Brooke put an arm around me and rubbed my shoulder.
"I know that you don't believe in yourself. You're self conscious and the reason… more like reasons are to not be named right now. We'd be sitting here for the longest time ever and I unfortunately have four more classes to go. Anyway, you shouldn't be self conscious about yourself, your body or… anything else you could be self conscious about. You are who you are. And the person you are right now is amazing, okay?" I nodded again and took a bite of my apple. Again, I really wasn't listening to her.
I mean, yeah, I was… I just didn't believe her when she said what she said. Just like Demi, she also kind of had to say that. I know that no one was making her but I felt like she was making herself. Whatever it was that was bringing me down that day… it was good, really good. I believed myself when I said or thought that I wasn't beautiful at all.
"And just because you might feel guilty for… hurting Nick, think about all the times he should have felt guilty for his friends hurting you but didn't. You only were trying to protect him, okay? That was fine, it was nice… sort of really stupid too, but you were only thinking about him when you did it. You are a very nice, very stupid person, Miley. He probably took you for granted or something, thinking that you were easy to play."
I sighed. She was probably right. But I didn't want to believe that all he'd wanted to do was play me. I didn't want to be played, especially not by him. I used to believe in the good in him. How could I be so wrong? Why did I have to be so wrong?
The rest of my school day passed by in a blur. And not once did Nick try to talk to me again. I didn't get a text, I didn't get a call and there was no voicemail either. He did have my number however so I figured he was really pissed off. Like, completely pissed off. I'd messed up and that was that, nothing more.
I was not expecting anything when I came home. I parked my car, like usual. I locked it too, because we lived in an area where it was possible that the car could get stolen and I really didn't want that happening. And usually, that would have been the point where I'd walk into the empty house completely hungry to find nothing at all to eat because Mom forgot to buy something again.
But, when I'd turned around from locking my car I saw someone standing at our door, obviously trying to unlock it and failing as well. My eyes were wide open in shock. They were trying to break in! And me being… well, me… I had no idea about self defense; at all. I was defenseless. And to add to that, I'd left my phone at home that morning, of course not on purpose. I couldn't even call anyone.
But I figured if I moved slowly and carefully, preferably quietly too then I'd have a chance of knocking them out before they realized I was there. So I grabbed the nearest heavy thing I could; which happened to be a lid for a dustbin outside, and started to move towards the intruder. They were quietly cursing to themselves, probably angry about not being able to open the door.
I was really close by now but there was one thing that made me stop; the very delicious smell of pizza. Now here's the problem with that: I love pizza very much and I was really hungry. So, I suppose that wasn't the best combination for someone trying to knock someone else out. My stomach grumbled so loud, I would almost bet the neighbors might have heard.
The person stopped what they were doing and I stopped walking and held my stomach. And then, they turned around. I gasped and took a step back. Who would have thought… I rubbed my eyes and too late realized that I was wearing make-up. It smeared, I knew. The person looked at me with what I guessed was supposed to be a smile.
"I uh… I brought pizza?" I bit my lip to hide my smile. This was really unexpected. Of course, pleasant as well, but unexpected. I nodded and unlocked the door, letting my 'intruder' into the house.
So, surprise surprise, I'm updating, after an eternity of nothing... I'm so sorry about that. But lately, I really haven't been inspired to write this story... I know this is a lame ass excuse but that's unfortunately the truth. It might have something to do with being sorta annoyed with Nick and the whole Delta thing. Now, I'm not going to say much about them, just that I feel like Nick might be using her to appear more grown-up... or to piss off Miley. Also, he could be trying to do both things at the same time. It seems to be working with Miley, I might add ;)
So, I'm annoyed with Nick's attitude and that's making me... not so inspired to write Niley stuff right now. But, however, I'll be on vacation for 9 weeks in a week so... expect more chapters... better chapters too, this one really sucked :P... I mean, it wasn't just generally bad, it was... horrible, I know... :P And I suppose I left a little cliffhanger there, but nothing big, you know? You all probably know who it is... or do you?
Anyway, thanks for reading the chapter (and the A/N, if you did ;)) and I really hope you sorta liked it... and the updating will get better, I promise... I swear... and I'll stop promising to update... you should just follow me on Twitter to find out if and when I'm updating... ;) The username's the same... okay, now, I'll let you go... please, even though the chapter sucked, leave a review and let me know what you think... thanks for reading :))